How Do I Tell If I REALLY Look Old?

I don't know how to have you go about getting an unbiased opinion, but I will tell you a lot may depend on the age of these girls' moms and grandmas. 8 year olds could easily have a mom still in her late 20's and a grandma then in her early 40's.

My daughter is 6 and there was a boy in her class who's grandma used to come to all of the school events. She introduced herself as the grandma so I knew from the beginning who she was, but she could have easily said she was the mom without me thinking twice. I then saw the mom at another event and she looked like such a child to me. I thought how could she possibly have a 6 year old?

Everything is relative. Try not to take it to heart!

K.

Just remeber that kids that age have no idea of whats "old". Remeber how old even 30 seemed at that age. Also a lot of kids have much younger parents, 8 yr olds with parent in the 20's and early 30's, which could be the case, so then yes you would seem "grandmaish" in their eyes if they have younger parents. I would not take this personally at all or question you beautifulness. Try not to take it personally and remeber, kids say the darndest things. ((HUGS))

Kids don't have a very good perspective when it comes to judging age. When I was a child, I thought my mother was ANCIENT at 40!

My sister's daughter had to write about her family when she was in elementary school. She said something like, "My Mom has long hair and is about 100 years old."

Just laugh it off. If you think you look fine; you look fine. It's all about the attitude!

Honey, the truth is...you are ancient to an 8 year old. Let's face it, someone 25 is old to them.
Many kids have grandmas in their family that are in their early 40's so it's not a reflection on you at all. The one little girl may have a grandma that's your age. Doesn't make you old.

You've been through a tough time. It sounds like you take care of yourself other than the strain you've understandably been under.
I wouldn't let what some giddy little girls say make you second guess yourself.
I have no doubt whatsoever that you are a very beautiful woman. You just need to remind yourself of that.

Best wishes.

You sound cute to me, I would brush it off.

No doubt, what you have been going through and what you are still having to deal with are affecting your spirit. Sometimes it's not so much our outward appearance that ages us but whether or not we are able to smile from the inside out. I'm sure that everything will turn around for you soon and you will be back to looking like your younger self. Have faith.

OMGosh I know how you feel. I always got you look so much younger compliments, but after going through so much in the same year...baby, father of my child walks out, & losing my dad - I feel older and I don't get so many compliments. My advice is to REALLY take care of yourself - don't forget about you - I lost me and still am trying...
God Bless

Hi sweet P.....
Please don't let it get you down-it can happen to anyone!!!.

As far as makeup is concerned- Make up does a lot for most people....
if i didn't wear make-up i would look quite a bit older than i do. a lot paler,
and people would probably say "you look so tired!" LOL
Think about it...makeup hides flaws, adds pizzas-razamatazz...
It perks us up, adds color and zippety do dah. LOL
I know it's hot out in Arizona ( i live in Gold canyon, az)
However, give it a try- I am sure you feel so much better!

It is amazing what a nice haircut/color can do and some makeup....
watch and wait :)

You have been through quite a lot, so treat yourself!!

Are you moving out of Arizona???

Little kids can not tell ages at all in my experience. I worked at camp for years and the kids (even up to early teens) could not tell if someone was 17 or 30. I would not worry about what a kid under 10 says. But being tired and stressed does not help. And I think it shows more now that I am about to turn 40 because when I was younger I could bounce back much faster and it showed less. The only thing I might say is do you wear sunblock since you live in a warm, sunny climate. Not much you can do about stress but to get through it and take care of yourself as much as you can.

Being a grandma can cover a wide age range--anything from about 35 to 85 is possible. My grandma had her last child at 42 and her first grandchild at 50 but not her youngest grandchild until 80 (followed closely by great grand kids). But when I was working as a social worker my clients thought it was odd I had no kids at 30 since many of them started early enough to be a grandma by 35.

Want a good laugh?

I've been asked TWICE if I am the grandmother of my new baby. Twice!!!

My hair is blonde (love you, fabulous colorist!), I'm in great shape, and refuse to dress frumpy. I'm 36 years old - far from old if you ask me.

