How Do Other Single Mom's Find a Way to Afford Daycare,rent and Everything Else?

Hello J.,

Although I am not a single mother, I know how hard it is to live off a single income. I also come from a single parent family and saw my mother struggle every day with three kids and no help from my father. I applaud you for your hard work and dedication to your daughter!

I found relief - income wise - through a home business. I can show you how to make extra income while maintaining your current job and not interfering with the time needed for your daughter. If you are motivated and willing to be teachable, I will show you how to gain the life you want.

I work with the #1 health company: USANA Health Sciences! I would love to show you why this is the BEST company with the MOST opportunity.

Best wishes,
C.

Take him to court, bottom line. I work with families in a day care setting as well and many of them get $600 or more a month from dad for child support. Forget about his family. You have to do right by your child, at any cost. If you don't, the only one who will suffer in the end is her. There is no getting around the rising cost of living, so what other choice is there?

Wow it seems like there were a lot of answers. I have a few other tips for you.
Check with the YMCA for child care. Even if you make too much for other programs sometimes you qualify there. I am a single mom too and I have used just about every program I could find.
I have gotten scholorships for just about anything a wanted and when they didn't have one I asked the programs why they didn't.
Also if you go to church somtiem you can ask for help there.
I never went to church cause I didn't like the ones the had around here, but then I found one I LOVED! and they have Free bible study for my kid. Most people take that for granted but for those of us who have spent hours trying to fill out paperwork to get help paing for our kids that is a Godsend.
Good Luck J..
A.

As someone who had to use Medi-Cal for pregnancy only, one of the first questions they asked me was about the father and if he was somehow contributing to the welfare of his child. If I was not living with him at the time, they would have made me fill out the paperwork to initiate a child support payment from him. I'm not sure how long it would have taken them to go after him and actually get $$, but I know it would have gone into the works. I doubt that going after him would really affect anyone else as it would only be his wages that would be garnished once a court order was issued to his employer. Don't feel bad for them, as they should be encouraging thier son/brother to do the "right thing" and atleast give a reasonable sum of $$ to his own child.

Have you tried WIC? They give cupons for food. Other ladies have mentioned some good programs too. It's all a matter of researching and pounding the pavement. I've even heard of single mom's sharing apartments and help one antoher with child care from time to time. It's never easy, but I'm sure she's worth it.

Good luck.

I send my kids (ages 2 and 3) to head start. I am low income, so its free for us. I dont know if it is for every one though. You could look into it... It may be cheaper than day care. My kids go from 7:30 until 2:30 every day. I am starting to stress too tho. I am getting ready to move to a new apartment where the rent is 762/month (currently an apt manager paying 0 for rent) and I recently found out I have a 3rd baby on the way. I am not sure HOW we are going to manage. Do you have family near by? I moved my brother and his son in with us so hopefully his income will carry us until I can work again. My mom also babysits sometimes. I am on welfare, so I know its tough. Id take father to court for child support. How would it domino effect onto the rest of his family? Just curious :) My ex husband is court ordered to pay 374/month, but being on welfare I only get to see 50/month of it.

J. ~ I feel for you...I was there myself at one time. It is tough, but you can do it.

For some time, I qualified for reduced rent and was able to find child care on a sliding scale. Later I didn't qualify. I clipped a lot of coupons and found a lot of sales. I kept a budget, watched every dollar spent and packed my lunch for work. I had a pecking order on pay day, 1) rent utilities & auto insurance 2) gas 3) grocery, then whatever else came about. I used credit cards which at the time grocery stores did not accept them at the time. I transfered the balance to the lowest interest any time I could. I managed that way until I met my husband (who I wasn't looking for) and he took me, my daughter, and all of our bills.

We were on our own for 12 years before we met him. I finally got tired of paying the rent when we were on our own and got my mother to co-sign on a 100% loan for a townhouse. It was a fixer upper, but it worked. After I got married we kept it and rented it out and recently sold it.

Life is much easier now as my daughter is now 24 years old and our new baby is almost 2.

I know it is hard, but you can do it. Just watch what you spend and take advantage of what comes your way.

