I know, I know, mommies! But I hate Halloween! I don't like scary movies, I don't like disturbing costumes (like Freddie), I don't even like the colors associated with the holiday (orange and black). Plus, it is around my birthday, so I sort link my happy day with scary movies (I think it all started when I insisted on watching the Exorcist on my birthday. Bad idea). But, really, it is more than that. I find it a little disturbing for a society to celebrate all things gory, spooky, scary, and whatever. I went to the mall today, and (not by choice) in order for me to get to the store I needed I had to walk through a Halloween store to get into the mall from the outside. I was greeted by Jason and a bloody knife (blood pressure R. slightly), statues of demonic babies with slits to their necks, and "bloody hands" that you can, I guess, stick to your wall or window. All these things really bother me - why are we celebrating this? I mean, NO judgment at all to those who like the holiday. It just is really not my cup of tea at all. My husband is also not a fan, more so for religious convictions.
So, his first and second year of life I did not dress up our son for Halloween, but I did hand out candy to the kiddies in the neighborhood (despite my yuck-reaction to the scary costumes) since I figured that was the neighborly thing to do. But, this year, he is 3, and I feel he will be left out if I don't dress him up for preschool.
So, what do I do? On the one hand, I want to make my kid feel like he is fitting in with his friends. On the other hand, I don't want us as a family to indulge in something we are, I guess I should say, "against."
Once Christmas comes, it will be sort of the same thing all over again...do I allow him to believe in Santa, even if we are "against" the idea? You get the picture.
Any advice? Do any of you feel this way?
I think that you are thinking too much! LOL
Get him a bumble bee or puppy costume, take him to some of the neighbors for candy and pass out candy. If you *want* to decorate, get a fall wreath, some plain pumpkins and a bale of hay.
Dress him up as a storybook character of something make believe like that and make it about dressing up, not about halloween and scary. Read the story together, build a cardboard playhouse or castle if appopriate. You can still be part of the dess up, without having to be part of the yuckier parts of Halloween. Last year my kids were Hansel and Gretel, We read the story, watched a super why about it, it was about make believe and good non scary fun.
I can see where you're coming from if you're sensitive the the gore factor. I'm not a big fan of that myself, but the holiday itself is based on Celtic fall festival; costumes and jack-o-lanterns were intended to keep evil away. It then was transformed by the Christians/Catholics into All Saints Day, a time to honor the Saints (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween). Honestly, if you don't want to celebrate it at home, don't. For school, it's completely secular/non-religious - it's basically a big costume party, so you can dress him up as a figure you admire, or as his favorite character. Then you can use the costume as a teaching tool (like find a book on whatever you chose and learn about that character). I hope that helps a little.
Personally, I love halloween primarily for the dress up factor. For me, it's an excuse to be goofy and have some kid-like fun. We all dress up. My husband's company has a costume contest and he dressed up as a Foosball player (the tables where the figures on poles "kick" the balls into the goals), Billy Bob the singing Bass, and this year he's going to be Lego Man and our son who is 3 is going to be Lego Boy. My son was a Pteradactyl, and then a Fireman.
You can teach him about the holiday and dress up for fun. You can do the same about Santa. Santa is actually based on a real person, St. Nicholas of Myra, who gave generous gifts to the poor (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus). We don't do Santa at my home because I don't want to lie about it. I'm hoping to find the balance so he doesn't blow it for other kids. Besides, kids love presents, and don't care where they came from LOL.
I think you can still celebrate the holiday with your children without adding blood, guts and gore into the mix. Focus on carving pumpkins, going on hayrides, trick or treating and dressing up (not so much as a ghost or ghoul but a cowboy or astronaut etc.) When I was growing up, Halloween was a big holiday to celebrate in my family (my dad loved it) and I can't wait to celebrate with my son and let him have some fun. Even if you are against the idea, I would let your son experience the holidays without subjecting him to parts of it you would prefer to keep out of your home. Have fun and good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Wow... sorry you had such a bad experience. I hate horror movies too, I also don't like the nasty demonic stuff. You can however cut that stuff out and have a happy holloween without it. Here are some recommendations:
1. Don't trick or treat; see if anyone in your community (hoa's, churches, or you) is hosting a trunk-or-treat. These usually have rules on costumes (usually no masks and/or gross, bloody, demonic stuff) and they are made of members of your neighborhood (people you know so less chance for bad people to attend). They also usually have good food and fun that and less walking as the candy comes to you.
2. Keep the movies and bad taste decorations out of it. Halloween can be as cute or as gross as you want to make it out to be. If you don't like the standard black and orange then add purple and green as they are next in line for the holiday.
