How to Thank Hubby

Rosebud.... we must think alike. I thought the same thing before I ever read the post.

I don't know of many men who wouldn't love a long night of one on one time with their honey!!

Nice dinner, bottle of bubbly, and maybe a card thanking him for everything he's done to help retire this debt. Although I will say that unless you didn't tell him about it before you were married you've got nothing to be thankful for. When you marry someone you accept them for all their good and bad.

I think it's great that you want to thank him. We all need acknowledgement and he definitely deserves some! The absolute best thing I think is a handwritten note/letter explaining what you did above. That you did not like coming into the marriage with debt, but that it means so much that he was willing to pay it off with (not for) you. You both made sacrifices to do it. No need to feel guilty.

Maybe also ask him what he'd like to do with the extra $$ each month that is now free? Perhaps he'd like to buy himself a little something awesome?

This is the most odd question you have asked so far. If we took money out of our savings to pay off my student loans we paid off the loans, not him. If you had that much extra money in savings why didn't you pay them off years ago, that seems like poor money management.

Interest rates on savings have been under 1% for years, you were still losing money.

We did answer your question, no thanks should be needed. If you really believe your what happened your marriage has some serious issues because you are saying he belittles your role as a mom and his wife.

i love that you have that burden paid off, and love that you want to thank your hubby for doing it. good for both of you.
i keep thinking sex things<G>. but maybe just getting a sitter and going to his favorite restaurant and a movie he's been dying to see would suffice.
i'm not so whoopie, though, on you feeling like a loser, and he feeling as if you're 'not living up to your potential.' is your 'potential' solely as an earner? i would think that producing 3 healthy beautiful kids, creating a happy home environment, and homeschooling your progeny is something worthy of thanks and veneration on his part.
we are not amused.
khairete
S.

Well, you know how most men like to be thanked .... *wink *wink. Just make it extra special. :)

gosh! my job. his job. whatever. Just because its "YOUR JOB" you dont get a thanks? Geez people. Dishes are not mine or my husbands "job" we both do it but when he does them (magically without prompting) I do thank him. It makes your efforts recognized and shows you are not taken for granted. And even if he "paid" and you "stayed home" you both still did it together and it is still fine to thank him. AND celebrate! When you finish paying off a major debt you are supposed to celebrate! Within your means of course. Suzi Orman even says so. So I think a nice night or quick weekend with the two of you is a great idea. Dont forget the *wink* *wink*. (and yes my husband and I joke all the time "isnt there a term for 'that' "). Enjoy your celebration!

How about by caring for his children and his home? I don't see what the big whoopty do is. Marriage is a joint effort and I wouldn't be "thanking" someone that felt I wasn't living up to my potential while I'm in the throes of raising our children. Seeing that my children live up to their potential IS living up to my potential right now, and I take that job seriously.

Certainly a better use of money than that Tessla.

If you didn't have his babies, organize his life, homeschool his kids and reasearch his financial choices, YOU would have paid off your debts.

A special dinner, a night without the kids, wink, wink, then it's all good.

Without even reading your post, the first thing that popped into my mind was a b.j. I guess I'm crude.

Well, I can tell you I would also be elated if and when my last student loan is paid off, but I don't see it as something to thank my husband for, even though I am not generating an income. Unless you hid your student loan debt from him until after the wedding, he DID choose it when he chose to marry you, debt and all.

I graduated in 2005 with $90k in UNDERGRAD debt, and I haven't used my degree in my field for a paid job, even though I had planned on teaching for many years until we actually started our family and I changed my mind. What DO I do? Why, I raise our 4 kids, coordinate his schedule, keep his belly full, his socks and underware drawer full, manage everything with our house, manage 3 rental properties, buy his toiletries, send Christmas cards to all his colleagues, sit through tediously boring dinners with his partners where they talk shop about things way over my head, while trying to make small talk with the other wives, book our travel arrangements, entertain his parents when they come to visit, clean our house, grocery shop with 4 kids in tow, yada yada yada.

We both work very hard, but in different ways, and he has even more debt that I do. When our last school bill is paid we will go out to celebrate, but that's still at least 15 years away. Until then, it's just a sunk cost and part of our household budget.

