How Do I Keep My 22 Mos Old Daughter Out My Stuff.

The only thing that worked for me with my son was to let him do it in order to get it out of his system. The more I said no, the more he wanted to take things out of my drawers. Once he was allowed to do it whenever he wanted, he no longer wanted to do it. It's just the age and they want to be involved and see everything.

M.,

When my oldest was her age, he would not leave plugs and outlets alone. I tried everything like time outs, tapping his hand, telling him no, etc. Nothing worked...not even getting shocked twice!! The only thing that worked was flicking the top of his hand once when I would "catch him in the act". Within a week he began to associate the act with the sting of the flick and he stopped touching the plugs and outlets! Now that he is older we have taught him how to handle them safely.

The other thing I would do is give her specific cabinets and drawyers that are "hers" that she can pull the things out of. I used to have a cabinet with plastic containers for instance that my sons were allowed to pull out and play with. I would give them a plastic spoon and they'd play them like drums. :)

HTH,
L.

My daughter's the same!! I have one drawer in my bathroom that is "hers" to use and play with - i'll put some of my old lotions and makeup and chapstick for her in there to play with. Understand that she wants to copy you and emulate you! :) It's a pain, but she loves having that drawer with her stuff in it just like Mommy's! :)

I have a 26mo old daughter who likes to do the same thing but what I did was get a ziplock and fill it will old jewelry I don't wear and want to see at a tag sale in the spring and put it in on the the drawers. She takes that out and LOVES playing with the jewelry. You can even go to the store and buy kid necklaces and bracelets etc. If she thinks it is yours she will play with it. I also let her have some of my dressy scarves to play with.
Good Luck
B.

Hi,
It seems like she is trying to get your attention. This happened to me when we brought our baby home - my 26 months old son was going crazy just to make sure we paid attention to him. My advice is - be patient and redirect. Find her other stuff to do. Make sure she knows she is needed and loved and she is the big girl now. And have her help you clean up - maybe if she sees it is not that much fun she will give it up.Good luck.

she doesnt need discipline she needs attention.. If she is constantly getting into stuff then she isnt getting enough stimulation, and play time.. (its hard with 2 little ones) While Im sure the tortoises are amazing, they just arent going to hold a toddlers attention for long.. Instead of saying NO.. redirect her attention to something else... Have some small soft blocks and help her 'Build' something. Or get some washable crayons or color wonder markers and tell her to make you a pretty picture.. This is a very busy age, and they need alot of attention and stuff to do so they dont get bored... Is there a local YMCA in your area, they have wonderful programs for this age group.. Get creative, buy a foam workout mat, and teach her tumbling and excersize (anything that involves both of you even having her sit on your tummy as you reach up and tickle her is great fun for her.. Well I hope I have given you some great ideas. good luck

The only way a child would learn is if you make them clean there own messs up... If you clean up behind them they dont learn to clean behind themsleves....i spanke my kids on there hands when they touch things that they where not surpose to touch......you have to start while there young because the older they get the harder its going to get!!!!!!! Mother of three girls.....22,18, and 13

Hi M.,

How about just giving her some other stuff? I think this is an important developemental need. Give her lots of appropriate stuff to rifle through. Make one drawer just for her, or fill a bin or two with stuff she can pull out and thumb through, and you could also use this as an opportunity to teach about picking up after herself (but make it fun, matter of fact, not punitive, letting her know she can't move on to then next mess until the first is cleaned up). If she can't stop, she needs to do it. Never show anger, that just makes you the funnest toy in the house. Matter-of-fact redirection, every single time, (hard to do when your tired, I know, but consistancy is key!), to a more appropriate place to do her thing. This will significantly reduce her frustration, which works a lot better than punishment.

Good luck!
C.

She's 22 months old and her job right now is to explore her world. I'm all for order and keeping things neat, but at that age, they don't understand that concept and just want to see what everything is about. My advice is to redirect her to something she can get into and explore (yes, it usually means the room will become a bit of a mess!). I have a 19 1/2 month old and she gets into everything - if I tell her not to get into something (unless it is unquestionably unsafe), I just redirect her to something else calmly and she usually (usually being the key word) responds well. In my opinion, time out should really be more for black and white safety issues or behavior, not just that it's a nuisance to you - this is normal for her at this age. Give her clear things that she is allowed to 'get into'. Oh, and she can always help clean up too at this age with your help and direction - make up a 'clean up' song and sing it each time. I know you have too little ones and your hands are full - your older one just wants some independence and to figure out the world around her - but is not trying to irritate you or ruin your day.

