How Do I Prepare My Dd for the New Baby? Tips and a Book Needed, Please...

hey there my kids are exactly 2 years apart.i was really worried about bringing a new baby into our lives.my advice would be to just include your toddler in everything.make her feel like you really need her help and make her feel like she is lucky to get such an important big job of having a new baby to take care of.we let our son help with everything he went to dr appointments,helped redo the nursery,helped pick out presents for the new baby.you should go on the supernanny website she always has great ideas for this type of thing.good luck to you!

My daughter was 12 months when I found out I was pregnant again. I just involved her as much as I could with the pregnancy.
When we would go shopping to pick up things I'd give her two choices that I liked and have her pick one for her new brother. I'd sit there at night and talk to her about her new baby brother that would be coming very soon.
Before I had him I went to the store and bought a doll for her from him and wrapped it up.
I nursed him till he was 19 months and she was fine. She went off and did other things while I was nursing-then again we just lived in an apartment at the time so it was easier. It ran smoothly somedays other days she wanted me to play right then and there so I told her to just feed her baby.

there was some jealousy but for the most part she was okay with having a new baby in the house. She was a good little helper-she's still mothering him all these years later as well lol

I think the fact you are aware they may be issues that come up and are trying to do prep now will make things go more smoothly. My first 2 are 22 months apart, and there's 35 months between #2 and #3. Here are some things that worked for us:

**We did read a handful of the "big sister" type books - you may be doing this already anyway - sometimes it was a good way to relate what my child was feeling to the character in the book and the fact that it was OK.

**Do whatever changes you can ahead of time. For example, try to move out of the crib, to a new room, etc. a few months before the new baby if possible so your older child doesn't associate the changes with the new baby. And always stress that she's such a big girl now that she gets to go to the big girl bed (or whatever) and be really excited about it. Don't even mention it's because of the baby.

**Likewise, if your daughter is used to being carried a lot, try to break the habit before the new baby comes. I was forced to do this early in my pregnancy with my second since I was told no lifting, but it was great that my oldest was already used to climbing into her carseat, high chair, etc. and not expected to be carried everywhere.

**Prepare your daughter for you being gone overnight, etc. In my case I had c-sections and was gone for a few days. Make sure your DD knows you are OK and who will be taking care of her (do a test run with whoever will be staying with her if it's new to her). I also made sure to call at bedtime (and maybe another time during the day) and daddy usually went home for the bedtime routine. Things will be different than usual, but if you can keep her schedule and routines as consistent as possible it will be reassuring to her. I typed out our daily schedule so the grandparents could stay close to normal.

**I recommend letting your DD come visit in the hospital unless you'll be there a very short time. And when she comes, be sure to have the baby in the bassinet or someone else's arms so you're free to give big hugs and cuddles.

**I also bought and wrapped up little gifts for my older kids for each day I would be gone. Small craft kits (like the $1 ones) were fun and gave the caretakers something to do with the kids. Also picture frames with pics of the child or mommy and child. Most things were just $1 or so, but it still helped them feel mommy was thinking of them.

**When you come home, invite the older child to join you for things, but don't force it. My oldest wouldn't get in a "family" homecoming pic when the second came home, and I just lat it go. Within a couple days she loved being in pics with the baby.

**Before I sat down to feed the baby, I would always make sure the older one(s) had a snack and drink too. Sometimes we would read while I fed the baby or they would play something else, but the snack helped a lot.

**The baby will obviously require a lot more care in the beginning, but try to make sure the older child doesn't always feel like she comes 2nd. Sometimes even if the baby didn't really need me, I would say "I'll be right there (baby), your sister needs something right now." Kind of hokey, but I think made the older one(s) feel sometimes the baby had to wait for them.

**Try to have a little "big girl" time most days if you can. It's hard, but I would try to take even 15-20 minutes to read, to a craft, or just snuggle with the older one(s) while the baby was sleeping. A little time makes a big difference to them.

**Also, maybe start getting your DD used to a different bedtime routine if needed. When my oldest was little, DH and I used to both put her to bed. When I was pregnant with #2, we started taking turns so he did one night and I did the next. That way after the baby came, older DD was used to just one of putting her to bed if the baby needed one of us.

Sorry it's so long, but hopefully there's something helpful there for you.

Hi S.,

Well I am a mother of 2 little ones as well my son was just 10 months when I found out another was on the way. He was much younger than yours but I did try to keep inforcing him what a great big brother he was going to be. I always keep him involved now as well, like he will get me a diaper when she needs changing, or he will pick up her bottle when she drops it, etc...
Now that he is almost 3 and she just turned 1, they are very interactive with eachother and of course they fight and bicker as all siblings do. But I always keep him involved in all activities even if it's a "tea party" to playing with her toys. I'm sure she will get adjusted at her own pace. Just don't force the new baby on her or she will become jealous. Hope that sort of helps u out.
Jenn

My son was 2 1/2 when my daughter was born. He was and is somewhat ambivalent to his sister, but occasionally likes to helps with diapers and toys. I did not find a good book for me to read, but the "big brother" book did help him understand that the baby wouldn't be able to play right away (he still asks when she can play "big boy" toys!) One thing a friend told me that has been good is to verbalize asking the baby to "wait" while you take care of your toddler. Otherwise, you older child hears wait, wait, wait all day while you take care of the baby, but it seems to help my son when that baby has to "wait" while I help him on the potty or play something. With nursing, just plan for your daughter to be in your lap while you're feeding the baby. I was never able to use a Boppy or other pillow because I often have my son sitting there too. My son also had LOTS of questions about breastfeeding (more even than about the baby). I tried to answer all his questions and after about a month he was no longer interested.

