How Do You Relax and Enjoy You Pregnancy After a Loss

There is a self-inquiry process called "The Work" that is extremely helpful for dealing with stressful/fearful thoughts. The book is "Loving What Is." The website is thework.com

I know EXACTLY what you are going through...

In 2000, I found out I was pregnant, carried for 15 weeks and miscarried. I got pregnant again in 2002 and miscarried at 14 weeks. Since I carried so long in both; I had to deliver in both situations. Neither pregnancy, were they able to determine why we lost our baby boys.

We waited a few more years. (I was 38 when I got pregnant again) We couldn't afford the specialist that was suggested because it wasn't covered by insurance and the money just wasn't there.

December 2005 - my husband said, do you want to try one more time? I got pregnant. I had the same thoughts and conversations with my husband. We prayed A LOT and just said - WE ARE ***NOT*** going to live, waiting for the "other shoe to drop". We are NOT going to wait for this pregnancy to end. We ARE going to ENJOY every sign that is given to us that this pregnancy is going to last.

I hadn't felt kicks in the first two pregnancies; however I started feeling the kicks and again...just thanked God for that "additional" feeling of life.

There were a couple days that I couldn't feel her moving. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed praying, "God, if this isn't meant to be, I won't like it...it will really SUCK again; however I want to thank you for the feelings of this baby that I wasn't able to feel in the first pregnancies." I was crying like mad; however really meant it.

I read something that the grief support lady gave me while still in the hospital for my first loss. "Gone is the innocence". Meaning: once you have lost, you can never go back to that "wide-eyed awe" of being pregnant.

I am here to say that I believe you can get that back. You have to "re-wallpaper" your mind to think toward what could happen and rejoice (find joy) in every yucky thing that happens during pregnancy...Love your nausea...LOVE the fact that you have to go to the bathroon 100 times a day...LOVE LOVE the fact that when you pass by the hamburger joint, you have to stop or you are going to hit someone :)

Again, all you are doing is saying to yourself OVER AND OVER AGAIN that you are not going to live your life, waiting for death. You are going to enjoy every day for what it gives you.

Can I get an AMEN!! I read this response back and it sounds a little preachy and I am sorry - just really passionate about this. My mother-in-law would call me every week and ask me if the baby was ok or was it dead...Can you imagine? I kept telling her that she was crazy and the baby was fine and that I CHOOSE to believe that this one was going to work out. But enjoy every day that you are given...being a mommy (being pregnant). It rocks!

Take care and good, good, good luck!
J.

I used Hypnobabies, a self-hypnosis curriculum for pain management during childbirth, and it came with a daily affirmation-type cd that I felt was very helpful to me as I am a worrier by nature. I cannot relate to your mc experience exactly but am deeply sorry for your loss. Check out hypnobabies.com...I really thought it was a cool way to connect and feel calm during pregnancy. Good luck!

I haven't been there and done that, but there is a terrific forum of women in your exact position at:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=156

Best of luck to you!! I hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy!

Hi G., I read this and thought I should share my story w/you. In 2003 we started trying to get preg and my first round of shots in 2004 I got preg and had a m/c at 8weeks. I was devastated but got back up and tried again. I conceieved twins 5months later and ended up delivereing them stillborn at 23 weeks due to an Incompetent Cervix. I thought my life was over and that I would never be able to get over this awful loss. 5 months later I was pregnant again and with the help of my docs and lots of bed rest I now have a 1 yr old and a 2yr old. I hate to share such a sad story but I wanted you to know that it is possible. Be as positive as you can and try not to worry to much. I have really learned that unless you are doing something totally wrong in your pregancy then its usually out of your hands. Some women just have easy pregnancies and some dont (I happen to fall in the "dont category") I found a grou on yahoo groups helpful and even though its been almost 4yrs since I lost my precious babies I still use the group. They know exactly what I am going through and you get so many ppl going through your exact situation at all different times. Just go to yahoo groups and search m/c. Sorry this is so long...I hope it helps. Try to hang in there and enjoy your preg. as much as possible.

