How Do You Make Friends?

Don't worry! Once you have kids friends come in droves and the conversation similarities are never ending! I'm sorry but I've never had trouble making friends. However, once I had children it seemed that conversations would strike up effortlessly.

I've found the best way to make new friends is through my 18 month old daughter. We go to different play groups such as storytime at the library. I've met several ladies around my age, and we'll go to lunch and such. We find that we have a lot in common besides being moms.

Hi C.:

When I first moved here to Mandeville all I had were my boys. My husband had a full time job and he was from here so I was really nrevous. So, I joined a gym and I now have many friends here. Also, if you work full time maybe you could start a Bunco group. It is a fun way for women to get together once a month. Just have fun, you will make many friends soon enough!

J.

I recently moved from michigan to alabama & went thru a simialr situation. I introduced myself to the nieghbors & had them over for a barbeque, I also sent notes with my son to school to all the parents in his class to inquire about arranging play dates outside from school, and I searched myspace for area people around my age who were in a relationship & had kids similar to my kid's age & requested them as friends, we penpaled back in forth for awhile & evetually met at a public park, we have become fast friends.

You don't have to trust people right away but you do have to give them a chance to get to know you! It is hard to be the one to instigate meeting new people. I am very shy and I felt stupid doing these things but I figured worse case scenario is I wouldn't make any friends & I was already in that boat so I had nothing to lose.

You will be amazed in a few months how nearly all of your friends will be the parents of your child's friends. We all tend to be drawn to people with similar interests and children (especailly babies) are definitely an interest at this stage of life. You can also volunteer with organizations or just become involved with anything that interests you. When you get together with people with like interests, the friendships naturally develop. Another good place to find people with similar values and interests is Church. Good luck!

Try finding a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group in your area. MOPS is international, so you should be able to google it and find a group in your area. It's a great way to connect with other young moms and meet people that share your interests. Good luck!

Hi C.. What a pretty name. I don't know where you are in your new home, but here in Huntsville, Al. there are lots of opportunities to meet new people. You will form friendships at school and work, I'm sure, given time. To have a friend you must be a friend is a great adage to live by. Express friendly interest in those you meet, and you will be amazed at how they respond. I smile at everyone, and there are many more positive responses then negative. You may consider joining a church in your area. Do you have kids? How about other young women in your neighborhood? If you have a hobby like quilting, etc., you might look for a group to join. I understand the not trusting issues, I was the same way for most of my adulthood, and although it is scary, it is necessary to open up. The benefits and wonderful things that come from this are innumerable. Good luck honey (from a much older woman) and God bless you in your life.

C., I went through this 6 yrs ago when we moved from Ky. to Alabama. My base of friends came from the church we attended (& still do). Then as I would get my hair cut, take the dogs to the vet, introduce myself to my neighbors when I saw them out, get to know the pharmacist and so on. I takes time & effort on your part. For me, I was 57 years old at the time of the move and I did not want to move anyway. So I had a pity party for a time.
Reach out to your neighbors. Find out who has small children.
find someone who can come along side of you to help you when your first baby comes. You will do fine (".").

WOW- C., it is amazing to me that other people have the same problems as I do!!! I am 44 and haved lived in Arkansas since 1996 when I moved here from Dallas. I understand EXACTLY what you feel. I have made acquinttances, but not really good friends. I believe that the older you are, the busy you are, the harder it is to make friends. I don't have anyone that I can just call up to go out to eat or shopping or even help me with a problem. I was becoming very close to a co-worker then she got a new job. I am fortunate to have my mom here in town and she fills the shoes of any friend. Whatever I need she is there, but you know sometimes there are things you DON'T want to share with your mother. You don't mention your age, so if you are still young maybe it will make a difference. Good Luck and remember you can always turn to God.

Check out Meetup.com and find groups that meet in your area. There will probably be several groups that meet near your town - mom's groups or new/expectant parent groups are very common, but you'll probably find others that may interest you - dog lovers, game players, outing/adventure groups, cooking groups, political or religous groups, etc. Its a wonderful way to meet people you'll have something in common with from day one.
Also check out the student union to see if there are any clubs at school you may consider joining, and start or join study groups with classmates. Invite a friendly co-worker out to lunch or to go shopping. Introduce yourself to your new neighbors - people love to meet an expecting mama, and you'll probably get offers to help after baby comes!

Hi C.,
Just be yourself I'm sure you won't have a problem. Just approach them and introduce yourself and start talking. I am on the shy side side at times but I have learned how am I suppose to expect people to like me if I am going to sit back and not try and communicate with other people. Communicate is the important word everyone should know. lsd

Join a local mommy group where you can share baby/kid stories, have playdates and get to know people who are like you. After I had kids I found it hard to keep up with friends who didn't have kids. They were carefree, and we were tied down and needed a sitter for our baby.

