How to Tell a New Employer About Pregnancy?

Updated on December 11, 2014
L.S. asks from Orange, CA
24 answers

I am getting an offer today on a new job! Yay! It's perfect! I'll mostly work remotely from home, and travel a little bit. It's a promotion in level and salary from what I do today. And it's working indirectly for my old boss from 5 years ago who is really a great leader - smart, supportive, effective. He won't be my direct supervisor, but he leads the organization.
I found out a month ago I'm pregnant. I'm 8 weeks along and just had my ultrasound to find heartbeat & confirm dating, but it'll be another 4 weeks before I'm able to get a CVS or the new blood test that tells of any genetic problems. We've had 2 miscarriages in the past with DS, but we also have 2 totally healthy great kids.
I haven't mentioned the pregnancy because a) I haven't wanted to add that as a discussion topic during interviews; b) I haven't known if it's viable or not. Now, however, I'm about to get an offer, and this is absolutely a job I want to take, but I don't want to cloud anyone's opinion of my starting work, only to take 3 months off in July. i.e., should I mention it to my old boss now, or only after I start? Should I mention it to the recruiter or my new direct supervisor?

What can I do next?

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Featured Answers

D.D.

answers from New York on

Nope I wouldn't tell them until 5 or 6 months. I've gone through a lot of medical stuff but since I work at home I haven't shared a single thing with my boss or me team members. Treat it as a need to know situation. At this point they don't need to know.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

FMLA gets you 12 weeks off for childbirth or adoption if the company has 50 or more employees.
It doesn't apply to smaller companies.
It's not always paid leave - you'll have to use up all vacation and sick leave and then it'll be leave without pay.
Don't say anything till 2nd trimester.

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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

I would tell them now. If they give an offer, they can't legally rescind it bc they find out you're pregnant, right? So if that's the case, you have legalities on your side but you can put a better light on the situation by saying you want to be upfront about it. You can say you didn't even know until a few weeks ago and have miscarried before and you're still not sure this is viable, but you want to tell them. What can they do? They can't take back the offer but I think it makes a better impression that "keeping a secret." Let's be honest. No boss is going to be excited his new employee is going to go on maternity leave and have the complications that having a young baby at home bring. Why not work with him as much as possible to ease the burden in a way? I'm a woman and I'd be permanently annoyed with a subordinate who was hired pregnant and never said anything. Legal or not, that's how I'd feel. Someone on maternity leave creates a big gap in work burden. It's not just the money. It's the work load that has to be covered. I'd be much more placated if the person did tell me as up front as they could and recognized this was going to put a burden on me as the supervisor to cover. Or what about the coworker who maybe has to cover for you? I wouldn't be thrilled to have a new coworker who joins only to leave soon and dump her work on me. And I'm female. Imagine how some men will feel. So saying something may smooth things over and definitely say you didn't even know when the interviews started, you've miscarried a few times before, please don't say anything to anyone else in case you do again etc. That way there's more understanding why you didn't say anything up front. I have a coworker who is likely going to wait for her bonus soon after her maternity leave ends (and she's taking extended maternity) and then quit. I'd never recommend her for the next job she wants. I get what she's doing but it's just not fair to the people left covering for her as if she will come back versus hiring someone else. Those are my thoughts. Looks like I'm in the minority but to me this isn't about legalities or what you "have to" do legally but about current and future relationships.

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

First, congratulations!!! Very happy for you and your family!!!!

FMLA will NOT cover you. If the company meets the standards, YOU must be with an employer for 1 year prior to being eligible for FMLA. So again, you will not be eligible for FMLA. However, most companies will have a "leave" policy for those who do not qualify for FMLA.

That being said, IF you need to be paid and the time off you might want to stay where you are at right now. You have a lot to think about and decide.

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X.Y.

answers from Chicago on

People appreciate honesty, don't you?

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i am just boondoggled by how many people think you should keep it quiet. while i agree that it's not necessary to share all or most things with your potential employer, it is all the way over the 'dishonest' line in my book to hide this until they're stuck with you.
obviously i hope sincerely that they don't feel 'stuck' and that your presence is the company is so valuable that they will be delighted to have you no matter what. and because of the working conditions, it's likely they can accommodate you. but whatever one's legal rights, some companies, especially small ones, are blammed when an essential employee takes 3 months off, and they should absolutely be given the information so they can decide how to proceed. if you're going to work for a big corporation it's no biggie, but i've worked for small mom-and-pop companies and even mid-sized ones where covering for an absent employee for even a week is a struggle, and i think it's incredibly discourteous to have them go through the hiring process and then slap them with this only when they are legally bound to accept you.
have confidence in your abilities and worthiness, and be honest with them. i sincerely hope it works out beautifully.
and most of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!
khairete
S.

