How Do I Tell a New Nanny/helper to Use Deodorant?

Lie. Something like this.... "My children and I have allergies, so we have to use this special hypoallergenic soap and deodorant..... Can I share with you?"

Well, she may be already wearing deodorant...once, I had a roomate in grad school who had just terrible BO. The funny thing is, had I not lived with her, I would have assumed that she did not shower or use deodorant. But since we shared the same bathroom, I knew that she showered and washed her hair daily, used antiperspirant, lotions, even perfume. Finally I realized that it was probably her diet that was the cause of her BO, and what could I do about that? I did try once to give her a gift pack of Bath and Body Works stuff. She used them, but it did not make a difference at all. In the end, I just dealt with it and got over the BO. She was a really sweet person and I could not bring myself to actually talk to her about it in a way that would seem insensitive, especially since I could see that she actually did have good hygeine.

I don't think you can really say anything.

BUT if you want to try....use the old "positive, positive, negative" rule.
You know, like "Our kids love you (pos) and we want to keep you here forever (pos) BUT you stink (neg)." lol

Oh no. This is a tough one.
There just is no nice way to tell someone they stink.
I worked in an office and we had a temp position open that may have led to full time employment. The agency sent us a very nice woman who was actually quite attractive. The only problem? She smelled like she had not showered in at least 8 years. Her hair was done everyday so it was obvious she washed her hair, but to this day, I've never even experienced a man that stinky after a full day of roofing in 100 degree heat.
Even having the doors and windows open didn't help and she was completely oblivious. She even said one time, "It's not that warm today, what's up with freezing everybody out?" My co-worker thought of getting her a "thank you for helping us out" gift with different soaps and nice smelling things but she didn't want it to come off the wrong way.
It turned out for the best. She was offered a full time permanent position elsewhere and we ended up not having to say anything. Who knows what happened after that?
I live in a rural area and there are many women who don't believe in shaving their underarms because it isn't natural. They also don't wear deodorant because it gets matted up in their underarm hair and they don't want to deal with that.
I'm serious.

If you get her a gift basket with soaps and things, she might not even use it.
Maybe you can find a shelf in your bathroom or hall closet and tell her that's "her" space. It's a place she can keep her purse and personal things like an extra hair brush, tooth brush, a change of clothes, (a bathing suit if you have a pool) and her deodorant.
Mention it non-chalantly.
If she says no thank you or she doesn't use deodorant, you can ask her why.
If she says no thank you, then at that point, I would get her a bin of things like an extra toothbrush, a hair brush, some deodorant and just tell her that you want those things there for her if she needs them.

I know women who keep deodorant in their desks or travel size in their purses. I have a friend I go stay with frequently and I have stuff there. Just so I don't have to pack it every time I go. I have shampoo, hair brushes, deodorant, a toothbrush, moisturizer, a curling iron.
All I have to take when I go is my clothes.
When you spend so much time somewhere else, to me it's not strange to have those things around.
Maybe you can approach it that way.

If she doesn't get the hint or use any of the things you have on hand for her, you might just have to say something.
If our temp worker hadn't gone somewhere else, someone, maybe even at the employment agency, would have had to do it. It was that bad.

I don't know how old your kids are, but if she is helping you and soon to be your nanny, you will need her help with following through on personal hygiene for your children so maybe the subject can come up that way.

I wish you the best.

Telling her she stinks will be just as offensive to her as the odor is to you. Deodorant is a very American thing- even a lot of people in European countries don't widely use deodorant. I say just light a candle and grin and bear it.

I really, really like you as a nanny, you are really great with the kids, but I'm sorry I'm really going to need you to wear deodorant if you are going to work for me.

Then if she doesn't want to wear it, she can work somewhere else.

You both have the right to your preferences.

I wonder how much of that "off" smell has to do with her different eating habits and not her hygiene. I have a good friend from Ghana and she and I established early on that neither of us really likes the smell of the other. It has to do with our diets more than anything. I am also a vegetarian and people who eat a lot of meat often smell "off" to me. It may be an issue not solved by deodorant.

If it really bothers you, you might consider giving her a gift basket with sweet smelling soaps, a perfumed cream and other products that might keep your nose from suffering so. It might take the edge off.

Why don't you give her some deodorant and perfume in a nice basket as a present and tell her that your kids love the smell of them, and that you would love for her to use them since you read smells also make kids bond easier with their caregivers :)
And then just pray that she will start using them LOL!

start by offering her to smell your perfume, a new perfume sample or some such. work the conversation around to scented deoderants, etc.

