How to Get Him Away from the TV!? 8 Kids Dad - Can You Help??

Wouldn't it be a shame if the TV went on the fritz and you had to take it to be repaired? Estimate; 2 weeks? I wonder what would happen.

Option B: There's a Berenstain Bears book where the whole family doesn't watch TV for a week or three.

I agree with Tracy K and do that to my husband some times, but with a bit of a tweak. Every time I try to plan something even just a week in advance, my husband would refuse to make the plan because he "might have to work." I got so tired of hearing that every time I'd say hey why don't we go here or there next weekend. So, now I tell him next weekend I'm going to wherever. You are welcome to come if you want, but I'm going with or without out. And he will usually go because more than wanting to stay home, they really don't want to miss out of the fun. Now, if they can get you to stay home and miss out too, they're fine with that. But the idea of staying cooped up in the house in front of the TV while the family is out having a good time, is probably not what he had in mind. If you say that and he says okay go I'm staying home, then go. Have a great time and when you get home, talk all about how much fun you had. Not to him; he didn't want to go so he doesn't need to be part of the conversation. But just to the kids like hey, that was so fun when we did this; or it was so funny when that happened. He will get tired of missing out and he will come!

quit beating yourself up.....go without him. There's a beautiful world out there ....just waiting for you & your children. It's his loss.....you are trying to change someone who has no desire to change. Peace.

GEE, that's a lot of faith in me. Thanks for the complement.

People are creatures of habit. When I went through the police academy, they taught us how to pull someone over safely. They told us over and over and over again, that if you don't catch the speeder the first time, you'll catch him the second time or the third. Why? Because drivers will take the same route all the time. They will speed over again and they will do it in the same place or they will run the same stop sign over and over again.

Your husband is the same way. You have to break the TV habit. It doesn't make any difference what you do at first, just do something to break the habit. Go fishing, go to a night baseball game, go swimming, go for a walk. Get your kids involved in little league base ball. Get your husband to be an assistant coach. His time will be taken up with baseball instead of TV, but at least you can do it as a family. AND when the season is over, keep up the outside interest. Don't get the TV habit started again.

The first thing I would do is to tell him that it bothers you when he spends so much time watching the TV (idot box). Second, I'd tell him you really love him and would like to do something with him alone and with him and the kids as a family. Then ask him what he would like to do. And now comes the hardest part, listen and decipher what he has said. If he says he works all week and wants some time to relax, then I'd tell him that you work all week too and your fun time is being with him and your kids. But I would do it conversationally, not as an accusation.

You know what his hobbies are. You know what you liked to do with him when you were dating and before he became obsessed with the TV. I'd try some of those things first. I looked up Cherryville on the map. I lived in Arkansas and I've driven between Joplin and St louis. That's beautiful country. There should be plenty of places to go swimming in local streams or creeks or hiking in the woods. I can't imagine that your husband doesn't like to hunt or fish. If money problems are the reason he doesn't want to go anywhere, then choose some free items to do. Like swimming in the local creeks. As far as the fishing goes, if that is his passion, go when he comes home from work for an hour or two. Ask your kids if they want dad to teach them how to fish. They can ask dad themselves.

Do you or he garden? If money is short, that's a good hobby you can have together.

You say you are no good at golf. Are you good at walking. Be his caddy. I went away, to look at your profile and found you have a couple of kids, 6 & 7, and that you appear to be a little depressed at his golfing while you are "stuck" with the kids. I'd plan some alone time with him golfing. I used to play raquet ball. I would have loved it if my wife had wanted to play with me. I would have turned pro, but it wasn't a possibility when I was the right age. BUT I would have been delighted to play with my wife, even though she she couldn't play anywhere near as well as I. She decided she didn't want to play.

Then there are always the fun things adults can do in a secluded lake or creek . . . (Read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.)

Good luck to you and yours.
ADDED: Cheryl B. and Tracy K have wonderful ideas too ! !

Hi S.,
I'm kind of with Sue H. on this O..
Take your older kid(s) and GO & DO.
Leave him with the baby if that makes it more feasible. You can't *make* him do anything but you might get him to *start thinking* he's missing out. If not, his loss, and you'll have still lived, and experienced and had fun! Good luck!