Best of luck to you!
C.

Hi J., im not a single mother but i know what its like to be where your at. But i know you have it harder then we do, the price that me and my children pay for financial indendence is not being able to spend time with dad. He has his own business and opens and closes 7 days a week, im doing it alone. My sister on the other hand is a single mother. She found herself in the same position your in, recently, cause she had lost her job at the newspaper. I know this sounds cliche but she actually started working from home. She works for a company called Pure Romance and she is now working with Cookie Lee, she just got into Cookie Lee, so i dont know how well she is doing with that. But as far as Pure Romance goes, shes doing great. She has about 3 or 4 parties a month and she is earning $1000.00 or more a month, she has only been in this for a few months. I recently started with her, just to have something on the side, i have done a few parties and they have been a success, you make anywhere from $100.00 to 300.00 a party, even more, all depends on you. The stuff is sexual stuff, but not all of it, the products that are selling the most for me are the lotions and the beauty and health stuff. Also, i have alot of friends that order all the time, they dont need to host parties, they know what they want and they order the samething every month. If your interested, let me know, its just a thought and i hope it helps.
A.!

UNfortunetly in a situation like this, you have to think of yourself, and what is best for YOUR baby. It sucks, but that is how things have to be sometimes. If the only way to make ends meet is to have support from the baby's dad, then that is where you have to go. And I am sorry that it messes up the life of this man, but thisis his baby too, and you both need to think about what would be best for your child, and then worry about the people around you.

Bless your heart! I can't imagine your stress right now.

Firstly, I think you need to put yours and your daughter's needs before the needs of your ex's family. If court makes the situation difficult for them and your ex knows it, he might step up and commit to a weekly amount that you can live with. Don't struggle to ensure the comfort of others. If they want to avoid whatever domino effect a court order would cause, they need to help you out, too. Your daughter is their family.

My other advice would be to find another mom in your shoes and look into getting a roomate.

I wish I had more help to offer. Good luck, and above all else...do what's best for you and your daughter.

(((((hugs)))))

R.

J.

I feel you pain! I was single a single mom for a long time, until i met my current b/f and he moved in. do a google search for "sliding scale daycare" in your area. i found my daughter's pre-school/daycare that way, and guess what, i only pay 54.50 a week for her to be there 10 hours a day!! it was a life saver!!! i also recruited some family to help me out when it was absolutly nessesary. i don't know what sort of resources you have as far as emergency help goes (family, friends) but if you have someone, don't be afraid to ask for help!!!! i hated the idea at first, but my dad and grandfather really pulled through when i needed them to! also, BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET! i went with generic brand everything for a long time, and while some of the things i bought weren't as good as name brand, they still worked!!!!! i have yet to file for child support on my daughter's father, simply because he has not worked 1 day since i left him! he will do the occasional under the table job here or there, but nothing legitamate, so i feel that it is a long, pointless procedure to go through right now. i spoke with the d.a. about 6 months ago, and he told me that because of the amount of money i make (i do not qualify for any government help!) it would take at least a year for him to even look at my paperwork, and even longer to get anything enforced. they have more pressing cases to get to. THOSE WERE HIS EXACT WORDS TO ME! anyways, i didn't qualify for head start, medical, food, cash, rent help, nothing, so i had to find a way to make everything work. i found cheep, or free activities for my daughter and i to do, to keep us entertained, i even found a way to throw a SUPER cheep 4th b-day party for her! (we made all of our own decorations from construction paper, i baked the cake myself, made a bunch of different simple appetizers from whatever was in the fridge, and blew everyone away when i told them that i had substituded the oil for apple sauce in the cake and cookies!!!!) she loved it, our guests loved it, and i loved it! whatever we needed, i shopped around until i found the very best price available, and the thrift stores right down the street from me were a big lifesaver! i've never been big on clipping coupons, but trust me, they made a world of difference! anyhoo, message me if you would like to talk, cuz i know exactly what you are going through!!!

