How Would You Handle This Co-worker?

Work is a shared environment. Just to be considerate, I'd save the seafood meals for home or weekends. Or go out to eat for lunch.

Wow...you say you like "Meg" you say she is nice and that she has never asked you not to heat up seafood and yet you Know it bothers her and yet you continue to do it...the bubble comment is pretty harsh as well. Being a considerate person myself I would think if I Knew something bothered a person I would just not do it, because that is the polite and considerate thing to do.
You come across as very indifferent to other people's special needs...I certainly hope that you never have any issues that require special consideration, because I really believe that we get back what we put into this world and you seem to be projecting quite a bit of hostility whether you realize it or not.

How do you know she has an allergy? Has she told you? If so, then it does seem you're being inconsiderate by heating it up. It sounds like she is afraid to say something to those of you who do continue to do this by the behavior you describe (throat clearing, etc.). I don't understand why you just wouldn't refrain from bringing seafood if you know it bothers her. I love it too, but I hate heating it up in microwaves because it usually smells pretty strong and just that in a shared microwave can bother people. And maybe she's really in pain. Could you ask her next time she's clearing her throat if the smell really bothers her that much? Maybe it really does.

I would err on the side of kindness on this one and just find something else to bring those two days a week.

First off, your coworker isn't being passive-aggressive. If she's clearing her throat then her throat is probably swelling up making it difficult to breathe. Cooking and reheating fish creates fumes in the air that carry particles that she's allergic to. If she's swelling up just from smelling the fish then that means it's an anaphalactic reaction and not "passive-aggressive."

So yes, you're being really, really inconsiderate since you're very much aware of her allergy. With every allergic reaction, the next one becomes worse than the last exposure. She's not asking you not to heat up fish because she probably doesn't want to appear rude and she thinks you won't honor her request and cause stress in the office, but it would NOT be unreasonable of her to make that request. She's probably very stressed already.

I think you should eat your all precious fish at home or in a restaurant and let your coworker be able to work in peace without giving her health problems. You're being so inconsiderate that it's actually making me angry. If you ever have a child with severe food allergies maybe you'll understand. I have some myself that could hospitalize me. You need to adjust your attitude and realize that your coworker is swallowing a really difficult pill and trying to be polite over something that is very serious for her while you're here downplaying it, belittling her, being bitter, and making fun of her as if she's trying to inconvenience you.

Your "right" to eat fish in the office for lunch is infringing on her right to have a safe place to work and you're very lucky she hasn't filed a formal complaint.

Poor meg, Seafood is the most dangerouse along side to peanuts. We have alot of kids in the family that have these problems . and it hard at times to remember what they can and cant have. I would put your self in her shoes. And it sounds like you got a plan. MAYBE, she will tell you she dont mind? MAYBE you should ask everyone in your office (since everyone for sure could smell your seafood) Now im not saying that in a mean way, I love seafood!!!!But I dont feel right to even bring a tuna sandwich to work! -LOL! I would be very nice about it when you talk to her. And the bubble comment was not very nice:(

It is being inconsiderate especially in a work setting. In the same token you should not have to stop eating seafood. Because this is a food allergy and affects her health, I would not want the liability of something happening to her and know it was my fault, so I would suggest eating your seafood at home.

If it was a matter of "Meg" just not liking the smell of it, then I would say you all have a right to eat whatever, but because this is an allergy, be nice and considerate and think about it if it was reversed, what would you do or want.

I'm not allergic but I HATE when someone at work heats up seafood. The kitchenette stinks for hours--even all day.
If I knew it bothered a coworker that much, I would have my seafood at home. JMO.

I guess it goes back to the golden rule. If you were allergic would you want (not expect) people to be considerate of your need? If she truly has an allergy, then the kind thing to do is not heat up your food around her and once you make the decision, don't give it another thought.

