How I'am Feeling

It's a totally normal feeling that you are having!! It's hormonal and instinctual and will help to keep him alive :)

Try to enjoy it! Every little person should be so lucky :)
S.

My mother died when I was 15 yrs. old. Although she had an illness, it was a sudden death & it happened at home, so I saw pretty much everything. I was very distant for a long time after that & also rebelled a bit. Thankfully, she set a very good foundation & example for me as I think I turned out very well...and I've always longed for a child. I now have a 3-yr-old son who is the joy of my life. My mother's birth day is 8/24 and she died on 8/30 - I knew once I figured out when my baby was due (which the dr's said was anywhere from 9/2-9/9) that the child would be born between 8/24 & 8/30. My son was born on 8/26. I have always considered him "my mother's child"...and our bond is precious & the most important gift I've ever rec'd. Your a mother...you aren't necessarily feeling anything different than any other mom...it's just that since you don't have your mother here with you to share in this journey, you may be feeling it all just a little bit more than others. Enjoy your son...Enjoy life!

Hi

I have not lost my mother but the way you feel is normal , you just cannot believe how much you can love your baby until they are here. I used to get tears in my eyes just thinking about my first born , & yes you feel the same way with each child you have but it's not so over whelming as you are expecting it.

Hi J. A
Strong love is wonderful and healthy, but you may also be having anxiety attacks. After my second baby I was afraid to even drive because I was afraid I was going to die in a car crash... I couldn't sleep because I was afraid my children would die in their sleep and I would not be there for them. It took me a while to realize that my concerns may be on the "obsessive" side. I let it go way too far (total of 5 years) before I sought help and ended up damaging my heart. If you can, go see a doctor and seek antidepressants that work for anxiety, and/or a therapist can help with exercises to calm you during panic attacks (warm flush to the head and shortness of breath). I love my children with all of my heart, but I feel better now too.

Mom of 2: 16yr and 11yr

This is completely normal. My Mom is alive but children are truly blessings and as a mother you will find you share a bond with them like none other. As for never wanting to leave him your tune may change a little there after having to wake up constantly, change diaper after diaper, have poop/pee on the carpet or crayon on the walls, food thrown up on you...etc :P In all truth I think that is why we feel such love for our children, because they are amazing but they are also a lot of work and require a lot of patience. I am glad to hear you are feeling such a strong connection to your child. I ended up having post partum depression with my son and went back and forth from feeling overjoyed to disconnected to overwhelmed. I would cry for no reason and got next to no sleep. I would shut down at the thought of doing everyday things. It was very scary, I felt like I was trapped in someone elses body. It took 3 months for the doctors to figure out what was going on, after blood tests and thyroid tests, they gave me the paper Q&A test that they give every Mom to see how they are dealing with things and my score got lower and lower until they sent me to a therapist who diagnosed me with PPD. Turns out it was on my father's side who died when I was too little to remember him. I got treated and am much better now. You will feel guilty at first but it is good for both you and the baby to spend some time apart. You are a mother but you are still you and need some "you" time. It is not selfish to take a couple hours to go get your nails done or go on a girls night out or just something for you. If you focus your life around being a mother and only that you can get burnt out. Congratulations!

You have the joy of motherhood. Praise the Lord! The Bible ways "He gives the barren woman a home making her the joyous mother of children." Is the father happy too? AF

I think that becoming a mommy has renewed your sense of loss at the death of your mother when you were so young. Your mom wasn't around to guide you through your teen years, and she isn't around to help you with your baby and give you childrearing advice.

You need to allow yourself to grieve for your mom. Pray for her, do something in her memory. If you have siblings, get together on the next anniversary of her death. Even though your son is still tiny, get out the photo album, point out your mom and tell him about her.

Something else that I believe will help is arranging for a guardian and applying for life insurance so that if something does happen to you, your son will be taken care of. That's not something ANY of us want to consider, but I think making arrangements is particularly important for you because your experience with your mom's death has left you feeling so vulnerable.

