How Do You Manage Two Little Ones

hi A.,

i'm in the same situation except my daughters are 9 months and 2 1/2, i thought for some reason it would get easier, but it's a bit crazier, especially cause my baby is more active, the best advice is to get out of the house as soon as you wake up, i get my girls dressed myself dressed and just leave the dishes, laundry, everything, cause i know it'll still be there lol! i have recently started this habit three weeks ago and it does wonders, it gets my girls on a routine and they've adapted quite well,
thanks hope it helps
L.

Just keep trying, eventually you will come with a natural way of doing things with practice...for example dinner time. Maybe feed infant, then two year old and then make dinner ( or make it a head of time). I think the way you feel is normal, I to felt that way at first with our second..

My son was 20 months old when I had my daughter, so I remember your pain/frustration! Here's MO
1)enroll your son in a Mom's Day Out for a few hours a couple of times/wk - its amazing how much that will help him and you!
2) a friend gave me some videos and my son loved them. He was just discovering trains at the time, so she gave him some Thomas videos - that helped so much with breastfeeding my daughter. It seemed that every time I'd get her feeding with the great latch, he do something mischevious (sp?) - but we'd watch these together and talk about the trains, the characters, etc while I nursed - it was great!
3) You have to get into a routine with the housework - it won't go away! First thing in the am - unload the diswasher and add dishes all day. Last thing before bed, start it. Repeat EVERY DAY! If you leave dishes in the sink overnight, they become tomorrow's problem - tomorrow has enough in it, you don't need yesterday's junk to add to it! Also, commit to doing ONE load per day from start to finish (meaning: wash, dry, fold, and PUT AWAY). If you can come into the laundry room and put clothes in right away (for me its first thing after we come downstairs), swap them 20 minutes later (while the kids are eating their cereal), fold them (during someone's nap) and put them away (during bedtime routine), trust me it'll feel like you don't spend forever on it, but it gets done. If hubby is home or a friend is over, feel free to do more than one load, but ONE should be the minimum to keep insanity and filth from entering your home. Also, don't leave them in from the day before because then you can't just come in and start them the next day and it'll slow down the routine and either bog you down in stuff to fold, stuff to put away, or stuff to swap and then its a mess again! Other than that, you can just do what you can with the rest of the house as it becomes a priority. I tried to just spend 15 quality, focused minutes on the "big" stuff in the evening after my oldest went to bed and hubby was home to hold the baby - this is when I'd sweep, vaccuum, throw toys back into bins that my son didn't clean up himself (also a great thing to teach!).
4) cook easy - find those ready made meals (for now, this is not a life long plan as you and your husband and kids would weigh a ton) like frozen lasagna, crock pot meals, etc. that you can just stick in the oven or crock pot, pull out, add a salad, and poof - dinner is done. Don't try to do stuff that requires steps, chopping, or prep - the kids won't let you do that!
5) Put on a clean shirt and brush your teeth! Take time for you is what I mean. The better you feel (with no sleep I know), the more you be able to tackle each day. The more you neglect you, the easier it is to neglect the kids, house, chores, etc.
Congratulations and good luck!

Soon to be mom of 2 under 2, I have a 17 mth old, who will be 19 mths when #3 is born. I would say your first priorities are taking care of the children. Don't try to be supermom, especially not during the first couple of weeks. You need to make sure you get rest. Somethings got to give and it would probably have to be housework, at least some of it. Your children will only remember how they were taken care of not how sparkling clean your house is. You just have to do less, as far as housework goes. I try to get as much done being pregnant and running after a 16 mth old. I don't always get everything done. I try go make sure everyone gets fed and has clean clothes, and that my children are happy and taken care of.

Hi! I have 3 little ones ages 5, 3 and 9 months. It is sooo hard to get everything balanced, especially at first. I would recommend that you try to have as much help as possible and do not be overly critical about house work . When your baby is a little older (6 months or so) things will become sooo much easier and your girls will start to play together. If you are a stay at home mom like me, it can get tough becaus you think, "I am not getting a thing done all day, and yet I feel so exhausted." Make sure you have a schedule for yourself and again, ask for help!