My daughter did the same thing around that age. I tried to explain to her that is was not good to make a mess and touch other people's things, etc. One day i had her help fold the clothes she took out and explained it was good to keep things nice and neat. Having her take part in the actual folding (of course, it was messy folding :-) made her feel like a big girl and a part of something that Mommy felt was important. In some way she understood making a mess was not good and trying to "clean" up could be fun. She still took out clothes but it didn't last much longer. it's just a phase they go through.

Good luck!

We have all experienced this- but I find it best that when they are truly testing is that they need a little attention. When she is trying you take a deep breath and read her a story or draw with some crayons with her. We all need time to do our own things too- but set her up with something else constructive or have her "help you" so she doenl;t wonder off into mischief. Good Luck- they are only that old for a short time so do enjoy it!

Depending on the type of handles you have on your bedroom door, I found for myself that putting handle covers over the door handles would make it easier to keep the kids out. I'm not sure if they're called handle covers but they are 2 snap on circular pieces with grey spots so that you have to press in the spots to open them. I think you can get them at babies R' us, other baby stores, or try the internet. I know for me they have been a great help and if I needed the door to be open then I would put a gate up in the doorway to keep them out. Part of what she's doing by making messes is trying to get your attention. You have a new baby and she's competing for your time. Set aside time for just you and her when the baby's down for a nap and include her in things like bringing you wipes or a diaper for the baby. She's realizing she's not a baby anymore but not quite a big kid but just love on her and if it's the "terrible two's then she'll be out of it in a year :) Good luck with everything :)

this is such a hard age! But they do understand. It is hard with a 4mo old but you are going to have to keep her close by. And at times when the 4 mo old is napping etc work hard on the 22mo at first time obedience. Play a game of it. Call her from here toys or ask her to sit in a certain area for a certain amount of time. It will get her used to responding in obedience when your hands aren't full and you are able to follow up on what you are telling her to do.

Also if there are times that you know you are going to be busy with the baby (feeding etc) you can set up a play pen/packnplay and give her some special toys to play with for that time. It will become something she looks forward to and will keep her out of trouble when you are busy. She'll like the 20 min play time and won't be running around making messes.

The main key is to be as consistent as possible. If you say there is a consequence for something then follow through with it. It may seem exhausting for the first few days but she will realize that you mean what you say and will have much fewer episodes of getting into things.

HOpe this helps
C.
(Mother of 10 kids ages 3 mo to 18 years)

Hi M. -
The good news is that your 22 month old is completely normal! Although her behavior can be annoying for adults, she is doing just what she is supposed to be doing! I don't know how much advice I can give you in terms of changing HER behavior, but I do know that how you look at it may change your feelings about it. If you look at what she's doing from her perspective, she's just exploring her world. She's finally physically able to investigate EVERYTHING that she's been looking at since birth and she's CURIOUS! It's this curiousity that will help her learn language, problem solving & how the world works.

It is really tough to take this perspective when you're trying to keep your house pulled together & care for a 4month old! It's a time as a parent where our patience is really tested!

Some changes that may help;
Give her places she CAN investigate. My 27 month old loves my pantry cupboard, and it's one of the places I do allow. When my older kids were small I made several pots & pans cupboards and tupperware cupboards just for them in the kitchen, and I never had to say no when they were in there (and could get a few things done myself while they were playing!) Also, a few months ago my 27 month old LOVED pulling out all the videos from the cabinet, another place I allowed.

When she gets into your personal areas/places you don't want her you can re-direct her to one of the "ok" places. Be sure to sometimes switch up the stuff that's in there & put in stuff you know she's curious about, just to keep her interest. I didn't allow my 2 yr old in my bedroom from about 15 months to 24 months, because I couldn't stand him in my drawers, just like you! If he did HAVE to come in I allowed him to play with my shoes & my husband's, for some reason this didn't drive me as crazy.

Try leaving the messes out for a couple of hours, then at least you don't have to keep cleaning up the same thing (I know it's hard, I'm a neatnik too).

Also, try showing her how to "clean-up" -- she won't be able to do this herself, but may put some things back in the cupboards if you do it w/her and make it fun.

As for time-outs, I haven't found them helpful until sometime after 2 years old. However, the experts do say that time-outs should be 1 min per each year of the child's age (I'm sure you've read this too) -- so a 1 min time out IS the right amount of time for your daughter.

Also, another game my son loves and keeps him very entertained is "sink game" another messy/crazy one, but sparks his curiousity & if I pay attention & play it with him for 20 min he often then goes off & does something independently :) !! We run the kitchen sink water on very low and I give him an apron & lots of dishes to "wash".