3. If you don't want to do then don't. It may be rough for your 3 yo, but he will understand in the end. Instead make him a part of the giving candy away. This was a big tradition in our family. When we reached a certain age (too old to trick or treat) we would be enlisted to defend our candy at home (in other words scare the pants off of anyone who tried to come to the door to take it). We never used blood or gore or scary images; instead we employed sound, invisible spiderwebs (hanging black thread from tree branches or the roof line before the front door makes for a fun time watching people brush wildly at their faces), and fast moving objects (a white rag suspended from the second floor of our home would fly out the front door as it opened looking like a ghost trying to escape; nothing like a good scare and not done with blood and guts)
As for Christmas, make it about what it was intended for; the birth of Christ. You can still give gifts, but make it from mom and dad instead of Santa if you don't want to perpetuate a belief that he exists in your son.
Celebrate fall & decorate with pumpkins. You can spray paint them different colors & let your child decorate them with finger paints. Dress up in non-scary costumes. We don't celebrate Halloween, but we do play the game the same way we do with Santa & the ToothFairy. My daughter knows the truth but she has fun with it anyway.
When we were kids (grew up Baptist), we were not allowed to do anything scary. We always dressed up and went to a local church festival and then trick or treating in the immediate neighborhood. I am very much a christian person, and I let my kids be what they want. They are 3 and 9. It's in recognition of All Saints Day which actually began as a catholic holiday, not something evil. Halloween isn't going away, and just because we don't put up scary decorations, we teach our kids that it's just a day to pretend. Scary or not...
you dont have to dress him scary or anything. My daughter wants to dress as Jessie from Toy Story. She LOVES trick or treating, last year, when she was 2 1/2 was her first year trick or treating and she LOVED it.
I also dont understand how you were "forced" into a halloween store. There are no other mall entrances? I absolutely hate anything Christmasy in stores before Thanksgiving, except Hobby Lobby, since I know you have to start crafting early to get that stuff done, so I know where to avoid if I dont want to get pissed off.
you could just buy him a non-scary costume....easy solution.
You could dress your child in a cute animal costume. Did you like halloween and christmas as a child? I find it funny that people who loved the hollidays are a child are now grown up and think they are evil. lol. I still love the hollidays. They are great for a childs imagination. It is up tp you, but try to remember what it was like when you and your hubby were kids.
You can make it what you want as others have said. There are scary things around but we've never focused on them and try not to pay attention. When my daughter was 3 we both agreed we didn't really like the "Scary Halloween". She's always had very fun costumes, Cat, similar to Marie from Aristocats, A Care bear, Amber the Orange Fairy from the Rainbow Fairy series, a Pink Poodle straight from the pages of Family Fun, to name a few.
As far as activities, there's a Corn Maze near us, Pumpkin Patches, and Pony rides at one of the Nurseries. I find I take more pictures this time of year and even have a growth chart of sorts from the pumpkin patches over the years.
Anyway, hope you find a way to enjoy it!
There are all kinds of costumes that aren't of the SCARY variety.
Super heroes, fictional characters, etc.
I'm guessing that the little people in preschool
will not have scary costumes but will have cute character costumes.
Since you want DS to be one of the group,
look for a character, perhaps from a TV program, or book that he likes.
Or a pilot? Bus driver? Train conductor? Angel?
I think you do have to ask yourself - did you like halloween and Christmas as a kid and if so what did you like about it and then focus on that. As an adult we see things differently than children, but we mustn't forget to look through the eyes of our children. I do agree with you, t heres no need to sit your toddler down in front of a scary movie, and there is no need to to wear costumes that are scary. Since I became a mom, I have toned it all down in my house and anything that is scary we explain how it is just pretend, a decoration...etc. I personally LOVE halloween. This is my favorite month. I love the weather. I love the costumes, deocrations and treats and pumkins and mums! hayrides. Going to the farms. Watching Its the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. Theres so much that doesn't have to be all gory and scary. If I were you I'd maybe research WHY it is that we celebrate this holiday the way we do and make it what you want.
If you are uncomfortable celebrating these holidays, then don't compromise so that he will fit in with his friends!!! I understand that he is only 3, but if this is your reason for promoting acitivies/participation in activities that you and your husband veiw as questionable, then he will eventually pick up on that as he grows older.... You wouldn't want him to compromise his beleifs or values to fit in then, so don't compromise yours now.
We don't do halloween or Santa in our house. We tried not handing out candy, but people were knocking on the door anyway, so now we hand out candy. Our oldest is almost 3.5, we just explain to him that it's just not something we do in our home. Other kids mommies and daddies let them do it and that's ok for them, but it's not something that we do. He's fine with that. And with Santa, we just don't bring it up. With your son in Pre-school he'll come in contact with kids who "believe" and teaches who want the kids to believe. Again, just explain that Santa isn't something that your family does, and then just focus on what you DO believe in for Christmas.
Not sure how to answer. I also struggled with this. My DD is now 3 (almost 4). Last year we handed out candy for the first time and my DD was so scared by some of the costumes she couldn't sleep. She cries when we have to go by any party stores or the stores at the mall. I hate it! The trouble, we have been invited to trick or treat at our local nursing home and she will be participating for the first time. I just wanted to share that you are not alone and I am interested to see what others say as well.