Best of luck with the end of your pregnancy and with the new baby!

Congrats on #2 on the way! I did read a book, for me, but I cannot recall what it was... :) My daughter was 35 months when I found out I was pregnant, about 3 1/2 when my son was born, so it was a little different. I spoke about her job as the big sister--basically, being there for the baby, helping mommy and daddy, having the baby learn through her behavior, etc. I had some nursing issues the second time around and needed to use a pump after every nursing (THAT was exhausting, emotionally and logistically), and it was my daughter's job to turn the pump on and off, and she loved that responsibility! I often would nurse with my older child near me, so I was not abadoning her--she might be building on the den floor, or near me on my bed, watching a movie, etc. She was very close with her brother from the get go and an excellent helper and role model. (We also did take her to a sibling class at our hospital.)

As I was so busy with the baby, occasionally I had a mothers' helper come over so my daughter could play in the snow, etc., while I stayed in witht he baby.

Good luck!

I don't know any ideas on a book for you to read, but I can tell you that I have a 9 month old that I am nursing, and also have a 7.5 year old. A bit older then yours, but I think it still applies. I have my daughter help me with diaper changes (bringing me the diaper and wipes, wiping him if it is just pee). She will commonly sit and cuddle with me while I am nursing. I have also read books with her durning that time, but it is getting more difficult now because my son gets so distracted by everything. I have also heard that if they both require attention at the same time to go to the older one first because they will remember it, where the newborn will not. I would also reccomend getting a wrap or sling for the baby. It will help alot when you need an extra set of hands. You can nurse your baby while also doing things with your toddler.

I try to make sure the baby trains in how to take a bottle even if I'm nursing so that dad can give me a break to either have some alone time or free me up to be with my other children. It is also nice to try to have a younger sibling help.

My mum told me she always used to use feeding time as snuggle time for the toddler and would focus completely on them even though she was nursing or bottle feeding. She would read them a book or just talk or sing.

I would try to get the new baby to nap in the swing or crib so your toddler can have arms free time with you.

One thing I read was to make sure that you always refer to the baby as their baby. It helps them feel ownership of the new baby.

My son will be 25months when the new baby is born and I'm sure there will be sibling rivalry. he already gets upset when his older brothers want to snuggle with me. The trick is to be adaptable and just see what works and what doesn't.

Most of the stuff I've learned happens when I'm in the moment more than the many books I've read. Just take it easy, accept lots of help and don't push yourself to fulfill everyone's needs. Do the best you can. You can't be super-mom, no one is!

Good Luck.
Mom of Four, (almost 5), boys

Hi S.--I don't know personally, since I only have 1 kid, but I've heard good things about Siblings Without Rivalry, by Faber and Mazlish. I've read some of their other books and while sometimes a bit dated in their style, the info is great. Their books have been around a long time so check that you get the latest revision. Good luck!

Hi S., Lets be honest, no 2yr old really understands what it means to become a "big" brother/sister. In fact, no matter how old the sib is they are never ready or really understand it til it actually happens. There will be some jealousy, how big it becomes is up to you. Some tips? Well, when you both come home from the hospital you come in first (empty handed) with big hugs and kisses for your toddler. Take time every day (even if it's only 5-10 minutes) to be with your toddler without the baby. Take a walk, take your toddler with you to the store, sit and read a book, sit and just cuddle. Dad should do this too! Just those two suggestions made my life (and family) much easier when we added girls #2 & 3. Your attitude and how you handle whatever may crop up is the most important thing. Let common sense be your guiding force...don't get caught up in the latest fads or in buying tons of "guilt" toys. Life happens and our kids need to learn that and also learn to take responsibility for their actions...and their never too young to start! Make sure that you hold strong to your rules of the house if your toddler starts to act-up a bit. Kids crave structure and if you get soft with your household rules they will start to feel insecure and think silly things...like you don't love them anymore or you love the baby best etc. You may also want to keep things low key at home for a while after the baby comes home until every settles down and into a routine. Best wishes & congrats.

Get her a "brother doll." My parents got me a "sister doll" to prepare me as a toddler for my sibling. There were certain rules that had to be followed, I had to treat the doll nicely. I wasn't allowed to touch or poke the eyes, I had to hold it and set it down gently, and not pull the hair. I had to treat it like a real little sister, or else I'd get it taken away for a while. I learned pretty well, even though I was less than to barely more than a year old. It was also fun for me to have my own thing to cradle in my arms while my mother cradled and fed my sister - at least that's what they told me, I was too young to remember, obviously. ;) Be sure to make it as close to life-size (her size or baby-size) as possible.