I think it boils down to one very important question - does Meg carry an epipen? If she does, then her seafood allergy is very serious. If she does not, it should be fine for her to be around people who are eating seafood. Personally, I would never take the passive-aggressive approach of sighing and throat clearning like she does. I couldn't do that. I would go out to lunch, or eat lunch in my car. I feel that it is not anyone's responsibility or fault that they eat seafood for lunch in front of someone who is allergic to seafood. I feel that it is the allergic person's responsibility to make themself scarce if people are eating something that they cannot be around. This is a tricky situation, but I am siding with you. Meg needs to eat her lunch elsewhere since she knows people eat seafood and her throat bothers her. The world doesn't revolve around her and her seafood allergy. This isn't a preschool class. This is a work environment with adults who need to be responsible for themselves and take responsibility for their food allergies. The more I type, the stronger I feel about being on your side. Meg is a big girl. If she chooses to be around people eating seafood, that is her choice and her problem. A solution for Meg would be to take allergy medicine right before lunch so she will be able to eat lunch in the kitchen. Or, like I said, make herself scarce. Find out if she carries an epipen! That would be interesting to know. P.S. Please don't let Betsy's reply upset you. What she wrote was uncalled for. P.P.S. I just had one more thought - even if she does carry an epipen, she is still an adult and it is still work and not preschool, so if she does carry an epipen, she definately should leave the room.

I have a co-worker like that. While I care about her wellbeing, she drives me insane! how many allergies can one person have?!?!? And yes, we did think a bubble might be necessary at one point.

I would use the other microwave, out of curtesy for her. If it's available, not to far away, and works for you, then you should.

I would stop bringing it. When I was working I wouldn't bring it, just because I didn't want to stink up the lunch room! For that matter, I wouldn't bring anything that I knew would stink. If you like seafood, maybe try chilled shrimp, crab meat, or sushi rolls.

First, I wish people wouldn't reply with harsh comments. If you weren't concerned you wouldn't have posted. Anyway, I like the idea of the other department's microwave, check with them first and then approach Meg. Letting her know you are aware of the allergy and that you took a step to keep her 'safe' should go a long way. Just saying "I'm going to use the microwave in X department so the smell won't be so strong, I hope it keeps your allergy from being triggered". If you can't use that microwave, maybe just let her know in advance when you're heating something up and that you'll take extra care to keep it covered or whatever.

I don't think you need to not eat seafood, just do what you plan- express understanding and take an extra step or two to help.

So they make this thing called an allergy pill. if she knows she will maybe in contact with a known allergen then that's a solution. I am allergic to my boss. I don't lay on the theatrics or anything, I just take may pill and I can handle it.

Well, seafood is a really stinky meal. The only time I didn't worry about the smell of a meal was when I was pregnant and my coworkers were very understanding. If you have something that is so strong in smell, maybe save it for home or out in a restaurant. That being said, I wouldn't not eat it because of Meg.

That is very nice of you to consider using another microwave. Personally I would just talk to her about it and see what she has to say. You never know what might come out of the conversation. You say that you like her and that she is nice so a simple conversation shouldn't be too difficult.

I would talk to her so that she knows you're trying to be helpful and considerate. Using another microwave sounds like a great idea. I know when someone burns their popcorn here in the office it just makes me ill. The smell is horrible! It lingers in the air and makes you just gag.
But its not the same as allergies, and thats something that she can't control. But you can control where you heat up your lunch. I think it would mean a great deal to her if you talked to her about it. ;)

If you know that she has an allergy, it sounds like she HAS notified you. What else would you like her to do? Yeah, I think you're being inconsiderate, but I'm glad you're trying to work out a solution that works for both of you. I think you should still be able to enjoy seafood at work, just not at her expense. See if she has any solutions.

Does she avoid restaurants that serve seafood as well?

Walk right up to her and ask her why her rights are more important than yours? She isn't in any danger. It's like being bothered by perfume -- would you tell all of your co-workers to stop wearing perfume?

That's tough. It does sound like she's exaggerating for effect, but you don't want to make her sick/uncomfortable. I would suggest asking her. Just say, "does it bother you when I heat up/eat seafood in the microwave?" If she flat out says "yes" then I would use another microwave - or even eat outside if you can?

I'm sorry, but it seems like both you and Meg are being very passive-aggressive about this. She doesn't choose to have an allergy (life threatening or not), but you do have the choice about heating up your lunch somewhere else in the office, so why wouldn't you just do that? If I were Meg, I'd have asked you directly to stop - why she hasn't is beyond me, and if I were you, I'd just go heat up my food elsewhere. What's the big deal?

I always refrained from heating up unusually stinky food in that environment. Fish definitely qualifies. That was dinner or drive through Fillet O Fish territory. I wouldn't want other people to be annoyed by the smell, much less allergic. You'd be super neighborly to use the other microwave (but maybe not to that department).

I'd only heat the fish up around Meg if she was my work nemesis. Speak to her about what? You know she has an allergy, you know she hacks and coughs, will you really feel fine if shes says, "Oh, no, you don't have to move" (because you don't HAVE to, you already know that). Polite is taking the initiative on something like this unless you feel too put out and her feelings don't matter to you.