A Little About Me: I am a 39-year old stay-at-home mom of 4... 10yr old twins, 6 year old, 2 year old. I'm also a speech pathologist working with children in play & language development....M.

I went through the same thing with my 2 year old and this is what I learned from books, my doctor and the internet, and I'm afraid to say that there probably is no solution except to child proof everything as much as possible. You can put drawer stops or locks on your drawers and cabinets and put everything else out of reach. I designated certain drawers and cabinets that are Jack's and I fill them with his things and boxes and other household items that I'm not attached to. He loves to open them and organize! A toddler's desire to explore and learn is so intense that they want to learn and experience everything. Opening a drawer and seeing what it holds is so exciting and fascinating for a toddler. It will be quite a few more years before they can control their impulses. They are not wired to have self control at this age. In your daughters mind she is not making a mess but exploring. If she wasn't doing these things you should be worried because that would be an indicator of a developmental problem. Good luck!

Hi M.,
At this age and from here on out, we as parents really need to pick the battles wisely that we want to engage in with our kids. It is in the nature of children to explore, to push limits, to make a mess and to help set up power struggles with the parents.

There are a few choices that I see from this situation:
1) Ignore her mess making, Let her make the mess, let the mess be OK, then teach her to clean up at the end of the day, or she cannot play with these things. What is the harm with the mess, is there any harm?
2) Close your bedroom door. Put the turtle cage out of reach. Do not give her the opportunity to make the mess.
The idea is to create a situation, where you both can say "yes" to something, instead of always "no" It takes alot of flexible thinking.
Good Luck
N.

Give her a drawer. (Stuff you don't care about and that isn't too much of a mess to pick up)! Then go through your bedroom or kitchen or wherever she has a drawer near your space and teach her which drawers are good and which are bad. As she reaches for one say "Nooooo. That's Mommy's". Or "Yes, that's for you"! This will give her a little bit of independance and also teach her some boundaries. But then make her pick it all up too! Sit in the room with her until she cleans up the mess. It may take a long time...but she needs to understand consequences for her actions. This may be enough for her to realize that it's not worth it. Good luck. If that doesn't work try child locks!

I am having a similar problem with my 18 month old. I found many helpful tips in a book about positive discipline. There is too much to it to write it here, but I recommend you look into it.

You are fortunate in the age your daughter - she will get this approach better. (The book is entitled, "Positive Discipline.") The idea is to take away saying "no" and replace it with bounded options. It also gives you approaches for making her responsible for the mess and participating in the maintenance of your home. As the book says, it will get worse before it gets better, but it totally works.

Designate one drawer for her only and fill it up with all kinds of things that she would like to dig her hands in. Put a little label on it and say this is your drawer and play with her. And tell her this drawer is for her only and no one else. Do keep with the time out. It does work and disciplines the child when she doesn't listen. I have seen it work on children and young as 1 year and a half. Been there, done that and will continue to do it.

She's at that age! She's exporing and testing her boundaries, there is not much you can do but continue to discipline her. She's hitting those terrible two's! Just don't go soft with discipline, this will make everything worse. And make sure she has enough toys that are age appropriate to explore. She may just be bored, or jealous of teh 4 month old and looking for some attention, whether it be positive or negative.

This is perfectly normal behavior for a 22 month old baby. Perhaps you should reassess your priorities.

Hi M.,

Not quite 2 year old toddlers are going to be inquisitive and messy. They don't yet understand the concept that they must put away whatever they take out, and don't understand that certain things are not for them to touch, unless you teach them that or stop them from getting to those things. My children were never allowed unsupervised in my room. That room was mine and my husbands, and there was nothing in there that the children needed access to. Her room should have things that she is allowed to have, but if she's making a big mess, limit the things in the room and teach her about cleaning up. As for the turtles, she's still one, she is too young to have her own pets or be responsible for them in any way. If you limit what they have, they can't make as much of a mess.

When my son was younger, I installed hook and eye latches on the door to the linen closet (we keep cleaning supplies in there) and on my older daughter's room (she didnt' need brother in there messing up her room and wrecking her stuff while she was at school) above his reach. I know that some people don't believe in locking doors or denying kids access to parts of the house but I feel it's totally fine and did it.

Good luck!

Put up a solid gate that she can't move or buy one of those things they sell at Babies R Us that you put on the door handle so that the kids can't open the door, and just leave it shut all the time.