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K.D.

answers from Jacksonville on

As Southern Yankee said, you will NOT be covered by FMLA if you haven't worked for the company for a year. They legally can't rescind the offer, but when the time comes, they don't have to hold your job open for you. Before accepting the offer, I'd be honest with them and discuss the leave options that they have available. Hopefully they'll be fine with giving you 12 weeks off, but if not, stay where you are.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Tell your BOSS asap, and ask that it not be revealed to the rest of the staff until you choose to do so.

3 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

No need to tell them now. It is illegal for them to use this in a hiring decision unless you have a physical strenuous job and are asked upfront if anything will prevent you from lifting 75 pounds or standing all day, and that is a question they must also ask male employees.

They are not allowed to ask any medical questions at all. They can't ask if you're diabetic or arthritic or bipolar or pregnant.

You were right not to add it as a discussion topic during interviews. It does not belong there. If their opinion would be clouded, that's their issues, and it's exactly why it became illegal to discuss it!

You tell them when you are getting ready to take a parental leave, and you give them a month's notice or so so that task shifting and temporary retraining can be done. If something should happen and you need to go on bed rest, it's the same as if you were to fall and have a back issue, or any other unforeseen condition. Then you tell them - when they need to know and when it affects your ability to do your job or their ability to schedule temp help. You do not need to apologize for this or make excuses for it.

When the time comes, then you tell your direct supervisor first, not the old boss. The recruiter is out of the picture. The only reason to tell them now is if you think it would affect their decision about hiring you - but women have fought for 50 years for it NOT to matter, so that should be your position! Telling them now is virtually saying that you think they might rescind their offer and discriminate. They'll probably take that as insulting. So you take the high road, the professional road, and assume that they will too. It's no different than if someone gets an offer and then gets pregnant 1 week or 1 month or 1 year later. It is not a factor in the hiring decision, and shouldn't be.

If you have to go into the office once in a while for a meeting, when you're obviously showing, someone will probably comment. Then you can address it sooner if necessary. But the discussion should be about when you would be taking a leave, not whether you should have told them earlier or whether you feel badly for not mentioning it. Don't be sheepish or embarrassed. Be totally professional. Once you are employed, you will probably get an employee handbook which will detail the policies and procedures for all kinds of things, from vacation to parental leave to sick time.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would not mention it until you know the pregnancy is viable and you will need the time off. Give him time to cover you of course, but no need to spill the beans before you are even showing.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

DO NOT TELL THEM NOW!

Wait until you are at least 12 weeks or better yet about 4 months along. The person who you need to tell is your boss.

Til then, accept your job, get to work and feel great! Congrats!

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would not share this until you've gotten the offer and accepted it, at least. Then, I would wait until you are ready to share this with others.

It's a risk employers take, and no different than if a new employee sustains a serious injury or gets a diagnosis of a disease. When these things happens, employers need to have a back-up plan in place.

On the other hand, I would check their employee policies closely. Employers aren't required to allow 3 months off for childbirth (sadly).

Added: the requirement to allow 3 months off only applies to companies with more than 50 employees. It also does not have to be paid leave.

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Z.B.

answers from Toledo on

You need to know the company's policy for maternity leave. Some have suggested you want until the 4th month, but the company could have a policy stating otherwise.

My husband received 4 weeks paternity leave, but I had to provide documentation from my doctor prior to certain point in the pregnancy (the 12th week, maybe? It's been a few years).

Just make sure you know the rules. You don't want to be denied leave on a technicality.

Also, 3 months leave is a long time. Heck, OB's recommend 6 weeks, but most people I know are lucky to get 4 weeks off.

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

I agree to proceed with finalizing everything with the job, etc. and tell them once you're in your 2nd trimester.
Contacts and congrats!

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M.

answers from Las Vegas on

I agree with those that said you should share the info. I would wait until you have the official offer and tell them that you have a few questions of your own (regarding maternity leave). It sounds like you have a pretty decent relationship with your old boss. I would tell him about it, but would express the sensitive nature of the situation. Pregnancy can not be a reason to pull the job offer. For those that say it is not the business of the company to be made aware, I disagree. They do need to know in order to make future plans. This is not a condition or illness. It is not something you can hide forever. If you wait until later, they will wonder what else you hide and wonder why you did not disclose this in the first place. Being open and honest creates a trust in you. It also allows them to plan ahead. Plus, if you were to receive a negative response, can you imagine how much worse it would be down the road. At least now if they react poorly, you don't have to take the job. You also have a case against them. I am a manager and I do a ton of hiring. I would never let pregnancy get in the way of a decision, not just because it's illegal, it just has nothing to do with the person's skill set.

Good luck on your new job!

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C.V.

answers from Columbia on

I wouldn't tell your employer unless you need physical limitations at your job. Share the news with them when you're ready to share the news with the rest of the world.

