How to Handle One Daughter Who Is Becoming Overweight.

I had the same problem and when we did meals that child's portions were a little smaller on seconds and thirds. That way he did not feel he was being shorted or picked on because of the weight problem.

If she wants 2nds at dinner time, only give her a small portion and no 3rds. choose healthy snacks and cut out the sugar. try sugar free pudding or a string cheese stick. Cut back on the carbs, but don't tell her. use wheat bread instead of white. anything that says "enriched" on the label has loads of carbs. use brown rice and cut back on the use of potatoes. Try to find something that interests her, maybe a karate class or gymnastics to get her to be more active. Books are great, but she does need excersize too. good luck.

Hi Tracy,
My name is M. and having a loved one with a weight issue is very difficult to address. Though I don't suggest putting a child necessarily on a diet (it could send negative feelings and resentment)...I would like to suggest Melaleuca's vitalityforlife.com
It's about shakes, supplement bars and fitness and enhancing your families lives. If its done as a whole, everyone in the family benefits and no one will feel as if they are different.
Whatever, you choose many blessings to you and yours.
M. V.

How much do you keep her engaged in conversation? If the other 3 siblings like be active and the dinner conversation revolves around their interests, she may not be interested in what they have to say, which leaves her to do nothing but eat to keep from getting bored. If she's talking, it gets her body a chance to decide if it's had enough before she goes for seconds.

Another thing to consider is to talk to your doctor about it - she might be going through a phase or her metabolism may not be the same as the rest of the family, and s/he may have suggestions on how to handle it if that is the case.

Go for a family walk each day. A nice brisk walk and maybe no more 3rds at meal time. Maybe she is due for a growth spurt?

If the others want seconds tell them they can have it, but must take them away from your youngest.. Get her signed up for a karate or dance class. Get a membershit to the local YMCA and go swiming every now and then.. ( we usually go mon0fri,, but beach on weekends. They have swimming classes for her and as long as you're a member it should cost close to or nothing. Keep her active.. I know you're fine with not going out and running around or playing sports,, but she needs to learn early that you need to get and stay active. It'll be a definite benefit to her heart, allow more blood to pump into her brain, helping with functions and memory, and willkeep the calories and cholesterol to a minimum.
Maybe the two of you could sit down and research different activities she may be interested in. Gymnastic's, martial arts, they even had a lacrosse team for my kids in Cincinnati.. Now that we live here in Cleveland, their interests have changed back to swimming and added kayaking. Good luck.
A. in Lakewood

Try offering fruits and vegies for 2nd and 3rds. Even though your older kids are slender they need to be learning good eating habits now. The eating will catch up with them eventually so teach them good habits now. SO if they are all eating something healthy with their meals make sure it is fruits and vegies. You will helping all your kids. I would also try to find some activity that she would enjoy outside. Food and exercise are both important.YOu said she likes horses, get her interested in horses by visting them. Go to horse shows to watch. DOes she like to bike? SHe is only 4 so she has a lot of choices ahead of her. Swimming is something fun for 4 year olds. Visiting some museums would also get her out an dwalking around and she may be interested in the arts. I wouldn't worry too much my daughter was not too active when she was 4 and was a little chubby but we encouraged her to try age appropriate activities as she got older. She is now 13, plays soccer and volleyball, loves to read and is a slim teenage now. THe important part is to realize your goal is to have a healthy young lady one day not a skinny girl. Skinny does not always mean healthy. Good luck to you.

All great ideas. The only thing I would add is to do some kind of physical activity together as a family. We like to ride bikes after dinner or go on a bike trail on the weekend. Excersize is good for everyone. We all need to move our bodies and it is more fun if everyone is involved.

My daughter was overweight at an even younger age. I enrolled her in dance class. Once we tried gymnastics, but she had to choose, so she went back to dance. This got her moving and exercising. She was normal size by age 7. And as an adult now is very good at watching her diet.
As for dinnertime, give her a little smaller portions than you have been, so that seconds will be OK. Kids this young don't usually overeat. Make sure there is nothing going on, such as a thyroid problem etc.

