How Do I Tell My Son, His Cousin Died

Just tell him that his cousin died in a car crash. Add anything you might believe about heaven. Then let him ask questions. Follow his lead. I would not tell him it happened because he had a seizure. That's too scary since he's had a seizure.

If he's really upset,remind him its ok to be sad and even angry and that you are sad too. Talk about good times you shared with your nephew. So sorry this has happened to your family...

Allison, I am so sorry that your family is going through this. I suggest that you not mention that your nephew had a seizure...the word seizure probably scares him expecially since this is all new to him. I would tell your son that his cousin was in a very bad car wreck and died. And tell him your personal beliefs about heaven. I would explain that no one knows why accidents happen but that you are there to protect him. And then I would let him talk..just listen to him, what he has to say, what he wants to ask. I think it's perfectly fine for him to see you sad because this is a very sad time. Hugs to you and to your little boy.

Oh Allison, I'm so sorry for your family and their loss. This is truly a tragic and devastating situation. You and your family will be in my prayers.
On what to tell your son about his cousin, I think it would be best to keep it short and not give more information than necessary. He doesn't need to know that his cousin died due to a seizure, it will only scare him. At this age all he needs to know was that his cousin was in a terrible car accident that wasn't his fault and died because of it. If he asks who's fault if was, just say that your nephew lost control of the vehicle and leave it at that. I know he will ask a lot of questions as most 8 year olds do, but he doesn't need a lot of detail.
Stay strong and God Bless.
T.

Allison, I know your strong heart will help you with the words, so I won't offer you any advice. I will pray and will be sending you the strength and clarity of a million substantial women.

:)

You definately need to tell him but I would not tell him the seizure caused the accident. I would tell him that cousin Johnny had a car accident and died because of his injuries. I personally would probably say that "His injuries were so bad that God had to have him in Heaven to heal him" or something like that.

When your son is older, you can share the fact that the accident was caused by him having a seizure.

Gosh, this is so sad. I'm truly sorry.
You have some wonderful advise here, so I would just like to encourage you that your son will get through this. My kids had to deal with divorce, and now they are facing their grandmother's imminent passing. And we lost the dog (I know that's nothing like losing a cousin). At times I wondered how in the world I would get them through it all. I would pray and I would be honest, not giving them more information than they needed. I would make sure they felt heard. It's tempting to try talking them out of their pain, but they really just need to know you've heard them and understand. Practice reflective listening - repeat back what he says, so he knows you get it. "You feel sad, don't you? I know. I feel sad, too." Then just sit with him and be quiet. In this way, you help carry his pain, which is what he needs. As you help carry his pain, he will process the grief and emerge. He'll be OK, and so will you.
Blessings,
L.

I am so very sorry for your loss. How heartbreaking. I agree that maybe you should not tell your son about your newphews seizure right now as it may really scare him.
Maybe just tell him about the car accident. And take it from there. Seek help and advice from a professional if it would help, or clergy. Again, I am so sorry for loss. Hugs and love at this terrible time for your family.

One of my kids has seizure disorder. Our neurologist told us that we cannot shelter our kids from the stress and hard times to come. We want to because we want to spare them from another one, but that is not going to work.

The Doc told us that treating our son like a real special case all his life because of his seizure is going to compound the problem and make our son feel different.

I would sit your son down (very soon!!!) and tell him about the accident, and your nephew's death. Let him cry, be upset, etc....and try very hard not to worry. He has to grieve. Pray together when he is ready and that should be calming to him. But he needs to cry and be sad, if that is his reaction.
In many cases, it's the pent up stress that builds that CAN cause a seizure in some.
My son's first seizure was after mid-terms and a very hard week at sports practice....upset coach, threats to kick people off the team...
He kept the worry and stress all stuffed inside, it made him lose a lot of sleep and he had his first seizure 48 hours after midterms.

Oh dear. I'm so sorry for your loss, this is heartbreaking.

I agree to be as honest as possible. Just give him the facts (and yes maybe leave out the seizure part, but if he asks I would tell him the truth, even about that) and let him ask questions. If you believe in Heaven I have found that it does help. This is going to be hard, but just tell him that it's okay to be sad and that if he needs time to himself or wants to cry or whatever then it's fine.

I am so very sorry for your family's loss. I was going to write exactly what Lynn M wrote. Tell him he died from the accident but don't even mention the seizure. When he is older, you can mention the seizure but right now it will just frighten him since he has the same thing. We lost my nephew at the age of 7 to an asthma attack (my children were younger) so I know how difficult this can be. Simple honesty with minimal details is best and lots of hugs and reassurance.

I would just tell him that the cousin had a car accident and died from his injuries. Do not say he also had a seizure, golly, that will freak him out. Oh I just looked and every one else is saying the same thing.

I am so sorry for your loss. Do not tell your son for a long time how his cousin died. My prayers go out to you and your family.

When I was nine I had a friend from church that was murdered. My mom just sat me down and told me, I don't think she gave me details but she told me that my friend had died and gone to live in heaven. I was devastated of course, death is not something a child should have to deal with, but well it just can't be avoided sometimes. I didn't handle the funeral very well either unfortunately, I have always been a tender hearted person and it was very hard on me. But what I still remember so clearly, was one night after the funeral I had a dream that I was sitting in the funeral home and I heard this just amazing laughter of a young girl. Then I saw these footprints in the carpet, king of like an invisible person was walking by, I looked up and saw the casket and there was my friend sitting on the end of it swinging her legs and laughing, like the most beautiful laugh I have ever heard. I don't know if it sounds creepy when I write it, but believe me it wasn't at all when I dreamed it, it was the most comforting thing ever. I really believe that God has a special way of reaching a tender child's heart. So as others have said, tell him with as few details as you can, and pray for him that God will give him whatever he personally needs to get through. I am so sorry for your loss, hang in there......

I am so, so sorry that your family is going through so much at once. I agree with the posters who said to tell your son he had a car accident, but not to mention that it was caused by a seizure.

Talk to your son's doctor before you tell him. Find out if giving him such stressful news will induce another seizure and, if so, ask the doc for recs on how to handle it.

Again, I am so sorry and hope that you and your family can help each other through this awful time.

I'm so sad to hear about you loss and would probably speak with your son's dr first prior to speaking w/him just to safeguard on offset of another seizure in your son.

How old is you son, that is something that I would also consider in what I would say.

What a sad time for all of you and at a terribly hard time for your son too. I just want to say how sorry I am this happen.

I agree with Lynn M.-so sorry for your loss.

Be as honest as possible but only give him as much info as he needs. I would suggest to let him know that there was a car accident and now his cousin is in heaven. He may not understand much so he may not be that upset, but it's best to be honest and deal with the effects sooner than later. I think Susan O has the right idea.

Sorry for your loss!

Keep it as positive as you can. Iremember when people approached me with dread in there voice it would send me to almost tears. Even if they said were going some place fun if the tone of voice was too serious it would cause alarm. If you believe in God you could tell him that "Cousin" went to go live in heaven today. Then answer any questions or if you can tell he is very upset by it and are afraid he might go into a seizure you could calm him down by some soothing exercises. I am sure other kids with seizures have had tramatic things happen and there must be ways of dealing or delivering the message. Call your pedi and ask a nurse or the pedi how to handle this. I am terribly sorry for you loss. I hope you can get his seizures undercontroll. Recently MTV had a special on young adults with seizures and how they controll them. I found it very helpful and intreasting. Hopefuly yo ucan find more info about it. God bless your little boy and family.