How Do You Respond to Your Spouse's Irritability or Frustration?

I think it helps to know what he most needs when he's stressed. My husband usually needs to be given some space. If he comes home cranky and irritable, I try to be kind and then leave him alone.

We don't always deal with everything the way we should. Sometimes we let our grouchy moods get the best of us and we get into unnecessary arguments. But we both try not to let that happen, and we are both much, much happier when we give the grumpy person what they need in order break out of their funk. My husband needs space. I prefer hugs and reassurance. I like to be able to talk about my day (even if there isn't anything my husband can do to fix it).

We all need different things. What does your husband need from you?

In addition to what B said below...
Get off the computer.
Close the article.
Take off your clothes and get in bed with your husband and STOP THINKING.
You'll both feel a lot better.
I mean come ON it's Saturday night!!!

Depends if I know why or not. If I know why, then I usually know how best to respond (eg, if he's just tired, then I know he'll be back to normal in the morning and so I just ignore it and give him some space - we all need that sometimes; if he needs to vent about something that happened, I let him vent).

If I don't know why, then I just ask "Hey, you seem grouchy, what's going on?" Once he answers, then I can go back to square one and decide if it's something I can help with, or if he just needs a little space for an evening.

ETA: Also, I would like to gently suggest that you take yourself a little less seriously. Mamazita's answer is quite funny, and might actually work to lighten the mood in your house.

1 "we talked about it and shared our feelings".
2 "How do I make peace with this?"

Um, didn't you make peace with it by talking and sharing your feelings?

Ya know, a lot of times I think counseling is a good idea.
But sometimes you have to throw the psychology book out the window.

Hubby was tired and hungry and he snapped because he was tired, hungry and mildly irritated and you KNEW he was tired hungry and irritated and yet you chose to internalize all this angst over something that you had no control over and wasn't your fault.

ARRGH!!!

Here's a radical thought.
Try primal scream therapy.
Or play "Shake it Off" 47 times until you memorize it.

If you spend your life reacting to how other's behave, you will be exhausted, stressed out and quite frankly, anxious and depressed. That's basic therapy 101.

I think you could benefit from learning not to take things personally, or internalize things, or to be a sponge. Your husband's moods are his own. If they are so bad that you get upset a lot over them - then you have to decide a) is he being too moody and he needs to work on it or b) am I being too sensitive, and need to work on that.

My husband can be cranky as anything and I am a sensitive person. I don't take his moods personally (because there is no point) and we developed ways to best handle this (everyone is cranky sometimes). He has a few projects outside he works on or he has some 'me' time. Or I do. We adapt. We just don't take on each other's moods.

If you find you do, a lot, then it can go back to that codependent thing and you can get help for that. I think you once mentioned you didn't have the best relationship with your mother (if I recall correctly). That is very common - to then try to keep everything happy and even keeled in your own family once you're grown. I think you just let all that responsibility go and realize families are fine with some discord.

Your husband and you sound fine - like typical couple. You just have to accept that (sorry to be blunt, but I think you're overanalyzing).

i call him out on it. i will say to him "i know that you are in a bad mood because of work but i would appreciate it if you would stop taking it out on me and the kids"
since its direct an to the point he usually goes off to do some chore where he can be alone or he will shower or go work in the garden. it seems to help him realize he is taking things out on us and he takes some alone time to straighten himself out

Based on the answers below, I guess you changed your question or deleted some details...?

In general I think a person who is overly tired needs rest! Peace and quiet.

"Mirroring his reaction" - you mean the idea that one grumpy person can effect everyone's happiness? Well if the grumpy person is just overly tired then maintaining some space is probably one good way to address that.

I give him space and let him come to me when he is in a better mood.