I have witnessed many drivers that are elderly and wondered if they made it home allright. How do you tell them that they should not be driving any longer without hurting their feelings? I,ve told my mother in ways of jokeing around. If you ride with them its downright scary with your foot on the imaginary brake! And by the time you get where your going Its like you can breath again. My question is> How do YOU help them to STOP driving?
Once my mother backed out of her driveway to hit a parked car on the street. It wasnt supposed to be there on that no parking side but still. Then my brother told me she sideswiped somebodys side mirror, and now she says she needs to have cateract surgery. Shes fineally afraid to drive. Yes I was very upfront with her about how she drives, and now she has her imaginary brake on! LOL! PBIAB> payback is a .....
A doctor can take the license away.
Tread lightly, couldn't the same be said about teenagers? And I can't tell you how many moms I see in their mini-vans on their cel phones every day....
Well a Doctor COULD take away the license. But we have learned they are very hesitant to do this. They encourage the family members to do it.
I have called the police about unsafe driving situations with all sorts of people. Elderly, teens and distracted drivers. (pull over to make the call).
We had a grandfather who continued to drive, scared the poo put of all of us. He and grandmother lived up the street and would drive by each evening on their way to dinner.. we would wave and wave and he would not see us. Once he had shrunk so low we could hardly see him behind the wheel, the family became proactive and started disabling his car.
Interesting they were in a terrible accident.. not their fault.. a driver ran a red light and tboned them.. Shook them up really bad.
Finally my MIL hiried a mechanic ($75) to come by and look at the car, telling grandfather it could "no longer be repaired and he should probably purchase a brand new car." That is when grandfather decided he was not going to spend the money. No more driving.
You can report them to the DMV. We have done this to elderly family members who believed they drove fine when they did not. DMV then sends them a notice that they have to be retested (written and the driving test). If they do not comply, their license is suspended. In our case, one family member failed the test and their license was revoked. The other chose to stop driving and not be retested. If you are in any doubt, report them, and let DMV assess the situation.
It is a very delicate issue. You're taking away a right that they have had for probably at least 50 years and it limits their freedom.
My MIL should not be driving--she has had major health issues (heart transplant) and is not "all there" a lot of the time. She's even been lost in the grocery store. Add to that 2 (repaired) detatched retinas.
My FIL also should not be driving--he has MS which has severely impacted his hearing, sight and leg mobility. But he'll be d*mned if someone is going to tell him he can't drive.
Needless to say, we won't let our kids ride in the car with them. They are both downright scary to drive with.
I don't really know HOW to get them to stop driving. DH and I are convinced that they will never listen and will probably end up in a major accident. Sorry I'm no help, but I feel your pain!
OMG you have no idea how many time's I've seen the elderly driving when they shouldn't be. It's so sad. My grandfather, when he was still alive, had his license revoked per his doctors orders. You know what he did? Drove anyway. When my grandmother SOLD THE CAR (I'll take the bus, she says, lol, tough old lady), my grandfather got in his electric wheelchair and drove down busy FL roads to go to the store on principle. JUST AS DANGEROUS! It's a hard pill to swallow for old folks... I want to be sensitive, but there's been soooo many times when I want to scream GET OFF THE ROAD!! Here's my number, call me if you need a ride... geez.
It varies by state. In Texas the rules are the same for elderly as everyone else. Renew every 4 years and pass an eye exam. It's usally the eye exam the stops them from driving.
Hi S.,
My Mom and I were just talking about that this past weekend in regards to my grandmother. In Illinois you must pass a drivers test every year after a certain age (we couldn't figure out the age).
I think maybe the best bet would be to have a gentle sit down with your Mom and let her know you feel a little concerned about her driving. Be Honest! She will most liekly be hurt but it could open the door to a discussion about all the topics that will need to be discussed (health, safety, death, etc).
Best Wishes!
my FIL should not be driving. he's legally deaf, blind in one eye, has extremely slow reaction time, and drives far too fast. i will not get in a car with him at the wheel. but he doesn't want to give it up, and none of his kids are comfortable with having that hard conversation with him.
it's a difficult thing to judge. as denise points out, bad driving isn't an age issue, but i think it's a fair point that advanced age does bring reflex, sight and hearing issues that can't be overlooked.
when i am queen, driving will be a privilege, not a right. there will be zero age restrictions (if a 12 year old or a 95 year old can pass the test, she can have a license) but the testing will be rigorous and complete retesting will be required every two years.
khairete
S.
With my grandmother we had to report her to DMV. It was getting just way too scary. She got pulled over by a cop because he thought she was drunk she was swerving so much. I don't why that didn't warrant her being retested, but it didn't. That was the last straw in a string of fender benders, not placing the car in park, etc... and we felt it was getting dangerous for her and everyone else out on the road. We selected the person that she would least likely expect to be the one that actually made the phone call (my husband) so that the rest of us would have deniablity if she asked. Then DMV contacted her and said that she would need to come in and take a drivers test within a few months. She knew that most likely wouldn't end well, and decided that it was finally time to give up the drivers seat.
I don't know if you can do the same thing with strangers using their license plate number, but it can definitely be done for people you know the name of. Good luck. It is definitely a tricky situation, but I think if they are really getting to the point of not being a competent driver it is best for everyone.
Elders renew their licences just like everyone else. If you are concerned about your parents driving, speak to them or to their doctor. There is no easy way to force a person to stop driving. You take their keys, or their doctor must step in. In some states, elders must retake a driving exam every so often.
It's not clear if you are talking about your mom or in general... An adult can talk to the person's doctor. There are objective measurements of acuity and field of view that can be done, as well as some assessments of physical range of motion. If an elder parent passess these criteria they keep their license. If not, it may be restricted in some way (such as no driving at night). There are bad drivers of every age, and some people with poor vision already self-restrict. But a doctor can tell for sure. Remember you are influecing their mobility, and I think the right thing to do is to be ready to step up and help them find solutions for getting around. If you witness someone driving unsafely, call the police. I have done this for drunk drivers and idiots on cell phones who vere all over the road regardless of age. But just because soemone is elderly becuase of the age on their lisence doesnt' mean they shouldn't drive. I think in some states the DMV vision test gets more frequent over age 65, but I am not sure.
