Hubby Taking 2Yo Daughter's Rejection personal...has Anybody Else Dealt W/this?

My daughter does this also, she'll be 2 in a couple of weeks. She loves her daddy but just prefers me over him a lot of the time. My hubby works off shore so he is gone for a month and when he comes home for 2 weeks he is all about us. I just gently try to remind him that she loves him and it's not personal.

It's normal and at some point she will prefer someone else to you as well. It's hard as a parent not to take this rejection personally. He has to take it in stride and hide his disappointment from her. Spend more time, but not force it, with her. Maybe find a snack they can share each day together or a favorite activity. This might help the bond.

My son sometimes called my husband "Pappaw" and then correct himself. But there are times that Pappaw is around more. I think his job comes first before his family, very annoying. Its just a phase. What child is going to want daddy when they get sick, mom is just more comforting than a dad is. Hope it works out for you guys.

Mel G.

My youngest, also a girl, developed a definite preference for me over my husband (now my ex), which did not help *our* marriage either. I think my husband took it far more personally than he might have done if our marriage had been solid, but rest assured that at the age of two, children often make verbal (or obvious) their preference for one parent over the other.

I would avoid referring to your brother-in-law as your daughter's favorite person, since it reinforces her choice to herself (because you have validated it) and it is bound to hurt your husband's feelings further.

The way we handled the situation isn't one I would recommend (we divorced), but if the adults with whom your daughter comes into contact ignore the situation, it is more likely that she will be more demonstrative with your husband. Remember that the phrase "terrible twos" exists for a reason...two-year-olds can be little monsters a good deal of the time.

Good luck!

I see you got a lot of response already but I thought I'd throw mine in too. I went through this too and I felt so bad for my husband because I know it was hard for him. It is getting better. I'll tell you why I think it happens and what we've done about it. If you are like me and most mom's you have probably taken on most of the day to day with your daughter- bath, ect... My daugther was also my first and I wanted to do it all and my husband didn't feel as natural with all of it so he just helped around the house while I did most everything with my daughter. So then when he wanted start doing things like bedtime story - she would tell him "I don't want you- I want Mommy" it would break his heart and mine too. I knew it was partly my fault too. We also took this as an opportunity to teach my daughter about feelings. I would read her a story but I would have a talk with her about how that made Daddy feel bad when she says things like that. Now, my daughter was probably 2 1/2 before these talks- only you know if your daughter will be able to grasp this concept even a little. Little by little, I also started to be sure that Daddy was doing more. Having the new baby makes a difference too- we found that sometimes my daughter would want me because I was taking care of the baby and she wanted my attention- so it wasn't really that she didn't want Daddy. We have resorted to tough love too- we want her to understand that we both love her and she can't speak disrespecfully to her Daddy by saying things like "I don't want you"- she shouldn't talk like that to anyone really. We would also tell her sometimes that Daddy WILL to do book, help with potty, do bath, or whatever- it's not a choice. If she has fits, my husband would just be patient with her and let her know that Mommy was busy with the baby and he was there. She didn't always like it but it's starting to get through to her and they are developing their own ways of doing things that she's come to look fowrard too. You must also be sure to bite your tounge when he is doing something different that you are- let her tell him and let them work it out. It's a struggle but I explained to my husband that I think Mommy's and their babies will always have a different bond- we did carry them around for 9 months- nothing can replace that.

Hang in there- like others have said- it will get better. But as far as it causing problems with your marriage- just let him know that you are on his side and you see why it hurts his feelings. It helped us a lot to start instilling in my daughter the lesson that she was hurting Daddy's feelings when she said she didn't want him- I always make her appologize now.

We went through the same thing with our son. Explaining to my hubby over & over that he's a grown man & needs to act like it or that our son was just a fickle little guy really didn't help. LOL

My hubby was not all that involved with him, but as he started doing more things just the 2 of them, it got better. Around 2yo or so, he started going back & forth between who he wanted all the time- it could be a day or a couple of months. Now at 4.5, he pretty well deals with both of us the same amount. He knows there are certain things that we do together (like cooking), and certain things he & his dad do together (Legos is their big thing now).

We also try to do a family adventure together on Sundays. We alternate who gets to pick what we do and it has to be something we haven't done before. It's a lot of fun and it's great bonding time for all of us!

This is very normal.

This also happened in our house.. Stay at home mom. That will tell you most of the reason. We do everything for these children, so naturally, they are most comfortable with that person. I have a friend that is a "Stay at home dad". His wife works all of the time, so he is the preferred parent.
His children are now entering High School and the kids never ask their mom for help. It is just a habit.

My husbands feeling would be so hurt when our daughter would say, "No Daddy", "Yes, Mommy" when she would refuse to let him pick her up. Or refuse the food her served her, the toys he would try to play with her. It was awful. We made sure to tell her, it was hurting daddy's feelings when she would not let daddy hold her, or help her.