I lost my November '08 baby in early April at 6wks 2d; but it was missed and, although I knew it was likely that it had happened, I didn't expel the POC until 10 wks. In any event, I am now 4 mos pregnant, so, I know where you've been and where you are. I had some spotting at 5 wks, so, later that week, I went and had my blood levels drawn to give me some sense of comfort with the HGC levels. A week later, I had my first u/s at 6wk 3d and saw the fluttering bean and heard the heart beat. I have a home doppler I rented from Belly Beats (I think) with my first pregnancy (successful, although ending in a posterior birth of a 9lb'er!) and I use it once a week or whenever I'm concerned. I know some people don't agree with such frequent use, but you asked about easing your mind and this eases mine. I first heard the heartbeat at home in the 7th week. I do know what I'm listening for having begun using it at 10 or 11 wks with my daughter, so, it's been very easy for me to use. Good luck and take a lot of deep breaths, too, and find an affirmation that works for you to replace the worries when they come in your head. For me, it's "In the name of Jesus I am carrying a perfectly healthy, viable embryo [fetus]."

I am not sure I have any words or wisdom for you. I just read your post and wanted to reply. I myself just had a m/c this morning. According to the doctors I was only about 2 weeks pregnant. I can sure understand how you are feeling but just remember to relax and not to stress as hard as that is. God is with you.

Have you ever been part of a support group? I know several moms who have felt they needed the support to get through a loss, and even more to help them relax during a subsequent pregnancy.
I don't know where you're located, but I run a miscarriage and stillbirth support group at Riverside Medical Center in Kankakee. We meet the first and third Thursday of every month at 7:30 in the chapel.

There is a website www.emofree.com that deals with all types of emotional issues. There is a free manual, a video, and also archives that have all types of issues that this technique has addressed and helped. Look into it - it helps in many areas of our lives.

I've used it in weight control and my daughter has used it in craving cigarettes.

Good luck and God bless.

Hi G. -

First of all, congratulations! I too have been there, myself suffering 2 painful losses. It was very hard not to obsess over every little thing on my 3rd pregnancy, but, I learned to be very positive and hope for the best. I know it sounds cliche, but, you are only given what you can truly handle. I also learned to not read too much over the internet because every person is different. I do not know if you are a religious person, but, I found myself praying every day God would get me through a healthy pregnancy. After a whole host of issues throughout my pregnancy, I gave birth to a healthy, but very small (3lbs, 6oz) little boy at 31 weeks. After 8 weeks in the NICU, we brought our little angel home and he is happy and healthy today. Bottom line, hang in there and try as hard as you can to not obsess over the little things.
Good luck & take care.

Hi, G., and congratulations! I know of an organization that can offer a lot of information and support: Resolve. If you go to their website, I'm sure you'll find some great resources there. My best friend was President of the local chapter for a couple of years. Their website is just http://www.resolve.org/. Best of luck to you!

N.

God, you mamas out there are amazing. I have no advice because I can't even begin to understand what you've been through and are going through but stay positive and know that you will be an amazing mother.

I had 7 miscarriages until we figured it all out or it was my time. You need to say super busy but you need to listen to your instincts too. I will e-mail you spearately so we can talk. And once the baby comes you will be so busy you will be enjoying it with no problem i can promise that one.
Keep yourself busy if it is organzing drawers,cleaning out closets and cabinets, do as much as you can for other people, send cards, join facebook or my space.
ALSO PLEASE Stay on progesterone as long as you can tolerate it, even up to 16 weeks! ALL studies show the longer you take progesterone the less likely you are to have a premature baby and other problems! I will try to think of more things to help you.
congrats and enjoy!
J.

I also had a very difficult time staying pregnant. After 2 miscarriages I now have an adorable 6 month old baby girl! I also went to an RE so I found out very early too that I was PG. With every US I was a nervous mess. To be totally honest, I never totally relaxed. You can only hope and pray that everything goes well. Just take care of yourself, relax and TRY not to become overstressed...it will not do either of you any good. I wish you all the best.

Of course you're going to think about the lost baby but try not to stress. Remember that was then and this is new. Talk to the drs. nurse when spotting so she can put it on your chart and she'll let the dr. know. If he wants to see you they'll let you know.

G.,
First, congratulations on your pregnancy - early as it is. I have had three miscarriages, but I have two beautiful children. The first two miscarriages were before I had any children. Miscarriage #1 happened early on at 6 weeks. Miscarriage #2 happened at 11.5 weeks. Then we had two children (through IVF) and finally miscarriage #3 happened at 11 weeks. My infertility was unexplained and so were the miscarriages.