Welcome to motherhood!!! My Mom died before any of my children were born, I was 24, so I know what your feeling. The rush of changing hormones is just bringing back the feelings that you had when she died. You want to ask her sooo amny questions, or just call her up and tell her what your child is doing. Relax, it's normal. Call up another female relative, an aunt, a cousin, a grandmother, talk to them, I bet that they can help some, mine did. I hope that this helps.

Dear J., Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your mother. It is totally normal that now you are a mother, you are thinking more about your own. You were robbed of the chance to share all this with her. Depending on the level of your feelings, you may want to seek bereavement counseling, or read some books on death and dying. It is natural to feel the strong emotions that you mention toward your child! That may not have anything to do with losing your mother. We are supposed to feel that way about our kids! Enjoy your baby boy. You sound like a great mother.

J.:
I felt like this when my son was born (my only child born when I was 43) I was protective of him on hyper drive. And I had lost my only brother in an accident when I was 16.I have stayed super protective of himeven to this day. But I have conversations with myself daily that he needs to have normal experiences eventough I have a fear of losing him like my brother. Of - course - there will be no motorcycles in our life - as that is how my brother was killed. I would allow Grandmas to watch him so we could go on dates. I found a very trusted college student or another friend of mine who was a Mom to watch him on rare occasions. And this summer (in part because at 3 1/2 we each needed a break from eachother) I put him in 1/2 day summer camp at a health club that we belong too.(5 minutes from our house) They have childcare that my son enjoys and everyone has background checks and they are mostly Moms working there or HS/College students that are majoring in early childhood delveopment. And before I ever had him at any of those childcare situatioons I would go and hang out there for a few hours and talked to people and asked tons of safety questions. So you see - you can still be a very protective Mom but done in a way that doesn't limit your child/put him in jeopardy or drive yourself crazy. My son is now in 1/2 day preschool 4 times a week and it is great and I don't feel nervous anymore when I drop him off. I feel really happy that he's doing really well and very independant. I think when you first have your child the hormones dictate alot of that over protective feeling and also the sleep deprivation of the 1st year of your shild's life. I know that I'm much more fearful when I'm losing out on sleep. And Like I said - once some time goes by and you get this Mom thing down - you will feel much more confident and the hormones will shift back and you will have less scarey thoughts in your mind. Beleive me - just do the things you KNOW you are supposed to do to let your child grow up healthy and confident and the fear will subside. Good Luck - and enjoy that baby every second - I can't beleive my "baby" is 4 now!! Blessings, S.

PS - I just wanted to summerize - In letting him have some independence from me - and my husband and I to have an occassional date, I arranged things in a way that fell within my comfort zone. I will always let my gut insinct guide me regarding my son - like his school is 5 minutes as is his summer camp location. So I checked them all out and I have a cell phone on me when I'm away from him. I can get to him very quickly. HE gets to be a kid and I get to maintain the level of safety that is important to me.

I, too, lost my mother when I was young. I was 9. 9 months ago I had a daughter and felt what you are feeling now. I cried while putting her to bed for the first 6-7 months. I had to force myself to go out without her for the first few months. I knew it was good for me to have some time away from her but I didn't want to be away from her for even a second, I was afraid that something would happen to one of us. I'm sure what you've got going on is a mix of missing your mom (I know I do everyday even more so now that I'm a mom), hormones, lack of sleep and regular old mommy love :)

I think we do feel things a little differently because our moms aren't around and we really need them now. I've been keeping a journal for my daughter. I'm so terrified of dying and leaving her I want to be sure she has all the answers to all the questions I had/have. In the journal I tell her how I feel about her and how my life has changed, the milestones she's reaching and when and how. I try to be as thorough as possible. I'm also working harder than ever to take care of my health so there's less chance my daughter will have to go through what I did.

I know it may sound a little odd but for the first few months I know I could feel my mother's presence with me when I was with my daughter. Sometimes my daughter would look at a blank wall in the distance and just smile. I swear she could see my mom. I just felt her often.