We made sure to have just "daddy time". I would leave the house or send them out on their own to "Not just run errands!". They went to the park, to events, to play with the neighbors, to eat at a restaurant (nothing fancy, Taco Cabana, McD's, Central Market). I would remind my husband to do things "His way" and we would call those times, "Dads way". This was a way to show our daughter things could be done dad's way and it was ok. Girls are also bossy, so like things done just the way they want it or are used to it, so we need to remind them, it is ok to do those things a little different. Have him bathe her and read to her at night. To make it easier, you may need to leave the house. This is a good time to do your shopping, see a movie or go for exercise.

It also helped that we had a little neighbor who had a huge crush on my husband. She would beg my husband to hold her or play with her. Boy our daughter caught on to that real quick.

Y.,

Like the other mothers said, this is just a phase. Your husband needs to hang in there and continue to make time with your daughter. My two year old is doing the same thing. If I am around, only I will do. Sure she will let daddy pick her up to hand her to me. She would rather sit by me on the couch than him, she likes to sit in my lap not his. Your husband needs to pay his dues with her so that when she is a tween and teenager she will rely on him as well as you. Do make sure he is doing daddy time, if you have to go somewhere (errands) to help make that happen then do. My husband like yours doesn't like it but he is smart enough to know that later in life our daughter will want and need his attention.
Hang in there,
H.

My 2 yr old daughter is doing the same thing right now. We have started making a certain daddy time such as daddy puts her to bed or bath time. It has certainly is helping she is starting to play with him more and prefer him sometimes as well. Maybe he can take her to a park and something fun for them both so they can bond a lil better. I hope this helps you..tell your hubby to hang in there. Soon she will probably be prefering him. At this point in her life its all about stages ...

Normal, normal, normal! Although, that doesn't make your hubby feel any better about the situation. I can tell you that things will improve once she's 4 or so. Our son wanted NOTHING to do with my husband until recently. He even went through a phase where dad would get home from work and our son would be angry about it and hide. This lasted a LONG time....about a year maybe. It really made my husband feel lousy because he felt like the relationship was doomed forever. He has finally figured out that daddy is the fun one who will get down on the floor and wrestle and mom is the one you come to for love and affection. It all comes with more mature social skills and emotions. We did force him to spend some alone time with my husband when our daughter was born (maybe every few weeks). He fought us leaving the house. He would scream for me as if he was being tortured as they backed out of the driveway. However, he'd get over it and they would have a wonderful time going to special places together (ice cream shop, kiddie train rides, etc.). Then, he'd be all about daddy for a day or so. However, it would always revert back to all about mommy. He'll always be a mamma's boy but he has finally found daddy's place in his life and heart. Now that our daughter is almost 2, we are going through the same thing with her. She pitches a big fit when he bathes her or reads and puts her down for bed. He does this several times a week and she still screams. Ugh, here we go again. :)

It is SO NORMAL for babies to show preferences. As the grandma "Mema", I had to prepare my daughter-in-law and my son that Sean will probably show preferences to me because I take care of him while they work. I also acknowledged that it will hurt them but try to look at it that he is well taken care of and loved with their leading. He is 3 yrs old now and he has had many favorites. Now he is grandpa "Pappy's" favorite. When he hurts he asks for mommy and daddy and when mommy and daddy are mad he asks for Mema. He likes to wake up with mommy and have story time at night with Daddy. His time is coming but until then there are lots of things he can do. Always show joy to her when he comes home from work. He can initiate playing with the toys and she will on her own learn to join in. There was a study that is sooo important for the Daddy to read to the kids. Even if they are not listening, he can read the newspaper or a book of his own choosing. They won't understand but their vocabulary is building. Most men haven't been around babies and know what to say. ANYTHING! Talk about her toes and laugh for no reason. I've started a list of different things I do to help my son and his wife. I had one time wanted to be a teacher and worked in the schools so it comes naturally to me. I think that is the hardest part for parents knowing what to do next. Long TV time will make them cranky and not able to focus on you. Just for him to know most every activity at this age only lasts for a few minutes so it helps to have some ideas written down - or just follow her lead. She likes dolls? He can talk to the dolls and then include her to talk to them ..... teaches them so much. For a long time my grandson wouldn't have anything to do with his aunt. Broke her heart. That has changed and it's wonderful. Sorry so long - assure him when she sees him as positive, she will come around.

They need to spend more time together. if she bumps her self he needs to be the one to be right there for her, feed her, put her to bed, bathe her. Let them bond. Sooner or later weather you do anything different she will become daddys girl and you wont be her favorite anymore. kids are picky like that.

