How Much Time per Day Do You Spend Actively Playing with Your Baby?

I was with my son 100% of the time! So, I would wear him in a carrier so that I had my hands free and could do stuff like hike and walk for exercise. He would learn and get interaction from me, but I got a break from the sometimes mind numbing toy playing! :)

He is too little to entertain himself, so I would throw him on your back and go do some fun stuff...he will get everything he needs from that position!

Actually, my answer isn't really an answer to your question, but more a suggestion on the side... perhaps try to get out and do stuff more... run errands, go for long walks with him in the stroller (this way you can get some exercise that way), play at a park... it'll help your day go longer, and he'll receive more stimulation from seeing new sights. He has the security of you being there, but you won't need to (nor will he want you to) be the source of entertainment.

Anyway, when my daughter was that age I think about 15 minutes was about all her attention span was good for. I finally made a schedule... 30 minutes of a tactile/textual experience (playing with feathers, playdoh, etc), 30 minutes of crafts (coloring, finger paints, etc), 30 minutes of reading, etc. Nothing usually took 30 minutes, but between sitting down, getting set-up, doing the activity (and trying to draw it out to lengthen her attention span - which did work), and the cleaning up that activity, it ended up being about 30 minutes per activity. I'd also build in about 30 minutes for each meal followed by 30 minutes of me cleaning up the meal while she had free play time. And of course there were naps. Having the schedule helped me get through the day - it wasn't endless sitting on the floor with her. It was 30 minutes of this and then on to the next thing. I tried to keep it varied - 30 minutes sitting down, 30 minutes outside, 30 minutes eating and cleaning up, etc.

at that age both my children and the daycare kids I have had have played by themselves almost entirely. I interact at diaper changes and meals, and about 5 minutes out of every hour (sing a song or read a book or discuss the toy they have - the cow goes moo type stuff). They have all done this since about 4 mos old if not younger. And all of them, if I say so myself, are quite independent and smart and good problem solvers.

I tell my daycare parents this - I am not here to play with your child but rather to teach them how to play. So, teach him how to play then step back and let him. Stack blocks with him, then let him do it. Put a toy in a bucket and take it out, then let him do it. Just leave him with the items and walk away.

Hi A.. Wow, it sounds like you are tired and not quite sure what to do.... I have 2 boys ages 3 & 5. I was a lot more intense with my first. I went back to work until my oldest was 3 and since I've been home with the kids what's really helped me is to get to know other moms.

You can see the way they do things. I think it would be helpful if you hung out with another mom who has more than one kid.

When I first starting staying home I didn't know many stay at home moms that well. I felt like I was in my own world. It's weird, I kind of liked it that way... I'd overhear moms making plans to go to the museum or the zoo and the thought of making all those plans tired me out. Now that I've made friends - it's great. Even if we just meet at the park or do something close to home - it helps keep me sane. We also share babysitters (the sitter will watch both are kids at the same time). It's great because I can get out and go to the gym or do something for myself, pay 1/2 for the sitter and the kids love it because they can play together. I also volunteer to watch my friends kid(s) while she goes out, vice versa, so the cost is 0, just a return favor. I've learned to lean on other people, not sweat the small stuff and not freak out on my husband when he comes home. I've also learned not to dump the kid on my husband at night, but figure out my own plan during the day to keep myself happy.

Also, you need to let your baby cry and enjoy your shower. I know it's hard, but try to relax and take time for yourself without feeling guilty. Good Luck! PS - My kids are running around the basement now acting crazy and I can type this e-mail - you can do it too - just have to let go a bit.

Hi there

Oh this can be a hard one! I remember feeling this way when my son was your age, just seemed like he needed constant attention and I had to focus a lot of energy on doing things with him all the time. I think it comes down to this being your first, just start changing your routine gradually. At 10 months he will only have a short attention span anyway so 10 - 20 mins in an exersaucer - while your busy followed by 10 - 20mins of mummy time (when your giving him attention and doing things with him) then 10 -20 mins of another activity that is based more upon him doing things himself (a jolly jumper is good) then back to mummy time etc. The key is to not get too bogged down doing things with him for too long as your frustration or sense of wanting to do other things will have an effect on how he behaves. Enjoy time when he can do things safely by himself but keep him in eye sight and then when he seems sick of this spend some one on one time with him it will benefit you both.

Cheers

L.

During the week, a typical day for my son is:
7:00 - wake up and have some milk, play on his own
9:00 - morning nap
11:30 - lunch and play time split about 50/50 between on his own and with my husband (who stays home with him)
2:00 - afternoon nap
4:00 - dinner and play time with 100% attention. My husband gives him 100% attention and I come home from work during this time and give him 100%.
7:00 - bedtime

So I guess the total hours would be about 4, split between my husband and me. The rest of the time he's either sleeping, eating or playing on his own. And he's a super active baby! And he'll cry sometimes when we put him in his play yard but he gets over it pretty quickly. Drawing his attention to an interesting toy usually helps. He gets involved in that and forgets that he's playing on his own. And if we REALLY need to get something done and he's fussy in his yard, we'll turn on Nick Jr for a little bit.