By the grace of GOD, i'll tell you that! it helps to have family and/or friends whom you trust to help with your daughter. also to REALLY bargan shop, for EVERYthing! I have found that not always is it true that "you get what you pay for". where i live daycare is extremely expensive too, but i have found a few smaller places are more affordable and give more attention to each child because so. one more thing-word of mouth from mothers in your area and by spreding the word of our situation alot of times can lead to meeting those "angels" among us!
Good luck and God bless

Hi J.,

I can also relate to your situation, I also don't qualify for any of the state programs. My work offers a flex spending plan and that's how I will be paying for my son's daycare. They deduct whatever amount you want, a month and you can use that to pay for childcare. Example the total cost for my son's daycare will be about $6200 a year. At my work, I can deduct up to $5000 a year but I can't claim that on my taxes, instead I can claim the remaining $1200 that I'll have to pay. My work would deduct $500 a month for 10 months and I file a claim and get a check that I'd use to pay for the next month's tuition. Maybe you can ask at your work if they do offer a Flex Spending Plan, it's definitely been very helpful.. Good Luck,

M.

What area do you live in? $170 a week for daycare is a high price to pay. I am a daycare provider in East Palmdale, and my prices are much more reasonable. I have been in business since 1999 and I am NAFCC Accerdited. It sounds like yours is charging the Regional Market Rate which is the rate that the government allows. Each county is slightly different. Shop around more. I don't think that most people can afford what the government allows.

There are plenty of providers that offer quality care for much less. You just have to take the time to interview some of them.

Make sure that you see a license posted and also make sure that you call licensing directly to inquire about any valid complaints.

PS: Do yourself and your daughter a favor and file for child support. You both deserve it. I made the mistake of not filing for child support for my older kids. My ex ended up getting an inheritance and guess what! The greedy creap would not share any of it, even with his own kids. PLEASE FILE!

Good luck with your search!

D.
Bertelsen Family Childcare
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Hi J., I wanted to let you know, 1st like everyone else said I definetly would take him to court. You and your daughter are your 1st concern so don't worry about people that don't worry if you two are struggling. But even if you can't get much from him then there are plenty of women who do it alone so be strong. Also I would look at trying to make more $, maybe a raise or doing something different or instead of your current career. I have a business that is very family friendly and i work with alot of moms that either work part time or full time but are in total control of their time and income. I do train people and I have been here 6 years now and it have been my sole source of income for more than 5 years. I have only been married for 3 years, so I didn't have any help before. My girl will be 3 in october and she comes to work with me all the time. It isn't the easiest but it saves $ and I don't have to worry about some stranger having my child. I have my business registered here on this site under financial services and employment. You can also send me a message and I can give you some more info if you are open to it.It sounds like any thing would help. I am in Sacramento and if you are not local I can try to get you to a credible person in your area, we have offices all around california. I'd love to try help you. My heart goes out to you. Keep your head up, you will find your way.

I have to agree with the other moms on the child support issue -
Your daughter's father, by law, is financially responsible for his daughter. Not his mother. Not his sister and her girls (they are their father's responsibility). It took an acquaintance that happens to be an attorney to point out to me that my children deserve the money - whether I was struggling and used it to just make the day to day a little easier or if I was financially okay and put it away for their college expenses, the court awarded it to me for them. He also told me that if I didn't collect, it might put my children in the uncomfortable position of having to sue their father for the unpaid support once they turn 18.

Have you thought about finding another single mother (maybe a stay at home mom) that is looking for a place to live? She could watch your daughter, you could pay a larger portion of the rent. Or a mother that works a different shift than you - you could watch her child while she works, she'd watch yours while you do. Maybe you could find another mom that owns a home and would consider taking you and your daughter on as boarders to help defray the mortgage (this is what I was going to do until my ex finally began to pay).

Whatever you choose to do remember, your daughter doesn't have a voice yet so you may have to fight for what is rightfully hers.

Have you tried state services for low priced and free daycare? Also I wanted to let you know about a lady that does daycare that is looking for two more kids... this is her info..
Richelle McKee and her # is ###-###-####
. for under 18 months she only charges 135 for 40+ hours.
she works any times on monday through friday and feeds them every meal, and provides all snacks.
she also days parents night out every 3rd friday, where they do arts and crafts and movies.