Edited to add: About not being good at golf---I wasn't saying you should golf, I said you should go with him when he golfs. Watch him, be proud of him, have a beer with him after. Be together. The golf is arbitrary. :)

Isn't he the one who likes to golf? Have you tried going golfing with him?
My husband used to golf sometimes, and I would go with him, drive the cart, cheer him on, read a book sometimes. When our daughter was born, we took her a few times.

Maybe if your husband had a smartphone so he could take some breaks to watch stuff while out and about, that would make going out seem better? What do you invite him to do? Just walk around? I sort of feel like the golf angle has potential.

Put dead batteries in the remote.
Break the tv (s).
Cancel cable.
What ever programs he likes - tell him you'll buy them for him when they come out on DVD and you can all watch them in your retirement.
He's missing life, your kids, your marriage, etc.
At the rate he's going, he's so oblivious to what you do you could have an affair and he wouldn't notice.

Find articles online about the dangers of having the TV on all the time and how it effects the development of a child's brain or even an adults brain, and then give it to him to read. You can also find Daddy sites about being involved w/kids and the effects a non-involved dad could ahve on a child (I'm not talkinga bout a household that doesn't have a father figure,but one that has a live in father figure) and have your husband read those.

Ask him what kind of kids he wants and challenge him to come up w/things he is currently doing to shape his kids that way. Say he wants his kids to be polite...what is he doing to make sure they turn out that way? And ask him what kind of man he expects you to lvoe and respect? Someone who sits around and doesn't get involved w/your children or you for that matter?

I hope you get it all worked out.

What did he do before you were married? It is going to take some investigating on your part. I mean come on, puzzles, reading, those were doomed to fail.

Who knows, maybe if you find the right thing he will dump the baby on a sitter he is so excited. :)

Find out somehow what he did as a kid. That is your first start to getting him to do stuff with the kids. Say he fished, you buy everyone fishing poles. Ask him what it was like fishing when he was a kid. Get him to open up about the fun, the challenge. Before you know it he will want to show his kids how much fun it was.

That is how you get them off the sofa.

Doesn't matter how tired Troy is, even if his favorite show is on, Genna comes to him with a softball and glove he is out the door. According to Troy she is the best batter ever!! I think he is out of his mind but he loves playing with her. :)

Put on your cap and figure the guy out. :)

Okay more ideas. Troy gardens, grows hops, brews beer with the hops. Hey does he like to drink beer? He has a full workshop in the basement sans walls cause we haven't finished the basement yet. We bike, I guess you could get one of those thingies to drag the baby behind. Winery, hey then you could find a sitter. Hey wait you are in Missouri, Wineries dammit!!! Tell him to go cow tipping so he can give you a withering look. :)

hide the remote, if that doesn't help, turn off the cable for a month.

S., I wonder if explaining that you are worried about the example too much tv sets for the kids, and ask if you two can make a "No more than 2 hours of tv a day" rule (or "tv only after the kids are in bed").

My hubby is a real homebody as well- he would way rather watch tv than go anywhere or do something active as a family. He is also really into video gaming. While things have improved a LOT since we were first married, it is still too much for me. I would be thrilled to huck the tv in the garbage. The video gaming DOES rub off on the kids. It is all my 8 year old wants to do.

Keeping in mind that this is not a SOLVED problem in my marriage, but that it HAS improved (It used to be so bad I constantly though of divorce...now it is just an annoyance), here are my humble suggestions:

1.See if you can compromise on cable. My hubby and I have an agreement: we pay for cable through football season. Immediately after the superbowl, we cancel cable. He was willing to do this due to how much money we save during those off months. Perhaps that saved money could even go into a vacation fund or something fun for him. Whatever it takes, right?!

2. Be very up front. It's Sunday morning, the kids are antsy, I want to take them to the park and I really don't want to do it alone. That is when I say, "Matt, we are going to the park and I really want you to come. We are leaving in 10 minutes. Will you please turn off the tv and get your shoes on?" The reason I bring this up is I can totally picture you diligently playing puzzles with the kids, and he is probably thinking, "Ah, look how peacefully they are all playing over there! Lucky me, that means I can keep watching my alligator show!" Because the thing is, us mom's make it look easy. And probably you even looked like you were having fun (we are great at faking it too! I fake laughed the whole way through Smurfs yesterday, to avoid crushing my son's feelings!)

