How to Help a Teen Daughter with an on and off Relationship?

If she wants advice from you, she'll ask for it. Otherwise... back off... be available to her at ANY time and make sure she knows you are there for her to support her.

It's normal for girls this age to back away from mom. Don't be pushy but try to initiate some things for you 2 to do together.

My daughter, 23, and I are tight as a mother/daughter and we are each other's rock. It was not that way at age 15. We never went through hard times but it was emotional many times with me feeling left out of her life. I just stayed the course and it worked out.

We get mani/pedis monthly and it's "our" time. We treasure our spa day with each other. We also enjoy each other's company.

Hang in there... support your girl and let her come to you.

I will say I think she's too young to be this involved in a relationship. Does she have extracurricular activity? My daughter's cheer kept her calendar full with training and volunteering.

why is this yours to manage?
khairete
curious S.

L.

Welcome to mamapedia!

Does she ask for your guidance?
What does she say to you about this relationship?
She's not at the age of consent. So they are having sex? You can press charges. But keep in mind how angry she might be with you.

What can you do? You can keep your daughter busy with school, activities - sports - or hobbies. Spend time with her - go for walks - anything to keep the lines of communication open.

If you tell her she needs to break up with this boy? It will drive her towards him. So ask her open ended questions. Ask her what she sees in him. What breaks them up and what pulls them back together. Do they have other friends? Do they do things with other people? If not? Encourage her to get with her girlfriends - without BOYS - and cultivate her relationships with girlfriends - making lasting bonds with them as well. Don't let her get isolated from friends.

Otherwise? The more you butt into it? The more you will drive her to him.

she doesn't want to spend time with you because you are crushing her. Don't try and be her friend, but get to know her as a young adult. Go get manicures together. Go get pedicures together. Go shopping or out for dinner. NO CELL PHONES.

TALK WITH HER. Ask her about her goals. Ask her if she wants to go to college. Then talk about things, weather, school, life.

Yep!! Sounds like every teenager I have ever spoke to. Support her. Encourage her school and career paths. Try to distract her from the dating scene but don't let her see that you are purposefully distracting her

Not sure how a 15 yr old gets this involved with a relationship to begin with . . . I can't even fathom a 15 yr old with the statement "ex-boyfriend" in the same sentence.

I'd start with working on counseling for her.

Your daughter needs to start thinking about her future.
Where does she see herself in 5 years? 10 years?
A girl who has goals and a career in mind doesn't see a boyfriend as a means of getting her to her future.

I like JB's wisdom.

I did this with my high school boyfriend. We were kind of on/off again.

I don't remember my mom getting involved. I remember friends of mine doing the same thing with their boyfriends. I think it's pretty common.

What do you mean by 'help'? Is she upset, depressed, confused? I would just offer her guidance if she asks you for it.

Out of our big high school group - only one of my friends married her high school boyfriend (they are still together and going strong). I would just give her perspective and tell her to have fun but keep it light. Many fish in the sea and all that - mostly though, focus on school and friends too. I'm sure you've had those talks :)

But the breaking up, getting back together ... common I think. Nowadays here there's a ton of that (starting even in middle school ... ugh). Thankfully mine didn't but some of my kids' friends were like that starting even in eighth grade.

There's not much you'll be able to say to a 15 year old...much less, a 15 year old girl. You know nothing and you want her life to be miserable. Of course, that's not reality, but to a female teenager, that's biblical. Just ask her questions about her boyfriend and take a genuine interest. While you're having these discussions, it'll organically flow into you giving her some girl-to-girl advice. Don't seem to "preachy" or "judgey"; just be a listening ear that can offer some sage advice from time to time. I think she'll be surprisingly receptive.