How to End Co-sleeping?

You can't spoil an infant.
I agree with the other ladies. CIO isn't the best thing to do and all it does is create stress in EVERYONE. Baby her while you can they grow up VERY fast.

I co slept with my oldest longer than with my second , and she is more independent than he is.

Your instincts to not allow the cry it out method are correct. She is just used to you being there and she craves that loving, cozy feeling she gets when she know you can give it to her. She adjusts at daycare because she knows that you're not there and there are also other things going on at daycare that distract her from it. One thing about the daycare, have you seen her fall asleep there without the crying? I'm not questioning their motives but crying becomes background noise in daycares and their workers can become jaded to it. They have to care for all of the children and aren't usually able to dedicate extended periods of time to individual needs. You may have to try several times of doing an activity that really runs her down and when she is out cold gently placing her down and letting her wake up in there for naps and then gradually move onto night sleeping. Have you tried a fan in her room? If the fan is on while rocking her to sleep the constant noise can help to keep her asleep while you lay her down and then leave the room. She just wants you and your husband's touch. You may ultimately have to try again in a few weeks because she may not be ready for it. A pacifier may help if she takes one. Good luck!

I really believe that any time you change a pattern that a baby is used to, you are going to have to endure some crying. That being said, it is up to you as to whether you really want to end the co-sleeping or not. If you do, then I think you are probably going to have to stand some crying until your baby realizes that she will have to accept this new system. I have twins who are 21 months. My husband and I were up several times a night the first 10 months, as I breastfed them both. However, after the feeding, they went back to their own bed. I HAD to have sleep! So, my need for sleep outweighed the difficulty at having to occasionally hear them cry it out. And, our babies have been good sleepers- at around 10 months, they stopped nursing during the night and slept through the night and since then, they always sleep through the night. I get great sleep. We put our mind to the fact that they were going to be independent sleepers and it has worked. When they were little, we would occasionally have one not want to go back to sleep quickly, and that is the only time we have had to use the CIO method, other than a rare occasion when they have gotten off schedule and don't want to go to bed at their bedtime. I can totally sympathize, hearing your baby cry is pure torture. But, not getting sleep night after night is not good for you or your baby. For us, we had to draw a hard line, as doing it half-way with 2 would be more of a nightmare. I would encourage you to give it 3 nights with no more than 45 min -1 hour of cry out. I never had to let my girls go longer than around 35-40 minutes, and I have never had to do it more than 2 nights in a row. And, as far as the bonding, and abandonment issues by using the CIO method, I don't buy it (but I think to effectively use it, you have to believe that as well). My girls are very bonded to me and my husband and they are independent, good sleepers- therefore, they are well rested and happy during the day. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide- only you can truly know what is best for you and your family. Oh, another thing is use your spouse for support- at times when I was just ready to break down and go get them, my husband would say "just 5 more minutes" and guess what- he was right! Again, good luck! F.

I tried, unsuccessfully to transfer my first baby to a crib after a few months, and it didn't go so well, so we never even tried with our second. Could you try putting your baby's crib next to your bed so you could just reach over and pat her if she wakes? Then she'd not be in your bed, but she'd still get the comfort of being near you.

What I did when my youngest was 6 mo old or so was to put her crib mattress on the floor in her room. Then I put her in her carseat on the mattress. I slept in there w/ her (on the floor, the things we do for our babies:)) After about 2 days I put her on her mattress, still in the floor w/ me laying beside her. I think she had to get used to her room and the way the mattress felt. Arter a few days of this I put everything back together and put her in her bed. I still slept in there w/ her. A few nights later I layed her down and that was it. It worked! Try it, I hope it works for you. My oldest slept in the same room/ bed w/ us until she was almost 3. She was still in the bed and we slept. My baby would do 180's and no one would rest. Everything will work for you no matter what method you decide to use. I think w/ each child it is different. GOOD LUCK!!

I now have a 7 month that sleeps with us when he needs to...which is pretty darn regular. My 4th child is currently 3yo and she stopped sleeping with us around the age of 2yo. We just did it slowly.

Your child that goes to day care is more than likely crying herself to sleep (no matter what the day care people say). So in order for her to be comforted at home, I would be picking her up and laying next to her until she goes to sleep (then get up and go about your day).

My 7 month old boy, just now woke up from a 2 1/2 hour nap in his own crib. I nursed him to sleep and then put him in the bed. (his 3yo sister didn't do this) I held him while he napped during the day for the first 3 months of his life. (my boys seemed to be easier)

Honestly though, I wouldn't give her the same treatment that day cares do..not to sound harsh about day care (I have a friend that owns one, so I know that their time can't be spent on one child).