I say, yes, say something nice to him about the debt being gone, but you are just as much to thank for it as he is.

If your background is in education and you are choosing to be a homeschooling SAHM, I don't see how you can possibly consider yourself as not living up to your potential, unless your potential is measured by the numbers on a W2.

In our marriage, my money is his money and his money is my money. Its ours. When we married, I had no debt, but he did. OUR money paid off his debt. So, this seems a little odd to me. I would prepare a special dinner.

In one breath you say that "we decided I'd stay home" and the next you say "but he just feels like I'm not living up to my potential". So, which is it? How are you not living up to your potential? Career wise? You are the financial planner, the culinary manager, the maintenance manager, the nanny, the head chauffer, the sex therapist. So, what exactly is he thinking you are not living up to? Personally, that would annoy me but again that is me.

My potential is that I'm the best damn mother/wife he could ever find.

I wouldn't feel like a loser. You have your education and once the kids grow up and you decide to go back into the work force, you will have that education. I'm jealous! I wish I had my masters.

I say good for you for wanting to thank him specially. As you said, this was debt you came into the marriage with. It had zero to do with taking care of your family. Of course, now you take care of 3 kids and he should thank you for that occasionally as well. Just a matter of being nice to each other. I haven't paid off my husband's debt but I do contribute more financially and it's nice to feel appreciated for it. It's "your job" to cook dinner but if you made something super complicated and difficult and worked so hard on it, I'm sure you'd expect a thank you! So I come back to s-x and then you know what he likes otherwise... Maybe a little time to go off and work out if that's what he likes to do or whatever his hobby is. Btw - my husband's friend is making his wife work to pay off her student loans bc she's never been great with money - he constantly has to put the brakes on her etc. Never contributed much financially either and then decided to go back and get a degree. He said she's working to pay off those loans... I can see his point. I think she incurred $30k or $50k. But it's all "their" money so she can now say, oh, I don't like the job that much after all. I'm going to stay home with the kids and you keep working to pay off that debt?... When a man can retire depends on their financial situation. Kids grow up. So more debt postpones retirement.

In my world money is ours, not his. So there wouldn't really be any thank you necessary, just moving forward.

If you really think it's necessary, I would just give him a heartfelt note in a card that explains how much it meant to you to cancel out that debt.

What a sweetheart! You picked GOOD!! :) Now you guys can put that money toward your future!

Hmm, I always felt like once you were married what's "mine" became "ours" (including debt) and no thanks would be necessary.
But I realize some people go into marriage with a different mindset (separate accounts, property, etc.)
You could plan a fabulous long weekend away without the kids. That's ALWAYS a good idea!

I say wear your cap and gown and nothing underneath, have a nice romantic dinner plan, have the kids at grandma's house (if possible) or somewhere not there and just have fun with it!

I agree that a kid-free day/night is in order for you both! That's a pretty big monkey off your shoulders!
I am a SAHM after being laid off and it kills me! So, my answer? More school! Lol. I definitely see the value/reward in my work at home. However, I can't wait to get back to work one day (when the kids are older) so I know where you're coming from!

I don't get it. He didn't pay off your student loans. You BOTH paid off your student loans.

You WORK and you work very hard. If he had to pay someone to do what you do in that family, he couldn't afford you, even on his executive salary.

Please, J., stop thinking of yourself as a thorn in his side. You are a smart mother, a full time teacher to your children, the person who runs your household AND your family. Do you REALLY think that a high school grad with no college education could do what you do as well as you do it?

I'm sorry, but this bothers me a lot. You have NO idea of your worth. To you, it's all about your husband. Get your head out of the little box you've made for yourself. You two are partners. You didn't use a credit card to run up an astronomical bill buying junk or going on a no-hold's barred cruise. You got an education that you are putting to use NOW to educate your children and run your household. You are the best thing that ever happened to your husband.

Get PAST this idea that he is over you. You are his equal and that includes in the finances of the home. Of course his salary paid off your student loan. Why the hell wouldn't it? You have EARNED every penny of it, and a lot more.

Bake a cake. Pop open a bottle of bubbly. Tell him that all that schooling has paid off to make you a great teacher for the children you have made together. Tell him that you are glad that you are such an effective CEO of your home and happy that you have brains. And be PROUD, J.. Not subservient to a mistaken thought that your husband has bailed you out of this educational debt.