Please keep in mind that especially with younger children, age and appearance is relative. If you had your child at 35 and her friends' moms had them at like 22 (thus they'd only be 30ish), then relatively speaking you would look 'old' to them.

I'm sure you're a hot mom, so don't let the comments get to you! And, tuck that away for when she's approaching 'old' and remind her of this conversation!

try not to let it get to you. You have to take into account how old these other girls' parents are. I have an almost 9 yr old and I am 29 so I am sure to my son some of the other parents seem "old"

Sorry about your father.

When my daughter was in K, she had a school mate/playmate that lived on the next block. We were out taking a walk and they were outside, so I sat on the porch with "the mother". Later that evening I was informed that was the girl's grandmother. I swear the grandmother couldn't have been more than 5 years older than me. A year later I met the girl's mother, she didn't look a day over 21.

My point is this child who thinks you look old could have a grandmother your age. My BFF was a grandmother at 43.

I am old. ;-) I am proud of it. I have a few silver strands and that comes with wisdom. I need to be secure enough in myself that it's okay for a kid to come up and say, "hey, you look like a grandmother." Well, I am not one, but I would smile and say "Cool!"

Look at all the benefits of your age and count the blessings. Only reason I would want to be young(er) again is because it was so much fun getting to where I am now.

Do you have a little girl or boy? Our society is so 'age' centered and the message is that youth is better, old folks are well, kinda useless, kinda ugly, kinda haggard. Why does our society put 'shame' with age?

I want to do everything I can to ensure that my kids don't live with that same kind of message when they get to be my age. Don't believe the message that there is something wrong with your age. Your choice.

I've got the opposite problem, I dress like a teen (I shop in juniors because I like the cute, stylish clothes and although I am in my late 20s, I still feel I am a young woman), I am short at 5'3", and I have a baby face, which even makeup cannot hide. I also relate well to kids in their teens and talk like them (I have the ability to change my language and tone of voice depending on who I am talking to), so I will be sitting with some teens chatting and people will think I am a teenage mom and I get nasty looks, people shaking their head and saying "great, more children having children", but I am actually not a child! So there are two ends of the spectrum, being called old by your child's friends, or being "chastised" by the general public for being a "teen mom". Take your pick, LOL.

Stresses in our lives can make our faces look scrunged up so that it appears we are old. You may have been having one of those days when you picked her up without even noticing it. I am sure these kids their moms are probably younger in their eyes, so to them you look "old" bu they can't really tell the difference. Chin up..oops, that's not supposed to sound like that, but you know what I mean - how about cheer up...yeah, that's better!

I love this! While my husband is the oldest in his family of 4 siblings-he married late while the rest married right out of high school. Add in infertility issues and I ended up with our first child at 36-the last at 42. (He was 39 and 45.) So my mother in law has her youngest grandchild and then 16 months later has her first great grandchild. The grandkids age from 12 to 34. The greats are 11 years to days away from being born.
Frequently my kids have friends whose grandmas are only a year or two older than me. Like you, I am in shape and try to stay "current". I have a horse that I ride, do yoga, color my hair, etc. The one thing I couldn't fight was my frown lines- my son would always ask why I was mad when I was really just tired. I'm not real big on a lot of cosmetic stuff but I do admit to Botox about 3 times a year. No one ever asks me if I'm tired anymore!! Not only does it improve my appearance-it also helps with headaches and TOTALLY improves the way i feel about myself.
I'm also addicted to lip stain with a little gloss over-as we age our lips lose their color and so we wash out. Also, eyebrows tend to thin and get lighter so I find that making sure my eyebrows are shaped, lightly colored in (too dark looks even older) and I have some mascara on-a WORLD of difference. You might not even need that- I'm blonde so I wash out.
But most of it is your attitude. I totally embrace the getting older aspects while trying to stay in touch with my kids. A lot of stuff I used to care about-ehh! Big deal. I got an $800 car insurance discount with my AARP membership. At 55 I can't quite get the senior discount at the movies, but I'm looking forward to it. My yoga classes are free at the senior center where they count anyone over 50 as a senior. And I'm seasoned, I'm smarter about a lot of things as I age.
And to put it all in perspective-when I was about five I asked my mom if she lived in a cave when she was a little girl. (My mother was born in 1924- not 24.)
It's all relative. Act the age you feel. Feel the age you act. There are plenty of 40+ moms out there having their first kids along with plenty of 15 year olds having their first, too.
And thanks for some fun reading!

