I'm just curious what other parents do in this situation. I have 2 boys, ages 6 and 3. The other day, we were getting ready to go to the neighborhood pool. THey had been driving me nuts about going even though I told them it'd be freezing. Anyway, I told them, we'd go as soon as they had their suits and shoes on. Well, my 6 year old rushed and got his ready. The 3 year old; however, started to throw a fit about his shoes. My gut instinct was to tell him he couldn't go since he couldn't cooperate, but then, the 6 year old would be getting punished as well. Ideally, if my husband had been home, I'd have left the 3 year old home with him and taken the 6 year old. But he wasn't home. It was just me. So, in a situation like this, do you stand your ground with the one child even though it punishes the other or do you reward the one who did cooperate yet letting the other get away with it? I hope I made sense. I hope I can get some insight from other people who have been there! Thanks so much!
he's 3! it's hard to really "reason" with a 3 yr old!! maybe he was just tired or hungry! i would have definitely still gone to the pool and if you did i'm sure your 3 yr old was happy again and forgot why he was so cranky! i have sooo been there, but i don't think the older one should be punished b/c of the 3 yr old!
ok...hope that helps...good luck!
we have three daughters ages 9, 6, 3. Our rule is if any one of them acts up, the "treat" if off. What I have found is they begin to help one another to work out the situation instead of me having to get involved because they all want to go. No, it's not always fair but it usually balances itself out eventually. I'm most proud to see how they come together to work as a team. Also, since they know the rule from the beginning, they know what's going to happen when one of them starts acting up.
R.,
The other posters idea did not work for me. We have 3 and it was always the same child that caused the issues and blew it for all of them, so they ended up hating her often.
So I wouldn't do it. But then maybe you're children will be better than mine.
I gave up on lots of rules and went for general guidelines, values and morals. I'd tell them the end result I expected. How they got there was somewhat up to them. This has not worked all the time, and sometimes I want to runaway to a quiet place but the results are not bad..... And it's worked for me most of the time.
So far none of my teens (and I'm knocking on every piece of wood I can find right now) hasn't done drugs, smoked, had sex, failed school, or done anything irresponsible. And they have exceeded my expectations in school for the most part and are very nice people for the most part.
So, after getting to the teen years with my trio and only 3 more years till the last one reaches college... I'd say forget the shoes, make flexible rules and get to the pool. Time flies. Choose your battles well.
Hmm, this is actually a pretty simple solution. You can do both! I would have gone to the pool, let the 6 year old get in, and make the 3 year old sit out for a set period of time. It is not fair to punish the older for typical struggles with a 3 year old. If you were going somewhere like McD's, then maybe Jake gets ice cream, Josh will not, or Josh gets less play time. With 4 kids, and a husband that is rarely around (working and ogoing to school), I have become a master and punishing one, while rewarding the other. I will warn you though, you could end up with a major fit on your hands, but it is a tough lesson to learn, and he will learn it. Good luck ~A.~