I have a two month old and a 20 month old and its hard, esp with my husband being deployed. First you just have to relax and give up the housework for while. Whats more important? Housework or happy kids? Also I put my 20 month old in a Mothers Day Out Program twice a week giving me a few hours to do the housework while baby is sleeping and extra time to bond with the baby without the other baby around. Its very crazy because someone always needs to be fed, diaper change, etc. Good Luck!

Hi, welcome to the club. I to am learning how to manage two. I have 2 little boys who are 1 yr. 2 days apart. I completly understand what u are going through. My youngest is 3 months now & ever since he was born I would put him in the Snuggly, the one you strap on you so he can face in or out. It allowed me to do my housework & have both hands free to mess with my oldest who is 14 months old. He loved to movement & most of the time would fall asleep. I use my snuggly all the time, even when we go to the stores. He is hooked on me & my oldest is in the basket. It truly is a godsend!! You can buy them anywhere..I bought mine at Wal-mart. They have really cute ones for your little girl! I hope this helps.

Congratulations on your new daughter A.! Just sit back and look at how wonderful you have it. Two healthy girls. I know exactly what you are going through. I had a 17 month old little boy when my second son was born, and then a 2 year old, and 17 month old when my daughter was born. There are 17 months between both sets. Having the second one was a challenge. It was easy to hold one when he wanted to be held, and tend to his every need. Two throws a kink into things. Now, you have two to do everything for, and their schedules do not always match up. In a couple of months, they will both be napping at the same time, and going to bed at the same time, and staying asleep all night. The challenge is the first couple of months, when your newest doesn't have a set schedule yet. Also, your two year old doesn't understand why you don't do everything that she wants when she wants it. The housework never gets done, so quit worrying about it. There is always something to do, and your house will never look perfect. People understand this, because they went through this too. Ask your husband to help you, or if you have any close family. If they come over to your house one evening a week to play with the kids, then this gives you a chance to get some stuff done around the house. I agree with the snugli. If your child likes it, this is a hands free way of carrying your youngest around, and will allow you to get some chores done. Just realize that it is not going to look like it used to, and that's okay. Enjoy your daughters now, because you will never get this time back. You'll be surprised how quickly you get into a routine and start getting some stuff done. But, you have to realize that you will never get it all done. But, you will be able to manage it. People with spotless houses and kids, never get to see their kids. Which would you rather have? Best of luck!

Call a girlfriend or relative and see if they can take your daughter for a few hours everyday so you can get through the day. I only have one child but for my girlfriends who have more than one I try and take a child every once in a while so they can have a break.

You could start with deciding what "NEEDS" to be done immediately. I have put together a calendar of what I can actually do each day.. For instance, on Mondays I go to work, Tuesdays I go grocery shopping, Wednesdays I go to work, Thursdays I do the laundry, Fridays I go to work, Saturdays I do the laundry, Sundays I pay the bills... Those are my highest priorities for each day and if I have energy I do more.

Make sure you have some kind of schedule for meals, naps, etc. You are allowed to take a nap when your children are napping.

Good Luck!

J.

Hi A.,
I know just how you feel, I have two year old boy and a 7 month old girl. I also work full time. I have kind of let the house fall behind for now. I find that I want to spend time with them instead of cleaning. I have found that if you can break down your cleaning chores in to small (like 15-20 minute) sections,
you can do a little each day while they kids are napping, ( and still have time to nap yourself!) My best friend/babysitter has been so much help and I really don't know what I would do without her! I do one or two small chores each day and go from there. I actually have a list of what to do on each day so that it can remind me. I have also found that organization is a key part of keeping yourself sane with two. I wish you all the luck and you can mail me if you need to talk sometime!!
J.