Congratulations on being home with two small children. It is not an easy job, and you need lots of energy and patience.
Your 22 month old is acting completely normal, with lots of curiosity. Children are more interested in their parents interesting stuff than in their own toys. She is not doing this to be naughty, she is just normally curious, and too young to understand that this isn't a play area.
You can be firm, and remove her from your room. But she is too young to be disciplined. Secure special, or dangerous items that she might get into. Keep your bedroom door shut. Set up areas where she can play that are safe. You may find yourself removing her from "your" areas, several times a day. Tell her calmly that she is to play in her area. Getting angry won't help as she doesn't understand these limitations yet. Eventually, she will grow and be able to understand more. By three she will cooperate better. Until then, monitor her play areas so that she doesn't get hurt, and change the toys around, mixing in pots and wooden spoons for banging, or tupperwear for investigating. A change of the toy assortment will keep her interested. Put some away for a while, and then bring different ones out a few at a time. The two's aren't easy, but they don't last forever.

Hi M.,

It seems to me that your daughter is craving attention. You have a 4 mth old baby boy and before your son was born your daughter probably received all the attention. It seems she is seeking some of the lost attention. Try spending some one on one time everyday with just her. My son who was 2 1/2 years old when my daughter was born had some behavior changes as well. He also did things to get some attention. Now, 4 1/2 months later, he is much better. But I still spend 1/2 hour every day with just him. Good luck, I hope this helps.

Hi M.,

22 month olds are smart but still really little. Your daughter is doing just what 22 months do to entertain themselves. It is also fun for toddlers to get the same response from a parent time after time, it makes life consistent and safe. My son used to gurgle with delight everytime I scolded him for putting his fingers near the electrical socket!

Since pick up sounds like a real hassle for you, I would just keep repeating that my bedroom drawers are off limit. My kids never learned from time outs they loved the attention. But natural consequences have been very effective, and having her help you to straighten out the mess in your room would be a natural consequence. Further, just by asking and singing most 2 years olds can be very helpful.

Maybe her room can be hers to make more of a mess of but then at some point she has to pick up after herself. I started this practice with my kids when they were little. If I had to do it again, I would have a lot less stuff around and keep the mess to a minimum. Having a closet with limited access helped with my daughter for example, everything was hung up but I let her have one drawer that she could pull clothes and shoes and dress up all day long.

You have your hands full with such little ones. Somethings are really important and somethings are not. I hope this helps you. I hope that you are getting enough sleep, I remember those years as being a bit of a stretch on my energy and patience.

Good luck,
Ana M.

Have you considered giving her a messy space. That's a space
all her own that she can make a mess in. But, within limits.
Give her things there that she can play with to her hearts content without you cleaning it up.

Then, once a week or so engage her in cleaning up her messy space.

When ever she makes a mess elsewhere, take her to her messy space and have her stay there for a period of time.

She likely wants your attention and is willing to get your negative attention rather than none at all.

She is just doing her job. All typical babies at this age do it. she is not being defiant, she is just learning a whole bunch of stuff. Time-outs do not, I repeat, do not work on young children, especially a 22 month old! Save the time-outs for when she is 3.

In the meantime, baby proof better. I have a gate that is impossible for any of my kids to open at my bedroom door. Put door knob covers on doors where the pets live. You absolutely can tell her no when she does this but getting angry, yelling, & punishing are simply futile at this stage.

A.

Whew, you have a busy life and I think just need to be easy on yourself. I have about the same age granddaughter and she's into everything too. I figure it must be a stage she needs to go through. Only thing we are stern about are things that would harm her. We help her put things back after they are strewn all over. She takes out all the plastic cups and builds with them. All the bottles of water are lined up and tipped over. When the weather is better and it's freezing rain here, we'll be out more and that will help us all. We looked into going to the library for storytime but she's a little too young. These little ones are God's gifts and need more of our time than we realize. My granddaughter will take my hand and bring me into her play room because she wants company too.

You have two issues here: your daughter wants your attention, and she gets it by making messes. Negative attention is still attention -- and besides, this kind of "exploring" is standard and essential toddler behavior.

So here are my suggestions:
1.Save NO! for real danger issues, like running in the street or playing with electrical sockets.

2. Put valuables out of sight and out of reach. For the rest, get toddler-proof locks on your drawers. You can get them in a childrens shop such as Toys R Us. You can even get special handles for doors you don't want her to open.

3. Give her permissible items to explore with, and teach her how to put things back in a box afterwards. You can make a game of it, like a race. I always used a "Clean up song" to help get the idea across. You can make up your own.