Hi J.,

I think you should try 4'c they help you out they pay half and you pay your part. & yes they can help you just try and try you will fine some one there that will be willing to help you. go to www.4c.org you can fine daycares and in home day cares ext. I also would try head start programs. If you need help please e-mail me at ____@____.com I have friends that work for 4'c and head start programs.

Good luck,

M. P

wow. daycare is higher than i pay where u are. we pay 100 a week for one kid full time. and i thought that was high.
our rent is more though, at 1200, but we have a 3 bedroom 2 bath and 3 kids.

I'm not a single parent so don't have much to offer cept maybe that you could check around on daycares and see if you could find a cheaper one ...maybe someone doing daycare from their home? That's who I use when/if i use daycare. She gives us a discount because we always pay monthly in advance, so we only pay 100 a week.

Also i agree in that he should pay child support and it should be handled by the courts legally so that he knows he's responsible and there's consequences if he doesn't pay. Your daughter should come first to him because she's his daughter as well. I have a son by a previous marriage that is 14 and his dad makes very little money (no education, low paying job, etc) and he still has to pay 302 a month, which helps more than you think with little things that come up. And if he doesn't pay, they take it from his tax refunds!! or take him to court and he gets in trouble. SO he ALWAYS pays by a certain time.

4C's CalWORKS Child care program assists families in Southern Alameda County transition from welfare to work.

On January 1, 1998, the California Work Opportunity and Responsibility to Kids (CalWORKS) program was implemented. CalWORKS is California's version of the Federal government's Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) Program.

Families are considered CalWORKS eligible if they receive cash aid. Under CalWORKS, aid is time-limited and recipients must meet hourly welfare to work activity requirements. CalWORKS parents must participate in job services, training, or education. While a parent is participating in the CalWORKS Program they also receive support services. One of those support services is child care.

CalWORKs child care provides care for families through three stages of child care. The first stage of child care is for participants new in the CalWORKs Program. Often, these are parents in job clubs, job training or vocational training. Stage I also includes newly employed participants.

Participants transfer to Stage II CalWORKs child care when they have been working for a period of time and are still receiving cash aid, or they are working and have been discontinued from aid. In order to be eligible, a parent must have been discontinued from aid within the previous 24 months. The maximum amount of time in Stage II is 24 months.

Participants then transfer to Stage III, receive child care assistance for their children up to age 13 as long as they remain income eligible. This movement through the three stages occurs without any disruption of child care services.

4C's of Alameda county is the Stage I contractor for southern Alameda County. 4C's provides child care services for CalWORKs participants who reside in the cities of Hayward, San Leandro, San Lorenzo, Castro Valley, Fremont, Newark and Union City.
4C's also administers CalWORKs Stages II and III for residents of Oakland.

The child care services provided to CalWORKS parents by 4C's are:
- Provide child care referrals as needed.
- Meet with parents and providers to set up agreements for care.
- Pay the provider directly for child care services.

4C's staff meet with CalWORKS parents by appointment only. If the parent chooses an exempt provider, the exempt provider must also come to the appointment with the parent. An exempt provider is someone who may legally provide care for his or her own children and children from one other family. If the exempt provider is a non-relative of the child, he/she must also be trustlined.

All CalWORKS parents must come into 4C's office to complete all necessary paperwork.

Once the agreements for care are completed, signed by both parent and provider, and all necessary documentation is received, 4C's pays the child care provider directly for the care they provide. Providers submit time sheets on a monthly basis and are paid once a month. 4C's CalWORKS staff will be happy to answer any questions parents or providers may have about the program.

For information about Stage I please call ###-###-####.
For information about Stages II and III please call ###-###-####.

Source: http://www.4c-alameda.org/en/art.php?aid=113

Your concern is your child. How are can you support your family if you are not able to go to work? Wouldn't that stress you out more if you lose your job, because you don't have the money to pay for day-care? You did get some really great advise. I hope you will try some of the suggestions. If it does not go work out, the dad needs to start helping even if you have to take him to court. Your family will be in my prayers.