All of the above are good ideas. My suggestion is meet some of your neighbors. When I moved to a new town, I made a point to be outside in the evenings before dinner - take a walk, plant some flowers in your garden if you have one, say hello to other people who are out and about. Let them know that you are a new neighbor.

Now that my kids are 5 and 7, they know all the other kids on the street and we call many of those families close friends.

Visit some churches. Get involved with their activities.

I will be in the same boat here shortly. My best advice is don't push anything, just let friends happen naturally. If you try to force it, people will pick up on it and it never works out. Just put yourself out there in social environments and you will meet people that connect with you.

I am getting stationed at Little Rock in June so I'll be starting all over again soon too. I am a little nervous but more excited than anything.

C.

Join a local church that has programs for city newcomers and other activities. In today;s world you should take your time in getting to know people. If you have lunch or dinner with someone it will be in a public place and you can have a preset time when you have to leave and can have something else to do. You can also screen your calls if you decided that person is not someone you would like to be friends with. You seem to have a full schedule--so it will more than likely work itself out in time. Best of luck to you.

When my husband & I first moved here, church has been where we have met the best friends we could ask for. We've also met great people where we work out at & a birthing class would be good also. They would automatically have one at least one thing in common with you.

Hi C.! I am in a similar situation. I moved to Ft Smith, AR back in August. I have made a bunch of friends through church and junior league. It is still hard at times though but it gets better as time goes by. I wish you the best!

Join a moms group like MOPS. Mothers of Preschoolers is a wonderful organization for moms from birth through kindergarten. I've known some ladies join while they were expecting their first child. They tend to meet once or twice a month throughout the school year, but many groups have summer activities as well. Even though you don't have a toddler in tow, I would strongly suggest you attend any play dates or other activities that fit your schedule just to get to know some of the ladies. It is a great way to make long lasting friends and an excellent venue for parenting tips as well. Check the web at www.mops.org to find a group near your new town (search by zip code).

Motherhood is a wonderful adventure and it will change you in ways you never thought possible!

K.

I just moved to a new town myself and since I don't worship outside of our home, I stopped to think about where I could find other people with similar interests and life situation as myself. Since I'm a breastfeeding mom and have other natural living ideals I went to the local La Leche League meeting. I found a wonderful group of women that parent similar to me, have babies, and have a similar holistic outlook. Not all LLL chapters are the same though as the one in the town I moved from was not nearly as good a fit. I also went to the local public library and found out about their storytime (they have one for babies too) and other activities (book clubs, knitting circle, quilting club, family night, etc)

If you belong to a faith community, go to worship services. You already have something in common with them and it's a place you should be able to trust that they share similar values.

You can also go on online forums like CafeMom, MotheringDotCommune, DiaperSwappers, MeetUp, and others and look for your local group. A quick key word search of your city or state will bring up where to find people near you.

Hey! Church is an awesome way! Go to a local church that has fellowships (you don't have to want to join, just met local people). I can suggest Baptist only because I know what they do, I'm Baptist. We try to meet new faces in the congregation to make them feel welcome, we also have an awesome children's group! So, you'd take care of you and possibly your children. God bless, you sound like a sweetheart and remember God doesn't make trash, so meet each person and keep your head held high because God made only one of you, so He must think your really special!!

Go where mamas go. Find a church you like and attend regularly, go to library hour's lap times and story times for kids. I've even met moms just chatting with them at the park while our kids ran around.

Hey, you can look up on the internet for a local MOPS program.
This is a wonderful way to meet other moms. MOPS stands for Moms of Preschoolers. This is for moms with children newborn to 5 years old. I love it. It has mothers form all walks of life. Hope this helps.

As a mother of two, I was in your situation about 9 years ago when I moved half way across the country to marry a guy who had had a sorted past--so to speak. Luckily he had grown up before the marriage, but people weren't yet taking him seriously. That had an effect on his socialization and then mine as well, by association.
Anyhow, always keep your guard, but allow yourself to forge bonds and friendships. Good places to meet folks with the same interests would be were ever you take your child for day care or mother's day out. Don't be afraid to start up a conversation with another parent and then suggest a playdate. They may have a friend with a child...then you have two (or more) new aquaintances, etc. Get involved in civic events, like fundraising or betterment projects. They are always greatful to have someone to help. I really didn't have other female friends where I live until I had my children and now I feel like I've always known them.

