How to Help a Friend Breastfeed

All you really need to say is "try try again!" And that you will be there if she ever needs to talk. I tried so hard to breastfeed my first. The lactation consultant was horrible and made me feel guilty about leaking when he wasn't hungry and not full when he was. I tried for 5 weeks. Then one night at 3am after trying to breastfeed and still needing to get up to make a bottle I just declared the experiment over. BUT: With my second son he latched and went to town as soon as he was born. I successfully breast fed for 5 months before I just dried up. So you never know. It might just work this time. Tell her good luck!

I have read through the answers and am sort of shaking my head. I thought the only way was breastfeeding when I got pregnant. I was going to be "that" mom that I saw nursing wherever and whenever. Wrong! My first son didn't get the whole latching on thing, no matter now much I tried and the nurses tried! By the time I got done with the hospital and their help I had given up! I don't handle pushy attitude well (NOT saying that you are!!) and while I still continued to try once home, it just didn't work. My son didn't have lots of ear infections or other illnesses, he grew up just fine and healthy.
My second son was breatfed for 3 months and is also very healthy. The problems I had with the first one were not there with the second one. I enjoyed the breastfeeding time with my son and am glad I was able to do that.
While I applaud you wanting to help and such, I think you've done what she needs and should be there for whatever she needs in the future. Breastfeeding is not the be all end all of a healthy baby. Yes, it's a great way to feed but formula is also a good way. I got so frustrated with those who thought I was doing a disservice to my children! Some people can't breastfeed for whatever reason, even tho they really want to.
I wish your friend luck and hope that everything falls in place as she wants it to and that her baby is healthy!

I don't think you should be labeled "hardcore" if you're still breastfeeding your toddler. Western ideology may dictate its HORRIBLE to breastfeed past a year (although most doctors say to do it until they are 4 or 5), but almost every other culture thinks otherwise. WAY TO GO for breastfeeding and breastfeeders everywhere!
That being said, you're right and there are circumstances that hinder women from breastfeeding. I would just be there for her and give her the support she needs without being overly pushy. She's doing great with wanting to do it this time, so hopefully all she'll need is a friend she can talk to. Maybe get her to join some online breastfeeding groups? Mamapedia has some good ones, and the women are nothing but supportive and encouraging. :)
Good luck, and again a big high-five for breastfeeding. Momma's milk is best. :)

Wow, I didn't think you were pushy or hardcore at all. Im still nursing my toddler sort of, and I am the last person you would call hardcore about extended breastfeeding. I get defensive and prickly when I encounter the type I call "nursing nazis" because they are so forceful. So even though I am doing what they do, I wouldn't even tell them if it came up. I can't imagine what it would take to get me to a LLL meeting. I think there are probably a lot of women like me that nurse longer than people know, because they don't want to get labeled hardcore or lumped in with the aggressive ones. I just personally feel that I made the best decision for me and my son. I don't get down on people who don't. Since you say she wanted to the first time and has expressed interest this time as well, she obviously wants your encouragement. I was going to say to try to make sure you aren't too pushy, since she sounds like the type to back off at any pressure, so it would probably be counterproductive. But if she wants your help just let her know that you are there for her for whatever she wants and to let you know if she needs some space. And let her know that the first few weeks suck, yes, it is hard work. But it gets so much easier after a while. She might be more relaxed this time around about all the stuff that goes with having a newborn that was stressful last time, and that might help. But she is probably going to feel more pressure since the last time didn't work out. If you have a LC that you both liked, that is probably your best resource. I talked to a few and some were great and some were not. They were the type that made you feel like a failure. Just make sure she isn't exposed to anyone like that. Good luck to your friend!

Her situation is a lot like mine- natural birth and trouble getting the baby to latch. It took a lot to get through it but there are sometimes other things at play- and the nurses can make a huge difference. My first nurse was so horrible and kept threatening with a bottle if he didn't latch. It took me a while but he and I got the hang of it and a week later he could latch out of the clear blue! For me it was figuring out how to work through our issues. There was a lactation consultant at the hospital that helped. I also read on KellyMom.com and the nest as outside resources.

My SIL successfully nursed her second and third after she was not able to(Or whatever reason) with her first.