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I would wait until you're in your second trimester to say anything (after the results of the CVS test, and after you're past the first trimester, when things are more likely to go badly). Telling them at this point, and then (God forbid) losing the baby at a later point, and having to discuss THAT with all of your new co-workers... ugh. No. Don't put yourself in that position.

Congratulations on all the exciting changes!

ETA: Sue W, actually they are required to give 3 months off for childbirth. They are not required to pay you for it, but the FMLA does require that time off can be taken after childbirth/adoption, and you cannot be fired as a result. California law backs this up.

ETA 2: Please note, California law is different than what other states allow. Here, even IF your company doesn't qualify for FMLA and/or will not allow that due to length of employment, there is still PDL for all companies of 5 people or more, regardless of your length of employment with that employer. http://workfamilyca.org/resources/pdf/ca_family_leave_gui...

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K.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Congratulations on so many levels- New baby (keeping positive thoughts for you!), new job offer, wow!

I agree with many of the posts: don't tell them now. Take the job, negotiate your salary, etc. and see how the pregnancy progresses.

Good luck with all of these exciting changes!

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I like Diane B's advice. If you want the job, take it! No, you will not be eligible for FMLA, but if they want you, they will still hold your job for you.

My sister has had such a weird employment background. For the last two big job changes she made, she was pregnant during the interview process and hiring process. And we're talking 5-8 months pregnant! She was upfront with both employers, but she was very much wanted, and they bent over backwards to make it work for her. She is very successful in her career, and no one resents her for having been pregnant when she took the job.

I have recently re-entered the work force after 10+ years as a stay-at-home wife and mom. While I was interviewing and considering job offers, I felt so guilty and horrible for having to ask for accommodations so I could take care for my kids. (Ugly divorce. The burden of child care is all on me.) When the job offers came rolling in, I realized that all of these employers have families too, and they were happy to make accommodations for me, as they do for men too. I am fortunate that my supervisors respect my priorities. I get the job done at work, and I love that I don't have to worry about getting fired if I come in a few minutes late or have to call in sick (with no sick leave built up) if my kids are sick. It really makes me want to help others in the same situation whenever I reach a supervisory level in my career.

I do realize that my sister and I are very lucky to have been in positions where our professional skill sets are in high demand. Most people, especially women, are in jobs that are more easily filled.

My advice: Wait for the job offer. Then tell your new direct supervisor. It is illegal for him/her to rescind the offer due to your pregnancy. But if his/her reaction is negative, you might want to reconsider whether or not you even want to work for him/her. Congrats on the pregnancy! Sounds like you have a lot of good stuff coming your way!

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

"Hi, I'd love to wonderful job but there is something I need to talk to you about first. I am 8 weeks pregnant. How does that change this offer?"

Pregnant is pregnant and not telling them until after some magical date isn't anything I'd do. If you have a vast history of miscarriages then perhaps waiting is okay but pregnant is pregnant.

What I'd like to say is that you would still be offered the job no matter what. I'd take the minimum time off if possible so they don't have to hire someone to fill your position.

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

I wouldn't share this news until you're farther along and showing and there's no choice. There's no advantage to the employer knowing now, other than to find a way to discriminate against you/rescind the offer. Legally, they can't do that, but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen all the time. Give yourself time to prove your value on the job and then inform them when you must.

Congratulations, BTW, on all of the positives in your life right now!

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

You don't have an offer on hand as of yet. So far you are speculating that you will receive an offer.

As a potential employer, I appreciate honesty.

Given your past issues, I understand not wanting to say anything. However, if this new promotion and increase is offered and you are able to work from home as you mentioned, I would feel like someone tried to scam me if I did not know all facts upfront. Hiring someone who primarily works from home entails a lot of trust in the employer's point plus self motivation and self discipline on the employee's part.

You can't work for an employer, stay home with children and get paid....much less a newborn. I personally won't pay a mom to stay home with her children. I know this was probably not your intention but it looks sketchy if you are not honest.

You might want to find out the policies of this company for employees who work from home and have children. You'll need child care if you do end up with an offer .

I don't know what type of opportunity this is but most companies do not recognize a 3 month maternity leave. Most give a max of 6 weeks. Your expectations on leave seem awfully high, esoecially going in to negotiate a new job.

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

I wouldn't mention it to anyone at this point. It's your business and none of theirs. You don't have to.

First, it is none of their business when you found out and they can't ask.

I chose not to say anything to my co-workers until after my first trimester. I was having issues with my employer and another employee, so I did email the coordinator of HR who said he had to share this with my boss. She sat me down in her office and told me that she had to tell my co-workers and I told her HR already said I don't have to and I have requested that the information not be shared. She was mad, but knew she couldn't say anything.

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D.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Wait another month. If you let your boss know in Jan, there is still plenty of time for the company to prepare. And in the meantime, learn your HR leave policies. FMLA leave (12 weeks)may not apply, but short term disability (6 weeks) might.

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