You say you really like her. I wonder if the reverse is true...she may be like, "I really like her, but she doesnt' give a hoot when I hack and cough when she heats her stinky fish twice a week and she knows I have allergies..." But if she does think you're super nice, all the more reason to be nice to her.

Maybe the throat clearing is to ward off the uncomfortable feeling of restriction and itchiness that she feels when her symptoms manifest? I mean if someone is having bronchial problems, isn't throat clearing kind of an unconditional response? Why assume that she is being dramatic? Allergies are no joke. I'm sure she'd rather that what someone else eats for lunch NOT cause her to have a reaction. I'm sure that if she could wave her magic wand and NOT have her body overreact to a trigger, she would. Really, you sound like you're blaming her for something that's totally out of control or expect her to pop a benadryl (and then what...nap at her desk as the drowsiness sets in) so that you can enjoy your seafood. Have seafood for dinner and something that doesn't make your co-worker ill at lunch. Yes, it is inconsiderate of you to deliberately do something that adversely affects the health of someone else.

Maybe I am not the most PC person, but if it were ME with an allergy, I would expect I should be the person who brings this matter up to whoever might be in charge of making an sort of change at my office place. Like how some places make a building or office peanut free or perfume free. If it is a legit dangerous or illness related documented or whatever sort of thing for her, then perhaps a place of employment is required to take steps?

I do know many people with food allergies but none that have reactions with the odor of a food, and not having those issues myself, my sympathy and knowledge is limited. I do know that there is a big difference between sensitive and allergic. Allergic is dangerous go to the hospital type stuff....need an epi-pen type stuff?

But I am not sure why YOU have to approach her when she should be the one approaching the powers that be or at least her co workers..but thats a pretty big office (and other departments you mentioned as well) for one person to say "hey no more seafood is allowed" without channels needing to be gone thru and some sort of protocol being met?? If it were a small business with say 10 total employees, they could surely work it out..but sounds like a big company you are at with many staff and at least more than your one department?

I would keep doing what you are doing, attempt to avoid her if it might help, and hope she makes the overtures to HR or whoever might make a permanent plan for everyone on her behalf.

JMO~

EDITED TO ADD: I have very severe migraines, which ARE odor initiated. Its documented..just saying. The scent of onions is a huge one for me. They send me to the ER and cause me to take alot of medications to attempt to prevent them, and later to abort them. Migraines are like the 17th most common disease according to the World Health Organization...but you won't see anyone stopping their onion cooking or eating due to people like me. I avoid or arm myself and limit exposure if I can. I am a big girl and do what I can and do not expect others to do it for me. Crud...cigarette smoke causes so many health issues for allergy sufferers, asthma and migraine people...and look how long its taken to remove smokers from restaurants and public places (and not in every state)...so why should you have to stop your fish eating at work? It boggles my mind....

You mentioned that you could heat it up in another dept. Just do that - then no one has to worry about it.

I have never heard of an allergies causing a scratchy throat (lol). To me it sounds like she just does not like sea food or the smell and is being a drama queen about it. I have a friend with real fish/seafood allergies (epi pen, has almost died), and I eat fish and shrimp around her all the time, I just wash my hands when I am done.

Hi there, they say you are never to old to get new allergies. I worked in an office environment for years and all of the sudden every morning when I would get there my eyes would start to water and I'd get a scratchy throat. The eye thing was a bigger issue than the throat because they would itch and water and makeup would run, then my nose started to get drippy. I figured out it was the flavored coffee my entire department (including me) enjoyed. We ran out and it took about a week to get more and my symptoms all went away. I tried allergy tablets and they sort of helped but not really only with the drippy nose part, so I talked to the head of my department and the gals I worked with and they had seen the difference it made during the week without the problem. I approached it as I'm sorry to be a ginormous pain in the butt, but I have to figure something out. One of the other gals suggested moving the coffee pot away from my area and that fixed the issue for me. It wasn't something I would have forced but I truly appreciated that they made me a priority and were not only willing but instrumental in finding a perminant solution. Just be kind and cook the food someplace else if she is around. Is it really that big of an imposition??