Our 3yo girl wouldn't sleep in her bed either (all of her brothers did great!). She was hard to sleep with, with her stretching out and kicking us, etc. Do we like co-sleeping? NO. But it's not about my husband and me, it was about our child and what she needed. Security, comforting...now a great independent, secure 3yo little girl. At 2yo, we gave her a twin bed and she slept next to us in the same room. It worked out great. She is by herself in her room now and doing great. Her 11yo brother gets her to bed each night..reads her a book, etc. I'd say at about 4yo, she'll be able to head off to her bed by herself. (she just wasn't like her 3 brothers)

Good Luck! I know it's heartbreaking to hear her cry, so I would pick her up and comfort her. I'm not one of those let them cry out people. I have a few friends that do it this way, and maybe it's just the kids personalities, but their kids cry at the drop of a hat..doesn't matter what it is...including boo-boo's. Maybe I just have tough kids. :D

Hi,my experience with that problem was once I held my babies and they fell asleep, I would put the top that I had on under their head when I lay them down because sometimes if they still smell the scent of the mother they are okay and they will rest. God Bless

Hi M.,
I hope your little one got some good sleep last night. I have a 9 month old, who until a couple of weeks ago would still wake up 3 and 4 times a night to nurse(sometimes more). She sleeps in her own crib and I, sometimes, would be up every half hour for 2 hours or so. It got progressively worse. I decided it was time for her to fall asleep on her own. I tried all the methods. Letting her fuss in intervals, giving her 15-30 minutes then getting her up and trying again later. It was confusing to her and confusing to me and frankly exhausting. So, I decided to let her cry it out (Gasp!). There is a lot of negativity about letting a baby cry it out. And I get that. I understand and I agree with the sentiment. But, when it takes 2 hours to get your kid to sleep at 9 months, something needs to change. The worst time was the first; she cried for 30 minutes and I couldn't take it any more, so I got her up. Every other time she went to sleep within 20 minutes. Now, she's down to a couple of whines and then she's gone. She sleeps better and longer and is happier when she's awake too! She's actually on some kind of a schedule now and for once I feel like I'm not guessing at what her needs are. Night time is wonderful. She'll sleep a full 9 hours without waking up to nurse. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby. If crying it out is the only way you feel she will learn to sleep on her own and stay asleep, give it a shot, but like one mother said, you have to stick with it! Don't feel like a bad mom if you do. Good luck and let us know!

One more comment; in response to one mother's comment. I used to work in the infant room at a day care. I loved those kids like my own. We NEVER let a child cry it out. We wouldn't chose that path for someone else's child and certainly don't want the added stress for other babies or for us. I remember days where I would rock, sing to, pat, sway, walk a crying baby for over an hour to comfort him. Do babies cry in day care? Yes, if there are 10 babies in one room, they will have to cry at some point, but we would never just let a baby cy. Trust your child care workers! If you can't; find some you can. There are wonderful centers and teachers out there!

Well, at least she sleeps in a crib at daycare, so you know she can. I'd start there-- ask them if there's any particular routine they follow at her naptime that might help-- a song, a story, a snack... whatever they do, I'd try the same at home. But, as much as you hate it, since you know she can sleep in a crib, letting her cry would probably be the easiest way to get her there. I know it's horrible to listen to-- the first time I did it with my son, I had to leave, because I just couldn't take the crying (it didn't seem to bother my husband, though!). For both of my kids, that first time was awful-- well over an hour of fussing and crying, and I was really second-guessing myself. But.... after the first time, that was it! My son fussed for a couple more days, but much less than the first time; my daughter pretty much just went to sleep the second time I did it. Honestly, I was amazed, but it does work. Just make sure once you decide to do it, you don't give it. I'd go in and check on them-- rub their back, talk to them-- every 10 minutes or so, but I didn't pick them back up. If you can handle the crying that first time, I think it's the quickest way to go, and I don't think it bothers the children nearly as much as it bothers us. Both of my kids are great sleepers now, and even though I know some people are really against letting them cry it out, I don't think they were harmed by it in any way. Good luck!!

When my kids were this small I slowly transitioned them from my bed to crib by leaving one side off the crib and putting the open side of the crib beside ours and then she slept int the crib and got comfortable with it after a while. then we were able to move it a little farther away from our bed and eventually out of the room. Our cradle swing also help alot.

I agree with Donna. I don't think letting them "cry it out" is very nice or very nurturing. If a baby needs comfort, I think we should comfort him. That's our job. Don't worry--it won't last forever. But 7 months is still really little. Think about it this way: as adults, we don't want to sleep alone. Why do we think our children should want to?
It sounds like you're doing a great job, Mom!! Just keep holding her and loving her. Eventually she'll assert her independence and then you may regret wishing for that. :)

Hi M.. I have done CIO with my daughter who is now 1. Luckily she has been in her crib for naps and bedtime since she was like 2 weeks...so she likes it. But she doesn't always go to sleep without crying. Luckily it usually doesn't take long. Sometimes 20 sec, 2 minutes, or 20 minutes! At one point i realized she was waking up 2-3x a nite for over 14 days and no one was sleeping. She has always sttn for the most. I knew she was teething and i felt bad letting her cry. Well i created a new schedule for her which meant me holding,rocking and/or nursing her all nite! She was fine during the day so i had to let her cio which was hard. Just at bedtime or shortly after she would scream like somebody was attacking her...it was terrible!! But i knew she had motrin, been bfeed and was comfortable so i let her cry. Each nite the crying got less and less. Our peaceful nites are back for the most. Now when she crys i go comfort her but am mindful not to let it become a habit like b4. No matter how hard she cried, she was a bright, bubbly happy baby in the morning with a good nite sleep for us all!