Wow. that sounds just like me! Except my son was only 20 mo. when my newborn son arrived. It is very hard to get used to having 2 kids, a house and a life! It does get easier as they get a little older. My youngest is now 3 months and i've found things he enjoys instead of being held ALL DAY...like the excersaucer (propped up with blankets) or laying on the floor on a colorful blanket.I have to move him around a lot to keep him happy and occupied but he is only awake for 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Make sure that when they are napping you take some YOU time. No housework, no phone calls (unless fun ones) or anything. Go soak in the bath, or read a book. If you are feeling overwhelmed just go in your bedroom for a minute take some deep breaths. It sounds silly, but it really does help when you've got 2 screaming kids and you don't know what to do. It's better for you to keep your sanity than anything. Babywise and Toddlerwise would be great books for you to read. They help with scheduling and getting a good routine down. That helped me tremendously! I hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi A.. I have been there. I had 4 kids before the age 21. It was very hard I was the only working parent and was trying to stay in school and didn't have a car so had to take a bus everywhere or walk. My children where all just a year a part. I did have one still born between my second and fourth child. That is when I went through a depression and decided to try for my son Isaac now 15. Lets just say I did a lot of praying. believe in your self. We women are strong and If I could do it I know you will be just find. Just don't forget to breath LOL.
Sincerely, M. single mom of 4 I now have a two year old also,
and taking care of my granddaughter age 1.

i can totally relate! i gave birth to my 2nd daughter about 2 weeks after my 1st daughter's 2nd birthday so they are almost exactly 2 years apart. it honestly took me quite some time to get used to having 2 kids so young. my first piece of advice is to "let it go". 2 year old girls can be quite dramatic and get into a lot of mischief, but unless it's a big deal, just let it go! "pick your battles"...as dr. phil would say. for instance, my older daughter started wanting to pick out her own clothes when she was about 2 and at first i resisted, but in the end, unless we are going somewhere important, she gets to choose whatever she wants to wear. no matter if it's long sleeves in the summer or stripes with polka-dots, it's one less battle to stress over for me.
the 2nd piece of advice i have is to use their naps to the full advantage! if you need sleep, then sleep! if the dishes need to be done, or laundry or whatever, do that. just remember to take care of yourself, too. and also, since little babies nap often and usually 2 year olds only take one nap a day, don't be afraid to use the tv so you can get stuff done. one or 2 shows like dora won't hurt your toddler. in fact, if it helps you get stuff done, which makes you less tense, then it will HELP your toddler!
and my 3rd piece of advice is to IGNORE the housework! play with your kids! take them to the park! make dinner from a box! and most of all, be flexible. before you know it, your kids will both be in school and you will wonder where the time went. i guarantee that a messy home won't bother your kids, but if mommy's always busy doing housework, that WILL bother your kids.
and last of all, don't forget the importance of getting away from your kids. it may sound bad, but a mom NEEDS time away from her kids! even a couple hours walking around the mall alone...no messes to clean up, no crying kids, no meals to cook...i promise you will come home feeling refreshed and more willing to do the hardest job in the world...being a mom.

It really is hard the first few months! It gets easier when the little one starts becoming more structured during the day and night! I have a 2 year old and an almost 7 month old (20.5 months apart) and it's SO much easier now than in the beginning! Give yourself a break right now! The housework can certainly wait! Also, try having simpler meals for a while as well! Sandwiches, cereal, fresh fruits and veggies, etc are a heck of a lot easier than more complicated meals that you must cook!

Just enjoy the time with your sweet little girls for now and don't worry about everything else! No one expects everything to be perfect! :) I'm sure you're doing a WONDERFUL job and those girls are so lucky to have such a caring mama!

Congratulations on your new baby and hang in there! There is a "light at the end of the tunnel" - once your new one can sit up on her own, it'll be a lot easier! Also, once your baby is a few months old, a Bumbo chair (or something similar) is a great investment!! It's what saved us for the few months that our son wasn't sitting up on his own but he held his head up alright - It's very easy to plop the little one in the Bumbo and quickly get things accomplished!