Some people aren't so good at letting nature do want it is meant to do. Control freaks have a bit of trouble with breastfeeding. lol. Breastfeeding means letting go of a rigid schedule and trusting your body to do what it is meant to do, as I'm sure you've realized. And hospitals are not so supportive, with things like them wanting the baby to eat every 2 hours from birth, when babies generally want to sleep for about 8 hours after birth. And wanting baby to have all these wet diapers, when your milk hasn't come in yet and all they are getting is a teaspoon of colostrum at each feeding anyway. Most don't really understand that breastmilk does not work like formula. Anyway, the best thing is to know as much as possible ahead of time so that you are prepared for all that comes. By my third child I knew enough to tell the nurses that baby was doing fine and they could leave us alone. By my 4th I had a home birth with a wonderful midwife and didn't have to go through the arguments. Classes, books, anything you can do might help, but she still might choose formula. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Oh, and I can say, none of my kids took a paci. Some hated it and acted like you were killing them. Some liked it ok for a couple weeks and then no more. All of them eventually used me as a paci. lol. But none of them sucked their thumbs or fingers. It seems to me that breastfed kids are much less likely to take a paci than formula kids. Though if you pump and use bottles sometimes they seem to be more likely to do it. I never really did, there was no need and they hated the bottle anyway, and so no pacis either.

I breastfed my 2nd baby after being unsuccessful with my 1st (11 years apart) - I haven't read any of the other posts, but all I can say is be supportive, let her know you are there for her, but hopefully she will be a little bit more relaxed with this baby and the breastfeeding will work out!

If there is one thing I have learned it is that your journey may not be the same as your friend's journey. Do her a HUGE favor and don't make a big deal out of what she chooses to do regarding whether she breastfeeds or not. I am a huge proponent of natural birth and I have to make sure I respect others and their choice in their birth.
In my own personal life, I have implants and although I made plenty of milk, I had latching issues due to my implants placing the nipple in a difficult place for my babies to latch on. They had my milk for about three months.
Neither of my children has had an ear infection or got sick until they entered preschool.

I don't think nursing a toddler makes you "hard core" like the first poster said, especially when the WHO recommends nursing until at least 2 years old. I'm also someone the first poster would consider hard core. The approach I take with friends and family is to give them the kellymom website and tell them if I can help in anyway, to let me know. Then I pretty much lay off. They know I am available and I don't want to make them feel defensive if it doesn't work out. I've found there's no one who parents exactly like I do (and I do lots of things that are outside the norm) so it's not worth alienating someone. And I do agree greatly with you and your beliefs about breastfeeding.

I think you have done all you need to do by offering to go to the breastfeeding class. I have heard that www.kellymom.com is a good resource for breastfeeding but PLEASE don't let her know your belief that breastfeeding is the only way to feed a baby. I worked so hard to breastfeed with horrible results and people who were very pro nursing almost crushed my spirit. Please don't push her. Breastfeeding is a wonderful experience for some and absolutely the worst experience for others. The best thing you can do is support her in any decision that she makes.

Way to be supportive! Having babies naturally and nursing are hard!

Birth is difficult, and perhaps you could start there -- look for advice on easier positions and mind-sets? The hospital and drs/staff can also be difficult and depressing -- perhaps volunteer to be her doula/helper, supporting her when energy and spirit are low? Once out, going with her to class and being her cheerleader might make all the difference.

But in the end, you need to support her needs first. Some women and babies cannot physically or do not have the "something" to nurse. It's difficult, frustrating, confusing when it doesn't "click", and you lose a part of yourself to the process for a year or more.

I enjoyed breastfeeding 15-mos for both my kids, pumping and working full-time. It was difficult but rewarding, like a marathon but with a snuggle component:)

But I also respect a woman's choice, which is quite a blessing compared to where we were without doctors or formula:)

Good luck and much patience to you both!

Yes! Use the website kellymom.com, which is a wealth of information. She needs to skip pumping at first and just try to let the baby latch and get a relationship established first. A lot of the information she might get from the hospital (like scheduling) is so outdated. Kellymom has what that AAP, UNICEF, and the WHO recommend, along with articles about every possible problem.