J.,

The domino effect? Did he tell you that? because if he did that's a huge lie. The court will not go after his mother or sister for anything. Not unless he is under the age of 18.

I've been there done that with my kids dad. He used every excuse in the book for me not to take him to court. So for 5 years I didn't collect a thing until I finally got smart and just went. Let me tell you I don't get a lot but it helps.

I am a city employee and I can tell you that there are alot of benefits for single mothers but you have to just have the time and patience to research. I don't know what city you live in but you should call your city hall and ask what type of programs they have for low income child care, housing, and anything else they can offer.

I am a single mother of two and I make to much money for government help but I still qualify for low cost child care and low cost rent. Any discount helps. It's a struggle but we just have to learn how to budget ourselves and manage with what we can afford.

Hope this information helps and if you need to anything about getting info from your city just send me an e-mail!!

S.

She sounds adorable! You do have alot to be grateful for. I think we forget that. I'm surprised that the government won't step in. It's like if you do absolutely NOTHING, they will help you. 10.00 and 50.00 a week is not really acceptable. This is his child too. Something has to CHANGE there. Why should you and your daughter suffer? People do it all different ways. Getting a second job from home, like typing...etc. I'm sure you've heard that before. A better paying job? I don't know where you live, but the school my son goes to is "kirk o the Valley" and it's 167.50 a week, for 5 full days. It's a little far for us. It's in Reseda, but a great school and well worth it. That's a savings.

M.

You need to go after him for child support. He should have thought about his family before he had children - it's not for you to worry about... Being a financially strapped and stressed single mom isn't healthy for you or your daughter - I know I did it for 10 years myself...

You could try to get your daughter into the Head Start Pre-School Program instead of day care - might be cheaper... get some baby sitting jobs at nights and weekends - bring your daughter with - that was my spending money for a couple of years and my daughter loved making new friends... try a rent share with another single mom, but be careful with this one it could backfire if she is irresponsible.

Good Luck and enjoy your baby - mine is 17 now I am teaching her how to drive.... time flies....

Sweetie, you need to take him to court. You are not responsible for his family, only your daughter. I felt the same way, but your daughter comes first, and if his family truly loves her, then they will understand that.

The only other suggestions I could make would be to move to a cheaper area, or see if you qualify for discounted child care.
Have you looked into Headstart? It may be free for you.

I have a tough time too. I am fortunate that my son qualifies for discounted lunches at school, and my family helps out a lot with babysitting. Check with your local school district to see if they have any preschool programs, or your local parks department. Even if you don't qualify for food stamps, there are a lot of assistance programs out there. You just have to hunt for them.

I know it seems hard but there is a way. just because you don't qualify for "welfare" there are other programs out there that will help you. go down to the welfare office and apply. When tyou get rejected ask about other programs. Ask about daycare assistance and Section 8. you may be surprised at the income you can make and still get aid. My friends husband makes $15 an hour and they still get section 8. They have 4 kids, but it is worth checking into.

You need to apply for child support. I know that you don't want to be the bad guy and it will affect other people, but your daughter deserves the money. Unless her dad can watch her while you work so that you don't ahve daycare to pay for he needs to be paying more than he does. I understand that your worried about the people he lives with, BUT he had a daughter with YOU not them. If he can't handle taking care of both then that is his problem he shouldn't have had a child. You should not be struggling so that he can care for someone else. Go get the child support, worry about your daughter first and then everyone else.

If you could work it out where he watched your daughter while you worked you would actually be doing better than getting child support. You would be saving $170 a week and that is more than the courts will give you. Give him the choice, find a job that will allow him to watch her for you or pay her daycare.

Make her dad help you, it is the only way that you will be able to get ahead. Maybe in the future you will not need the help as much, but right now you do. Stop letting him manipulate you.

Don't know what the domino effect would be, but in the meantime his children suffer? I went without child support until my boys were 16 and 18, their father didn't seem to think it was important either. He kept moving around, got hard to find. To this day his youngest son (33) will have nothing to do with him. I was a working mom too and know how hard it is, but it can be done, you and the kids just do without. He finally was caught and was made to pay me for the years of nonpayment. Wish you the best, but if you know where he is, I wouldn't hesitate to collect, your daughter deserves it.