I will tell you the things that got me through the first pregnancy was work. I was very busy at work and I was able to distract myself through work. I also made sure I had a good book, so when I wasn't working I wasn't thinking about the pregnancy. I know it sounds silly, but the more I thought about it, the more stressed I got. I also worked out quite a bit during the first pregnancy. This takes your mind off things too. Walking, the elipticle, yoga - anything low impact. It helped with my pregnancy and it helped losing the weight after the pregnancy.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Enjoy your pregnancy. It truly is a miracle that needs to be celebrated! You want to look back on your pregancy and say, "I really enjoyed being pregnant!"

G., Thank you for posting your response. I just miscarried in Septmeber, at 16weeks and had to deliver. Our doctor just cleared us to start trying again, and like you I'm not sure how I will do it. I have found comfort in some of the responses, and I hope you have too. I am a faithful person, so the mantra "God's will" will help me through this. Hopefully, like you we will get pregnant again and I will learn to be thankful for every day that I am pregnant and find peace in that.

I am an older mom of 4 kids...I had a hard time concieving but luckily never had a MC. I did have many close friends who did have a MC the first time they were pregnant and then went on to have their next kids fine. Don't worry about it and just go on with your life. Pray for God to give you peace about whatever happens and focus on relaxing and not stressing about it. God bless you!!!

I know it is hard...but, don't dwell on the past! Try to do things that relax you and make you happy. Read a book, bake, rent and watch your favorite television series.

Remember that pregnant or not, you would still have gas. And you know that implantation bleeding is common. You know the signs to watch for...if it isn't one of those signs...then know everything is fine! Don't be afraid to contact your doctor...they are used to us pariniod pregnant women and can usually put our minds at ease!

I feel for you with your past loss...but, you have to be positive and have faith that all will work out. Never blame yourself for what has happened in the past and do your best to be happy and move forward with this pregnancy.

God bless you (both!)!!!!!!!!!!!!

So sorry for your loss. I had the same experience in May 07. I have also gone thru IUI, though my loss baby was not a result of IUI. I think the best advice I was given is to just do what you know is best for you and baby (ie nutrition, rest, etc) amd know that you really have no control over the outcome and that you did your part. I will be the first to admit though that I was not completely relaxed. It was quite tense when they couldn't find the hb on dopplar at 12 weeks during my subsequent pregnancy. Before the loss experience, I might have even been willing to admit it was just too early and wait another month to check again. But not this time. Thankfully, he popped up on u/s doing somersaults. The innocence of pregnancy is lost and can't be gotten back. But it helped to have a positive outlook but still be able to confide my fears with others who had gone through the same experience. For me, I joined a baby center mc message board for Christian moms who had experienced a loss that kind of helped me to reconcile my faith with my loss as well as give me support through my subsequent pregnancy. I still check in there on occassion, though my baby is 6mos now. As far as telling people now, that is a matter of personal preference. I had only told like 3 girlfriends I was pg when I found out we were going to mc. Unfortunately, I had some complications that required a trip to the hospital and my family found out that we had been keeping a secret from them for about 2 months that way. Not cool. It made for a very uncomfortable situation for all. Try as much as you can to relax and enjoy being pg or you will regret it. Prayers for an uneventful pregnancy.

Congrats on your pregnancy!!!! And, unfortunately, after a loss....you will NOT be able to relax. I had two back to back losses (both early) after having my son. I have now gone on to have two healthy babies since the miscarriages. I did go through some fertility treatments, but wound up getting pg on my own. It stinks, but you've just joined the club of women who do not get to enjoy their pregnancy due to fear of losing the baby! Wouldn't it be nice to be all naive about it? And not worry? For my younger two, I checked the toilet paper each and every day for blood. And it stunk!! You just have to believe that this baby is meant to be! And seeing an RE, you'll at least get weekly ultrasounds until you're released to your OB. That should give you some reassurance. I hope you have a very boring and uneventful pregnancy :) And I mean that in a good way!!!

That is a tough situation to be in! Sounds like you have already begun to work on it, by acknowledging to us all that it is an issue for you. Your fear is realistic, so it would not be productive to try to squash it away somewhere. But you need to intentionally focus on the positives. Maybe a gratitude journal that you write in in the evenings, focusing on your hopes and dreams for your baby, pregnancy feelings (good and bad!) and other things you are grateful for in your life. Definitely talk about your fears when you need to. I would also recommend exercise. If you're not into exercise yet, a nice brisk walk will do. I used to do Denise Austen's pregnancy plus workout. It's probably about 15 years old by now, but it's a good one for pregnancy. Exercise is great for your body and the baby, but it is also a natural mood elevator. Good luck!

