How Do I Prepare a 3 Year Old for Surgery?

H.,

My heart goes out to you. My son had surgery at 4 mo old so I did not have to explain things to him. However, he has had to go back on a very regular basis for checkups and tests. What I have done in the past is to start talking to him about it a couple days before hand and keep it very simple. Example - You are going to the hospital (a special place where people go to get better)and will be given medicine to help you sleep then the doctors will fix your eyes. You will wake up feeling/seeing better. If he asked questions I only answered the specific question he asked and did not add any more information. I did a lot of pretend play. I pretended to take his temperature, blood pressure (this is the area that we really struggled with so I started calling it a little hug on the arm), listen to his heart. Then I let him do it to me. You could call the hospital and ask them what exactly they are going to do so you know other things to pretend play. Also be honest, don't tell her it won't hurt if she has to get an iv. Let her know it may hurt a little but will be over quickly, just don't spend much time or energy on it. I have bought a couple new small toys to use as bribes/distractions. After the iv is put in give her one. After the surgery give her another one. One thing that helped me is to keep my son as distracted as possible while the nurses did their jobs. So take things she enjoys and the hospital will let you use (bubbles, books, dolls, dvd player with a special movie, etc.). Also, don't make a big deal out of the surgery or let her see your worry and it and probably it won't be a big deal to her. I have told my son that doctors and nurses are our friends who are there to help us feel better. Don't expect her to cozy up to a nurse; many nurses already know that kids really don't want to be with them. Have lots of patience. As to the eating and drinking. Check with the hospital about the specifics, explain your childs age and needing/wanting a drink. Sometimes you can have a little bit of a clear liquid (water or apple juice) 2-3 hours before the procedure. Don't talk about eating or drinking and make sure everyone else eats and drinks before she gets up or someplace she will not smell, see or hear them. Best tool is distraction. Many times I have had to go without so it would not bother my son. To help with my nerves I talked to the nurse to find out exactly what was going to happen, what I had to do, what would happen after the surgery and if there were any side effects (my son had his kidney removed and his whole body swelled up-I don't think anything like this will happen to your daughter). There have been many times I have had to hold down my son while they put in the iv. For me that was and still is the hard thing and I usually end up crying. It's ok to let her see your tears. I just told my son that it really hurts my heart to see him go through this. The more I am prepared the easier it was/is. However, anytime a mom watches their child go through something like this it will be hard. Have a support person there for you. If not physically then a phone call away. Take things to keep you distracted while she is in surgery. The waiting is very hard on the emotions. It will be difficult but you will make it through it. Your daughter is stronger than you think and is very resilient. I am sorry this is so long, this is the information I wish I had at the beginning instead of taking 4 years to learn. I will be praying for your family. Please let me know how everything turns out.

Call the hospital and ask if they have a Child Life Specialist. These people are trained to work with children and parents who are going through surgery or any hospital stay. They have games, dolls, and books that can help you and your child with the surgery. My son was only 15 months old when he had surgery so we didn't have to explain a whole lot. I hope things go well. Just remember it is usually harder on us than it is on them! As far as making sure she doesn't have anything to eat or drink, try to get the earliest scheduled time for the surgery so hopefully she sleeps on the car ride.

Children are more resiliant than we think, and handle things like this generally much better than we give them credit for. I am a nurse, and although I don't work in this area, I have friends that do, and they talk all the time about how awesome the kids are to take care of because of how great they always do and how they handle things so much better. Adults know to be afraid and worry about certain things, kids don't. She is going to worry if she sees that you are. I think that we have to talk open and honest with our kids, use one of her dolls to explain the best that you can what they will do to her, or have one of the nurses or doctors do it. The staff at the hospital or office should be used to this. You are not the only mom to worry about how to explain. My daughter was sick when she was a few months old and had to have tests run, it was the scariest time of my life and I had medical knowledge, so I can only imagine. She will be upset about not having anything to eat or drink that morning, but I promise that will go away when the nurse after surgery gives her a popsicle in recovery, all will be forgotten. If she is not potty-trained or is newly so, I would give her the option if she wants to wear a diaper or not. Try to keep her routine as normal as possible, this is going to be a big deal for her, but bigger if she sees how upset you are. You are understandably worried, but try not to let that flow onto her, because again, that is what is going to make the situation more stressful for her. I hope this helps.

I'm not sure what hospital you'll be at, but many of them give tours for children having surgery, so she can at least see where she'll be. There are lots of books about there about having surgery, so that might be something to read to her. I also wouldn't start talking to her too much ahead of time (just a few days). Young kids have no concept of time, and it will keep her from worrying too much.

My son had surgery at 4...and they had us come in a couple of days before and do a "tour" so to speak...so when the day came he would not be so nervous. They even had little battery operated cars that they drove into the surgery room.
Now, that was 14 years ago...but he was fine. They even let them pick a "flavor" for the mask that helps them go to sleep.
It was not a fun...but not a bad expeience for him. He had surgery for a hernia last year...and was not that nervous about it at 17....as his other experience was not that tramatic.
Barb