How to Help Toddler Express His Anger in Healthy Way

Wow good question. Well I strongly advise no throwing at all. Whether it is at a person or not. I know toddler's get angry, trust me I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and she throws quite the tantrums. I actually put my daughter in time out if she's really bad. As for how to let them vent anger? My daughter just throws herself on the floor and starts crying. When she does that, she goes upstairs to her room and sits for 5 minutes. Then I go upstairs and ask her if she is done and she says yes and comes downstairs and the attitude is gone.

I guess I just let my toddler throw herself on the floor. That is how she vents anger.

My son has a "safe place" to throw fits and have meltdowns in. When he gets to the point where he may need to throw things he has pillows, he knows that pillows do not hurt people and we do not want to throw something that may hurt someone. His space is a corner of his room that has tons of "throw pillows" litteraly cheapy throw pillows from WalMart. He also tends to need to "crash" (throw himself on something hard) when he is melting down and we try to get him there before that need comes so he crashes on the pillows and then starts tossing them as needed. Anger is natural and we all have to learn how to deal with it ... start teaching him safer ways, give him ONE thing he can throw to start and move from there if you support the throwing. If you do not support the throwing give him a "kicking wall" my friend has one of these that daddy made for him ... in his room a 6' x 6' cushioned part of the wall that is mounted on kind of like a big cushined head board. He can go there and safely kick and hit is as needed to get his frustration out since he is a kicker/hitter when he gets angry. There are plenty of ways to figure it out and keep it safe and healthy you just have to figure out what you agree with.

All that really matters is the agreement between you, spouse, and child as to what is acceptable and desired. My younger daughter needed an outlet for some very strong emotions and the therapist had us agree upon some things. She needed to know what she could do and not get in trouble for. She was allowed to throw all her stuffed animals and dolls in her bedroom. Although my husband hated it, he agreed she could slam her bedroom door (she was older). There were a few other outlets as well.

She grew up to be an amazing, fine, responsible, gentle, caring young woman.

If the outlet that helps your toddler is throwing something, having a rule that compromises what you want with what he wants may be helpful. Say he wants to throw. Restrict it to certain objects and towards certain areas. If he wants to bash with an object - maybe a nerf (foam) bat at a blank wall.

Maybe you want to teach him that stomping his foot a few times is acceptable, and that's enough for him. Maybe it isn't. Some may want to take a black crayon and draw angry circles on a piece of paper.

What is "right" is what your family decides is right amongst you.

Hi!
If you can structure the throwing then it should be fine. Pick a spot for throwing, like a wall or an uncluttered corner so that nothing is likely to get damaged or broken. Keep a supply of soft toys your child can throw in a basket or container so that it is clear what is ok to throw. The idea is to allow venting in a physical manner without teaching that grabbing any object from anywhere is ok. Also, and this is the most important, MODEL. Your child has to see you throwing the toys at the right spot when you are upset so that he/she learns what is apprpriate. If he/she tries it with any other object or place redirect with a reminder as to where it is ok to throw things.
Good luck!

.

Teach him... how to communicate... and to know his feelings.
Since 2 years old, I taught my kids the names for feelings and that they can say it. They now know themselves/their emotions, very well. My son is 4 and knows the difference between him being "upset" or 'frustrated" or "irritated" for example.

If you start now... they will become more articulate in communication and in their emotions.... which some adults don't even have that 'skill.'

It is like a rock collecting moss.....

I tell my kids they can tell me anything... good/bad/happy/sad. Thus, they are not 'afraid' to say what they feel or think. They communicate well now, per their ages.

When they are mad.... they will tell me. I then will help them "problem solve" it.... thinking of alternate ways... of doing something or if they are just grumpy for no reason... just tiredness... they can go in their room. The RULE is that they do not 'hurt' anyone nor take it out on anyone... we are "family" and to 'try their best...."
You teach a child 'problem-solving' and 'coping skills.'
A pent up or angry child... will burst... or do it physically in a bad way.

all the best,
Susan

l always hug things out w/ my son..started when he was a toddler..he's now 4..l always had to remind myself back then not to go head to head or let a situation run rampant..so l would say.."lets hug" ..then "lets talk about what's wrong and how you're feeling" now my son is such a sweetie..he's still a little wild man but he's very kind..and can be calmed down quickly and can talk about how he's feeling..l don't like throwing toys or anything..and so l will tell him not to do it and why..and l always say .."l tell you "no" to things that are not good for you or when you can get hurt from what you are doing..l wouldn't say "no" if it were something good for you or good to do"
so..nope l don't think letting them throw things is healthy but l'm not into scolding them for it right off the bat..hug it out and then talk to him..you'll see that this really works and makes for a healthy minded and good hearted child.

xo

D.

throwing is interesting to them. how did it get over there???? and sometimes their toys just misbehave. its like putting thier toy in time out. mine throws his blankie but is outgrowing it. its a natural process. they throw in baseball and football. so why is throwing wrong. tell him it isnt acceptable to throw when mad. but I allow throwing when they arent mad. depending on the item though. nothing that hurts or breaks. if they throw something that hurts or breaks its time out time. they have to know there is limits to what is accepted.

Hi S.S. I agree with the below. I would not advise letting your LO throw. As I think we need to teach them that if we throw stuff (except balls :)) they could break and/or hurt someone. when my LO is upset, I hug him and try to enunciate his feelings for him...I say, "you must be angry that...or frustrated that...it is OK. it is just a feeling. I am going to hug you until you get the angries out. He usually calms down after a few minutes."

HTH.
Jilly

I really like a lot of the answers here. Our son is the same way. I will usually ask him if he is upset or if he is trying to get my attention and then try to show him how to communicate that he's upset or wants my attention. We really don't want him throwing any of his toys or hitting anything for the most part (we've tried the hit the pillow thing if you're really upset, but he's not going for it). So, for Christmas I bought him one of those punch/kick bag thingies that you blow up and are weighted on the bottom with water. The one I found had spider man on it (even better) and we set it up in a safe place where he can hit and kick his little heart out (sometimes I think it's just extra energy that he doesn't know what to do with). So far, so good...

As for teaching him how to communicate his feelings, we play a little game (when he's not upset) that is basically, "Show me your _____ (insert emotion) face". So, it might be show me your happy face, or show me your sad face, or show me your silly face, etc. We both do it back and forth. One day, he asked me to show him my crazy face. I was very impressed that he came up with that 'emotion' (he's 2 y/o) and he loved and laughed at the 'crazy' face I came up with. It's kind of like an acting exercise in a way;)