Hi G.,

I'm sorry for your loss and am excited that you have a chance again. I too, lost a baby at about 7 weeks- maybe closer to 9, but all the same, it was awful. I will tell you that I compared that pregnancy to the subsequent successful one and it helped me to know that when I miscarried, I actually didn't have a lot of pregnancy symptoms. My doctor told me that lack of morning sickness, breast tenderness, etc. can sometimes indicate a low hormone level and if you have pains and symptoms with this pregnancy, you can relax a little knowing that your hormone levels may be higher- a good sign. Secondly, I'd be careful about announcing it early on. I preferred to keep it to myself the next time and tell everyone when they pretty much could guess on their own. Good luck to you!

I can tell you that you will not relax till 12 weeks and then you will still be a little nervous as I think all expecting moms are. I had a lost pregnancy and then 4 months later got pregnant with my son who is 23 months and am now 11 weeks pregnant. Every cramp makes me nervous, i think I did not feel sick today, my boobs don't hurt to bad why?? But I have to try and tell my self that it can't be good for my baby to think like that and i can't control it. You also have to believe that everything happens for a reason and if something does happen it is probably better. Although it is upsetting there really is reason I beleive and it makes you stronger and you just try again. Just try to relax. I am 11 weeks now and I am slowly finally starting to feel excited, my pants are snug, i haven't had any problems. You will never believe how happy you are to be sick because it means things are still working. HAHAHA!! I wish you luck!! Don't be stressed it is out of your control.

Although my experience was different from yours, I can relate to what you are worried about. We had our first child at 26 weeks. He is a thriving almost 2 year old now. But I became pregnant shortly after he came home from the hospital following three months in the NICU. I was so scared. With our first, I had complications the entire time due to a previa. Constant bleeding, trips to the hospital and eventually bed rest at home, then in the hospital after my water broke at 23 weeks. When I became pregnant again, all I could do at the start was worry about it happening all over again. The doctors kept reassuring me that everything was normal, but for a long time I couldn't help but wonder when the other shoe was going to drop. Eventually, I accepted that my body was doing fine with my pregnancy and even though I had twinges of worry for any little thing (a slight cramp and yes...gas pains :))I accepted that I was experiencing what every woman does during a pregnancy. It was a long 40 weeks, but our daughter was born perfectly healthy, one year and one day after our son. There was no magic formula to my getting over my anxiety, just a trust in the universe that things were going as they should. The one thing I did was really try to enjoy every milestone of my pregnancy. Every ultrasound, kick, hormonal moment meant that all was well and would make me smile. I am so sorry for your loss, but please know how brave you are to follow your heart and try again.

I didn't have to go through infertility, but I did lose two pregnancies after having two healthy children. My second miscarriage was with twins. We figured out I had a clotting disorder and when I found out I was pregnant again I was nervous. You can't help but be a little nervous. But every time I felt something or got scared, I prayed. I had to turn it over to Him every time...over and over, but it helped. It is hard to be calm when you have lost one. Eventually when you start to show and the baby is growing and your ultra-sounds look good, you will relax a little.

I forgot to mention that I was 40 when I got pregnant with number three. I knew in my heart that I probably wouldn't try again if I lost him. THankfully I didn't. I have a healthy baby boy now.

G.,
I am only going to tell you from personal experience, try to cherish every step of the way (I know it's long). After two miscarriages, I became pregnant. I was very reserved with my excitement. I didn't want to be unrealistic in being too excited but each day, week and then month that passed made me feel luckier and luckier. Everyone handles it differently I'm sure. I told myself the first hurdle was three months or after twelve weeks. Both of my previous miscarries were early, 11 weeks and 6 weeks. Then, I had reservations and worried some about later miscarriages. I read every step of what was happening to the baby growing inside of me and was happy and tried not to worry too terribly much. Easier said than done for sure. I wish you the very best of luck and remember, whatever you feel will reflect on the little person growing inside.

Have faith in God and turn your worries over to Him. All the worring in the world will not save this pregnancy if it is not meant to be. I know that is hard to hear, but that is how it is. Be positive, take care of yourself, follow your doctors orders and relax. It is in God's hands now, trust Him.