Jealousy is so hard to deal with....just wait, she will change her mind and he will be her favorite person. They are just so fickle at this age.

Can you go out and leave her with him, so they can have some bonding time? Maybe have a Daddy daughter date where he takes her out for a movie and a meal? Anything to get them together.

My DH would get his nose out of joint because when me boys were really young all they wanted was Mom, but I pointed out to him that I was the food source and he really was not putting out a concerted effort to bond with them. 2 of my boys are still Mommas Boys at the ages of 11 and 8, but the last one LOVES his Daddy! They all have their preferences of the people in their lives and that is hard to predict who that is going to be. Just like you have a different relationship with all the different people in your life.

Good Luck

This is VERY common, but there are some things that can be done to make things better. 1) Make sure your husband has plenty of one-on-one time with the kids. Without you. Sometimes you can even take the baby with you so the time with the 2-year-old is really one-on-one. Go to the grocery store in the evenings so he's home with them, or have a girlfriends' lunch on Saturday or something like that so he can catch up on all that one-on-one time that you and you children get so much of.

I go to Mothers of Preschoolers (you might see if there's a chapter in your area) one evening a month, so there's one evening when they have quality time together. My daughter complained a lot at first, but she got used to it.

2) If he does child-centered things with your kids when he's with them, things can improve. This means playing their games with them, not just spending time with them by watching TV or being in the same room. My daughter has issues with her grandparents -- one set she claims to like more than the other. They both love her very much and have spent time with her, and are equally nice to her, but one set does more child-centered things when they are together. Once the bond is established, the types of things they do together won't matter as much.

These things also happen in phases. My daughter went through periods of time where she refused to greet her daddy when he came home from work. She outgrew that, and now she asks for her daddy all the time.

Good luck. I hope things improve soon.

We are dealing with this same thing at home. Our two year old is my second and his first. One thing we do is play a game of "my daddy". I'll crawl up into his lap and give him a kiss on the cheek and say. "Don't give him hugs! He's MY daddy!" (I know it sounds weird) But she loves it. She will go climb to him and fight me for who gets to hug and kiss him. In a boo boo situation she still wants me. But this helps him feel better. Its hard as a stay at home mom because you are the one who is with her ALL the time. One thing that I had to explain to my husband is that he needs to make sure that his expectations are realistic. He works very hard and when he comes home he wants the adoring women of the house to come and give him attention and affection. But then he expects to be left alone for his wind down time. One thing he misses is that she may not be willing to meet him at the door with big smiles and lots of hugs, but if he is not available to her at other times he is going to miss out on that bonding time. I don't have all the answers obviously we are dealing with the same things. Hope some shared experiences make you feel better though.
Good Luck,
K.

We ran into this problem as well. Only it was with our son. My husband traveled a great deal and when he would come home he would want everyone to change their schedule to fit his. I gently explained to him that we have a routine and he was going to be the one changing and not us. My son was not interested in my husband. When my husband would tell our son to do something, he would look at him and say, "you're not the boss of me, she is", and point to me. What my husband did was get more involved in the activities of our son. Signed him up for t-ball and he was the coach. Cub Scouts and he was the pack leader. This worked beautifully. Our son is now 16 and they have a wonderful relationship. this is natural!!!

My daughter sometimes starts acting up when my husband and I fight. She acts like she's playing, but is listening and reacts to the neagative vibe. Might just be normal thing to go through. My daughter is such a daddy's girl but when she's tired she comes to mamma.
Good Luck and God Bless