ROFL.... Don't worry honey... I've been told I looked "old" by preschoolers/kindergarteners while still in my early 20's.

Also, you may WELL look exactly like someone's grandmother. Baby at 20 + baby at 20 = 40. Much less baby at 16 for 2 generations only equals 36. In the area in which we live there were 0 mom's in their 20's in my son's elementary school. All the mums were late 30's to early 50's. Most of the women in my area, it seems, have babies in their 40's. So I'd get mistaken for the nanny, and my mum would get mistaken for my son's mother. So to my SON... all of his friend's mothers look like his grandmother (I had my son at 23). But that doesn't mean they're OLD, like I at least think of old - grey/white haired women in their 80's), just that they are about the same age as my mum. Which is fairly accurate. My mum blurs the issue, however, because she tells my son that she's 102. (Family tradition... in our family "grandmothers" all say that they're 102. They stay 102 for decades. My great grandmother started it off when asking women's ages became culturally acceptable).

I think old is really relative to children. They think that anyone over 18 is OLD. And besides, these days an 8 year old's grandma could be your same age. My husband's mom just turned 50 and he's 32! Looking like a grandma is pretty relative ;-)

I agree that age is relative to what you are used to. If these kids parents had children in their early 20's they still look young, because they are young.

I did not have our child till I was 30, now that I am almost 50, I am shocked that one of my friends has a Great Grand child! Not a step childs gandbaby, a real great grand child.. I saw them at our daughters High school. She was there because one of her grand children is going to graduate this year!

My friend is only a year older than me and looks like she is 20 years older.. She does not smile.. Even though she is a very nice person, so I think she looks tired and stressed. I would be too.

Keep in mind, I have been in retail for 30 years so I was thinking how would I make her over?I kept thinking she needs to get her hair in a more modern cut, a better color and at least get her lashes and brows dyed. Her eye glasses were dated and her clothes were in pastels! She looked so washed out.

All of us need to stop and take a real good look at ourselves and evaluate what could be improved. I do this each spring and each fall. I also do not like putting on make up, but I noticed if my lashes and brows look tidy and bright, it opens up my face. I also found a place online to order starting at $8.00 prescription eye glasses! I can afford to have more with it frames, without spending hundreds of dollars.( www.zennioptical.com)

Maybe now that your child is in school, you can be good to yourself. Get a massage, get a facial, mani pedi and have a glass of wine or your favorite beverage and just take care of your own spirit. You deserve it.
I am sorry for the loss of your father. Take care of your spirit too.

It may not be you but what other families are a custom to, if the other kids parents are like 28 then with their grandparents 48, meaning they both had kids at twenty vs the mid thirties.. Its Age in the hand of the holder...

If you don't think you look old then who cares what everyone else thinks. "Sticks and Stones may Break my Bones but Words will Never Hurt Me".

I am 35 and I feel old, I have gray hair, and ache all over.

Besides, I remember thinking that my mom was over the hill when I was 8 years old and she was about 40.

P., just because they said you looked like someone's grandmother doesn't necessarily mean you look old. There are some pretty young gandmas out there!
I wouldn't dwell on what they said. You have had a tremendous amount of stress. When I went through some similar things my face aged faster also.
Besides, what is so wrong with looking older? I really don't care how old someone thinks I am.
Victoria

My 4 year old son thinks 16 years of age is ancient! That is how old his cousin is and he is sooooo old. LOL It is all relative.

... I think it is how we feel.... not what others (kids) may say....
so MANY parents, are your age/my age/older... and well that is the general how it is nowadays.

I have learned, never to go by looks... in regarding other parents... they are the parents.. .not the grandparents.

Stress can make us look 'tired." A kid doesn't know the difference. And not getting enough sleep can make us look like that too.