This is difficult, but a very real problem in our society today. Unfortunately, it is a hundred percent of our responsibility as parents to make sure our kids get off to a healthy start and establish healthy habits when they are young. Due to all the food conveniences, it can be very difficult, but we are in charge of what foods come in to our houses and what meals are prepared. If meals consist of healthy foods it will not be as big a deal to allow all children to have seconds and thirds (a second helping of carrots is a lot different then a second helping of macaroni and cheese). When it comes to healthy choices the same really can happen for all children regardless of their current weight. You are not depriving thinner children by teaching them healthy habits also. As for excercise, you are right, you can't change her interests. However, as the parent you can provide a model for physical activity and require mandatory family walks/bike rides or excercise routines when possible. If the family establishes a routine of taking a walk after supper then she will not be singled out even if she grumbles about going. In addition, get her to explore as many sport/activities as possible and encourage (don't push) anything that seems to strike an interest. Some kids don't like team sports but really enjoy inidividual activities such as swimming, jumping on a trampoline, or jumping rope. This is tough, but remember you are in charge of the food in the house and it's not depriving anyone in the house if health food takes center stage.

Coming from a 120# fourth grader turned Masters Bodybuilding Champ at almost 43, I KNOW what it's like to grow up overweight! I was diagnosed w/ a thyroid condition at 10.

You don't have to tell everyone "no" on seconds, but if she has seconds...and NEVER thirds except for certain vegetables and maybe certain fruits, then she needs to understand "calories in/calories out". If she wants them, she has to DO something so that she won't gain weight. If she refuses, then she can't have them. She needs to learn NOW. TRUST ME......you do NOT want her to go thru school and life getting teased. I still have problems with "those deamons and voices" in my head today, even though I'm 51 and 126# and in EXCELLENT shape. The voices never go away even though the weight might. She'll end up with security issues, too.

Read the book WHAT ARE WE FEEDING OUR KIDS by Jacobson & Maxwell. Also.....HELPING YOUR CHILD LOSE WEIGHT THE HEALTHY WAY by Judith Levine.

PPPPPPPLEASE watch the intake of processed and refined foods for ALL your kids. There are SO many healthy EASY things you can feed them....snacks as well as meals, etc. On top of that, you need to be talking nutrition NOW! I taught 3 & 4 year olds and we cooked EVERY day except field trips and talked about the importance of all kinds of nutrients, what foods contained them, what fats, carbs and protein were and why our bodies needed them. THEY ARE NOT TOO YOUNG TO LEARN. If you don't know......LEARN and talk about TOGETHER! Let all the kids help grocery shop. Let them have a turn at picking something new from the produce section. TRY NEW THINGS.....you don't have to like them all. Have them help make the grocery list, too. Talk about why certain things....like sugar are not good and limit those things. Make it a learning experience for all!

I had some issues with my older son who seems to be the least active of my children. He started gaining weight so these are the changes I made; no video games/ TV during the week; got rid of all junk food in the house(but allowed it on special occasions), made sure he was in at least 1 sport all the time(swimming, football, baseball), punishments started being more physical for all the kids(jump rope, walk around the pond...)and when he(they) asked for more food I would say after you eat your vegetables. I have always used the term "that's not healthy to eat too many cinnamon rolls" or "it's not healthy to eat so much pizza" but I never mention gaining weight.
Hope this helps!

M.

Having been an overweight child and adult I would subtley (sp?) address this ASAP.I had to do the same with my oldest daughter.
She was the only one of my six who needed to be careful.
In your case you might serve prepared plates to each child with their food already on and that's it.
Remember, the more colorful the food on a plate is, the healthier it usually is.
Also, I would make sure that there is NO junk food in the house for everyone's sake.
That way everyone eats healthy snacks and learns good habits.
I would ask your pediatrician for suggestions too.
All your efforts must be done without referring to her weight, because you do not want her to focus on it at this age, and in our society it is all to easy to give girls the wrong idea about weight.
You are just being cautious after all, and I am sure that you are looking out for her best interests.
It is no fun for a chld to be ridiculed because of their weight.
And children are just as cruel today as ever.
I have a 6 year-old granddaughter who is pudgy, and her mother too is concerned for her.
I hope your daughter is able to stay within normal limits for her age as she grows up.

Hi Tracy,
I feel your pain. It is such a touchy subject, but at least you are taking responsibility and doing something about it. My two your old has always been on the little too chubby side, but as she is approaching 3 we too are wanting to take more drastic measures.
Some things we do are not to buy unhealthy snacks. I'm even talking something as simple as goldfish crackers. Stick to only healthy snacks like fruits and veggies. If you look on the internet you can always find ways to make healthy snacks better tasting and more fun for children. It's easier just to keep the crackers and chips out of the house and that way no one is tempted. Even though your other kids don't have to watch what they eat, you're still be doing them a favor by only providing healthy snacks.
Also, our doctor said to stay away from sugar. We buy everything we can sugar free, even our sandwhich bread. Our doctor also said to stay away from juices. They are full of sugar! It's summer, so if you want to treat your kids, buy fat free frozen yogurt. If you take your time at the grocery, really look around and you can always find healthy stuff you might have never noticed before.
Always make time for physical activities. Even if it is not what your child prefers to do, just make a new family rule that everyday for at least one hour you will all go on walk, bike ride, swim, or just play outside.
I know life is hard enough without having to try all these new things, but trust me, after a while you will feel so proud of yourself. It feels so good to know you are doing your best to keep your children healthy. Good luck!

