How to Explain...(piggy Back on Differently Abled People Question)

Whenever children (or their parents) had questions in class, I reminded them that one of the class rules we developed was that everyone had to try their best and that for this person, right now, that is his/her best, and like the rest of us, is learning more each day. And it was my job to help each of them and I would be able to do that. Children get that. They know we are all different. What they worry about is how they are supposed to react. By modelling acceptance of any individual, children usually relax and even support their peers. And on the rare ocassion a child would mimic another child's difficulties, I would just ask them to do their best. Presto. The children loved knowing that I recognized what each of them could be held accountable for and where we were all "growing" to be. Respectful and respected.

Hit the library - there are probably books that deal with this. Also, the website autismspeaks.org may be helpful as well.

When I taught kindergarten, I was at a school that had many SPED students of a huge range of abilities. There were students who were extremely low functioning (and I am talking feeding tubes, trach tubes, traumatic brain injury, etc.) and many non-verbal autistic children who my students would hear screaming or grunting etc in the hallway. I often got questions or comments, especially when the SPED students were older/taller than my students. I often heard, "They aren't supposed to scream in the hall!"

I sat down with my 5-6 year old students and explained that people are different. Sometimes people wore glasses to help them see, but I don't need to wear glasses. Sometimes people use their voice to speak, sometimes people use their hands to speak. I told them that all of them knew how to "control their voice". They could make their voice be loud or they could make their voice be quiet. They could use their words to tell how they were feeling, they could laugh when they were happy or cry when they were hurt. I explained that the students that screamed in the hall had trouble controlling their voice. They didn't know how to use words to tell how they were feeling. They didn't know how to make their voice loud or quiet, it just came out like it did. It might mean they were happy or it might mean they were mad. But they were still in school to learn and that is what they were doing. They were still learning how to control their voice, just like someone else might be learning how to count. It takes practice...

Be honest with your kids. Tell them about Aspergers. Tell them some things that he does great, and tell them some things that he has trouble with. Ask them what THEY do great and what THEY have trouble with. Explain that even though he is older, these are things that he has trouble with so it might take him longer to learn than others. :-)

My son's best friend for 6 years was an Aspie boy 4 years older than him.

Here's how my son explained it to other friends.

"The same thing that makes J super smart & super awesome, also makes his feeling get super hurt or super scared. Like what we feel times a kajillion. If WE got that sad, we'd cry, for like, weeks. Till our eteballs fell out. Bam! Eyes on the floor. He only cries for a few hours! Because he's REALLY STRONG. And, in a few more years, he'll be even stronger."

I, otoh, relate it to ADHD/artistic ability/blindness... And talk about how people have different brains.

I have a niece with Down's Syndrome. We have always explained to our children that her brain works differently than theirs (not bad, just different) and that's just the way she was born. Keep it simple and very matter of fact. The more "normal" you can make it the better. Don't try to over explain or give too many details.

My daughter and my niece are the same age. She's allowed behavior that I would NEVER accept in my daughter. Different families, different rules. Different people, different behavior. Also have a close family friend who's son is on the spectrum. He's different, quirky, and but the friendship is great for both kids.

Being on the Autistic spectrum is irrelevant in this case. As your girls grow, experience different people, personalities, etc, they'll experience this more and more. Then explanations from you, encouraging compassion and different abilities will come into play.

We will work with them and help them understand. Thank you for posting this and thanks to eveyone for the great suggestions. Some of these are things I have used to help his peers to understand him better.

Just explain that he is different... he thinks differently than most kids.
It is called Aspergers. And he has a harder time with certain things. But its okay. Everyone is different.
That is what I do with my kids. And it is no big deal.

My kids are now 6 and 10, but in their school there are "sped" kids who are mainstreamed in the classrooms. As such, I have always told them what Autism is or what Aspergers is. They don't have a problem with it. At all. And they DO understand.
At my daughter's Karate school, there is an Aspergers boy.... who is high functioning. And the kids know. The Mom openly tells people. They have no shame or secret about it. They just all treat him like a normal kid. And he's a great articulate kid.

My friend, has an Asperger's son. High functioning. Sometimes tantrums too. He has an Aide in school with him. He is about 9 years old. And they come to our house for play dates with my kids. And it is FINE. My kids have NO problem with "johnny." They are all friends. He is a great kid. And they are family friends. They were just over at our house about 2 days ago. All the kids had fun.

Then, per his not getting help at school.
Well, at my kids' PUBLIC school, with an IEP etc., the special needs kids have an Aide in class with them. And in NO way, does the head of the department say that the child needs to be institutionalized.
I find it surprising, that the boy's school will not help.
Is that not discriminatory?

You could always ask his mom. My middle son was born with a complex congenital heart defect and had a feeding tube for 9 months (NG tube in his nose). Kids would ask all the time and parents would say it was helping him breathe (it wasn't) or they didn't know (they could have asked). One mom just said 'shhhhh'. I would have been happy to help explain it.