How Much Should a Four Year Old Do

As far as getting him to do things...ask just one thing at a time. As someone else mentioned, there needs to be a consequence (take away a toy, game, etc. find what works for him). Be consistent. If he knows he can get away without doing it, he will. Kids are smart. That's great that you want to teach him to read! Sounding out the letters is a great step. You can sound out the letter, and see if he can guess the letter or write it. When it's cooler out, have him write with sidewalk chalk maybe. You can find some books at the library for beginning readers with very simple words (3 letter words. When he gets that, go on to a book tht builds on that (adds a few more words. Label things around the house - door, window, names on rooms, bathroom,etc.) You can make a Bingo game with alphabet letters or even sight words (am, had, have, are, you,can etc,). Make it fun, you're on the right track !

You'll have to find things he is interested in so he can stay busy...blocks drawing anything hes interested in....videos from the library that he can pick out. I know its hard I have a 2 and a half yr old and a 1 yr. old. She had fun just playing with some lids from the cabinet I had put away lots of colors she was entertained by that for awhile. Sometime they like to make tents over the coffee table, she likes to play with her baby. The best way to he will learn to read is from you reading to him and pointing to the words as you read them. Children also Love music you can play nursery rhyme music and that will help him learn to read. It's hard to keep them busy and keep everything clean for me too! Hope you'll find your answers..let me know...K.

As others have said, don't push him into learning how to read. There will be plenty of time for that later. Teaching them how to read at an early age doesn't necessarily make them a better reader later on and you risk the possibility of him not enjoying reading if it's pushed. The key is to help him gain a love for reading. At this point the most important thing you can do is to expose him to plenty of books, and read to him as often as you can. In the meantime, continue to expose him to the letters and the sounds they make (I LOVE the Leap Frog Letter Factory DVD. My son learned all his letters and the sounds they make by the time he was 3 yrs. old by watching that). My son is almost 5 now (won't be going into kindergarten until next year), and I am just starting to teach him a little reading. I will continue with it if I see that he is continuing to enjoy it. But the moment that I see that he's not enjoying it, I will back off. The last thing I want is for him to not enjoy reading. So far so good though. He really likes it. If you can get him into a preschool or program next year, I would do it. My son will be starting next week with the Mesa Public Schools Early Learning Preschool which is free for 4 & 5 yr. olds who qualify. If you're in Mesa, I can give you that info. If not, look into what your district offers. Good luck with everything!

Hi M.,
Deep breath, you're doing great wanting him to do more for himself. Consistent direction/expectations from you are the key.

My 4 yo can "help" clean his room, put dished in the dishwasher, put clean silverware away in the drawer (neatly), sort laundry, sweep, etc. He understands just about everything, and he knows he is "expected" to do these things when I ask him. Yes, he's 4, so he needs me to supervise him, but that's fine with me. (I also have a 2 yo).

Start making letters a game. Draw them with your hands or fingers in the sand, color them with crayons, he's old enough for little kid scissors (within your limits) and sticker activities. Sing alphabet songs; name things that start with each letter. I also l-o-v-e the book, "K is for kissing a cool kangaroo," it's hilarious.

Good luck!
t

As far as the reading thing goes, there is a really good book by Glenn Dolmen (sp?) I would recommend called How to Teach Your Baby to Read. I think it's great to give your child a head start and reading, reading is so important. The program in the book can be done with your daughter also. Basically you make a bunch of LARGE flash cards (the letters should be at least 2 inches tall and pretty thick writing) of words your child likes (my son, 2yrs old knows all his family members and animals names) you show them pretty quickly in sets of 5 a couple times though out the day and the next day you add and extra one or so. This really works if you do it even remotely consistently, my son could read around 10 to 20 words before he could even talk. But it has to be FUN!! You make a game out of it, and you have to be REALLY excited about it to get them to think it’s a fun cool game. If they don’t like it, you’re better off not doing it at all. I don’t expect my son to learn to all the words like this but it gives him a start and an interest and I figure they can teach him the phonics method in school.

In my opinion, I don't think that it is necessary to teach him how to read yet. If you have that much time before he goes to school, you can wait on reading and start focusing on his listening and socialization skills. Many of the things you mentioned he should be doing by himself. The best way to get him to do it, is by making a game out of it.

When you want him to shut the door, sing, "One, two, three, four, please shut the front door." Sing it three or four times in a row. If he still doesn't do it, I would suggest having a consequence. I don't mean spanking. I am talking about taking away a special toy when he doesn't listen, timeout, etc. I am lost as to how to get him to clean up, as I am still working on that with my two kids, who are four and five. When I need them to help clean-up we usually make a game out of it, shooting "baskets" into the buckets, toyboxes, etc. I also say, "Who can clean up the fastest, whoever can, gets a treat(piece of gum, fruit snacks, etc.)" Today when I was trying to get my four year old to clean up, I got out the vacuum, turned it on and said, "You better hurry before I vacuum everything up!" She squealed with delight and picked up every single last toy, I then chased her around the living room pretending to "get" her with the vacuum.