I think that co-workers should be sensitive about others w/allergies. I'm highly allergic to ciggarette smoke & perfumes, scented candles, certain aromas like that & body sprays make me VERY sick...nausea, severe headaches, burning/watering eyes & I can even break out in a rash if I even get close to someone wearing body spray or perfume & sometimes I have a need to go home due to someone's insinsitivity to my allergy. I was in a situation in which a co-worker, the boss's wife wouldn't you know, sat next to me in the office to work (she worked there too) & virtually every day, she smelled like she'd just BATHED in body spray. They lived in the home adjacent to the business so she'd go home & spray even more body spray on at lunch then come back to work...knowing I was very allergic. She actually did this on purpose & I first let her & others know about my severe allergy & would they please air out good after smoking outside but even more importantly, to please not wear purfumes or sprays b/c we were in very tight quarters w/ea other. Well the boss's wife said she could do whatever she wanted & if she wanted to wear spray, she was gonna wear spray. I told her that I understand her desire to want to smell better but she should also be sensitive to other people's allergies & sensitivites to aromas like that but she didn't care. She actually got into it w/me over it & no matter who I talked to about it, the supervisor, etc, nothing changed & it actually got worse! So I borrowed a desk fan & pointed it in her direction to overt the smell. It wasn't perfect but it helped; she didn't like that one bit but I reminded her that she's just going to hafta live w/it or quit wearing the spray. While my situation is different than yours (I just wanted to share w/you my similar situation) in answer to your post, I don't think your co-worker is being very mature about her situation. I think by her loudly verbally sighing & verbally going on about her allergy for all to hear is a bit immature. I think that she should (and could) come to you & others & just say simply "I don't know if you're aware but i'm very allergic to seafood & even the smell makes me very sick so I'd appreciate it if you'd not cook seafood in the breakroom b/c the aroma will make me sick". Now granted a lot of people in employment situations will complain simply b/c they say 'fish & seafood simply smells up the kitchen area/breakroom' & that's just a simple complaint b/c 'they' don't like the smell. I personally LUV seafood too & fish & if I wanna eat fish, I'm going to eat fish. I don't give a hoot if others think it stinks & that's the only reason for telling me I'm not allowed to eat it there, for the simple fact they don't like the smell. But if someone came to me & said they're allergic then I'd do my best to accomodate them. I think that Meg should come to you personally if that bothers her allergy but from what you wrote, it sounds like she's just complaining about the smell more than what it affects the allergy. I think if it were THAT important to her, she'd tell you herself. I really can't give good advice for you b/c I'm in the same situation w/those who choose to smoke or wear perfumes. Sorry if this is not very helpful but she should come to you & if it were me, I'd still eat what I wanted & wait til she comes to me first, then I'd change if needed. Just verbally complaining for all to hear is not the same thing as being adament about an allergy in my opinion. Hope this helps & good luck!

I don't think you sound hostile... Everyone involved has their legitimate point. But if there's another microwave you can use, that seems like a simple enough solution that I'd do that. It's HIGHLY unlikely someone in that dept has the same type of allergy. I've never worked with someone who has one like that... So try that. I'd say something to Meg like "would you like me to just walk down to xyz and use their microwave?" If she says yes, hopefully she realizes you're going out of her way and will do so for you in little ways going forward or show a bit of appreciation and then everyone is happy.

I agree with Faith - so rude that you or anyone would continue to eat fish out of all the other choices available! Your poor coworker! I have a feeling you guys may not "like" her as much as you do others.

Allergies can cause slightly different, or even severely different, reactions at different times.

You say you're sure her allergy is not fatal. But one incident could end up with her throat closing. Just because it never happened before does not mean it could never happen. Allergies are like that. And the shellfish allergy (like the peanut allergy) can be life-threatening.

You say you like her. We want to make people we like feel comfortable, I hope, but you're not doing that in this instance. Seafood is tasty. So is peanut butter. But you can eat it any other time to your heart's content., so why create discomfort for someone you say you like?

I have a friend who is so allergic to apples that even being in the same room with a potato salad made with apple cider vinegar in it -- no actual apples, just a dash of the vinegar -- gave her an intense migraine once. She can't be near anyone who is eating an apple. Therefore we consider that when she's around. Simple courtesy that costs us nothing, but saves her a day of migraine. Love the seafood at home.

Well, what would YOU hope that everyone else would do if you had the allergy? You would hope that other people would be considerate of your needs, right? I'm sure she doens't want to be a burden and have to have special exceptions made for her. Maybe she lays it on a little thick, and maybe you're a little oversensitive to it.

