How Do I Tell My Friend?

I would just up front with your friends. And just explain the situation. They will understand, know wants a child to have problems with their asthma. Who knows you maybe helping your friend, the mold could be making them sick as well.

Tell them you just realized that your son must stay out of basements because he has really bad asthma and allergies and is really sensitive to any type of dampness. Or you can blame it on your doctor, my doctor asked that we not let our son play in basements because of his allergy/asthma triggers. I don't think it is a big deal. They may make adjustments or you can ask that her kids come over to your house and play.

I would tell them of your issues-if they have mold in their home-it could be killing them. I had to live in a trailer for 2 years while our home was under construction-and it was filled with mold-really did a number on me. Wish I had known!
Good luck
J. h

I think that you should express your concerns to them. Not only for your child but for theirs as well. Being that there may be a potential threat to someones health needs to be recognized. Tell them. If they are truly friends they will understand and appreciate that your family was sensitive enough to detect this and that will know how much you care about them and their health. If you decide to not tell them why you are avoiding play dates and recreations with them, you are running the risk of them catching on that you are avoiding going to their home and they may make a bigger deal out of it than there really is. Either way you may have to tell them. Either after the argument or you can prevent the argument and hurt feelings all together.

If I were your friend and you told me that you noticed your son had all these symptoms after playing there, I would NOT be offended or hurt in any way. Like Liz said this isnt a big deal. They are your friends they will want to make your visit as pleasant as possible. Dont be afraid to tell them figure out a solution with your friends.

Tell your friend, keep it straightforward. Better that they know that their basement makes you all wheeze than they try to figure out why you never seem to want to visit. And it is possible that some bleach and a dehumidifier would improve their basement for everyone. Or perhaps kids could play upstairs or outside sometimes.

M. -

Like most of the people here, I would also say, just tell her. I have a cat, and I have some of my kids friends who wont come over because of that. I'm ok with it! I understand.

Just explain that because he has asthma and other allergies, there is "something" in the basement that is causing him to react. We all know that cat hair can stay in a house 10 years after the animal is gone.. so who knows!

But if she is a true friend, she will understand. If she doesnt understand, then I just would always say no to any offers of play dates. Its a shame for your son, but his health is more important.

Good luck.
L.

I agree with the response Liz made...

I were you I would follow through with Liz's suggestions for the last thing you would want to do is offend your friend or ignore the issues your child is having.

It is important to remember that there could be many factors playing a role in your child's health such as poor ventilation, pets, dust, etc.. I wouldnt directly say to your friends that it is their basement play area that is causing your childs health issues.

Good Luck

You can and should tell her the problem - otherwise she will think you are unsociable or think she is a poor host. It could be water damage, but it could be other things as well. You could pin some of the possibilities on the previous owners - say "Perhaps there was water damage or mold, or perhaps they kept pets down there. Something." There could be many causes. I wouldn't try to diagnose it - just say there is something setting him off and there is no medicine that controls it sufficiently, you're sorry, can they come to your house, we love getting together, etc. Don't approach it like it's a reflection on her, and she won't take it that way.

You seem very conscious of hurting your friends feelings, so I'm sure you'll tell her in a way that is polite and not insulting. She shouldn't be offended if you simply say you've noticed your son seems to be allergic to something in her house, so would she mind coming over to your house instead? I think as long as she sees you still want to socialize with her, she shouldn't be offended.

I would just be upfront and honest. Your childs saftey comes first. And I would relay the message that you do enjoy getting together just not at her house. If she is offended then she is not your friend. Again it is a saftey concern.

Why WOULDN'T you tell your friend? Just come out and say, "I think you may have water damage in your basement. I think this because..."

Don't you think she'd WANT to know? Mold is dangerous to those with allergies, but if it gets bad enough can be bad for EVERYONE. It's not like some personal thing she's doing wrong...the house has mold.

Hi M.,

I would just be honest with your friend about why you are reluctant to go to their house for a playdate. If they are true friends then they will understand. I am sure they wouldn't want your child to be uncomfortable.

I would just mention the symptoms - you really don't know why. This way you limit any chance of your friend being offended - some people will be offended no matter what others will understand. Your son's health is much more important that worrying about offending her. Hopefully she's a good enough friend to understand.
I have been in the same situation myself - but with family who are not so understanding.

Hi M.,
My daughter has asthma. Playing in a moldy basement over time can be detrimental to your son. That's like me letting my daughter play with cats all the time. She ended up in the hospital and that was with taking albuterol and flovent! I would let the parents know of his condition and persist that he never play in an area where it triggers asthma reaction. If they don't understand, that's their problem. Giving allergy meds over time will make matters worse in the long run. Talk to your doctor. Your sons health is more important than his playmates. Just MHO.
M.

I would tell her. As for your son's asthma, have you ever tried natural products. I work with a wellness company that has done clinical research on their products and they help kids breathing around there home. The chemicals in store products can effect them! My cousins daughter has difficulties with Lysol especially. Many things seem to effect her breathing, they use them and seem to be doing better. It is not a cure but it does help! If interested let me know, they are even less expensive!! YAH!

M. - SAHM of three and WAHM and loving it!