How to Tell Them I Dont Want Them There

I would tell them that you heard they would be around but you have other things going on and it's not a good weekend to visit.

Good Luck Inlaws can be rough. I like the idea that was said about inviting them to brunch outside the home. That way when its time to go you can say nice to see. Give me a call and we can hook up another day. And then run run run.

If you are interested (ie open to) spending a little time with them, you could invite them over for brunch or suggested an outing. If you offer them a few hours one day, I'm sure they would understand (and maybe even appreciate) not seeing you the rest of the weekend.

My MIL used to drive me crazy with unsolicited advise. I learned that if I asked for advice and really considered what she had to offer, that she eased up on the unsolicited advise. Maybe she felt ignored or unwanted, but showing her that I did need her really helped. If you include them in your weekend, even in a small way, you might really succeed in fostering a healthy relationship.

We had this same situation, and my husband worked Saturdays, so our only day together was Sunday. I would tell my family members that my time with the kids and my husband is so limited that we really want to spend it with just the two of us. They all appreciated the honesty, and no one's feelings were hurt. Be up front about it and they will understand.

How about honestly telling them what's going on? They were parents of young ones once upon a time, surely they can understand. We just tell our in laws that we have family plans. Sometimes they press and I am just honest and say "I really feel like I need some one on one quality time with my kids. I just want to hang out and spend some alone time with them". Usually they don't even ask why.

NO where, in your question did it say that these people are, even asking you if is alright to just invite themselves, over to your home, and that frequently.

Me, I get burned out, when people are at my home every weekend.
I mean, WE have plans too or just want to be by ourselves.
And thus... I TELL them.
I also tell them, that they NEED TO CALL AHEAD OF TIME... to make sure of our plans, BEFORE coming over.
That I do NOT LIKE, drop-ins.

It is my home/my kids/my family/my & our schedule and activities.

I ALSO have taught my kids, to ALWAYS ASK US FIRST, if anyone just says they are going to come over.
My kids do so.
They will tell Aunty... "wait I have to check with Mommy first to see if we have plans this weekend..."
or, "I have to ask Mommy & Daddy first... if you can come over...:
I have taught my kids, that it is rude to invite yourself over, to anyone's house, without asking first.
Whether that is friends or relatives.
And in terms of them, per their friends.

How did you learn of their plans? If they called to say that they plan to visit, tell them that you already have plans with the kids. If you're getting it from your SIL, tell her to pass the message right back, since she is in the loop. Also, tell her to stop inviting people to visit your home. Bottom line--you've got other plans. You are not responsible for not being available to them if they don't consult you. Get up and get out...and stay gone. If they show up while you're leaving, give them kisses and wave goodbye.

I completely understand how you feel. I would just tell them that you have plans and are busy this weekend. If you'd like to, maybe you could suggest getting together with them for a couple of hours, but make it during a time that's convenient for you. I have family that just assume that I'm free or expect me to change my plans whenever they're available to visit...drives me nuts.

I had similar experiences with my family and got a lot if insight by reading Boundaries by Cloud/Townsend. I got it at a Christian book store. It really helped me realize that I was in control of these situations and could handle it. Hope this helps:)

I would simply be honest with them. Tell them with your full week schedule, you like to have some family time with your husband and children. Then go on to say that you have plans that were made awhile ago before your in-laws agreed to house sit for your SIL and you can't change your plans for that day and the other day was going to be a nice relaxing Mom and kids day.

Have your husband back you up on this too BEFORE you talk to the in-laws.

oh wow, I totally know where you are coming from!!!!!!! My in-laws like to just drop in without calling. and I admit there have been a few times where i just dont answer the door, i take my 2 1/2 year old and the 9 month old twins into my toddlers room and play for awhile until they leave. they live just a few miles away and they think it is okay to just come over without calling. Or sometimes they will call my hubby while he is at work to tell him they are coming over to our house. so then my hubby has to call and tell me which leaves me like 5 minutes to straighten up the house if needed. It makes me soooooooooo mad. I was just not raised that way. I was raised that you called the day before, or earlier, and ASKED if a visit was okay and when a good time would be. and even then, you call about an hour before you are going over just to make sure it is still okay and a good time.
My in-laws are old school european, they came over to the states from Romania about 28 years ago, and so they still have the mindset that they can just do whatever and that they are still kind of in charge. they have gotten a little better. there have been times that i was just so irratated that i couldnt bring myself to be "the good hostess" and they finally get the hint and go home, or they will come over late and totally mess up our bedtime rituals.

I would have your hubby talk to them, they would probably be more receptive to listen to him. Tough situation, just be honest and hopefully they will be okay with it.

I don't think there is a way to tell them that without them taking it as rude. I fully understand how you feel, and it seems your Husband may need to have a talk with his parents about boundaries. As for this weekend, in order to keep the peace I would try to find a couple of hours each day that the kids can spend with them, and just tell them you have plans the rest of the time, no need to get into what those plans may be.

Tell them you will be out school shopping all weekend.

Sounds irritating. I would have a set day or weekend that the in-laws would come down to spend time with the family. It could be once a month, or once every few months, or whatever works for you. Just be honest, tell them it's nothing personal, but you really miss your family during the week & the weekend is the only time you get any QT with them. I'm sure they'll understand.

Hi, TwinMama -
It's hard to just tell the truth sometimes, isn't it? You don't need to justify your need for some alone time with your kids. Simply tell them you'd love to make plans for another weekend, but that this weekend just isn't good for you. Hopefully, they won't be so rude as to press for further explanation, but if they do, tell them that your schedule has been so hectic lately that you just haven't had enough down time with just you and the kids, and that you hope they understand. Don't lie and say you have other plans. Those things tend to come back and bite you.
You are entitled to your weekend alone. Take it!
Good luck.

Hi TwinMama,

I had the same situation a year and a half ago and I was at my wits end. I had just had my 2nd child and my mil was coming down nearly everyday and I finally had to have my husband talk to her because I wasn't able to get into a routine or anything like that. Plus, my oldest child was having a hard time too because he wasn't able to get to know his little brother and not help out like he wanted to do (he's 6 now and was 5 when I had my 2nd boy). Well, my husband talked to her and I then talked to her and it worked. She stopped coming down every day and started calling ahead of time before she was getting ready to come down.

I know that it won't be an easy conversation, but its best to be straight forward and honest now before it comes to a really ugly head in the future.

Good luck and please let me know how things go!!:o)

I. K.