It breaks my heart that my mom isn't with us the way I'd like her to be. I tell my daughter stories about her grandma and show her pictures. I do things with her that my mom used to do with me. I want to be sure that my little girl knows just how special her grandma was.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how tough it is. I also know how difficult it is to find others who lost their mothers at such a young age. Most people just don't understand. If you ever need a shoulder or an ear please feel free to email me ____@____.com

P.S. Check out the Mother Loss Workbook. It's been very helpful for me.

Hey! First of all, your other post - hiccups do not mean gas. Hiccups are caused by a mild irritation in the esphocus (now I know I'm spelling that wrong) and will usually go away within a few minutes or so. If he keeps getting them or they are affecting his sleep or eating, then please contact your pediatrician. That's what they are there for and they won't think you're a bother or anything.

Second, it sounds like you are dealing with all the hormones of post pregnancy. I don't want to come out and say post partum depression, but it could be. After pregnancy, we have completely out of sinc levels of hormones that are just starting to level out and this causes mood swings, crying, sadness, anger, lethargy, you name it! Most of the time, it goes away on its own BUT NOT ALWAYS. If you find that you are just a little over the edge of "normal" emotions - and not just the bad emotions. You say you just feel this crazy love towards your baby but even to you it feels out of wack and your feeling anxiety about it - well, this is out of wack and if you concerned enough to reach out on mommasource, then I think you need to speak with your doc. I had a mild case of post partum depression after the birth of my twins. I knew something was "wrong" right away and immediatly went to my OB/GYN to discuss. We talked about my symptoms and he explained what PPD is and we discussed some options. I was prescribed a low dose of anti-depressants. I wasn't in la-la land like I was drugged, I just no longer had the wilder mood swings or the crying (I cried a lot). It just took the edge off so to speak. Anway, if you are concerned that your feelings are out of your normal range, then get help. Go see your OB/GYN or your primary care doc and talk to them.

The main reason I immediately went to the doc's about my moodiness was that during my pregnancy, there were 2 cases where mothers killed their kids while dealing with PPD but not being treated for it. These were very much in the news and they were horrible. I didn't feel anything like violence but since PPD takes away some of your control over your emotions, I didn't want to take the risk that my simple moodiness might turn into something worse and I just couldn't think of a reason why I should risk my family over the possibility of me being embarrassed or ashamed. I didn't care what people thought when we discussed this, I knew I was protecting my family (and my sanity!!).

I was on the meds for less than a year. All worked out. Since your concerned, go to your doc and see what he/she has to say.

Good luck
Julie

RELAX!! He'll be fine! Babies can handle a lot.

We are rearing our grandson because our daughter passed away when he was 18 months old. He's now almost 8. Everything is fine. He did miss her for a while, and we speak of her and have pictures of her out, but between us and his father and cousins, he is just fine.

You need to calm down and just live each day to the fullest. Enjoy him and stop worrying!

It's called unconditional, motherly love. You're normal. Even if your mother was still alive, you'd feel the same way. It's the new parent euphoria. It lasts until the little one keeps you up for a few more months and you're so tired and sleep-deprived that seeing the bed causes a bigger smile than seeing the baby.

I completely understand your feelings.I lost my mom as a big surprise to suicide on my 16th birthday,and my dad died when I was 20.So I think as a result I am more protective,"sappy",and want to spent all my free time with my children,,well maybe not so much right now in these terrible two days.lol.It gets better when they get alittle older.I always wonder how they'd be as grandparents.Enjoy your motherhood though

Welcome to motherhood! This is how you are supposed to feel!
It's completely normal!
Congrats on your son!
God Bless!

Well my mom died when I was 31, 20 years ago. She never met my husband or my children. They had one grandparent for one year. But we have a pseudograndma who sends postcards and makes cookies. We are very fortunate.

Never seeing anything wrong with the baby is not such a great thing. One way to express your great love is to pay attention. Is he reaching developmental milestones? If some area seems lacking, talk to your ped and get some expert help. None of us are perfect. It is a great act of love to get help early.