I guess the advice I have is to have fun with your son, make cleaning fun and give him more responsibilities. Make a chart on the computer and give him a sticker everytime he brushes his teeth and gets ready for bed by himself. My kids get their own cereal in the morning and get dressed by themselves everyday. They don't always do it in a timely fashion, but they get it done. We put a shoe rack in our hallway with the kids shoes, so they always know where they are. If there are no shoes on the rack, I send them on a hunt for their shoes. You can also keep a basket by the front door, but I found that the rack was easier, as we can see what shoes are on there.

As for the learning aspect with him, just play games. You can print off free flashcards online, go to learning websites and let him play on the computer(my daughter likes Nick Jr and Funbrain) Count dry beans, hide objects in rice or flour, put word labels on objects around your house, etc. I could go on and on. Just google learning activities for preschoolers and you will find a wealth of information. I hope I have been of some help. Parenting is not easy, it is all about trial and error. I make mistakes daily, but the important thing is to learn from your mistakes:)

They should be putting their shoes away, putting their dishes in the sink, they can even help you dust if you want him too (but not very good of course). He can brush his teeth but you'll have to do it after so you get all his teeth. You can make some sort of laminate card that has his name on it and he can trace over it every day.

As far as the preschool, I would strongly recommend you send him at least the year before. He will be the older kid and will suffer more because he has lacked the socialization, phonetics and sharing skills that preschool teaches. I am not sure where you live but the area I live in in Phx, the kids are doing one year minimum and the majority are doing 2 years. If you put your son in kindergarten with no other school experience, he is at a risk for being a huge difficulty for the teacher. I chose 2 years for my first (because he will be an older child like yours as well, and I wanted to make sure holding him is the right decision). I will probably do 1 year for my second but still have him active in sports and classes that are super cheap at our rec center. Research reduced costs if you have to.

As a speech therapist in the schools, i recommend just teaching him the love of reading and stories. go to the local library and find books about whatever he is interested. when he starts getting instruction in school, the incentive to read will be there and it will come naturally. if he shows interest in learning his letters and sounds--go with it. be outside a lot too. it stimulates the mind and will encourage his curiosity about the world that can be extended by books. otherwise just cultivate the love of reading and relax.

routines are great for getting children to be independent. do his "chores/activities" in the same order ever day/week with a reward at the end (e.g. outside time, reading time, video, snack...whatever). that way remembering is easier and expectations are predictable. i would try positive reiforcement (reminders of what he will earn after completing his responsibilities). my 2 year old responds to this effortlessly. (and she is a fireball.) all i usually have to say is, "oh you don't want your elmo snack?" and she generally will do what she needs to do without a fuss. good luck! S.

Dear M.,

Please try not to stress out over teaching a four year old to read. As a teacher I know that knowing letters and the sounds they make does not automatically make a reader. Nor does it make kids learn to read better or faster. Sesame Street has taught kids the letters and numbers at younger ages than in the past, but kids still learn to read later...that has not changed over the decades.
That being said, read books TO your son and daughter. That will do more for their future reading ability than regurgitating some memorized letters or words. If your kids learn the letters and words just naturally as you read things to them...that is great!
We have a society that seems to think faster is better...I dare say, not necessarily so. There are even case studies where learning to read too soon causes more problems down the line. (Formal instruction)
If you are worried about developmental level, you can see when the local school district does testing to see if your kids are within the normal range. This should be free...school want to identify difficulties in students sooner rather than later. School districts might also have information concerning what to expect of a 4 year old. (Info is online at many child development web sites)
Good luck.

I have 4 kids under 8 and I've found that they understand almost EVERYTHING by age 2!! :) The difficulty is more about what they can REMEMBER, rather than what they can understand. Toddlers are notorious for their short-term memory but they still haven't had time to develop the habits that we take for granted. I have actually created an interactive website (www.mytimecalendars.com) specifically for this age group where you can help your toddler create their own chore chart and calendar to help them remember what to do when. We use graphic images to represent activities and events and as a member, you can even upload your own photos and images to personalize it even more for your toddler! Kids this age love to help and love to be in charge of something...these tools will help you capitalize on that! I have successfully used this system for my kids as early as 2 1/2 and still use it after 5 years! So I'm not just shamelessly pitching my site here...I really believe in this thing! Give it a try for a month and see if it doesn't make a difference.