Introducing yourself ot the neighbors and looking for aplace where people have spiritual beliefs similar to yours is a good start.
If you're a student, ypu'll most likely find common intersts with some of your classmates.
What are your hobbies? Joining groups based on them is a great way to meet people who have similar interests to you, and you've got a built-in conversation starter.
If you like to read, go to the public library and see if they have information about book clubs in the area? If you like to sing, contact the Chamber of Commerce and see if there's a community chorus or a Sweet Adelines chapter. If you like to perform, go audition for the next production at the nearest community theater. They may not have any roles for pregnant women, but you'll meet people. That's how I met my husband. He had just moved here, we were both auditioning for the same play, and he struck up a conversaton with me during a break. Do you do crafts? Lots of craft stores hold classes - sign up for one.

Hi C.,

What an interesting spell to your name! I bet people get it wrong every time.:-) They do with mine ;-(

I'm impressed by you being a FT student and working FT. WOW! What a plate you've made for yourself! I don't know how you'd even HAVE time to make friends, and then a baby on the way! But you know, during the course of your daily activities, socializing and friendship will come naturally to you.

Your background and previous relationships tell me you will have no trouble at all fitting in with good people. All the suggestions made here to you are good ones indeed. My first thought was the Church; then there is PTA, Curves (lol), etc. You know what to do.

My sincere best wishes for your new arrival in June. Now go live out your jubilant and friendly existence with others, AND that endearing goofball husband of yours.

Blessings!

Find a wonderful church, and get involved with a bible study class there in a small group........I was an army wife over 30 years ago.........and this helped me so much.....God is at work all around you, just step out of your comfort zone, be freindly to others.....your NEW best freind is waiting for you in the new town.............its truly amazing to make new friends in different places.........you can DO IT!!

Congrats on the upcoming new baby. My husband and I moved 5 years ago from a small country town, to outside of New Orleans. It was a huge change, but once we found a small church to attend, the church members became great friends and family to us.
Best of Luck!!!

C.,

I can completely understand how you feel. My husband and I are very private people and are careful about letting people into our lives, more so my husband than myself.
We have lived here 8yrs in March and it has been very challenging but I have meet some of the greatest people.
Anyway, be yourself and with school and work you will meet the people that will fit for you and your husband. Always give people a chance to get and know them becasuse you never know who could change your life for the better.

Congratulations on going to be a MOM. Its the greatest reward you will ever have in life.

God Bless!!

You want to make friends get into a great church. When moving and being away from family I have found a church becomes you friends and family. Great people and great to hang out with.

A good source of finding other mommys/moms to be, etc., is the MOMS Club International. Here is the link for your location in Norman.
http://www.geocities.com/momsclubnormanok/

I've belonged to several MOMS Clubs and it is sooooo worth it. It has forced me to get out and meet new people, since I tend to be a home body. Living away from family can be depressing and getting out with other moms is a great way to help. For me at least...we have moved so much in the past few years, that I would have went out of my mind, had it not been for the support of the MOMS Club.

There is usually a Membership Fee, but some clubs can waive it, if it is a financial hardship. The fee isn't too expensive, under $30/year, but it is so worth it. Your fees cover club cost with you will benefit from, as well as your newborn when he/she arrives.

Hope that helps! You can also search Yahoo Groups for other mom groups in your area. OK is pretty big, so I'm sure you will find lots of groups.

Blessings to you and your little one on the way.

Take care,
God Bless,
J. D

Proud Blessed Momma to Ash & AJ ~ 4 yrs old

I've definitely gone through this too and am similar in that I don't like to let people into my life and trust them. I think that one of the best ways for me to make friends when I was a first-time mom was to go to church regularly. I had just moved to a new state at that time in my life, didn't know anyone, and was also pregnant with my first baby. When I started going to that church, a lot of the church people would come up and talk to me, asking if I knew what gender the baby was, etc. which broke the ice a little and helped me to be less wary of everyone. Then after the baby was born, I ended up spending a lot of time hanging out in a rocking chair in the nursery and it made it easy to start asking baby questions and getting to know other women who were hanging out in the nursery with their baby or helping to take care of the babies in there. There wasn't a single one of them that was exactly my age, and I let that be a hang-up for a long time, but I eventually figured out that age wasn't the best thing to base my friendships on anymore--having babies and small kids makes for a great common ground for friendship. I don't go to that same church anymore and several of the women I knew from back then have also gone different directions, but two of them (one is about 7 years older than me and the other who is 8-9 years older but both have kids close in age to mine) became wonderful friends. Maybe going to church isn't your thing, but it's been such a big help to me in more than just a spiritual way. It's a great way to find friends too. Remember, that if you want anything in life really badly, like some friends, you're going to have to make a move yourself--don't wait for someone else to strike up the conversation. Many other people, who are just as lonely as you, are nervous about taking the first step too.

