My son is almost 9 years old. He is an excellent student, and has always been peaceful and against fighting. But since entering 4th grade, he has developed some sort of friendship with a boy who claims to own a BB gun. This friend also told my son that a cousin got shot in the face with a BB gun but survived (is this a tall tale or what?) and who is telling my son stuff about military weapons. I always assumed my son would be drawn to kids interested in healthier or more positive topics of interest. This boy also told my son that he has used a machine gun belonging to his uncle. What the heck is this. Of course it isn't true but my son believed it and was really impressed. I explained it isn't possible. How do moms teach their kids how to find the "good" kids? How do moms explain to their children not to be friends with certain people? And what when? Thank you! feeling a little nervous here...
Thanks for your opinions, very interesting. Sorry if I came across as putting the other boy down as a bad kid. I didn't say I thought he was bad. But yes, I guess I'm making an assumption about gun interest as not being so "good" because it's the opposite of "peaceful". Maybe that's wrong to do... but it's just scary to see 8-10 year olds into gun stuff. I guess it's possible to have a healthy interest in it, with regard to military for example.
I tell me 5 year old daughter that she needs to choice her friends who make good choices and treat her nicely I am very firm on this and we talk about her friends and the things they do, we discuss weather the choices are good or bad and I'm very firm on the issue that if she had friends who make mad choices all the time then I get to choice her friends which I haven't had to do.
How about instead of putting the other boy down you look at why he is embellishing. He probably has a BB gun and through telling that your son was interested. He keeps making the stories bigger and bigger because he is desperate for friendships not because he is a bad kid.
Tell your son why and have him tell the kid, so what else are you interested in. Maybe share some of his hobbies with the kid. Draw him away from the need to lie.
I think it is kind of sad that you just judged this child as a bad kid and want to write him off.
The poster below is totally on the money. Make sure that you have this boy at your house to play. If and when it comes time for play at his house make sure you have met the parents and asked about these things. Now having said that it is totally possible that the boy has been in contact with a machine gun, bb gun etc. If his family has any ties to the military the boy may have been introduced to guns. My older son went to a military highschool. He was on the rifle team. The one that shoots competitively. Outside of school the boys on the team went to many shooting camps and also to shooting ranges. While in school he was taken to the FBI headquarters and allowed to shoot all the weapons they had on their ranges. His younger brother was at that time 11. He was facinated with all of those things. My oldest son did allow the younger one to shoot the airsoft rifle. My older son the one with the guns just graduated from college with a spectacular job. Do you think he is a "bad" kid? Don't judge until you have met the kid and his family.
An aside. Your kid will attract "good" friends by being a good friend. Being involved with guns does not make one a "bad" kid.
I would certainly make an attempt to get to know the boy's parents a bit better. Coming from a family that owns guns doesn't not automatically make him a "bad" kid...and chances are he may be exaggerating a bit to impress your son. Maybe he does really "own" a BB gun, but his parents have it locked away and he only uses it with supervision (is that really a bad thing?). Maybe his parents/uncle took him to a range and let him shoot a semi-automatic there. Gun use does not automatically equal bad or violent.
I understand if that's not the sort of thing that you/your family likes, but I don't think it's fair to judge the boy based on some possible tall tales. And, like some other posters have said, I think boys just get into that type of stuff around that age anyway. Talk to your son about why he's interested in it and have healthy discussions.
If you are concerned about this attraction to guns and things military, it is not too early for your son to learn some history and follow current events. Guns might not carry such a fascination if he sees what people do with them. Are you following the events in Syria together? Perhaps talk about some of the challenges some of our wounded veterans will face in their lives.
My son will NOT get to choose his consequences when he is in fourth grade when those include hanging out around guns (BB, machine or otherwise). 9 years old is NOT an adult.
Keep your kids' friends close. Have this boy over and see what he's like. If your son wants to go over to his house make sure you meet the parents first, and make sure there are no loaded weapons in the house. This boy is probably just making these things up to get attention, but of course you never know.
It's next to impossible to choose our children's friends, but it IS possible to restrict their time together, at least it is while they're young. But like I said, get to know the kid before making a judgement.
As far as your son's interest in weapons and military stuff, well that's pretty normal. Like you, I never expected my sweet, mellow son to be into that stuff but he is! And it started around 3rd grade or so. Both he (now 18) and my husband are hugely into military stuff, planes, battleships, weapons, history, etc. We don't own a single gun, or any other kind of weapon, and my husband and son are completely nonviolent people. So try not to worry about it too much, it seems to be a natural fascination for many males. Just keep a good eye on your boy and keep encouraging all the positive stuff. Parents still have a lot more influence than peers at this age :)
I think you have to go out of your way to expose him to the kinds of kids you want him to grow up with. Fill his time with the kids you DO want him around, and he won't have much time for the kids you don't want influencing him.
If you are a member of a church, make friends with some of the families that have similarly-aged kids & invite the kids over, go places together, etc. If you are not a church-going person, then look amongst other community groups you are in. Usually parents are pretty good predictors of how their kids are going to behave. If you find people that you would like to be friends with, chances are that you'll want your kid to be friends with their kids too.
Usually it takes consequences for kids to learn. Fortunately and unfortunately we get to choose our friends. I have taught my kids since you get to choose your friends, choose wisely.
Remember birds of a feather flock together. These tall tails are appealing to your son. To nip it in the bud you can go a few ways with this. I would get to know the parents or parent of the offensive kid. It may be this kid is just weaving stories because this is how he thinks he can gain friends. It seems to be working on your son. If it is determined that the values in this kid's house look like the values in your house it may be time to blow his tall tails out the water and see how your son deals with a friend that lies.
Bottom line is your son gets to choose and then he gets to live with the consequences of being friends with certain kinds of people. He's in 4th grade and has much to learn. This is only the beginning with friendships.
You can try until you're blue in the face to teach-their peers will undo all your teachings in less than one minute-that's why you are more likely to have a good outcome if your son is only around people of his ilk-like children who wouldn't dream of owning a BB gun.