4. Enjoy this stage. Empathy with your toddler while she explores will let you appreciate how amazing this world is.

Hope this helps.
--S.

I also have a 22 month old daughter and I would say distraction and/or providing other "child-friendly" options is the key. When she tries to empty your drawers redirect her to something she can play with, like a basket of toys or a drawer you've filled with stuff she's allowed to pull out. I would keep those things near your drawers so she has another option besides your stuff.

Also, when she makes a mess have her help you clean it up. My daughter usually likes to be mommy's helper and she will help me to put things away. I think it teaches her responsibility for her messes and might even deter her from making a mess if she doesn't want to clean it up.

If that doesn't work, you might consider child-safe drawer locks on drawers you don't want her to open.

You need to dicipline your daughter on this matter. If you are telling her no and there is no consequece then the behavior will continue. If the time out is not lasting long enough (I am guessing she will not stay there) you will have to hold her firmly in time out and do not respond to her while you are holding her. I am not saying to cuddle her, but to actually use your hand(s) to hold her until she understands what is going on. Another thing I would do is take away the turtles. There is no reason for a 22 month old to have pets. Furthermore, you can remove even a young childs privilages, for instance when she does not do what you ask she loses a toy or a treat. She is old enought to understand that you are in charge, you just have to be firm with punishments and praise her good behavior.

Hi M.!
I am going through the same things but my daughter is only 12 months old. She loves the laundry baskets too! So I put a few clothes items out for her to play with and it keeps her from taking everything out. She loves it!
Maybe get your daughter a smaller basket so she can put a few items in it herself. When she does make the mess sing the clean up song to get her motivated to clean up after herself. Give her a job like folding her own clothes on laundry day and show her how to put it away.
Plus she is trying to get whatever attention she can since you have a little baby. Negative or positive!! So when she does anything nice or good make sure you praise her--I mean everything!! She'll want to seek that positive over negative in a time.

Good luck!

Hi - I would recommend some more serious consequence for her misbehavior. A time out might work - it depends on the personality of your child. You will know best what works - if you aren't sure, just try it out! I don't know how you feel about a small spanking, but some child psychologist recommend it after 18 months old. It has to be done in love though, and not in anger (which is hard). And, followed up with a hug and reconciliation. You will probably have to deal with this repeatedly until she realizes you mean business and the consequence is going to happen every day, after every time she does it. You might have to step up the consequences if she doesn't respond. Come up with a game plan beforehand if you think this might happen - like 1. Time out for 2 min. 2. Time out for 5 minutes. 3. Spanking and time out for 5 min. 4. Sent to room and spanking for 10 minutes....

Re-evaluate after failure if it doesn't work out. I have found that I have had to re-evaluate many times, depending on the child. Each child responds differently to different strategies. So, be consistent for a couple of days, and then re-evaluate if it doesn't work.

Hope this helps! I got this info from Dr. James Dobson - The Strong-Willed Child (a book). It really helped me. Also, Dr. Kevin Lehman is good.

Good luck!

Give her more stuff to do. Occupy her time and make her use her energy constructively.

I have a 2 year old and he can explore anywhere in the house. He did this alot from 15 months to 23 months. He makes a mess than moves onto another drawer. He has special drawers in my room that he explores and is very happy. He does it less now because it is no longer a "mystery". This is normal for your daughter to explore. Everything is new to her. I would not create stress and tension over this. It sounds like you need to relax and get some more sleep and help. Maybe look into sending your daughter to nursery school a couple of days a week.

Hi M.:

You obviously have a very intelligent daughter who needs to be kept occupied.

Teach her to put away the items when she is finished with them. You should not cleanup. Never say "No" to her, otherwise eventually she will stop reaching and as she gets older she will stop aspiring. How will she accumplish anything in life if all she hears is NO? Give her similar items to yours she will not want yours.

Not that you want to hear this but she is a typical 2 yr old. There are doorknob covers you can buy and put them over bedroom doorknobs so she can't get into those rooms. Also with the time out thing. If you keep putting her back eventually she'll stay where you put her. My son has a naughty stair and I once faught with him for 45 mins to make him stay there. Everytime he got up I put him back until he stayed for the alloted time. If you get it in her head now that you mean business it will be better for you in the long run.

P.S. Watch her with the turtles. They really aren't a great pet for small children because they can carry Salmanila. You know the bad bacteria that is in raw chicken. Make sure that she washes her hands well after handling them and doesn't put her hands in her mouth.

My guess is aan issue with jealosy. The new baby getting all the attention now and the fact that she is not included in as much as she use to.