Awh...I wish I lived closer I'd hang out wit cha...lol..congrates on th new one fixin to arrive..since ur gonna have the new one ur dayz and nites will be full for at least a lifetime... th baby will become ur whole life.. and daddy will fill in the rest.. if u get bored u can hang out at the park feed the ducks go to th Zoo.. there is so much to do...U can share all ur adventures with peeps at school r at tha job ur at..I think u jus wanna hear somebody elses stories..keep smiling ur friends r all around u..
God Bless..

Think of the things you like to do and join organizations for that. You will meet people with the same interests--like church, bowling, even Habitat for HUmanity, volunteers for scouting troops, etc.

C.,

I move frequently and it's always a struggle to not know a soul. But, here's what I do. First, I introduce myself to my neighbors. Second, see if there are churches in your denomination around. Third, get involved with Parents as Teachers, particularly if they have organized playgroups. I also go out of my way to talk to people at the park, at the grocery store or anywhere else you can get someone to make eye contact. I didn't have much success doing this when I was in college last because I was a good 15 years older than everyone else, married and pregnant. The teachers were approachable but that's because we were in similar stations in life.

K.

Dear Girl;
I attended 18 school systems in 11 years (graduated early) as a kid. Must have gotten the bug cause we have moved to 15 states in the last thirty-five years.
Get your local paper. Find out about groups that meet with your interest...knitting, gardening, a mother's group. Attend the meetings. Volenteer!
Yes I know your bussier that Joe at the button factory,(was pregnant all three times I graduated from a college) but it all comes down to meeting people. You seldom find a soul mate who clicks on the first time out, but....

Hey. I totally know what you are going through being new in town. I moved away to go to college and when i eturned home to Ms I had lost contact with most of my highschool friends and all of the people I were really close with were still in VA.. But once I started to work I quickly met people with similar interests to hang out with some with kids and others without. Also being in school thats a great way to make new friends in this town. Its not going to happen over night but it will sooner than later.

well i moved here 8 years ago . i new no one here i found my husband on the internet , ever thing is moor than just great with us we are very best of friends , he my husband and my partner , but as far as out siders its hard to make REAL friends . i tryed to make friends but i had a very hard time with that cause i dont do any drugs , i drink once or 3 times a year , ill have a drink just to kinda fit in the croud but then thats no good that you have to do that but once in a while i just want a drink to wind down lol ...but churches dont work , i dont do churches all they want do is talk about you be hind you back if you have a tatoo lol . i just stayed home and worked , stayed busy doing things like going shopping and cleaning ,, after i bought my motor cycle that i love very much i meet lots of good people but none that really conected to me i have no i deal why im a good honest girl ... but you have a friend here if you need me ok ,,,

dixie

Hi,
we just moved four hours from home and it's the first time i've ever moved and i sound a lot like you! :) i just found a good church and got involved in some activies there and the rest was history! Give it a try. Btw, we had to go through several churches to find one that just felt like home so don't give up too easily! :) also, when you have your baby, any local mommy n me classes would be great! Good luck!

Hey C.,
Making new friends can be challenging but the good news for you is that by having a new baby you will enter a whole new world for yourself. All of us moms join a group by being pregnant, and then having a baby, we are all in it together. So make the most of time you have be friendly, ask questions because as new moms or soon to be the learning curve is so great. I live in a very small town myself and have become closer to my friends since sharing the lovely challenging role of being a mom. I know making new friends can be hard, but be open and ask someone to meet for coffee. Also church is a good place to make friends, if you exercise, the gym is also good, go to different fun things in your area, if you are in a city the warmer weather brings people out, go to outdoor music. Just do what you do, but talk to people around you. Once you do it you will see it is not so bad and friends as you know make life much more fun. YOu do have to put yourself out there, but I
made a great friend this year from meeting a mom at a park and we have become very good friends. Best Wishes, remember by letting people -people in turn will let you in.
B. Smith

Being a full time Student and Working full time sweetie you have no time for friends. Seriously try joining a study group at school check your school newspaper see if maybe there is Moms study group or a campus moms club. Volunteering is also a good way to meet people. I mention trying to find a group on campus because you have better luck finding people your age. Don't give up as your children grow and start soccer, T-ball, Girl and boy Scouts you will meet all kinds of people and find those life long friends your looking for. Good Luck