Just yesterday, my daughter asked me how old I was. I told her. Not like she didn't know. Then she says "THAT'S old!" I didn't care. She was just going by the size of the number. To her that seems old.
But she says I act like a kid. Which I do. So oh well.
**(oh and she said Daddy/my Hubby looks older than me... but my Hubby is younger than me!). ha, ha... !

Or, ask your Husband? What does he think, if you want his honest opinion on if you look old or not?

Its probably just stress... and when we are also preoccupied with other 'problems' it can sometimes make our faces furrowed...because we are 'thinking' or stressed... and our faces reflects, 'problems' too.

You seem to really take care of yourself... so I wouldn't worry about it. You are well groomed and fit!

all the best,
Susan

I am a 54 yr. old grandma of 4 with a 9 yr. old daughter (yes, my own). My girls are 20 yrs. apart.

I have gray hair which my husband loves. Friends often tell me to color my hair. My response is that it does not bother me, and I earned every one of them.

The point is to do what you want to do and what you are comfortable with. I am not ashamed of my age. I have raised a beautiful 29 yr. old with 4 beautiful children. I am now raising a beautiful 9 yr. old who realizes her parents are older than her friends, but it definitely does not bother her. Sometimes she takes extra special care of parents because she knows pain is more common to us and illness drags us down harder. He father has a number of medical issues which has taught her much compassion.

Don't listen to other people, least of all children who do not understand age beyond their own years. Be yourself and be proud of who you are!

The kids think that because out here in Az, most women get married and start having families when they are 18-22 years of age, so they are use to seeing younger mothers. I am 47 and have a 9 and 7 year old, so don't worry, there are 40-year old mothers out here too!

I've been asked if I want to senior discount and I'm in my '30s. Don't feel bad. The last time I went somewhere with my 32 yo cousin and my mom I had someone refer to us as grandma, mom and child....me, in my '30s mom to a 32 yo. It does stink. Apparently kids have aged me more than life up 'till now:)

As long as *you* think you're hot and your DH thinks your hot and drools over you every chance he gets, it's all that truly matters.

my kindergarteners come back from school one day. one of them says:
mom i told my friends you were 25 years old.
i said what? why? i am not 25. she said: well turns out you're the oldest mom in class so i didn't want them to think you're a grandma so i told them you're 25.
i was so sad.
i am 35. and i look my age.
i have had a rough 3-4 years. i have somewhat lost will for life. i still take care of myself to a certain degree but i am sad most of the time. that has taken a toll on me. but i never thought my kids would be ashamed of my age. i was so sad.
i also never knew i was the oldest mom??? frankly, the ones i have met look older than me.
i guess not.
i didn't want to have kids at 20. or 25. i wanted to know, to learn, to establish myself as an adult before i brought kids into the world.
guess i should have started at 18.
so my girls are ashamed of my age.
oh well.

If we all judged our appearances by what children said, most moms would have some pretty rotten self-esteem...as if we don't struggle enough with that on our own.

I'm not even going to justify your "worries" with an answer except to point out what a great opportunity this is to set an example for your daughter about having a positive self-image and not worrying what other people think/say. Teach your daughter about TRUE beauty (inside and out) and never let her see you question yourself like this...because when those same girls make a hurtful comment towards HER a few days/years down the road, she's going to follow your example one way or the other.

When one of my daughters was 5 she came into my room calling for "mom". I asked her who mom was and she told me I was. To this I informed her that I was too young to be a mom and she said "No you're not you're super old like 14!" The moral of the story is- kids have a strage sense of what old is. I wouldn't stress about it. We never look "old" just "well-seasoned". :-) Good luck!

Kids are nuts. We all know that. My youngest once asked my mother (who is a very fit and beautiful 60yr old) "Shouldn't you be dead already? You're so old!" My mother was 57 at the time, my daughter 4 and yeah, we certainly had a discussion about people's feelings and inappropriate comments. Any grownup will tell you my mom looks fabulous, but to my 4yr old daughter, she looked no different than a mummy in a coffin! I just turned 39 - my kids routinely guess my age to be somewhere in the mid sixties (trust me, I DO NOT look sixty)! Yeah, kids suck.