It IS very, very hard to have a two-year-old and a newborn.

My son was two when his sister was born, and he is a VERY active little boy! My best advice is to get the older child very interested in their sibling. Make sure that you tell your older girl that the baby is *her* baby sister. Try to spend as much time as possible with your older girl, even if it means skipping out on taking a nap while the little one does. Get the older girl's help whenever possible, and ALWAYS compliment the older girl on how mature she is, what a great job she does helping out with her little sister, and how wonderful you think she is in general. Point out all the things that she can do that the little one can't. All this helps minimize sibling rivalry and the older one's feelings of being replaced.

My second bit of advice is to get a strap-on baby carrier and a co-sleeper. The strap-on carrier will allow you to be in contact with the baby at all times, while still having both hands free. Best of all, your walking often helps your little one get to sleep, meaning that you can do light housework and play quiet games with your toddler without putting down the baby. The co-sleeper will keep the baby within arm's reach all night long (no worries to keep you up) and makes getting up in the middle of the night to feed or change the baby a much easier and shorter affair (more sleep).

Right now, you are still recovering. You may be recovering for a while! Don't feel bad if you throw a movie in the VCR for the two-year-old and let the housework go a bit. These times are some of the sweetest - and hardest - you'll ever have to deal with.

Unless you have another baby in 10 months ;)

Good luck, Momma!

P.S - it was at this point in my life (when I had a two-year-old, a newborn, and a teen) that I got my husband a vasectomy. Can you imagine why? :D

One day at a time. I remember those days well. I have three now...1, 4, & 6. A few days after coming home from the hospital with my newborn, my two year old came to me and asked me to play cars... No, he begged me! I began to cry. I was nursing my newborn, and was only a few days postpartum and physically could not sit on the hard floor. I ended up asking him to go get his favorite book, and I would read it to him while nursing his sister. He really enjoyed it and nursing became his "story time." When I would change her diaper, I would ask him to help me find a diaper, and he would bring me ten. He became my little helper and he felt important and included. Remember that the early years go by so fast. Leave your camera out all the time, play with your toddler, take a Mommy break(even if it's 5 minutes sitting on the potty) when you feel the most stressed, and remember that the dishes and laundry will be there tomorrow. I was a neat freak, and a very particular person before I had children. With one you can still maintain the spotless, but with toys out sort of ways. With two, I almost went insane before I figured out that, 1. I did not have to have a perfect house all of the time, 2. The more I tried, the worse I felt because it was never the same as before I had my children, and 3. I was always mad at myself and my husband because I thought he expected me to have everything perfect. After children, there is an adjustment period when you are learning what works and what doesn't. It's okay to have dirty dishes in the sink, laundry to be washed, and burn dinner. You are not alone, and I bet if you asked your husband to load the dishwasher or help out with folding a load of laundry, or even cook hot dogs for dinner(if he's not a cook) he'd be happy to help out because it would make you happy. We as women tend to put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything without asking for help. You have to have help with two, so just ask! It will get better. It takes time to figure out new ways of doing things. Best Wishes.

Hire a younger teenager to come for an hour or two, to play with the older child while you tend to the younger. My 10 year old charges $3/ hour, and is awesome with toddlers. She also puts up laundry and dusts.

Understand, too, that your house isn't going to be perfect. You'll have time to dust every day and sweep the porch long after your babies are in school - but you'll never get this time back.

S.

A.
First off, congratualtions on the birth of your daughter.
Secondly, I was sitting in your shoes nearly a year ago. My son was 25 months when my daughter was born. There were days I thought I'd never make it to the next. One that that really really helped me was a sling. My daughter wanted to be held all the time, and with a 2 year old, that's just not possible. It allowed me to cook, clean, and interact with my son. She'd take some great naps in it, and be right where she wanted to be.
Remember, the first few months will be by before you know it, and before too long, you'll be watching your two little girls playing together. Hang in there.