How to Explain Death to a 3Yr Old?

Someone already mentioned this, but there is a BEAUTIFUL book called "The Next Place" which would be perfect. It is simple and has wonderful illustrations. It is appropriate for an adult or child and gives a very comforting "explanation" of death. Best of luck and hope this helps.

S. W

Keeping talking about it. Talk about feelings. There are some good books for different ages. Call a hospice and ask for books they recommend. D. S

The Waterbug Story
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Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of waterbugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another, "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she's going?" Up, up, up it slowly went... Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another...
" Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second...
"Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third...
No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise" they said solemnly.

One spring day not long after the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water and fallen into the broad and free lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come over his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail.

Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings... The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from his new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself above the water.

He had become a dragonfly. Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere.

By and by the new dragonfly landed happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

Then the dragonfly remembered the promise.
Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down.
Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...

"I can't return!" he said in dismay.
"At least I tried. But I can't keep my promise.
Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body.
I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too.
Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air...

Dear God, please remember our special relative who has left the pond we live in...and remember me...

Your daughter is just scared that someone else close to her is going to "leave" her. It is very common. Maria Shriver wrote a great book called "What's Heaven." I'd buy the book if I were you. I'm not sure what your religious belief is but when my family pet died my 4 yr old was devestated. We talked about heaven and angels. I had a brother die in 1990 and I talk about him quite a bit to my girls. They know that he is our guardian angel who watches over us. I"m not sure if you feel comfortable with this line of talk but it sure helped my daughter grieve for her beloved pet. I also showed her the dog when he died so he could get some closure. Did your daughter attend the wake?

This is normal behavior for a 3 year old and death. my son was almost 3 when my FIL passed away and even though he did not know him that well he still realized that people die. He needed reassurance from us that just because Grandpa died does not mean we are going to RIGHT Now. In his and her mind she thinks that if that person died then mom and dad or anyone else could be gone just like that! Just talk to her like any other person and explain how this person died. In our case my FIL was sick and we took him to the doctor and they kept sending him home with new prescriptions to try. Finally we switched doctors and they did a test for Throat cancer and we actually never got the results as he was gone within the week of the test. It was quit sudden but we just explained that Grandpa was sick and the doctors couldn't fix him and so his body gave up. My son keeps asking questions even now about grandpa and why he died and making sure we are not sick. He really freaked out when I said I was going to my doctor and was gone for a few hours. It was an OB appointment. So now I tell him I am going to my baby doctor. Other than that he has grasped the idea that people die and it does not mean mommy and daddy are gone for ever. It takes time. #1 thing though that I have heard people do and it was even suggested to us to do that I would say NOT to do at this age is DO NOT tell her she is sleeping!!!! My mom was actually told this when she was 5 and her dad died. She did not sleep for almost a week. and when she did it was not restful for quite some time. This will make matters worse and make her afraid to let herself or anyone else sleep!! I hope this helps.

Poor little Basia is worried that if you go away you won't come back. It is hard for children to lose someone they love, they don't understand what happened, just that, that that person was there and then she wasn't there anymore. It is hard for adults to deal with sudden deaths and we know it happens. You can reassure her that you will be back, nothing will happen to you, it will take time for her to grasp it though. Let her call you, or you call and talk to her during the day so she knows that even if you aren't there, she can be sure you are alright and thinking of her. It will take time to heal her broken heart and calm her fears. There is a book that I read to my son when my grandmother died. It is called "The Fall of Freddie Leaf" or something like that. It explains death to children.

Good luck and God bless your family.

My duaghter was 3 when my Grandpa passed away. We lived across the street from my Grandma and Grandpa so she saw him every day. He had a stoke when I was only in Kindergarten, so she knew he was 'different' because of his cane and difficulty walking. I explained to her that Grandpa was up in Heaven because he needed to run and walk with the Angels. They needed some help up there with the clouds and the rain. I would take her outside and we would pick out which cloud he was sitting on and watching over us waiting until it was his turn to pour out some rain. We talked about how when the clouds are moving slowly Grandpa was just taking a walk, moving a little faster was a jog, and really going quick was his day to take a run. She loved this idea and felt as if Grandpa was still really close to her. For months she mentioned him everyday when we went outside. I think this was her way of working through the adjustment as the topic became a little less frequent. She is now 12 and understands death, she just lost her Grandma in January suddenly to cancer. But she still picks out a cloud for each of the people she misses that watches over her. I hope this can help you to give your little girl some comfort that she wasn't 'left behind' Make sure you mention that it isn't very often that there is an opening to pour out the rain and it is a special position and that you already have a job here (your job and being her mom of course) so she shouldn't worry about you because you're not ready to change jobs anytime soon.

When we went to our grandpa's funeral, my dad explained to us that the body lying there is just the candy bar wrapper and the good part (the candy bar) went to heaven. My friends also like this analogy. It sure helped us.

My mom is battling cancer right now and my kids (8,6,3)are very close to her. They adore her and I was concerned with how to handle it when the time comes. A friend of mine works at the library and pulled some really good books for me about death and losing someone special. There was a really good one that was a story and then had a parent guide to help explain the parts of the story, like the anger or fear stages your daughter is going through. So my advice would be to check with your local library. Hope that helps.

We've had a few relative pass away, most recently my Dad, and explained to my son that they went to heaven and even though we can't see them in person, we'll always have pictures. I also stressed, because he asked, that we would not be joining them any time soon as we are not old or ill (put in kids terms). He really seemed to handle things well.

I know what you are going through. Our oldest son was 3 or 4 when my step-mothers aunt died. He knew her well and he asked what we were going to do with her. All he had seen was, burying pets, where we would put them in a blanket and bury them. I talked to the Funeral Home Director and he helped us to cope with this fear of Jeremy's. I suggest that you talk to the Funneral Home Director or your church and see if they have any brochures for children.
We took Jeremy to the funeral home the next morning before they took her to the church. We explained to how they were going to make sure that no dirt would get on her and the FHD was there in case he came up with other questions. It helped alot.

