How Do You Know Your Done?

I just didn't want anymore. Honestly, I don't buy into this whole idea of being done, for many people. So many people NEVER feel done, but they are wise enough to stop. Whether that be age, relationship issues, financial issues, emotional issues, etc. I know many people who go to their grave wondering what it would be like to have more. Many people (especially, women) never just feel completely done. Rather, they accept that being done is best. Some people never just know, and there is always that twinge. Some people have to painfully learn to accept that they are done. Some people just know with 100% certainty.

I did feel done, because I didn't want anymore. However, I would have been fine not ever having children. Not that I don't adore my son, I just never HAD to be a parent. I'm glad I chose to, and one is plenty for me.

I'm lucky my husband agreed to a 3rd... I don't think the door will ever be closed for me. But I know its closing for him....

Well, I'm old fashioned; I believe that gifts are only a gift if you have room for them and can keep them well, otherwise, they become a burden.

I am probably more pragmatic than most. After three previous miscarriages, when I became pregnant with our son, even before he was born, we knew that this was how big our family would be for us. He is a gift, however, we know that we could not comfortably afford to have more kids. This would have meant buying a new car, remodeling the house (or moving... our house is cozy and the rooms are small), and a very diminished chance of having the life we wanted, where I could stay home with our boy while he was still young (helping with homework, just being there together) and we had some freedom- both financially and time-wise-- to enjoy life.

As a kid who grew up with a lot of poverty and came home to an empty house more often than not, I do not want that for my son. I don't want before and after care for him. I'm not judging anyone else's priorities, we just knew that if we were going to have a child, we were going to go all-out to make sure that we could provide a good, rich life for him. He is not spoiled, either, but has things I didn't have, like regular access to food, help with homework, and health care.

Perhaps it's bitterly pragmatic, but I know we made the right decision for our family. He is a gift -- I cherish and enjoy him every day. But I still remember that feeling, holding him minutes after he was born and knowing that he was plenty for us.:)

I knew from the get go that I didn't want a brood and I felt very complete with just one child. That said, if the circumstances had been that I could never be pregnant, I would have been ok with that as well. I did not feel like I HAD to have a baby to make myself complete.

We are very happy with our family and have no regrets. We are able to support her financially, emotionally and provide a stable home which I feel parents are obligated to do. She is moving out in a couple of weeks for college and we are so excited that we are able to get her into college where she can flourish and not have to have constant financial worries about her education.

A lot of people just keep popping out babies with no plan as to how they will educate and care for these children just because they want more. I have 2 relatives that appear to be in competition with each other on who can have the most. One now has 5 and one has 4.

I don't view children as "gifts". I believe parents should be responsible and make responsible choices when it comes to family planning.

It is a personal choice and I am very pleased with my choice.

If you do everything you FEEL your world will be in chaos..... You use common sense and logic to tell you when to stop eating, which hot guy not to have sex with in college and when you should go to bed regardless of how many episodes of the Walking Dead are still unwatched but available on Netflix.
You should apply the same to everything...... impulse control is what makes us adults, after all.

Can you afford more kids? Do you have the patience and resources to raise well-behaved, independent, good-decision-making adults? What would happen if the next one you have is special needs? Are you equipped for that risk? To raise a child that takes "more" than a healthy one?

I guess that is what I would consider before I had more.

Also - I don't believe that kids are a gift..... because I don't believe that people who can't have them aren't "good enough" to be graced by God to have children.... so they can't really be a gift. But I may be particularly sensitive to that kind of talk. Plenty of parents have kids that are wanted or appreciated and plenty of parents want kids that can't have them. If "kids are a gift" is the only reason you have besides how you feel, then I PERSONALLY, wouldn't have any more. But that's me. I also believe, whole-heartedly, that everyone should do whatever they want as long as they can take care of themselves and their family. So, in the end, you and your husband are the only ones that can make that decision.

I have 2, 14 and 12. I can say with 100% certainty, I AM DONE!!!
I know I have been done for a while. I can see a baby, hold it, cuddle it, but I am relieved when I can give him/her back to the parent. I have ZERO desire to ever be pregnant again, and I loved being pregnant, I had no morning sickness, no super swollen feet, both my pregnancies were easy and a blessing. but I just feel like I don’t want any more, I feel complete with my 2 "babies"

However you want to roll, as long you can support them. The trouble comes much later when they become increasingly expensive in time and money.