3-Sedentary leads to even more sedentary. The more time he spends glued to the tube, the harder it becomes to get-up-and-do-something. The more unappealing and difficult it seems. That means its time to shake it up. Do what you have to do. Make a plea for 1 night a week to be "family night" with no tv. Insist on the family going for a walk after dinner. Suggest a fitness contest with him- whoever loses the highest % of weight in a month, or can do the most pushups in a row. Invite people over for a bbq once a week. Just to break the cycle, you know.

Good luck!

A friend of mine had a similar issue. Sounds like your husband may be slightly depressed, or at least doesn't love his job.

Your husband needs a wake-up call. I would venture to guess that he's not too happy with his life either and uses TV to escape.

Do what you need to do to wake him up! And either talk it out yourself, or go to someone who can help you talk it out.

We cannot live our life through the TV, which is what your husband is doing. TV is an escape from responsibility. I'm sure I don't need to tell you twice! But if he's not willing to take up his responsibility (beyond that of just providing money) then you need to re-think your marriage. Yes he has the responsibility to his job, but he also has responsibility to you as a husband, and to the kids as a father. One day he will wake up to find the kids grown, and all he'll have to show is a bunch of TV shows.

You're the sane one now, so you need to take responsibility and wake him up! If you won't, BOTH of you will regret it.

HOw sad for your kids to not have a father involved in their lives. Tell him you are signing the kids up for a Big Brother program because they need a male presence in their lives. Then get the forms and make sure he sees you are filling them out. Personally My kid's dad was not involved in playing with his kids, reading to them camping, pumpkin picking, playing soccer, etc etc.
But their step dad = super involved lots of family fun days, We camped and hiked and rode bikes and went sledding! Best thing I ever did was get them a great step dad and leave behind the loser.

I feel ya! Our biggest tv time is the weekends. My husband works from home...so he thinks that he has to work ALL the time. If he's not asleep the man is working. Drives me bonkers. But hey...he is a little helpful with dishes, and does take time with our kids. I am with Tracy and Cheryl...I make plans, and on Thursday I will say...here is the schedule for this weekend...join or don't join we will see you when we return. (these do not include sports or Girl Scouts)...He always attends sports events and school events, no matter what.

After a while of not joining and hearing all about the "fun" he starts joining...and then sometimes gosh forbid he will say "I have plans for us this weekend do we have anything on the schedule?"... I have been known to cancel the plans I've made so he can feel he arranged an activity.

Have you tried compromising? If he get home in time to watch Sportscenter and still have time to play with our daughter, he is allowed to go to a room by himself and watch 1/2 hour of Sportscenter, and then join the family. It's his time to unwind. If he gets home late, he plays with our daughter, and when she goes to sleep, he gets his Sportscenter or NFL network. It really helps him be more involved and present. Also, on the weekends, he gets one day during football season to watch games. Either college on Saturday, or NFL on Sunday. He picked Sunday and we scheduled all our family activities on Saturday. If I want to go somewhere on Sunday, we go without him. Let him know that if he gives you some time with the family, that you will layoff him when he watching TV.

First, buy him this book: http://realdadrules.danoah.com/

Then, turn off the cable.

My husband doesn't play golf but if he did I would swear you were describing my husband. I simply tell my husband he is watching tv too much and the boys want to play with him. They tell him. Sometimes he stops watching and sometimes he doesn't. He does watch tv with the boys though. I personally don't care if I spend time with him but my kids need a father that is there and playing. I tell him all the time that eventually we will have our own life without him and he won't really have a place. It will be his loss and your husbands too. He doesn't have to be depressed or hate his job to be an uninvolved parent either. I quit inviting my husband to do stuff with us so sometimes he invites himself. Tell him he won't even know his kids and they won't know him and does he want that?

I think it's rewards and consequences time. Give him a consequence for watching TV-oops, no cooked food for him to eat on Saturday....Give him a reward for doing something fun with family (get creative and be generous). Make specific requests and specific rewards, plan the events, and make them easy for him to go along with. Offer him one hour of TV for every hour of real activity at first. Repeat until he gets in the habit of doing stuff. If he straight up will NOT do stuff with you and refuses, ultimatum time, and I personally would get rid of the TV while he was at work and dare him to say anything about it...but I know that's maybe not a good idea...depending on his personality.