How to Stop Nighttime Nursing and Cosleeping

We did not co-sleep (I couldn't let myself sleep with the newborn in the bed (afraid of crushing). We weaned at around 6 months, pumping wasn't keeping up a supply when I went back to work, and my kid took to bottles.

For sleep training, we used the Ferber method. It has sections to assist with co-sleepers and night feedings too.

Best,
F. B.

I would start the process gradually. Pick one thing to change and then do it. Be mindful of how painful it can be for YOU to stop nursing all at once. You may need to start by cutting back to a couple of feedings at night. Then go to 1 feeding at night, then none. Keep in mind that there is absolutely no reason why your daughter shouldn't be able to go all night without ANY feedings... She is plenty old enough at 16 months. I suspect that it is a comfort for her and a convenience for you (at least it has been easier to just let her go than to deal with it). By allowing it, you have been telling your daughter that there is nothing wrong with cosleeping and nursing all night long. I'm not saying this is bad, but just because you're suddenly fed up with it doesn't mean that she is going to automatically understand when you abruptly cut her off.

In my opinion, the most logically progression of stopping the nursing at night time and the cosleeping is to deal with each situation separately. First of all, I would begin by covering your breasts at night time. If you have a somewhat comfortable bra AND shirt on, then it's going to take a little effort for either one of you to gain access. In addition to this, I would bring a sippy cup of WATER to bed with you (one with a stopper). Explain to your daughter that she's getting to be a big girl, which means that she now gets a special cup that she can take with her to bed. If she gets thirsty at night, she can drink water from her cup. Don't make it a punishment...make it a great adventure...maybe even allow her to pick out the sippy cup.

Give some time for her to get adjusted to this change, but do not cave! You may need to do some pumping of milk....not a lot, but a little to relieve pressure, so that your milk can dry up without you getting a clogged duct or infection.

After a few weeks of water in a sippy cup instead of a readily available breast, make the transition to her bed. Once again, this is an exciting thing!! Don't make her feel like it is a punishment. There are lots of ways to get her to sleep in her own room and bed. It depends on how well she takes to her new bed. I often found that the promise of returning would keep my kiddos in bed (when they were younger). As in, "Mommy will be back to check on you in a little bit." Then I would make sure to check on them. Be careful about starting new habits that you don't want to maintain. Don't lay down with your daughter every night unless that is something you want to continue to do. I love my children very much, but know how exhausting it can be to have to lay with them for 15 min, 30 min, 45 min, etc. to get them to sleep every night...so I don't do it. Some moms love to do this. It's not that I don't want to snuggle my kiddos...I do! We still get lots of snuggling. BUT they know that when it is time for bed, we go through the routine (potty, water and ice in the sippy cup, book, prayers, lights off). People cannot believe how quick our nighttime routine can be. My siblings are often shocked at holidays when we are able to go through our quick routine for bedtime and leave the room right away....whereas they will be laying with their children sometimes 2 hours later to get them to go to sleep (and frustrated that it is taking so long).

As a side note, I do want to mention that the sippy cup of water has never been a problem for us...and both of our older children are fully potty trained. When we were going through training, though, we would put mostly ice with a little water in the sippy cup, and we didn't have any problems.

Good luck!

Here's my suggestion. It's going to be hard, but I recommend that you do it anyway.

Put bandaids on your nipples. Tell her that mommy has an owwie. Put her on a cup ONLY - no bottles. If you give her bottles, you'll end up having to wean her from that too.

At night time, when she's digging around for your breasts, turn away from her and pretend to be asleep. Let her fuss and fuss and ignore it. Eventually, she will stop trying.

That's when you put her in the crib. You can try putting the crib in your room for a little while, and then move her into her bedroom. It's a transition phase.

I'm all for night weaning and a child being in their own bed. The thing is, you've let this go for a long time, and it will be hard on her to have the whole rug pulled out from under her at once. So, do this in stages. I really think it's best.

Whatever you do, don't pull those bandaids off in front of her and give her your nipple. Once you make the decision, don't go back. You'll just make things harder on yourself AND on her.

Put a mattress on the floor, sleep with her, and gradually remove yourself.

I think mine nursed all night long up to that point. 17 months or so. Every 2 hours to eat!

But in their own bed, own room.

I never allowed co-sleeping.

You can do a toddler bed. It's a bit young but we did it with a climber.

How do I get her to sleep in her own room and bed?
And any tips on how to stop nighttime nursing?

I have 2 kids I co-slept and night nursed. This is what I did:

with my 2nd child (DD) she was in our bed until age 1. At age 1, I put her on a twin mattress on the floor besides her brother's twin bed. I shoved her mattress under during the day. He was 5 at the time.

I would nurse her to sleep there. I wanted her to learn to sleep in her own bed, in her own room.