A.

G.,
Less than a year before I got pregnant with my son (he just turned 16 yrs old), I had a miscarriage. My situation was a little different, but the feelings were still there. I was not planning on having anymore kids. My youngest daughter just turned 7. At first I didn't want to be pregnant, then I got used to it and got real excited. 12 weeks into the pregnancy, I had my miscarriage. I was devastated. I didn't know what to think. A few months later, I got pregnant again. This time I was so nervous and apprehensive about getting too excited. I kept on asking my doctor for an ultrasound to make sure this baby was ok. She wouldn't give me one till I was 12 wks along. So I understand how you can't relax and enjoy this time, right now. All I can say, is that you need to be patient and when it is time for you to have an ultrasound, and you see that your baby is ok, then you will be able to relax and truly enjoy that time. Praying also helps. Remember, God is control. He already knows the outcome of everything.

G.,
The best advice someone gave me during my very hard pregnancy (lots of bleeding, hospitalizations, and bedrest) was to use the power of your mind. Visualize a happy, healthy baby growing in your belly - really spend quiet time harnessing the positive energy that your mind can create and focus on things that will result in a healthy baby. I realize it sounds a little silly, but I cannot tell you how much it helped me. I really believe that quiet focus and relaxation is the key to overall well-being.
Best of luck!! Please keep us updated...
T.

I know how hard it is to try to stay positive after a loss. I've had 2 miscarriages in a row -- april 2008 and August 2008. Although MDs say your nervous system and nutrition cannot affect a healthy pregnancy -- [my miscarriage in aug was of a healthy pregnancy. based on testing fetus was completely normal and all tests so far have some back negative for something wrong with me] -- my homeopathic doctor disagrees. He says the nervous system affects all bodily functions. I was extremely nervous with my last miscarriage b/c of the m/c in April.

Try to think only positive thoughts. Also relaxation is very important. Meditate or do some light yoga when you feel yourself getting nervous to take your mind off of it. I have also heard accupuncture is a good thing to do to help you relax.

Also drink TONS of water -- 1 qt of water for every 50 lbs of weight per day and round up. So for example, if you weigh 130lbs, you should drink 3 qts of water/day. Also, eat 9 ozs of red meat/week. In Chinese medicine, the liver controls the uterus. If you are iron deficient, your uterus will either abort or hold on to a pregnancy too long (I was 10 days overdue with my 20 month old son). These are all things my homeopathic doc told me about, I thought I'd share them with you in case any of it might help.

Good Luck -- I hope you will be celebrating a birth in June/July 2009!

congrats and good luck. yes, it's hard to be all excited after 2 losses. i had the same issue and now have a healthy 1 year old. on my 3rd pregnancy, my doctor had me on a baby aspirine for awhile. you might want to ask you ob/gyn about that....

So sorry to hear of your loss. I know how hard it is to relax and just enjoy this pregnancy. After 2 miscarriages, I got pregnant with my daughter and I was very nervous. My husband wanted to start thinking of names and I said I can't, it was all too risky and I didn't want to get attached. And he said, "From the moment life begins, it's all a risk." Somehow that was a comfort. That we can do the best we can but we can never really control what happens. I know that's weird, but somehow there was comfort in recognizing that this was out of my hands. I'm not particularly religious, but I'd say you have to have a spiritual approach to this all. Whether that's church or praying or meditation or whatever so you can kind of let go and know that whatever happens, you'll be ok and you'll be a mom one way or another.

All that said, you have every reason to feel good about this pregnancy. Miscarriage is really common and doesn't indicate you'll have another. And nature is pretty spectacular -- most pregnancies are just fine, the huge majority of pregnancies can't be disturbed if you try and result in perfectly healthy babies. You'll be nervous because you've "lost your innocence" - you know first hand what can happen. But you just have to walk that wire of hopefulness and letting go of expectations. As the pregnancy progresses, you'll feel more confident - but I'm not sure any of us lose our fear completely. Then the baby is born and boy, the worrying really starts! I think it's for a lifetime:-)

Congratulation and best of luck to you, G.. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy! When mine "stuck" it was great and once the baby's here, you forget all the struggle.