Check out the web-site www.halloweencandybuyback.com Give your child the oppurtunity to Tick or Treat with friends and family, the get some cash for their stash. Help out the TROOPS, send a letter of thanks, support a local DENTIST in their fund raising event. Teach your child early about charity and giving to others in need. ____@____.com
You do not have to celebrate it then... make up your own traditions, your son will be of an age where he can make up his own mind. You are in no way obligated to hand out candy that is just not correct. I enjoy any opportunity to dress up as some thing other then who I am but I am a stage baby! Maybe if you look into the origins of Halloween you may understand and like it more or choose to not like it at all it is an "optional" holiday.
In regards to Santa, we do not believe ... my son knows him as the "fat man" I rather have him grow up appreciating the joys of the holiday's by being with family and celebrating that we have the ability to give gifts to each other at this time. We have never had a tree this will be the first year and that is only because we live with grandma if she decides she wants one, but otherwise we do not do the stanard christmas.
I can see your dilemma. I wish there was an easy answer for all of this. I think the best thing to do would be to teach your son that it is a celebration of the harvest time...or something like that. I am not really sure.
Young children that age don't usually understand why you or dad may not like the holiday. All he sees is a fun opportunity to dress up, show off his cool costume, stay up late, and score some free popcorn. You can always tell him that it is ok to enjoy the holidays, but that your family does things differently, and that is ok. I was at the store today and they have tons of cute costumes that aren't scary...I.E....transformers, little pea in a pod, duck, pumpkin. Just don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.
I think it is all about what you choose to focus on. I've been seriously archnaphobic since I was a kid and what I hated most about Halloween time is all the plastic spiders everywhere. I know that they are not real but, still, when you walk into your OB/Gyn's office for your appointment and there and lots of little black spiders hanging from the ceiling -- my worst nightmare! -- it can be very difficult to keep control of your fight or flight response. But now I have a little boy who loves plastic spiders and scorpions and the like. For him, I have chosen to put my fear aside and not even think about those awful black plastic things that have invaded my world. Now, it sounds like you have a lot more things that make you feel uncomfortable about Halloween but maybe if you changed your perspective a little bit and tried to focus on all the kids having fun and all the cute little Superman and Disney Princess costumes instead of all that other garbage (that is just made up stuff anyway), then maybe you and your little man can have a fun Halloween after all.
Wish I could be of more help.
It's been SO long since I've logged in here...almost forgot it existed! But I came across this while searching something else and wanted to chime in. Perhaps the history of Halloween/Samhain would help? The reason for the scary costumes, jack-o-lanterns, etc, is because this time of year has long been believed by MANY cultures to be the time when the "veil" between the world of the living and those who have passed grows very thin...it's a time of everything in Nature dying back, so perhaps that is why human minds naturally also turn to thoughts of those who have died. People were afraid the spirits might return in a harmful way, so they created scary things to frighten the spirits away from their homes.
On the other hand, in Mexico, Dia des los Muertos is a celebration of that very thing...that those who have passed on can return to bless us and we can honor and share our love and appreciation of them once more. Families plan beautiful "altares" to include things that the beloved ancestor cherished, or created, or foods that were liked especially, and they often have picnics in the graveyards "with" their beloved family members. It's considered a very festive time of reconnection. (And yes, Christians do it, too!)
On the other hand, I really also dislike the horror movies, complete with murderous, slasher type themes, that have somehow worked their way into Halloween culture. That part is just horrible and I wish we could move away from it.
But we love decorating and dressing up for Halloween!
you cant excape the holiday he must have a favorite cartoon charater that he can dress in make it fun not scary
Updated
you cant excape the holiday he must have a favorite cartoon charater that he can dress in make it fun not scary
Yes I do! We dont celebrate it either and we have a 9 month old, almost 3 yr old, and 13 yr old twins. We did when my twins were little but nice costumes. You know, be the light in the darkness, but the last 4 years we realized that we dont want to involve ourselves or our kids in a so called holiday that surrounded so much darkness. My 13 yr old daughter is having a hard time just because she likes to dress up (girly girl) The background on Halloween is that it started because people were afraid the evil spirits were going to come for them so they dressed up like evil spirits to be accepted as "one of them". 2 yrs ago I found out that the reason for the lighted pumpkins was to light the way for the evil spirits to come. There is a lot more symbolism that is disturbing about this day and we dont want to invite it into our lives. And like you, I also think its disturbing for a culture to celebrate this. I think we get caught up in the cute costumes when are kids are little and it goes from there and some of the costumes are sooooooooo cute but it is what the real meaning of this is and when I think about all the horrible things that purposefully go one this day behind the scenes, the cuteness of some of it doesnt matter anymore. And about Christmas, dont celebrate santa. Tell your child about St. Nicolas, the true santa who gave gifts for those in need without needing anything in return. The best thing to do is stay true to your beliefs and convictions because if you dont you will probably end up regreting it. Buy fun costumes after its over and let your 3 yr old dress up and have fun, just to have fun and imagine. Oh and if you can keep him home that day so he doesnt feel left out.
