So a little history, my daughter used a paci from birth and around a year old decreased her use drastically, was not super interested in it and I figured she would stop using it on her own. It was mostly just at night and in the car(she gets motion sick). Around age 2 she started using it more, but I didn't notice a lot until she was almost 3 and tried to take it away. She had started using it all day every day, and would bite herself or other things if it was not in her mouth. She would bite herself so hard she would break the skin and her hands were a mess. Between ages 3 and 4 I was able to get her to using it only at night and in the car with decreased biting of things using chewelry and other biting devices. Now she is 4 and still uses it at night and in the car, and she just had the flu and was very sick and used it more. Now she asks for it all the time again and has started biting toys and things more in the daytime. I don't want to go back to using it more, she already has caps on her front teeth from breaking them due probably to decay, and her teeth are just horrible already. I have talked to her about giving them to the babies who need them. But she gets hysterical. she recently dropped one in the toilet when she woke to go pee and it got flushed down, she was unconsolable desite having another one available. I am at my wits end. She can't sleep without one and I don't know what to do. Last night she fell and hit her front teeth which were both loose and wiggling and swollen and so I was afraid to give it to her to sleep thinking it would hurt her teeth more. I finally caved at 1 am when she was still awake and gave it to her so I could get some sleep. I really don't have any idea where to go from here. The dentist says just take it away, but it is absolute torture for us when I have tried. I am wondering if anyone has gone through this and looking for some advice. She also has aspergers syndrome and some severe sensory processing issues which I know play into all this. As well as reflux which I am told also has an impact on her wanting to suck. I really don't know if I should be finding some way to get rid of this now or wait it out and see. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
In answer to the questions posted:
Does your baby boy have a pacifer? No, he never took one, and never seemed to need one.
Have you talked with anyone in a support group for mom's with baby's that have the syndrome your little girl has? I have not as I wouldn't even know where to look for one, but her OT and speech therapists both suggested trying to replace it with one of the biting toys, which has worked for the day time.
What does our Dentist say about your girl's teeth condition and a pacifier?
Dentist says the paci probably caused decay which is why front teeth broke so easily, but now they are capped, she also says it could make her permanent teeth have an overbite and protrude forward as well. But honestly, I am more concerned about the current behavior, than about any future dental problems.
Thanks to all the responses so far, I really can't just take it away as she is not a "normal" kid. It isn't just crying and tantrums that I have to deal with, it is chewed up hands and fingers that get pretty messed up. I have tried cutting holes in them and she won't use them but goes back to the biting, I have tried taking them away with the same result. I did find substitutes for the day time, but as of yet have not found anything for nightime and she already has sleep issues and I don't want to make it any worse. I have spoken with her TSS and BSC and they say say to just take it away too, I am not sure that is best for the situation. the OT and ST say that she needs a substitute but I have no idea what to use for nightime as the daytime chewy toys don't seem to work for nightime. Maybe I just need to wait it out but if anyone has suggestions for substitutes for nightime, i would love to try some. Thanks again!
You have a lot to deal with not just the issue of getting rid of the pacifier. I am sorry that you have other issues to deal with. See if you can may be gradually wean her off of it. If you go to a therapist talk to him or her and see what they say about the sitution.
One of the best advice i heard about kids and pacifers came from a dentist and it was teeth can be fixed the mental scar'sthat can happen taking the pacifer away cant....my son is going to be 5 in feb and still uses the pacifer basically at night and some times when he is home during the day if he is tired or sick. i dont let him have it out side the house with it and i am hoping to get him down to just at night but i am more worried about his mental need for it then his teeth so when he is ready then we will get rid of it but till then i am not going to stop him...
Well, it seems to me that since there is more going on here, such as your daughter's aspergers and the biting issue, I don't think you can just make her go "cold turkey". The fact that she's biting herself to the point of drawing blood, is not a typical reaction. I don't think a child would do this to exhibit control over you, she's got more going on than just attachment to the binky. I would work on trying to establish another comfort item, like a doll or a blanket in addition to the pacifer. In fact, I'd remove focus on taking the pacifier away at all, until you can work to find a replacement comfort item.
