How to Deal with Aggressive Cousins

:) As Maid Marion of the Castle, declare, using a paper scroll and all to bring a sense of 'lightness' to the announcement...say something like 'Here Ye, Here Ye, Here Ye. Maid Marion, Queen of ________land, hereby declares NO MORE PHYSICAL BATTLES in my kingdom! From this day forward, Maid Marion, Queen of _____land declares this to be so." And, then in great ceremony, take the 'NURF" swords and guns and PUT THEM AWAY! There needs not be ANY further discussion. You are the parent. You have the say. You have the POWER to BE in charge. Be aware, however, that it is predictable that the combination of 3 will likely evolve into a dominant soul, a passive soul and a scapegoat...'the dance of life'....it's just one of the ways we mortals learn how to behave, I believe. Now, this is where the PARENTING comes in! :) You can choose to bite your tongue, keep an ear and an eye open to see how your son copes or strategizes with his cousins when in a bind when there is no physical component involved, and either interact when necessary at the time, or talk to him later...whichever is most appropriate. OR you can choose to invite one cousin over at a time. "Problem solved" I guarantee. But, gone will be the opportunities for you to intervene. There may be lessons your son needs to teach his cousins (tolerance, patience, fairness for example)...and they will miss out as well on teaching your son such things as self-empowerment and conviction and on and on....If it were me, I'd probably opt for both scenarios. Its' a dance, Mom. ;) The important thing is you have FUN parenting and remember you are in the drivers' seat! :) Be Peace, N.

PS...I know guns and swords are 'guy toys'...I was lucky I had three girls. But I want to share with you that as a pediatric therapist, playing with 'guns' and 'swords' were never allowed at school. You declaring nurf guns/swords 'off limits' for group play, at least, is not an unusual thing, so you know. (An alternative would be to use the 'battle' equipment as target play when only one of the cousins is visiting...set up pyramids of cans to shoot down...and then work on their following your request. If
the boys do not respect your rule, take them away immediately without anger, and with out discussion. Personally, I want our young men growing up today to be gentle like your son;) MY dilemma was teaching the girls to 'playact' while in dress up without being hurtful...words can be very sharp swords as well, and cause just as many bruises and cuts ;) Hang in there C...."Be the change you want to see in the world" with your children A L W A Y S and you'll do just fine.

I have the same problem with my 5 year old and his two cousins. He would prefer to color, read, or play with his animals. They like to play pirates or karate. My boy is always happy to see them at first, but it usually becomes more and more aggressive. I have an ally in one of my sister-in-laws. I mentioned to her that my son is having a hard time keeping up with her boy and she admitted that she did not like her son's aggressive nature. She is good at stepping in to talk to her boy and she has given permission to talk to him too if needed. We also work to together to distract them with other games and take away the sword/gun-like toys. I lack the cooperation of my other brother's family. So, sometimes we can get the two smaller ones playing happily and he will come sit on them. It is really frustrating. I look forward to seeing what kind of advice you receive. My advice would be to find an ally in their parents, remove toys that encourage the behaviors you are trying to avoid, and prepare for any get-together with distraction toys or activities.
good luck.

Maybe if your son had a friend with him to pair up with it wouldn't be 2 to 1.
Growing up I remember when it was only 3 friends playing together it could cause 'issues'...When it was a larger group-no problems. Of course girls aren't necessarily agressive like boys can be but were often nasty in their own ways.
Try telling your son he doesn't have to continue to play with them if they get too rough. Hopefully his cousins will learn to lighten up if they want to play with him.

Hi
I wonder if there isn't a better game for them to play. I personally do not like my children play any kind of war game. Do we really want this in our homes? It seems the world is all about fighting etc. so lets not have it start with guns etc in the home.

Well, a sure-fire way is to ban weapons play from your home. You can do this with humor, and/or without emotion, and it may annoy the cousins' parents BUT it's clearly not working productively.

We never allowed guns or weapons in our home. A lot of people said we were depriving our son because, after all, boys are "supposed" to play with weapons. Nonsense. I have yet to have anyone explain to me what productive and positive benefit is achieved thru weapons play.

Think about all the preschools and public schools which allow absolutely no toy weapons of any kind. In fact, if a kid goes to school with a screwdriving in his backpack, the parent will get a call before lunch.

The only purpose of weapons is to hurt someone or achieve power over them. HOw is this a helpful skill for children?

Moreover, kids who aren't scared of weapons don't know enough to run like hell when they see a real one. In Western Massachusetts recently, a young child (8 years old) was killed because he was allowed to fire a semi-automatic weapon at a gun show - he couldn't handle the recoil, and it flew back and he shot himself in the head. He's dead now. I highly doubt that the boy's father is having a good time defending why this was a good idea. They are prosecuting the gun show people, but really, where was the dad?

My child was taught that, if he ever saw a gun in a friend's home, he was to RUN out the door and go to a neighbor. It's safer, we taught him, to go to the door of strangers than to stay in a home with a gun.

So I would ban the gun play and say it just isn't allowed. Don't say your kid doesn't enjoy it, just say it isn't permitted. You don't have to defend it, although you can consider saying that they are incapable of controlling themselves whenever there are weapons toys. The kids can find something else to do or they can stay home.

Be firm and don't let anyone else tell you you are making a mistake. You have plenty of evidence that it's way to aggressive.

Good luck.