It is so hard taking care of your children alone !! I struggled with it while raising my oldest (now 16) and find myself doing it again with my younger two (6 and 5).

I found that setting my priorities and working everything else around them really helped. What is most important to you? Is it still living in the home you currently reside in? Keeping the same daycare? Working close to home instead of commuting?

For me it was working close to my kids so that I had more time with them. In doing that...I changed the childcare for my children to a subsidized program. There are state and private agencies who offer assistance. Try calling your local YMCA and state or county childcare referral agencies. Moved to reduce my rent by about 175.00 and started a home based business for extra income (the tax right offs are SO worth it!!). For me, my priority (time with my kids) made it hard to decide on a second job, but I found a good one that allows me to decide when to work and the money is good so I can make it working 2-3 hrs, 3-4 times a month.

It's stressful!! It may seem like you are drowning and can never get ahead but it WILL work out. And remember to take some time for yourself...even if it's getting together with girlfriends for an "at home" pedicure night.

Take care and let us know how everything turns out.

wow i know its so hard there is a company thats starting ice pals.com

Hey J.,
I am a sinlge mom and its hard. The only advice I can give is to really look around. I am not sure where you live, but anywhere in Ca is expensive. Have you thought about moving? As far as daycares go, have you looked around. It seems that 170 a week is really high in comparison to youre rent. We live near SF and pay 1300 for a 2 bedroom and my daughters preschool is 680 a month. One thing I learned about daycare is if they child is potty trained they knock up to 200 a month off... so maybe you could try to start that? Also, child swapping works a lot for me. I'll watch yours you watch mine.. good luck!

Hi J.,

i'm a single mom to an 11 yr old, and i struggled with rent, daycare, and bills. If you can do it, try looking for a new place to live that is cheaper in the rent departmeny. call around on daycares, alot of times inhome daycares are cheaper then the centers.

its hard, but you can do it.

N.

Hi! J.,
I am not a single mother, but come from a home of a single mother. I think what everyone has posted is right on target. Find a better "fitting" daycare, set your priorities and stick to them, try working out of your home or get your employer to give you a couple or just one day at home to work, and MAKE, again MAKE your ex pay for the child support and do it the right way through the court system. They will look out for the best interest of both parents. No matter what kind of relationship you have with your ex family, you need, no you have to take care of yours first. They would do that of their own. My father paid very little for three children, and only after my mother passed did I find out that the divorce agreement was he was supposed to pay for more and my college education. He got away with a lot because my mother didn't make him. He turned out to make a lot of money, but believed that because he wasn't in the household, he owned his children very little. This is the common methodology of fathers. Why should you work yourself to the bone, and make your children suffer because of these men not stepping up to the plate and assuming their responsibilty. You will survive all of this, and so will your children. Best of luck!

I was a single mom for many years before I met my husband. First, if you dont want to take him to court b/c of the expense, give all the information you know about him (telephone number, ssn, birthdate, employer) and let the District Attorney's Office handled the rest. It is free of charge. He laid down with you to make this baby and he is just as responsible for the financial and emotional support to the child. Second, look into home daycares, they are much cheaper then others. Third, look into your job, are they opportunities elsewhere with higher pay? Last, get a roommate who will help share the cost of rent. You seriously need to think about the child support. The support is to cover the care of the child (rent, food, daycare, diapers, etc.) His responsibility is the child and everyone else come second. It seems you are letting him make excuses and you dont want to cause friction, but when it comes all down to it, his responsibility lies with supporting the child.

Have you tried looking at part-time work from home possibilities?

Hi - where do you live that charges $170 for daycare. That is high. Try checking community colleges in the area and get a student who wants to earn some extra money. As far as the father -- he needs to pay more. $10 or $50 is unacceptable. Everyone has issues -- but your main situation is caring for your daughter, so you should probably try seeking some legal advice on him (Contact Legal Aid in your area).

Also, if you are in the Moreno Valley area, contact B. Daycare ###-###-####, I am cheaper that $170 a week... I might be able to assist you depending on the hours you need daycare.