Talk to her pediatrician about your concerns and trying to judge meal portions then plan meals around appropriate portions while giving your youngest something with either protein or lots of fiber about half an hour before dinner. Either one will help fill her up without a lot of carbs just packing more weight on. If the others want the same healthy snack, then it's not such an issue of depriving one while the others eat.

Good luck!

Don't make it a big deal with her about her weight. My parents always called me fat. I look at pictures and I wasn't overweight really until 6th grade. Now I have an eating disorder. I think that when you give the kids snacks make it fruit or carrots and dip. You could also give her a second portion, but not as big as the other kids. She may not notice this. Or give her a smaller portion first and the same size for the second. Then she will be getting just the right amount of food that she needs. If she wants thirds tell her nicely no. Give her water throughout the day also, she won't be as hungry at dinner. You can do these things without even mentioning her weight. Also make some time with her and go bike riding or go walking with her. She will enjoy spending time with you, without her knowing that you are actually helping her exercise. Just don't make a big deal of her weight. Then the rest of the kids will chime in. That happened to me. My sister would lay in bed at night and say, Suey, Suey, Suey. My middle name is Sue. So now I don't like my middle name, and that made me feel really fat.

If your other children are more active, it stands to reason that they need more calories due to a higher metabolism. If your daughter is truly still hungry, you may want to consider looking at her diet. Is she eating a lot of carbs? Carbs go through the body quickly so you become hungry more quickly, but can also help in adding on the pounds. Increasing her protein can help keep her full. Give her some cheese and crackers for a snack instead of chips or other junk food. Or, even a hard boiled egg now and then. My daughter loves them. Move her to either 2% or even 1% milk.

Another reason she may be eating more is because she sees everyone else doing this. Help her to understand that people get full at different times. Her siblings need more to eat because they are more physically active than she is. Is she the youngest child? If so, you can explain to her that her siblings have bigger tummies and therefor need more food to fill them up. When she gets bigger like they are, her tummy will need more food too, but for now, what Mommy and Daddy give her is plenty. If she argues to this and really acts like she is hungry, give her some apple slices. It's actually a good thing for adults to do as well. If you eat a meal but are still hungry, eat an apple. If you are still hungry after that, start on another apple. You won't be able to finish. Apples are very filling (and nice and healthy too).

Encourage her to be active. I understand that she is who she is and she likes specific activities, but she needs to learn that she needs to get outside and play some too for her health. I love that she sits and looks at books, but that is not going to give her body the exercise it needs to maintain health. Perhaps you could make her books a reward for her. "Go outside and play for 1 hour and then we can have some special book time together." We use a similar technique with our daughter when it comes to meals "Take two more bites of your meat and then you can have more potatoes" type of thing.

I hope you are able to figure something out for her. If it truly is concerning to you, maybe a call to her pediatrician is in order.

God bless,
A.

We all want our children to fit in and be accepted and never feel that pain of being teased. I was a plump child and I think a lot of it is my body type. I was an active child and don't remember having a lot of junk food growing up and never even drank a soda until I was in high school. So this could just be how your daughter's body is. If she isn't an active child try to encourage family activities that get the heart pumping. Since it's summer now swimming is a great activity but also have a time a few nights a week that you go for a family walk or bike ride. Dancing is another fun activity that you and your kids can do together. Some others: kite flying, tag, kickball, chasing fireflies and jumping rope. Keep the snacks healthy and encourage her to drink water more throughout the day. I wouldn't suggest cutting the kids off at meals because you never know when they are going through a growth spert. Another thing I try to do for myself as well as the kids is don't eat anything at least an hour before bed. Hopefully you will encourage a healthy lifestyle and she will be a healthy adult. Just because she isn't skinny doesn't mean she isn't healthy either. I definitely recommend voicing your concerns with her doctor. You're a great mom so don't ever forget that.

Hello Tracy

My oldest daughter is 8 and is overweight. I understand what you are going through because she was at that age when we started to see that she wanted 2nds and 3rds. Here are just a few of the things that I have done and it seems to help.

Healthy snacks during the day. strawberry, bannana, apples ect. no more cheese puffs, chips, chocolate (only at birthday parties), candy ect.