When I decided to night wean my son, I did it cold turkey. He was 3 years, 3 months at the time. I was waiting for him to self-night wean, but I couldn't wait any more. I don't remember horrible mastitis. I held him as he cried and cried and rocked him to sleep. That lasted for about 2? nights. I cuddled him to bed to sleep after that. I stayed till he conked out.

With my daughter I don't remember how I did it. I think I attempted to nightwean her when she was a toddler, but I couldn't handle my fatigue (and the easy cave in of nursing to sleep) so I gave in and kept going for another year (despite how much I wanted to nightwean). Not saying that was the best thing, I was just too tired to deal with it. She was not an all-night nurser, so that wasn't so bad.

I would nurse her to sleep. Then leave her around 10? and she'd walk to our bedroom around 5am and I'd gently walk her back (never arguing or getting upset with her) and just cuddle back to sleep.

The firm rule is "not in mom/dad's bed" and snuggling allowed in their bed, so I felt that was a good compromise.

If you completely night wean now, it will be so hard:
1) I'm not a fan of tapping them on the head and walking away. I'd continue to rock, cuddle, comfort until they conk out from crying. There are less stress hormones going through their body (cortisol) that way. High cortisol affects brain development. You could probably look it up. Human touch goes a long way towards helping people feel better. Eventually you work towards snuggling together, reading books (making it a positive experience) and then leaving. Maybe you can let her know you'll be leaving after 3 books or whatever. I never did that, I just stayed.

2) Mastitis. That will be your biggest challenge. Because I think it is possible to live through it if you are determined enough. I can't remember it's been 10 years. So you might have some sort of compromise where you nurse her at 5am to relieve yourself. And then she learns OK, morning nursing is OK. When the sun comes up or something.

Hope that helps.

There is this method. I didn't co-sleep, but I did generally follow it's principles and it was helpful with my 1st.

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

And I have to say - although I often agree with Doris Day, I disagree on this one. If you try to completely stop nursing like this, cold turkey and all at one, you could end up with mastitis. You have to cut back on feedings gradually or you will end up in pain, and possibly sick.

I transitions my boys into toddler beds at 15 and 16 months, they did just fine. The first few nights they fell asleep on the floor, but I would just tuck them into bed so they would wake up there and they got it figured out pretty quick.

At 16 months there is no need for her to be night nursing except comfort. My Ped told me from the start that after the first few weeks babies do not have to eat at night, and those that do past the age of one do so because they have been trained to do so. You have to start helping her learn new ways to sooth so she does not need to nurse, but in order to do that you may have to ween her fully, or at least cut back. I know some woman who have placed bandaids on their nipples and told their kids the boobs were no longer working. Still hold her and comfort her until she learns how to sooth without food. Since she is used to co-sleeping being in a big girl bed may be scary at first, so be prepared to sit with her until she falls asleep, and to go sit with her if she wakes up until she learns new sleep habits. It may be a long road, but try not to get frustrated with her, you are the one who created the behaviors and it will be hard for her to understand at this point why those behaviors must change.

Best of luck

added: one mom said she did not know any child that did not night feed at least once until the age of 2, both of mine slept through the night (8:30 until around 5:30) by about 8-12 weeks, so it can be done. And I never let them cry it out.

If she is nursing this much, you need to cut back gradually and not just stop or you will be miserable. I weaned my son around 18 months gradually. He stopped waking and nursing at night around 6 weeks, so I'm no help there but he still nursed up to 4 times a day by the time he turned 1. I gradually cut out sessions, one at a time over a period of a few months until we were down to nursing just once every 36 hours (Mon morning, tues night, thur morning, etc), and even nursing that little it took a couple weeks of discomfort before my milk finally dried up. Decide what exactly you want to cut out with nursing, just at night or in the day time too, and take it slowly. I think putting her in her own bed in your room on the floor next to you is probably your best bet at getting her out of your bed. If you decide to just nurse once, stick to that. Give her the one time, then tell her no and comfort her in other ways back to sleep (singing, rubbing her back, etc) in her own bed/space. After a few weeks, cut out the nursing altogether. Kids that age are resilient, she'll get used to no nighttime snacks quickly. After she's over that, then I would work on getting her in her own room. One thing at a time, she's used to nursing all night and sleeping with you, don't take both away at once!

Put a mattress on the floor, sleep with her, and gradually remove yourself.

She's the exact age to be in a toddler bed because she's a toddler. In a few months she won't be a toddler anymore.

All my grand kids were in toddler beds by this age and they adapted well. They didn't realize they could get up and play, they just went to bed because it was bed.

She does need to stop nursing all night. That's ridiculous...lol. I'd be so tired of that.

She's big enough to eat 3 meals per day plus 3 snacks. Then she'll have enough calories to fill her needs and she should only wake up once to nurse. I truly don't know any kids that didn't wake up at least once per night until they were 2ish.