How Do You Clamp down on Gossip?

Did you ever see the little monkeys with hands over eyes, ears and mouth? I think of that for gossip also.....hear no evil, see no evil and say no evil. Make that a motto.

Can't talk your way out of a problem you acted your way into.

The apology you want to offer is to clear YOUR conscience. Only "fix" that you can offer is to stop gossiping from here on out, and you're doing that.

What to say - I struggled with that too. I didn't want to sound righteous or condescending (gossip is the devils work, and I never gossip!). So I nod alot. And "mmmhmmmm" is wonderfully non-comital. And then I get busy and have to politely run.

you do just that REFRAIN..... years ago, I would get wrapped up in the workplace gossip (which will happen with or without you) As I got older, I pulled away from the gossip and although it was the best decision, I also lost a few friend co-workers and was no longer considered a "team-player" :)
Keep this in mind... IF a person can stand around and gossip about someone else, they WILL most certainly do it about you..... I learned this the hard way when a former co-worker would always run to me and complain about her boss... turns out, she was also running to him and complaining about me... I realized that those who gossip are often trying to deflect negative attention from themselves and put it on others........ this way, they can keep everyone at odds...I began to learn who the debbie downers at work were and whenever I would see them coming my way, I'd smile and be REALLY positive...... Gossipers learn who they can go to in order to dump negativity IF you seem too positive, after a time they won't say much to you.......... remember , misery loves company and if you aren't miserable too, they won't love your company.. in fact, they may even start talking about you :):) but that's ok... it's their problem..

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I just say noncommittal things like "oh my goodness" or "you don't say" and then I extricate myself from the convo by feigning some deadline or busy work. As for previous gossip, what's done is done. If you get caught, fess up. If you don't, consider yourself lucky from a lesson learned. We're all guilty of gossiping at some point or another. :)

Gossip sucks. It only makes others feel horrible when they find out. All you have to do is say nothing and walk away. Since you already got into it with fellow workers..... you might want to take your "friend" out to lunch and warn her. Its all you can do at this point, or you can say nothing more and hopes that it just blows over.

I always say, oh I like that person, she is so nice. And then give an example against their gossip if I have one. It always shuts people up. Then I casually change the subject or talk to a different person.

S., I'm glad that you are remorseful about this, but it's kind of like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. The gossip is already out there and I think telling your friend would only make you feel better- it might make her feel worse to know that people she knew and trusted were talking about her.

However, if you feel that this is what you should do, why not take her out to lunch, just the two of you and have a talk about office gossip. You can let her know that you are done with the chatter and anything that may make it's way to her was gossip and you are sorry.

To refrain in the future, what has worked for me is the "blank stare of boredom". If they do not get a reaction from me, then they usually avoid me in gossip sessions. To be honest, my supervisors have actually mentioned in my performance reviews how they appreciate that I DON'T get involved and what a positive effect this has on our work environment. (Not to mention my productivity! I actually get stuff done at work! Gasp!) :)

It also helps because I also don't put out a lot of ammunition for people to use against me with gossip. I go to work, I work hard, I go home. Much of my personal life stays that way, personal.

I think you will do it this time! It will be hard- you spend so much time with the people at work- but keep your thoughts and words positive and let the others deal with gossip. Trust me, you will feel better about NOT being involved with gossipy workers. Just vent to all of us mama's here! Good luck!

If there's a conversation going on and you don't want to participate in it, just look at your watch and say "Oh, shoot. Deadline. Catch you-all later." And then walk away.

Do this a few times, and people will get the hint and stop having these conversations within your orbit.

Of course, it *sounds* easy to me, since I that's not one of my personal demons. However, there is a muffin at the student ctr next door, which I so do not need, but it has my name on it in big, red, flashing neon letters. Sigh....

I just DON'T TALK when the gossip lovers get going. It really is pretty easy. Sadly, I have found that it is *almost* impossible to get away from workplace gossip, it will follow you everywhere and SO many people do it.... but just not participating is the way to go.

So just from now on, 'zip the lip'...OR 'zippy the lippy' (as I say to my kids)... at every opportunity!

~If you want to apologize, go ahead...just try your best to not throw anyone else under the buss when you do...or then you will end up feeling guilty about that too! ;)

You simply say "Why don't you go ask her/him if that's true?" It's awesome to nip gossipers in the bud. I hafta do it here a lot. Tenants are always coming to my office to tattletale on each other. I listen for a second, then say "would you like to write that down for me and I'll research it?"... That generally shuts them down.
Some people are incurable gossips and complainers, I feel sorry for them that their social skills are so limited.

I stay out of the gossip by not participating in it ever. I will say straight on 'sorry I don't discuss this kind of stuff' and if they continue I excuse myself and walk away. The interesting thing is since I started doing this everyone confides in me knowing that I won't repeat a word of it. It's nice to be so trusted.

Hi, S.:

It is good that you realize that gossip kills a person's reputation. At my graduate school, they have a video about gossip. It is called: "Toxic Talk." If you would like to see the video, you can get it from: www.iirp.edu

The thing you can do when someone starts gosssiping, you can ask them if they have shared this with the person before telling you. If not, you can suggest to him/her: "tell the person what you need."

Tell them to use I messages to tell the person what they need:

For example:

I feel.....................(State how you feel)
When I........................(Identify the problem)
Because....................(Say why you feel this way)
And I need.......................(Propose how to resolve it)

People need to learn to tell the person they are having difficulty with what they need from them and how they are affected by the persons behavior.
Good luck.

Let me know how this works for you.
D.

The only thing that you can do is disengage, just stop it cold turkey. Anything that you say to try to ease out of it or smoothe it over will become part of the gossip, and you'll spend your energy trying to catch up to that piece of the snowball. I just say stuff like, "Mm...sorry to hear that." Period. "Mm...sounds rough." Period. Short answers that say nothing more than, "I hear ya," and NO QUESTIONS. Eventually, they'll get bored with talking to you about it because you won't feed it.

S.,
I too have been recently drawn in to some gossip and I feel horrible about it. My neighbor is a gossip queen, and honestly, I do not want to hear it. Unfortunately, I stuck around to listen to it last week and then I fed the machine when I found out a "juicy tidbit" regarding the story she was telling me about and shared it with her. Yuck. Never again!
You have the right idea by committing to not gossip anymore. I have promised myself that I will not be contributing to the story no matter what information I may have, because it is nobody's business. But the more difficult matter is not having to listen to the gossip to begin with. I know I can't control what comes out of people's mouths, but I feel terribly guilty just for sticking around and allowing them to spread the gossip to me.
I think gossip tends to happen more when there are groups of ladies rather than just 2. I have started avoiding my gossiping neighbor if she is standing out talking to the other neighbors or in a group at the park. If it is just the 2 of us, it is easy to stick to talking about the kids or the garden. Otherwise, she works really hard to be the center of attention and that is when the gossip starts flying. My other tactic is to suddenly be very busy. My child will suddenly need help or "shoot, my oven is about to go off". I just walk away because otherwise I am gonna be stuck "nodding and uh-huh-ing" for a really long time.
I think you can employ the same strategies at work and just be busy if the gossip starts- suddenly you have a phone call to make, or you were just on your way to the bathroom or to make a copy.