Healthy meals---veggies and lots of them She now loves any type of Green veggie!!!

Milk She loves her milk. (Vit. D) found out from the doctor I needed to drop her to a 1% milk. The vit. D milk had way to much fat in it for her. She dropped a lot of her weight when we changed milk. I went to 2% before we went to 1%.

I don't have a problem with my daughter being active. I can't keep her in the house even when it is snowing out side she still wants to run and ride her bike. Swimming is another thing that she loves.

See if your daught can get into a dance lesson at the Family Y or a tumbling class. She might see the other girls and want to try it. If you have any other questions feel free to write back.

Have a nice day!

Everyone has great comments and ideas. All I'd add is that, maybe she is getting ready to go through a growth spurt. You have 3 other kids, so your instincts may be right if she is going down a different path, but I've seen lots of kids go through 'chunky' periods and then stretch up. Could this be one of those times for her? Is her doctor aware, and what is his/her opinion? She may be needing the nutrients. You can make sure she's eating good food. One other thing: I would never say you can't 'make her be more active'... exercise is something all kids need, and she should be getting some every day. Even if it's swinging, jumping rope, jumping jacks, yoga... whatever. She doesn't have to do organized sports, but there should be some time of activity. It is very important for her future bone health. As someone with low bone density, I wish I had been more active as a young girl and teen. Good luck!

I would make sure that the meals I was cooking consisted of whole grains and plenty of fruits and vegetables so that it would not matter as much if she had more helpings. If your meals have lots of starchy foods such as pasta, potatoes, fatty meats etc.. then she will probably gain weight. In the summertime we always grill out a lot so my kids eat lots of fresh salad and I am able to let them have as much of that as they want. You can also make sure all the snacks you keep at home are whole grain and sugar free. Perhaps you could join a YMCA and go as a family. I would always make sure your daughter doesn't feel singled out.

I'm a person who always had a weight problem. My mom treated me differently than my brother. I was hungry and watched him eat whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. I felt unaccepted and unloved. My mom starved me to "help me" lose weight. So when I was at school or away from her I ate and ate because I was so hungry. I never learned self control because of it. Now I'm overweight and having a hard time getting the weight off. One of my kids puts on weight easier than the other. I don't show a difference. I buy healthy snacks. 100 calorie packs, baked chips, apples, grapes, yogurt, yogurt raisins. My daughter also would rather read or play inside. I do make her go outside sometimes. We helped them ride bikes last night and they loved it. Family walks would be a great idea. Make smaller amounts of food for the whole family so there isn't an option of overeating. That's not good for even skinny people. Added fat and sugar isn't good for even skinny people. So there are things that you can do for the whole family that won't make her feel like you are targeting her.

My daughter starting the weight gain thing when she was in 5th grade. We later found out she had knee problems which required surgery but explained some of her desire to do more sedatary things than other children her age. We later found out she had a thyroid problem as well. I will pray this is not going to be the case for your daughter.
I would recommend the following: Allow her second helpings of healthy food with little caloric consequences like raw veggies and fruits instead of the things like potatoes and breads. For dessert serve jellos etc., that are healthier and yogurts. Snacks are great but maybe a switch to things like low butter popcorn, frozen fruit juice with little or no sugar content, things like that.
Did you know if you are wanting something really sweet eatting a dill pickle will satisfy you? I thought the doctor was insane but it is true and on the original diabetic diet you could eat a whole jar of dill pickles and they were considered a freebee!
As for exercise, she should get some, I agree. What about taking a family walk or bike ride after dinner and the dishes are done every night for about 1/2 an hour? You can make it into a sort of game by having everyone talk about the different things they saw while you were out! The one who saw the most, or the most interesting ones gets to pick out a game/story/or show to watch as a reward after you get home and everyone gets to vote on it.
Good luck, I will be praying for you.

Other people had some great advice so I'll try to just add and not repeat. :-) Keep only healthy food in the house so there's no soda or chips or whatever to snack on. It's good for everyone, not just her. I've heard many experts agree that a 'diet' isn't right for kids. You want them to eat a variety of healthy things and restrict 'empty' calories, but in general not really restrict calories. It's much better for them to be active. She may love an active sport but just hasn't found it yet. Try to sign her up for a variety of sports/activities until she finds one she likes. Or have her go through the parks department catalog of classes/sports (there are literally thousands of offerings in the Carmel/Indy/Fishers/Noblesville area) and pick out a few things she wants to try. Stress the importance of being active -- by being active yourself. If the whole family is going on a bike ride after dinner, or taking a half-day hike on a Saturday, then she will do those things, too.