Hi Y.!! I went through something similar. Only the roles were reversed. My son was 2yo when my exhusband and I were having lots of problems. My son did not want to be with me. It broke my heart to no end. I can tell you that the reason he did not want to be with me, stemmed from the problems my ex and I were having. He always talked bad about me, both in my face and when I was not around. He talked to other people and even though he THOUGHT my son was too young to understand... He did. We separated shortly thereafter, and divorced a couple of years later. I can tell you that it took a very long time for my son to be okay. He would cry when I picked him up and when his dad was not around. I had to be very patient and consistant with him. I talked to him about the love that we both had for him and that it was important for both of us to spend time with him... ect. I always talked very positive of his father... Even though I was seething inside. LOL. My son is now 12yo and he now see's and understand things he did not before. WITHOUT him having to see the fighting and the arguing or me talking bad about his dad. As for your situation. Lets pray that it does not lead to divorce. I can guarantee you THAT would be a much more difficult and emotional situation for all involved. I don't know what your personal situation is with your husband, but I can tell you that you DO have control over this situation with your daughter. First and foremost, please please please do not fight in front of your daughter. Talk to your husband, let him know that you don't think the way she treats him is right and that you think it is very important for them to have a good relationship. Most girls tend to look for the qualities of their father in their future partners. Tell him that you are willing to do whatever it takes to help them build a relationship. Tell him that is the first step. It does not matter that YOU do not run to your husband and greet him when he comes home, make it all about your daughter. When he walks in, make a big show of it to her. "Look who's here.... Daaadddyyy!!!'". Daddy's been working very hard today, so lets get him a glass of water, can my big girl help me?"
As hard as it may be, put your personal issues to one side. Make it a point to always praise daddy to her. Even if daddy does not hear. When you buy something for her, tell her it is from you and daddy. Always include him in all you talk about and do. Tell your husband that you need to give the baby a bath, so for him to distract your daughter. A movie, playdoh, coloring, cooking... whatever it takes. This will allow you to spend quality time with the baby, without her feeling left out. I have so many suggestions - please feel free to e contact me and we can talk in more detail. I am now remarried. My husband and I have a 3yo son and a 1yo daughter. So we went through something similar when my daughter was born. My son was so clingy to me that we had to get creative with him doing more with my husband. We did alot of what I noted above. AND STILL DO. My husband will invite him to the store.... of course my son always makes sure that I am staying HOME. LOL. He is still very attached to me ... but here we are, 1yr later and his relationship with my husband is growing. Be patient... Believe it or not, this might actually help your marriage also. In praising your husband so much, "for your daughters sake" ... you may actually start to see some of those wonderful qualities you fell in love with again....

This is fairly normal for a child this age and your husband is just going to have to understand that. She will turn a corner at some point (probably in the next year) and then she will want Daddy more. My daughter was like this too, but she is 3 1/2 now and she asks for Daddy all of the time (while he is at work). He took over doing her nighttime routine when my son was born and that helped a lot. I am still there to say prayers and tuck her in, but he does bath, brush teeth, PJs and story while I'm putting her brother to bed. She loves spending that time with Daddy. It also helps to let them have "dates". My husband takes our daughter on "adventures" (usually to Home Depot) and she loves that too. Sometimes when I say we're going to the store she'll say "Are we going to Home Depot"? Too funny! Anyway, I would recommend having them spend a little more one on one time. It will also give you a break. Have him take her out on a weekend afternoon and you can rest while the baby sleeps. It reinforces their bond and refreshes everyone.

Just remember (and remind him) that Dad's aren't very hands on when the kids are small, so when kids hit that toddler age and Dad's are more comfortable with them, the kids are just learning who Daddy is (not entirely, but you get the idea). Mom is always the one who fed them, changed them, put them to sleep, etc. and it takes them some time to come around to the fact that Dad can do those things too. Rest assured, it will get better! Hang in there!

I believe much of this is absolutely due to the problems in your marriage. She senses those problems. She follows your example. What happens when your husband comes home from work? Do you greet him with a smile, a hug and a kiss? Do you express love for him and appreciation for how hard he works? If your daughter sees you excited to see him, hugging and loving him then she will be much more apt to do the same. One of the best things you can do for your child is to strengthen your relationship with her father.

Your husband can also greet her cheerfully, play with her, read to her...whatever she enjoys. It sounds like your husband already feels somewhat rejected by you and this is just another rejection. Focus on making him feel more secure in your love for him and he will stop taking your daughter's preference so personally. He also needs to understand that two-year-olds will often express a preference for one parent or another at different times. One of my children always wants her daddy when she's hurt, while the others prefer me when they're hurt. I'm glad they love their father and want him. I love him, too!

I hope it will all work out for you. Good luck!

The first thing that pops into mind is that either he is gone alot or works long hours. Have him spend some one on one time with he, the park,out to eat etc. she will find out that dad is better. Give her a few years and you will wonder what you did to deserve not even to have a nod from her. Been there, husband was service. This worked for us and now those are the memories she now has of dad. Good luck.

Hubby needs to grow up and deal with it. I still tell my hubby this and our daughter is 9. It is perfectly normal for children to bounce between liking one parent over the other - same things happens in the animal kingdom.

If he continues this behavior he will only succeed in alienating his daughter more as she grows up.

my daughter is 5 and was the same way.my husband would come home from work and want to give her a hug and kiss and she would just throw a fit and run to me.but thank God lately she is starting to get better.she gets into her moods off and on with him but it's not as bad anymore.i would feel so bad bc she always would run to me and tell him "i want my mommy!!".there has even been times when she has told me she wants a mommy not a daddy,but i am glad he never heard her say that.the other day we were in bed and she was hugging on her dad and giving him kisses and she told me "dont worry mommy i still love you".lol.i just laughed and told her i know mama..i know!!

Tell her that her daddy loves her, and that she loves her daddy so much. Tell her he is fun and that she is his favorite person. Tell her that she always has fun with him and be confident when saying all of this. You will be surprised at your power of suggestion.