How to Deal with Adult That Treating 10 Yr Old Very Badly in Neighborhood.

You might want to make a special trip to the woman's house to discuss the issue with her. I am not sure what kinds of special needs your granddaughter has, but perhaps this young mother is just ignorant of the circumstances. Maybe she knows that your GD is "different" but might not understand exactly why and how to include her. If she is not ignorant and just plain mean, then at least you have made it known to her that you love your GD so much that you are willing to stand up for her.

Do you live in the neighborhood? When your granddaughter is outside, I would try to be out there too. Perhaps standing near the kids, but closest to this lady's house. Then when she comes out to get her kid, if she starts yelling at your granddaughter, you are right there. You can just ask her: 'Is there a problem?' See how she responds.

Also, as long as your granddaughter plays on the street, and not in the lady's yard, she can't do anything to your child. She is on a public street and has every right to be there.

Also, if you want to get technical about it, you could find out from the other neighbors what the lady has been saying, and then talk to a lawyer about suing the lady for lible on your granddaughter's behalf.

M.

I agree that talking to her is probably the best solution, although I wouldn't be looking forward to it either! I would schedule a time with her, just call her or talk to her in the street and ask if you can come over to her place (without your GD) and chat. Or, you could invite her to your place too, but I think it might be less threatening in her environment. If she is unreceptive to meeting with your, or if you do meet and afterwards you feel as though you haven't made any headway, I would try and talk to the other parents on your street. Don't place blame or even say anything about this woman to the other families, but just spread the word on how your GD has some special needs and let people know how they can deal with it when interacting with her or coaching their children on how to interact with her.

The bottom line is that I agree that this woman's behavior is totally out of line, however, this won't be the last person who is ingnorant or hateful of her situation and although I know you want to protect her, you may not be able to completely in this situation. If this behavior continues try and focus on the other children/families and let your granddaughter know how to overcome adversity with these types of people.

I have to say- this woman does not need flowers or cookies or a friendly ear to 'understand' why she is behaving that way. Any adult who would treat a child so cruelly is beyond reasoning with IMO. Bullying happens when someone stronger picks on someone weaker for no real reason other than the fact that they can. This fits the definition to me.

I would speak to some of the other moms or grandmas on the block, especially if they also know your granddaughter and are sympathetic to the situation. If you try to confront this witch on your own, she will most likely ignore you- but if it is made clear to her that this is not the kind of behavior ANYONE in the neighborhood wants, I bet peer pressure will get her to knock it off.

Get a couple of your other neighbors to go with you, without the kids, and lay it on the line. Her behavior is unacceptable and cruel and won't be tolerated, period. If you saw her treating another child cruelly, you would say something, wouldn't you?

Or if you saw someone abusing an animal or doing a lot of other socially unacceptable things? Behaving this way to your granddaughter is equally unacceptable. Make it clear to her that ALL the neighbors are aware of this and disapprove of her actions and will be looking out for your granddaughter and I bet she will knock it off.

There are two kids with special needs in my son's grade at school. They are mainstreamed with an aide into the classroom for almost everything and it has been a wonderful thing to see how they are accepted and fit right into the neighborhood. The other kids include them in everything and I have seen my son and another child stick up for one boy on the playground when he was being teased. It is SO different from when I was a kid and all the 'retarded' kids ( as they called them then) were kept segregated in a separate classroom.

Maybe she is from a family or cultural background that thinks tormenting or isolating kids with disabilities is just the way you behave, but we do things differently now! She obviously has some kind of personal issue or problem, but I would say that it is HER problem- good for you for sticking up for your granddaughter!

I'm in agreement with talking to this woman. I know your inclination is to defend your GD, but sincerely try to hear the neighbor's take on the situation. You might take some flowers or cookies to her house, or invite her over for coffee (though she'll be more comfortable and relaxed talking to you on her own turf).

You might start by asking her to list her specific issues with your daughter (noise? littering? trespassing in her yard?) and let her know you will gladly work on those issues (if any) from your end so she won't be so bothered. There could be some specific behavior that is setting her off, and you might be able to help correct that. This part is very hard, but can be very productive, and get her to let go of some of her attitude.

While you're drawing her out, don't do ANYTHING to argue against her statements or defend your granddaughter. Do your best to summarize what you think you've heard from her, and ask her to correct you if you haven't quite "got it" yet.

Once you have heard her end of it, you can introduce your own concerns. If you can keep your requests at the level of feelings and needs, she'll be more likely to hear you. For example, "When I heard you yelling at my granddaughter while she was playing in the street, I was puzzled, anxious, and angry. My gd didn't appear to be doing anything offensive. She needs to have the same freedom other kids have to move around the neighborhood and have a good time, and I need to know she won't be misunderstood and yelled at."

Finally, make a request that's within her means to satisfy. Might be, "Next time you are upset that she's doing (offending behavior), will you please call me at this number _____, so I can come and help her understand the problem?" Or maybe, "Can you tell me what you understand about my concerns, so we'll be on the same page?" Or even, "Can you suggest to me what you'd do if you were in my position?"

Good luck. This sounds like a heart-wrenching and infuriating situation. If you'd like more suggestions, examples, and principles of the approach I've suggested above, google Non-Violent Communication. My husb and I both use these techniques to very good effect in difficult situations.

I do believe that is a form of bullying. Its so hard to determine what should be done without stooping to her insane form of childish behavior. My son has special needs also but his older siblings protect him from people who may tease him. Maybe if you could get a neighborhood advocate to sit and have a talk with her to determine what her issue with your granddaughter is, and maybe you'd get answers and possibly even resolve the problem.

I sure wish I had the definitive answer here! I'm afraid I'd be in her face about her behavior!
there needs to be an airing of what she believes is the problem with your gd playing with her child. You need another person with you so that someone can play mediator without making a big issue. Don't wnat to gang up on the lady but just another body- she said/she said thing.
Talking without the kids around is best. The fact that the other kids are also being witnesses to this problem is not good. What are the other parents thinking or doing?
Sad that she yells at your gd and take her kid out of the game and away. ALL kids need to learn to be tolerant and fair and equal with others. This parent is missing that training some how.
I'm so grateful that my kids have been brought up to be tolerant of all differences. It's hard to monitor them 24/7 but I hear that they are really good with others. Of course, there are those 'other' kids that seem to think they can be obnoxious and get away with it.
Race, religion, handicaps-physical or mental- are not reasons to bully someone or even dislike someone.
I wish you luck in getting answers to why she is acting this way towards your gd. I look forward to an update and pray things are settled calmly and with respect.

I want to add one thing. When and if you go to talk to her take some one you trust with you. Maybe another parent there that does not like what is going on either. You do not want she said, you said stuff. I would also ask to please speak outside. I like the finding out first what she has a problem with about your GD. This will let you know where to start. Some moms think their child can get as they say sick for another child with special needs. People are always so scared of what they do not understand. I hope that is this case because they are the ones easy to fix. If it is because of her hate for some one that is different it is just so sad. I hope things get better for your GD and you. I am working on my degree in special needs children and I have to watch myself so I do not blow up at people like this. Everyone no matter the age or card in life should be given RESPECT.