Right now if they understood, they might be saying, yes Mom, we love you and each other, but I really need several pairs of shoes, a $2000 trumpet, and I would love to do indoor soccer. Oh, yeah, I need braces and a cat scan. Could I go to college and not have so many loans that I can't stay home with MY kids?

I love that you love kids! They are very blessed! You will be a blessing to your schools as you volunteer. You will love their friends and make a great place to hang. Just don't go beyond reasonable.

I have never heard anyone say they wished they had more teenagers! Mostly they just see all the lonely, troubled kids out there that deserved parents. Maybe give your love to kids that SO need someone like you. You don't have to look very far for them.

We knew we could only afford to put two kids through college while saving for retirement, so we knew two was it. It helped a lot, too, that we had one boy and one girl. I was 37 with our second child and the idea of going through months of no sleep again wasn't appealing in any way being even older.

I just had my third. If we were younger, we'd have two more. But we are done. Something feels different after having this baby, it just feels complete. I know i will always wish we had 5, but 3 feels right.

I do think your heart knows, when you really listen. I know I won't long for more, I will just wish. Wishes don't need to be fulfilled, not in the way a deep longing does.

I knew I was done at one. Never had any desire to have a second.

I really thought I would never feel the "I'm done" feeling. But, we have 5, and I'm starting to feel done. Not sure I'm completely there yet, but more "there" than I ever have been.

There are some of us that don't feel like money should dictate how big our family is. I don't personally feel ANY obligation to fully college-educate my 5 children. My job is to raise them with love, and values, and be physically present to nurture and teach them. My job is to help them prioritize their studies to be in a position to earn scholarships to pay for college, and to be responsible and organized enough to get a job while in college. There's only so much hand-holding you can do for you kids. There WILL come a point where all these kids whose parents foot every bill for college, and the kid never held a job, are going to be like,"Whhhaaaattttt? I have to get a JOB now? What's that?!?!" lol!

We're footing the bill for parochial school now to prepare them to meet their own needs in college. So, money and bank accounts full of college money are not dictating my family size.

I think while you're pregnant is never "the" time to think about doing it again...swollen ankles, morning sickness, exhaustion, hormones, cranky muscles and bones that don't like to move over to make room for the baby, mood swings, etc....

Wait until the baby is a year old and then figure out if you are sure you're done or not. That way your body will be back to normal and you should be getting somewhat normal sleep. Then decide what you want as far as a larger family goes. I wanted 6 but only got to carry 1 full term.

At 7 I was done, then #8 came along and my thoughts on being pregnant again went from "I am done" to "Oh hell no!". You know, you really do.

You just know it. After my fourth, I knew we were do e. just a feeling that comes over you.

There is not one part of me that wants another baby. I thought I was done when we got pregnant the second time as we only wanted two kids, and I definitely knew I was done when the doctor said we were having twins. 3 is our limit. I don't see pregnant women and want to be them. I don't see babies and wish I had one. I can't imagine having any more. We are so sure, I'm on the pill, I track my chart, and my husband will soon get a vasectomy. Even after his surgery, I will stay on the pill. We are DONE!

The door will always be open to it in our family. We space our children about 2-2.5 yrs by using the rhythm method, but don't have plans to ever stop accepting these gifts.

I don't feel like paying for college is a requirement for having kids.... But feeding them, clothing them and providing basic shelter should be.

Money ABSOLUTELY dictates how many kids I will have. There is a standard of living that I want for my family and I'm not willing to eat ramen noodles every night and shop at goodwill in order to have 2 more kids. Kids are expensive. I believe extra curricular activities are as important as basic education, and they cost money. So that is a factor. But I don't have a lot of money, so 2 extra kids would have a significant impact on our lifestyle.

I just figure you'd feel it. I did. I just feel complete with my two. I loved being pregnant and I love them so much, but one of each suits me just fine.

I knew I wanted more than one. That was easy. I struggled with weather or not to have three. Either decision did not feel totally right, so I erred on the side of one more. Since three was a stretch for me, I'd say i knew for sure 4 was out. If I was 29 that might not be the case, but I'm almost 38 and I know I don't want to have any more children this late. I'm asked every time I go to the OB if I'm certain about tubal ligation and I have never once hesitated at all. So while I didn't have that certainty between 2 and 3, somehow, I have it between 3 and 4. I know 3 will max me out. I'm know I'm too old to do this again.