Also, while I think most dentists mean well, I do not think you can just take away the pacifier from your child. I know problems with teeth can occur, but I think you should follow advice from a previous post and seek out a pediatric dentist, who may be more sensitive to your child's needs. Also, think about it, she's used this pacifier to comfort herself since birth....it's got to be darn near impossible for her to think about not having it, especially if she's got some sensory processing issues, I can only imagine that it is a terrifying idea to her.
When weaning her off of it, during the day, (I think day and night weaning of paci should be tackled separately)replace it with a biting toy or item and reward her for not using it, either with a chart, or a special treat or priviledge. Stay positive and reward for small accomplishments. Once she can handle the day with out it and has another comfort item then try the night time.
What we did with our son was promise a big new toy item if he could sleep through the night without his binky. Once he did it, we didn't go back, we had one or two harder nights, but now he's off it completely. I weaned him off around 3 and a half years, which is a lot older than most people recommended, but this was what I thought worked out best for my child.
I wish you the best of luck and please trust your own instincts. You know your child better than anyone else. If she ends up sleeping with a binky until she's six, then so be it. It's not the end of the world.
Hi J., It sounds like you have a lot of things going on that feed off each other. I think your best bet is to use a team to figure out what your best course of action should be. Sure, common sense says ditch the pacifier, but since your daughter has other problems (biting, aspergers etc) you really need to figure out priorites (which problem to address first) and go from there...that's why I suggest a team approach. I also suggest you use (if you don't already) a ped's dentist. They specialize in treating children with all kinds of problems and could also be more helpful. Best wishes.
I would ask your doctor (or pediatrician if you have one). It sounds like there is more going on than just the pacifier. I figure a copay is worth my sense of mind =O}.
For my son (who was three at the time of the nunny stoppage), we had him put it on the cookie plate for Santa. So Santa could give it to a little kid who did not have one & then Santa left a special toy that he really wanted with a note saying how proud he was of my son. It worked great for us.
Good luck =O}
I know it is hard, but you just have to take it and not give it back. She will cry and be upset for a few days, but she will get over it. Usually they shouldn't use it at this age. At around the age of 2, the pacifier should go. The teeth start to have problems if the pacifier is used so often. From what you say, it looks like she already has problems with her teeth. So just take it and throw it away. She'll be fine.
Not sure if this would work for you or not, and I personally have not tried it, but I have heard of other moms snipping holes in the binky tip so they don't really "suck" on it in the same way (like it once was)...apparently they just kind of lose interest.
It might be worth a try and lessen the trauma for your daughter as far as "taking it away" and it could still be a comfort item of sorts. Good luck!
I think you need to print out this message and take it to your daughter's pediatrician and any wrap-around services she has. This is a much more complicated issue than what I or almost any other mom wearing her "mom hat" can answer. I do want to say that I am sorry you all are having such a tough time and I can imagine how frustrating this must be for everyone, including your daughter. Get some professional help on this one-- her health is too important.
Hi, J.:
Does your baby boy have a pacifer?
Have you talked with anyone in a support group for mom's with baby's that have the syndrome your little girl has?
What does our Dentist say about your girl's teeth condition and a pacifier?
I would talk to those who know about the syndrome before taking drastic action.
Good luck. D.
i cut a little home in it and she couldn't suck any more it lasted one week i let her keep it at the age of 3 and then is got all black in side and she threw it away after i showed her the black mess so she cried for about 5 days only at night and i did NOT go get another one. Now sh is 8 and had braces and the ortho said it was from the binky....
good luck but once you take it away don't give it back and do it cold turkey.
J.,
If she is having that many dental issues already, it is WAY past time to get rid of it. My son was 3 when I got rid of the binky, no it was not easy. I went cold turkey. I gave him a weeks notice, everyday I told him that Friday he wouldn't have a binky anymore. He got a goldfish on Friday and "traded" the binky with the lady at petsmart. He cried that night, and for several more nights. But it got easier every night. If you are going to do, just do and do not give in. Get rid of every single one and don't buy anymore. All you are teaching her is that she can get her way by crying for something. Her permanent teeth can definately be affected by the condition of her baby teeth. Save her teeth now.