That said, it is unrealistic for everyone to work around her allergy. I would work this through your HR department, to make sure that you cover all bases appropriately...but maybe she can have her own microwave somewhere around her work area.

It would help if she would state clearly - I have an allergy, please can we do something that will help me out. It sounds like she only has it bad enough to be uncomfortable but not so bad as to be life threatening.
I would follow through with using another microwave on fish meal days.
It neatly and fairly easily solves every ones problem and you get big points for being considerate and a team player.
I have worked in a building where perfume / cologne / aftershave was banned.
There were a few people who wore it like they poured the bottle over their heads every morning and significant numbers of people were reacting to it. Not only that but elevators were almost unusable for an hour after one of these people had used it (the scent lingered for so long).

Well first of all, just because people don't agree with you doesn't mean that their responses aren't thoughtful. If you came here to simply get justified in your actions then you came to the wrong place! lol Everyone has different opinions.

I can see how this would be frustrating since you and others like seafood. I personally do not like seafood and do not like the smell of it, but I do not have an allergy and wouldn't be opposed to people cooking it every once in awhile.

But seeing as this lady has an allergy it's a little bit different. Since she isn't being flat our demanding about it I would try to compromise with her. She's not being a butt, so why should you guys by obviously not making any effort to accomodate her??

I think you and this lady may want to try talking to HR. If she has a documented allergy like this then BY FEDERAL LAW the workplace must reasonably accomodate her. They should have to provide somewhere for you guys to safely warm up your food, and at the same time keep the smells away from her. A simple questioning of people in another department could be the answer. If none of them have an allergy - then nuke away!! lol Then everyone is happy!!

Ok so I didn't think that you could be ALLERGIC to fish smells, but I just googled it and apparently, it's possible.

With that in mind, I don't know this woman and if you say she's laying it on a little thick, then you are the person who makes that call...but if you think it's possible that she's not exaggerating, I would really cut out the fish habit and save it for home. I mean, I was reading that cooking fish causes proteins to be released into the air and can trigger an asthma attack in a fish allergic person. Not cool.

It seems that you think that she's not 100% genuine about this allergy but restaurants have much better ventilation than offices in some cases and she can go out to eat probably with relatively little concern especially if her allergies are mild to moderate.

I am thinking back to early pregnancy when this one person would come cook beef EVERYTHING in the microwave outside my office and I would immediately get sick. Everyday at lunch, right in the middle of my busiest time of day, and I didn't want to say anything because it was my problem but I wasn't being dramatic when I bolted for the bathroom.

By the way, where the heck do you work that everyone loves seafood so much they cook it multiple times a week? Blech. Mercury levels tested lately? ;-)

I'd say get the bubble! But that's me.

If she's never expressed a desire to ask politely for people not to heat up or eat seafood around her then she either needs to get over it or not be in the area where the microwave is. I personally wouldn't take the time to walk to another department just to use the microwave, what if you are allergic to something in there? What if someone else is allergic to something else? The list of questions go on and on. I think that until she expresses a desire for people to stop heating up seafood then you shouldn't worry about it. She's obviously a big girl and can take care of herself, if that means keeping Benadryl on hand at all times then so be it. But until there is some sort of agreement reached I wouldn't worry about it.

I think this is a what would you want done if it was YOU with the allergy? I would go and talk to her and see if it really is a true bother to her, or if it's some thing that she can let pass. If it is something where you need to use a different microwave, go to that dept and make an announcment and ask if anyone has an allergy/mind if you used theirs.
Holly hell Betsy C. Get of the pointy stick your sitting on. If she wasn't going to be considerate at all, then she wouldn't have post this question!! It's obvious that she was joking about the bubble!

Are you sure that your other co-workers don't mind the odor associated with reheated seafood? I find it unpleasant, but - although I generally don't have a problem speaking my mind - would not announce the fact in an office setting.

Folks may be deferring out of awkwardness or trying to be polite. 2 times per week on a regular basis - depending on how well ventilated the kitchen area is, of course - seems excessive to me. For what it is worth, I would argue there is a difference between the smell of reheated seafood from an office microwave and the smell of freshly prepared restaurant seafood.

In closed office settings, anyone who reheats last night fish is looked down upon, because yes it gives off an AWFUL smell to everyone that is not eating it! That being said, are you sure "Meg" really has an allergy to all fish... she might of made that up so people would not reheat fish because the smell bothered her.

I just find it hard to believe that if she had a Fish allergy like you described above, there wouldn't be a sign or letter sent out to employees as a company caution.