When I was a kid I everyone thought I preferred to be indoors reading or messing with my computer (home computers were rare in the early 80s but I was a bit of a geek). The truth was that I loved certain sports (ice hockey) but never had the opportunity to play them. I loved shooting hoops in the driveway but hated playing on an organized basketball team. I also liked sand volleyball, but there was no way I would sign up and play on the school team. That was due to the other kids involved, not the activity itself.

Talk with her and try to find out if there's something she wants to do but hasn't asked. Or if she truly doesn't know what she likes yet (common for that age) then sign her up for a sports camp this summer. There are plenty here in central IN to choose from... my son is going to Off the Wall Sports this week for camp where they are doing a huge variety of sports each day. Turns out my son LOVES rock climbing - who knew?!

My two young children are also very healthy eaters. They aren't overweight, but they aren't stick skinny either. Every meal they're asking for seconds and thirds.

What works for us, in helping prevent weight issues (and encourage healthier eating) is to allow extra helpings of any fruits or veggies served at the meal while only offering the one serving of the rest of the meal. If my kids are truly hungry, they'll eat more veggies. If they aren't actually hungry, they'll decide they're finished eating. This way, you don't have to deny any of your children food. As long as the veggies aren't covered in butter, cheese, sauces, etc., none of us can go wrong in eating more veggies.

Tracy,
It sounds like all the mom's pretty much agree. One more thing I'd add though is info about high fructose corn syrup. if it's in the childs food or drinks it can really add to the problem. It tricks your brain into thinking you're still hungry when you're not. Unfortunately it's in a lot of foods and drinks we consume. I would try to really cut that out and see if it makes a difference. Good luck with your daughter Tracy.
A.

Try to get her to eat more small meals throughout the day instead of large meals at dinner or lunch. Try giving her a protein within her meals and snacks. Try to stay away from carbs as a main staple of a meal.

Additionally, I am not sure what "showing signs of overweight" for your daughter means. All children go through phases. When our growth spurts are slow, we tend to gain a bit of weight. Then we shoot up like 4 inches in a month and we become skinny little bean sprouts. So... maybe keep that in mind too.

Instead of giving 2nds of 3rds, I would offer fruit. I would let her stay in and read, but maybe just once a day organize a game that all of your kids could play together to get her a little active once a day. Good luck.

Everyones ideas are good so I won't repeat any but ad somethings I haven't seen. How fast does she eat. If she is a quickly her brain isn't recognizing she is full. Make suggestions to all the kids about chewing more to break it down which is good practice for everyone. Try giving her a cup of water before meals and lastly a smaller portions on her first plate so you won't feel so bad about seconds. Aside from food. Exercise is essential for everyone. Take a walk daily with her. Your steps are a few of her little steps. Make it Mommy daughter time since she is your only girl. Also there a book called Eat Right for your Type by Peter J. D'Adamo. Your type is blood type they are referring too. Good book for all. I hope these are helpful suggestions.

Hi Tracy
Maybe you can supplement your daughter's eating with her very own snacks and drinks so she actually will feel full and satisfied. Try Shaklee's Cinch shake and meal bars they are truly delicious and my grandkids love them. They are full of everything good and they ARE good. Check them out. www.livingwithsolutions.com or write me back and we can talk.
Good Luck
S.

AS someone who has had lifelong weight problems, I think that it is harder as an adult to change activity habits than eating habits. With that in mind, I would really encourage you to think about helping her add more activity in her daily life.

But, since you want to focus on the eating habits, I would let there be limitless foods (fruits, vegetables,etc) and foods that only one helping is served (red meat, sweets, potatoes,etc) and have that rule apply to everyone. It benefits everyone to eat lots of fruits and veggies and less carbs and meats. Also, check the beverages you are serving for hidden calories and include those in your 1 vs more than 1 serving plan.

Honestly, Tracy, I think you *DO* need to make your daughter's activity level an issue. It's recommended that kids get about 60 minutes of moderate physical activity on most days of the week in order to stay healthy and build healthy patterns for the future.

I would look at finding ways to be more active as a family. You could try something as simple as going for a walk after dinner, hiking/biking on the weekends, or playing "Dance Dance Revolution" on your video game system. The key is to find something that your daughter might enjoy doing on her own, and/or something that will be bonding time with you or her dad. She may be too intimidated to play with her siblings since they are older and more naturally athletic, but I bet she'd love a chance for some one-on-one time with the 'rents!

If you need more ideas or encouragement, feel free to send me a private message.

-E.