Yeah, it is burdensome to a 3 year-old to learn of death. From my personal experience, it can bother a little kid well into adulthood if it's not done right. Perhaps there is no good way to explain the concept of death to a three year old. I'd say your daughter is having normal separation anxiety. I don't really know what advice to give you as far as what to tell her about the death of her friend, but I do suggest you do whatever you can to reassure her that everything is just hunky-dory and you are all fine and oh wow look at everything we have to look forward to.

I have two boys ages 3 and 2, in November of 2006 my husband (their father) past away after a three year battle of cancer. They didn't understand Daddy being sick, because he was such a fighter and hid his suffering alot. When he passed away my older son asked where his Daddy had gone and I was totally honest with him. I told him he had died and gone to heaven. I dont express to him that he was sick and died cause I dont want him to think if he gets sick, he'll die too. I also was told never to say Daddy is "sleeping" or that God needed him. I haven't been asked the why questions yet, but I'm sure they are on their way. I speak to my boys everyday about how they may do things like their Dad did or stories about him. Keep the memory living memories alive! I believe that open communication and complete honesty has helped me so far. I was also given a book call The Next Place. It has beautiful illustrations and a great approach as to where we go when we die. Hope this helps!

My heart broke when I read your message. Even if you explain death to a 3-yr-old, I still don't think they are capable of really understanding it completely. So I understand her being concerned that maybe someone else she loves will "die" and she'll never see them again. I don't know what to say. Maybe you could take her to a child psychologist. Otherwise, just reassure her every day that you'll be back. Good luck to you.

When my father in law passed away my son was 3. We explained to him that only his body died and that grandpa's spirit went to be with Jesus for a while. But we will see grandpa again. Maybe explain to her that where her friend is now, her body and mind are perfect and she can understand things better, and say things just the way she means too. We are happy that she has a perfect body and mind now. We will miss her, but we will see her again. You can talk to her anytime, she can hear you. And still loves you. Maybe this will also help with the seperation,"She is gone, but only for a while, we will see her again in Heaven." Mommy and Daddy are only going to work for a little while, we will be back for dinner.

I had a friend who did a lot of baking and explained it using an egg. The inside being your soul and the shell being your body. It isn't the shell that's as important but what's inside. I think it made sense because it was a visual. Good luck!

My condolences on the loss of your family member. The April edition (just came out) of "Parents" magazine has an article addressing this very issue. You might be able to access it on line too--I don't know how that works. parentsmag.com or parents.com

wendy took the words right out fo my mouth-get the book called what's heaven!!!! it's great and written so perfect for chilfren!!!!!

Its hard because at that age it is hard for them to comprehend where he is and that hes suddenly gone. I would suggest to continue to talk about good times and make sure she knows that hes still alive in spirit and always with her. Our spirit is what makes our bodies move and all though he is not in his body hes still alive,we just cant see him right now.Children understand spirit and can feel it so much easier than we can because they are so fresh from heaven. Just pray that she'll be conforted,some times these things take time.I'm sure you will all need time to heal. Good luck and God Bless!
I'm sorry about your father,I'm sure he is very missed!

My mother past away on Oct. 20th and my daughter who is 3 was at her bedside the day she died and a part of the funeral and everything. I made sure to talk a lot before and after that Nana was dieing / died and that her body is in the ground but that her spirit / soul is in heaven with Jesus. I just kept reminding her of this and answering any questions that she had. She would ask if I was going to die and I would say that I think God wants me to stay and take care of her but I would also reassure her that someone she loves will always be around to care for her. I would reassure your daughter of that too. Remind her of all of the wonderful memeories of the relative and make sure she feels it is ok to ask anything she wants and that you will answer her as best that you can. Answer as truthfully as you can. Tell her that she will always be loved and cared for. I guess when it comes to death I try to focus on the "life after death" by saying that the relative is living in heaven. I don't think it seems as scary to a child if they know the person is still "living" just in a different place. If you are religious and believe the person is in heaven I truely feel it is much easier to handle death. There are lots of information that you can get from a hospice that will help you handle death with a young child. I would get some info and read up on it. What your daughter is going through (change in behavior) is very normal and it may just have to run its course. Just be extra loving, show support and let her know you are there if she has any questions.
God Bless, M. N.

My dad died a few months ago. His funeral was on my 3 year old daughter's birthday. The loss has been very sad, especially for my daughter. She is very bright and when I told her Grandpa was going to die she immediately asked, "Are you going to die?" and "Am I going to die?" Your daughter may be thinking these things without verbalizing them.

When I went to stay with my parents towards the end, my daughter was really upset. She needed a lot of reassurance that I was coming home and I called her throughout the day. I read and sang to her and did our nighttime ritual over the phone.

Now we talk about Grandpa and how much we miss him, but I always emphasize that Grandpa is really happy and isn't sick anymore. We try to imagine all the fun things that Grandpa can do in heaven. That really cheers her up.

i can relate. whne my dog had to be put asleep for biting my son we told him he was going to the farm because he was naughty. my son new that the doggy was naughty. the dog new he was naughty. we didnt know what to tell him at the moment so we said hes going to the farm where he can play with all the goats chickens cows thingsa like that. when it rains or snows i tell my son mother nature wants it to snow. when it thunders i tell him Jesus is bowling. he knows Jeseus is in the sky so i told him after the farm thing Titan (the dog) went to go visit Jesus for a while if hes better he will come back. i too think its to early to teach a child about death. its just not soemthing to teach them where they will fully understand. when they are older then you can explain.