I would say about 4 (my baby is 10 months), but it really depends upon what you mean by 100% active paying attention. He's awake for about 10 hours a day for reference.

I pay 100% attention during all times that I am caring for him (feeding, changing, etc), and I try to play with him for a hour or two a day or so, but in between it's definitely "spot" attention.

He's my third, so he's definitely entertained by all the activity going on with the others, the dog, the cat, etc. He's also often a "tag along" for other things. So, he's in the car a lot for drop offs and pick ups, in the stroller for walks (with the dog), in the stroller for my exercise, etc. Having him in the stroller, to me, does not mean I am paying him constant attention.

Trust me, there are days, especially like yesterday when he didn't take an afternoon nap, where he's attached to me and I am holding him (or else he's crying), but even then I still have stuff to do, so I'm holding him AND doing something else -- so I'm still not paying 100% attention to him.

The rest of the day, he's wandering around the house (he's not huge into sitting and playing with toys either) from room to room, person to person, checking things out and otherwise entertaining himself.

A couple of things - when is he napping? At this age babies typically have 2 naps a day (some still have 3 shorter ones) and the naps should both be at least 30 minutes. Honestly it sounds like your son is tired. Whenever I'm on the floor playing with my 11 month-old (she's my second baby), she is happy as a clam...and I know the minute she starts to get fussy for no reason, she's tired. So that's when you put him down for a rest. He might have to cry it out for awhile, but if he's tired, he'll sleep. That's when you fit in your shower and your workout! Or after he goes to bed at night. Try hard to fit those things in - they will make you happy which = happy mommy and baby!

Also, he's at the age where you can start taking him places like the zoo or nature museum, or even to the park to hang out on a blanket with some toys. I think the change in scenery would be refreshing for both of you. Also being around new things triggers brain growth - even the most simple things like feeling a new texture like a leaf or the water in a puddle.

Have a fun summer!

When my kids were babies, probably not more than an hour or hour and a half total, but I never counted. I let them play on the floor or in a walker or saucer or whatever while I cleaned or made food or washed dishes. I have always worked full-time and usually try to do something while they are occupied. Now that they are older, I do read to them and play with them, but they play independently pretty well much of the time. If we're at the park I'm running around with them, too. On weekends, I spend much more time playing with them because I have a whole day, but I guess I'm so used to multi-tasking that I'm usually doing something else, too. I sometimes felt like the only undivided attention my younger child got was when he was nursing.

I, too, am staying home with my 10-month old. Since she was very little, I made a point to give her "alone" time: tummy time while I did the dishes or put laundry in the washer. While I exercised or showered, she was in the bouncy seat. My exercise lasted as long as she'd allow me. The older she got, the longer she's been able to go since each time she'd fuss, I'd finish up whatever I was doing--giving her the chance to go a little longer and a little longer until she had me back. She can now make it upwards of 20 minutes, if not more, in her exersaucer or pack-n-play while I'm exercising or showering and she crawls around on the floor while I load up the dishwasher. At this point, I probably spend 50% of the available, non-nap time either carrying her around while I pick up/throw laundry in/whatever or playing with her on the floor. Most of the free-play time is me laying next to her while she crawls around and over me to get whatever toy she's looking for. So, it's kinda relaxing in a way. The rest of the time, she's in her jumper, exersaucer, pack-n-play or on the floor with a sight-line to me. If I drop out of sight (go around the corner or into another room), she doesn't care for that much at all!

However, you're in a little different boat since you're wanting to train your son now. If you do put him down to play independently and he does ok for a few minutes and then starts fussing, let him fuss for a couple minutes while you finish up whatever you're doing--talking to him and letting him know you're there, you haven't abandoned him to fend for himself, and you'll be right there to get him. The more times you consistently do this, the longer and longer he'll be able to go before getting fussy. Do you have a SuperYard (it's like a giant plastic fence that you can use indoors to keep children contained if you aren't right there)? It's great for the physical-type kids since there's a TON of room to crawl and roam around while playing where you don't need to be right there next to him. And if you want to get in there with him, there's room for that and for him to continue being all over the place.

I hope you're able to find the happy balance! I'm not necessarily 100% satisfied yet with my situation, but we're getting there (I'd love a shower but we're usually at the end of the 20 min window by the time I get around to that). And the older the babies get, the more they'll want to be independent and not want the mommy there.