Yowzer..... That is a tough one. Maybe wait until you know her well enough and have formed enough of a relationship with her that you could be that candid? For all you know she might be allergic to deodorants or have really sensitive skin. She'll really reek when summer gets here, yikes.
I'm sorry I cant think of a thing, I hope some of the other gals do.
If you feel comfortable enough with her you can just say "I've notice after you've been working for awhile I can kind of smell your sweat, I have some great smelling deodorant I'd like to give you..." Eww even that sounds pretty rough. You may have to get a new nanny ... I know I wouldnt be able to tolerate the BO every time she was there especially because it lingers and probably smells up your entire home.

You can't this is her custom,you don't like then you'll have to ask her to leave

I don't think you can tell someone to make that kind of a personal choice.

Momof3H, you are way off and totally disrepectful. Find some time to read about cultural awareness and try not to judge so much. To fire someone for not wearing deodorant when it has never been part of her culture is ridiculous.

J.G. You have a really nice suggestion that should work well. In fact, I had to do something similar for my husband when we first met!

Good luck, Ashrowmom!

You could always get her a little gift basket of yummy smelling lotions and body sprays - I think giving her deoderant might be a little tactless - in a scent you like. If she doesn't use them, ask if she didn't like it.

Hey, passive agressive guilt trips work for MIL's - why not here?? LOL

some of these responses are absurd! How would you feel if someone told you "I'm sorry, but you can't work for me, because you smell."

There is no way to ask her to use deodorant without it being awkward for sure, but I do like the suggestion of "My kids and I have allergies to certain scents and can only have these products used in our home, would you mind....:" That might work....otherwise you might just have to stick it out, or fire her and come up with a really good excuse for doing so.

Keep in mind some women think deodorant causes breast cancer, just a thought.
Lynsey

Put together a gift basket with personal care products to thank her for her help. Put lotions, perfume, body spray, body wash, deodorant, a luffa, bubble bath, foot scrub...add a card signed from you all thanking her.

You could make her up a little appreciation basket with some feel good items ... some fancy soaps, a candle, maybe a little chocolate treat, an eye pillow, etc AND some deodorant. Maybe she'll get the hint!

Maybe buy some and leave it laying about with deodorant ads. Here are some samples that most likely will come with an ad attached. You could hand it to her and say, this come in the mail today and its not the kind I use, would you like to try it.

http://www.listfreesamples.com/deodorant.html

In my experience, when people have body odor, it wasn't a case of not having good hygiene, it's that they don't wash their clothes often.

That reminds me of my mother in law. Whenever she comes over to see my son she smells horrible!! Like dirty sweaty nastiness. I didnt gave the heart to tell her just flat out, so at first, I would just make a joke like.. wow, hope that isnt me that smells that bad (hoping shed get the hint) whenever she, I, my son and my husband were in the room. She didnt get it, so evenutally I waited until the next holiday and gave her a basket full of smelly stuff, perfume, deoderant, hand lotion, bath beads, shower gel. She said thanks, but still stinks whenever I see her. I just give up with her. lol.

I did like a few of the suggestions, but I agree that you probably shouldn't come right out and ask her. Who knows, she may even use deodorant and just have a medical issue that causes her to have a noticeable body odor, or maybe she has abundant perspiration and needs to use prescription strength deodorant, but can't afford it.

I really think you either have to tolerate it, or let her go. Of course, you'll have to tell her a reason you are letting her go...don't let it think it's because she was giving bad care, because that isn't the case.

Hi,

I would make a nice welcome gift to her---maybe some lotions, foot scrub, deodorant etc. for her to try. Also a journal that she can write about her experiences in America. I would really try to be thoughtful about it and not forceful. Some people don't wear deodorant and some don't know that they smell. Be gentle with her.

M

just an FYI, most other cultures use deodorant but not antiperspirant. BIG difference. My guess is her deodorant doesn't have an antiperspirant in it and that's why she starts to smell after a bit - when she starts to sweat. I was a nanny in Spain and I lived in Italy for a while and in neither place could I even find antiperspirant. The people believe it's bad to keep natural fluids from coming out. More or less. Anyway, glad you found something that helped.

I believe that you cannot ask her b/c there is no nice way to ask her. In my opinion, the only thing you can do is let her go and find someone else. Good luck!

I just want to add something - I know when I stink, why doesn't she? Can't she smell herself?? That is disgusting! I wouldn't be able to tolerate such a stench! She is of a different culture - she will not wear deodarent. Get rid of her. Tell her you don't need a helper/nanny after all.