Take care,
Susan

yep, it sounds like everybody has some of the simular ideas, and that is, to relax your mind. find something else to do to keep yourself from giving this tooooo much thought, you could stress yourself out.reading good books,stay active ,nothing vigorous. and say to yourself I'M GOING TO BE FINE, WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE. Try some breathing excersise. youre going to be fine G..good luck .

hi i too lost a baby at 16wks and had to deliver a still born. it was the most heartbreaking thing i ever had to go through and am still going through to this day. because i was already showing alot i had a lot of questions from friends people at work and even just acquantances that i would bump into from time to time. it has been 2 months and people still ask when im due or what did i have? it really makes things very uncomfortable because i weigh about 130lbs and am only 5'7" so i don't look pregnant at all, but i guess some people don't stop and think before they speak. anyway i just found out i was pregnant about a week ago and it should be about 7 weeks into the pregnancy if im counting right. im very very scared and don't want to go all the way to 4 months again and miscarry. im really not sure if my heart can take it again. but like most other posters i have left it up to God to decide if i am ready for another child. you may not understand his plan, but it's always in our best interest.
hope things go well and i would just do alot of reading and being with family to take your mind off things.

Congratulations! It sounds like you have gotten some great emotional advice so my recommendations will be more on the medical side.

I miscarried three times inbetween my first two children and was very nervous during the pregnancy with my second child and the start of my current pregnancy.

It helped me to have medical reassurance and my RE was very patient with me. Before six weeks, you can have your blood drawn to verify a pregnancy and verify that your hormones are rising appropriately (a few days later). I had them draw at 5 weeks just for extra reassurance.

At 6 weeks a heartbeat can been seen on an ultrasound. A "good" 6 week ultrasound with good measurements and a heartbeat over 100 bpm is a big hurdle. I also have an 8 week sono.

At 10-12 weeks (depending on the person), a heartbeat can be heard during a regular checkup.

I agree with thinking positively, but it is hard after what you have been through. I found that having medical proof, even good hormones on a blood test, was very helpful for me to get through the first few nervous weeks.

Hoping you have a wonderful, smooth, pregnancy.

I cannot speak from the experience of having difficulty getting pregnant and miscarrying which I am sure is a very painful journey to be on. It sounds like you realize that stress is not good for you or your unborn baby. Have you considered meditation? That is something you can do anywhere, anytime and it gives you some control over those overwhelming feelings that you will have at times. It also relaxes your muscles which may help you have less twinges and twitches that we all notice when we are hypervigilant about our bodies.

There is also a good book with stories of people who have miscarried which may or may not be a comfort to you. It is called EMPTY CRADLE, BROKEN HEART. Good luck. A.

I, unfortunately, know what you are going through...at least a little. I did not have fertility issues so I will not try to say I understand that but I did have a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. I had to have the D/C surgery at 11.5 weeks because my non-viable pregnancy did not pass. My baby didn't make it past 6 weeks 3 days.

My second pregnancy, praise God, resulted in my son but I was a neurotic mess. I spotted the same way and I was unable to calm down. I was on modified rest for the first 20 weeks. One thing the doctor told me, and it may seem insensitive but it helped me, was that if a miscarriage is going to happen there is nothing that can be done. I could keep healthy and avoid strenuous stuff but couldn't prevent it totally.

With all of that my best advice is to take it one day at a time. Allow yourself time to worry but I know with some people they designate a time (between 5 and 5:30 I'll worry) and that sometimes helps. I would catch myself and have to make a conscious effort to relax but I can tell you each milestone helped me a little more to relax. 12 weeks because less miscarriages happen after that (not none but less), 20 weeks because there was reduced risk there, 25 weeks because the child could live if born at that age, and 36 weeks which is technically full term with the last four weeks for growth. It did help.

But don't be unrealistic. You will worry, probably more than the average mother because of what you are going through....and it doesn't end at birth. Allow yourself to worry, don't beat yourself up when you don't go to sleep until you've made sure the baby is breathing (my son is 2 1/2 and I still stand over his crib when we turn off his light and music until I see his chest/blanket move) and realize you are perfectly normal. When you worry, catch yourself and think positive thoughts. And sometimes the most positive thought is that there is nothing you can do and God is in control (we just don't always like his outcome). I don't know if you believe in God, but something a friend told me who had had a miscarriage helped....Someday I will meet my baby in heaven. It's comforting to know.

Good luck and keep us updated.

DEB