As far as him thinking you aren't living up to your potential? I'm sorry, but he's really selfish to expect you to do all of THIS that you do, plus have a career. It isn't possible unless someone ELSE raises the kids.

You can ALWAYS start your career once the kids are much older. Does he think that once a stay-at-home mom, always a stay-at-home mom?

You need to stand up for yourself. Honest, do an appraisal of what it would cost to have someone do all that you do. I'm telling you, he has NO idea of your worth, and the ease of which his household is run. And he doesn't appreciate you enough. The reason a lot of this thread is about money and not about how to thank him is that you've hit a sour chord here. Calling yourself a LOSER? Good heavens!

I'm in the camp that says there is no "he paid off my loan"... it's all ours. That happened when we tied the knot 17 years ago. His money is mine, my debt is his, and so on. And if you've had 30k in debt hanging around for some time now, and had the funds to pay it off and didn't... then that wasn't very wise financial planning, seems to me. Who manages your money? That sucker should have been gone long before now if this was an old debt.

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That makes more sense with the added information.

Here's how I would approach it: As a celebration. For both of you. NOT as a "thank you". Big difference in mindset. Not necessarily a big difference in how you act it out. "Thank you" is you doing for him. Period. "Celebration" is you two doing something together that you BOTH will enjoy and remember. And, personally, I would not use the term "thank you" to him during any of it. Just celebrate.

Somehow your question got derailed into a "in my household opinion piece" lol. Regardless of what my opinion is on that, I say just celebrate. Do a weekend thing or a nice dinner.

I don't understand. What your's is his, and what's his is yours. Your husband did not pay off your student loans with his money. He paid it off with BOTH of your money. It doesn't matter that you do not work for money (you work all right, just not for money). You are married! You can thank him for paying it off, I suppose, if you want to, but that would be more than enough. You care for HIS children every day. You hardly ever get a break. You certainly earn your keep.

ADD - I just read your SWH. I don't think he deserves ANY thanks, since he doesn't feel that you are living up to your potential! How could he possibly say that to you??? How rude!!! And you're going to reward him with a BJ (and more) for talking down to you??

I don't know what your husbands love language is so I don't know how to answer this question for you. A proper thank you for my husband would be a heartfelt card, a new keyboard, me doing a striptease or table dance, and extra sex if that were possible but not necessarily in this order. LOL

I guess I would start with a note and then move on from there. Perhaps cooking his favorite meal, sending the kids away and having some quality alone adult time.

Only you know your husband's language of love.

I guess I would see it more as a celebration together. When you have kids it takes the efforts of both parents, even if both parents are working. If one stays at home the other one has to work most of the time, you have to support your husband in his work and he has to support you in what you do at home. We see our money as one regardless of who makes more or who is working, who is not working etc.

Good for you! In my opinion, showing appreciation for each other keeps a marriage happier.

My "thank you" idea is a savings account (open it with, like, $25) and an IOU to be redeemed in six months. For the next 6 months, the money you would normally put to your student loans should go in the new account. At the end of that time, your husband gets to decide where the money goes.It should either be something just for him, like something he's always wanted but maybe put on the back burner while you two were establishing you life and family OR something special for the 2 of you (time away, whatever). He decides.

I'm with Rosebud...that was my first response too :) that is my husband's answer to everything! A little alone time in the bedroom and completely dedicated to his pleasure!!

Congrats on paying this off and I would be wanting to thank my husband too, so I understand where you are coming from.

"he just feels likes I'm not living up to my potential. I think the thorn has more to do with this than with the money..."
Whoa!
He should appreciate the work you're doing now.
He grumbled about the student loan because your not using the degree to EARN? Power trip.

As for your question?
A sincere thank you and expressed appreciation should be enough.

I saw your last line in So what happened? I had been trying to figure out how to say that would be something my husband would want. You can add that to the gift.

I say just make him a nice dinner, his favorite drink, have him relax in the
living room watching his favorite tv while you make this one special
dinner for him tonight.
A nice note.
Huggle up on the couch tonight while you watch a show together.