Hey Mom's!
My dad is on the top of the list for a liver transplant. We will get the call within 3 months... My daughter and I spend time with my Dad just about everyday, she understands he is a "little sick", as sometimes he is the hospital and all. How do my husband and I explain to her that PopPop will gone for sometime, and I will be with my parents a few days a week helping them (Maggie will not be allowed in the hospital, but will be able to see him when he is in the "apartment" living of the hospital. We live in Myrtle Beach, and the surgery will be in Charleston (about 2 hrs each way!).... any suggestions will be appreciated... Thanks in advance! :-)
She is 3... she will be 4 in December
i would probably be as honest as possible with my kids. i would tell them that one of his "body parts" that help keep him healthy isn't working right and that the dr needs to give him a new one. and that he has to stay at the hospital for a while to make sure that it works. kids understand more than what we give them credit for even at a young age. just keep the wording simple and i would think she will be ok with understanding it.
Just try to be very matter of fact and explain what is going to happen in terms she can understand. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December just weeks before my daughter's 4th birthday. I also have a 23 month old (he was 19 months at the time). I had a double mastectomy and was in the hospital for several days and my kids weren't allowed to come there either. My Mom came to help and stayed with my kids and sometimes my husband would come home and switch places with her. They both just kept explaining that I would be home in a few days. Even when I came home, I had to stay in bed for awhile and we just had to explain as much as possible to her and answer her questions as she had them. I am in chemo now and have lost my hair, so that is the newest discussion we have going on in our house. My son is too young to understand or notice much of any of it, but my daughter is a whole different story. We have always just tried to be very up front and let her know what to expect ahead of time so that she isn't caught off guard. We also try not to be too emotional about it in front of her so that we don't scare her.
Just be very honest and tell her that PopPop has to have an operation and that he will be in the hospital for awhile that is kind of far away and that they don't let little kids there to visit. Tell her that both Mommy and PopPop will miss her very much and that you will try to call her (or Skype, like one of the previous posters mentioned) when you can so that you can talk to her. She will take her cues from you as far as how to react to all of this. As long as you are calm and reassuring, she will be fine. I realize that can be easier said than done, especially when the whole thing is so scary and emotional, but my daughter really is handling everything very well and I think it's because we are too. I will say a prayer for your father. I hope that he gets his transplant soon and that it is successful. Many blessings to your family!
Cheryl-
If you have a laptop with a digital camera, and if Pop Pop will be up to it, you can skype while he is in the hospital if you have another person at home to help your daughter.
Best of luck to your Dad and I hope that the surgery is a success.
S.
First of all, congratulations to your father for making it to the top of the transplant list. I hope your ordeal is over soon with a good liver, a perfect match and a good acceptance by your father's body.
Like Valerie B, I was diagnosed with cancer (Stage II Hodgkins Lymphoma) when my children were very young. Our daughter was 10.5 weeks old, and it was the day before our son's 2nd birthday.
Honesty is always the best policy when dealing with something like this. We took the kids to appointments, chemo sessions, etc. Our son knew Mommy was sick, but he had no way of knowing what cancer was, how dangerous chemo is and how their harmless germs could cause a life-threatening infection.
What concerns me most about not being general and honest is that she'll be afraid of doctors should there be complications in your father's transplantation process.
I'd also be very honest about the process of recovery - why he'll always have to take medications, why he may not be able to give hugs for a while (infection risk), why he'll spend so much time in the hospital, why he'll go to the doctor's office so much.
At 3.5, she is much wiser than we think, and she'll comprehend a lot of what you tell her - plus, she'll be a HUGE source of comfort for the entire family because she'll be a reason to rally around him during his operation/recovery.
Best wishes to your whole family!
I would just tell her that he is visiting the doctor and has to stay there until the doctor says that he can come home. She can still talk to him on the phone and send him pictures.
M.
Cheryl, this can be a hard one. You may want to start preparing your child now for this. Four is an awesome age. They are not "babies" but not "big kids" either. Let her that know that her grandfather loves her but is "a little sick" and needs to go stay at the hospital for a little while. Assure her that the doctors will take good care of him. Also let her know when he gets into the hospital apartment, that she will be able to go visit him. Another suggestion which may be helpful..... Take your dad out shopping and let him pick out a few inexpensive toys or coloring books and crayons. She can color or draw a picture and send to him when you go visit and he in return can send her something in return..... Doesn't take much to satisfy a child at that age. Just knowing that her grandfather loves her and is thinking of her will make her happier while he is gone.... Best of luck with your father. Will remember him in my prayers...
