How Do I Get My Toddler to Stop Sneaking in Our Room at Night?

What is wrong with wanting to snuggle? This too shall pass. I would enjoy it while it lasts. They grow up way too fast.

I miss my baby climbing into bed with me. Now she only does it when she is cold or still tired in the AM and trying to get a few more minutes of sleep.

You can just get up and bring her back in her bed. That should work if she is easy going (and you mentioned that she falls asleep in her own bed).

First, do NOT bribe a child with food. You'll set up food issues for the future. Secondly, just don't bribe a child at all.

She is 4, not a toddler, and fully able to communicate. Communicate with her to find out why she wants to be in your bed.

This stage typically does not last a long time.

My daughter is now 21. We did not make a big deal of it when she would gravitate to our bed at night. My pedi told me once.. "there will be a time that you wish she came crawling into your bed". That is true. We were glad she felt comfortable to come to us when she felt the need. She would usually tell us why she came into our room. It was not a battle we chose to fight because we knew she is only young once and we wanted to savor every moment.

Communicate with her...

When our kids did this we actually kind of enjoyed it :-) but when space is an issue (for us it was when two kids came in at once) we just told them to bring a pillow and blanket and lay on the floor next to our bed.
I know this seems like a "problem" but believe me in a few short years she won't even want to sit on your lap and cuddle anymore and you WILL be missing this time.

There isn't anything wrong, exactly, with her coming to your bed. By that I mean, you wouldn't be doing anything wrong if you didn't stop it from happening. If you guys want it to stop for any reason, that's ok, too. Just know that she isn't doing anything inappropriate. She's just a very small child seeking comfort from her mommy and daddy.

Our 7 year old still comes to our bed sometimes. We decided a long time ago that we were ok with that, so we haven't ever tried to stop it from happening. But I think the key is to just keep taking her back to her own bed. Sounds exhausting, but that's usually what does the trick. When you find her, walk her back, every time. She'll learn. It will work. Probably not immediately, but it will work.

But do know she isn't doing anything wrong.

Close and lock your bedroom door.

Really, a toddler? She's a preschooler. She can talk and tell you why she gets in your bed. Just because you don't hear her does not mean she's sneaky. Try to talk with her in finding a way to stop it. Geez, she's four. I suggest you ask her why she comes to your bed and find another way to meet that need. Does she get cold? Your bed is warm. Is she.lonely. Perhaps a special soft teddy bear or another doll/animal. Perhaps having a radio or CD player that she can turn on would help. Noices increase in the early morning? Does she wake up because of the noise. White noise could help. Does light wake her up. Are their morning shadows? Perhaps darker window coverings?

I do know that as long as you let her stay in your bed, she will keep getting into it. I understand not wanting to take her to her room. I suggest a few nights of going back to her bed will build a routine.that she will accept. Tell her, in a kind way that you want her to learn how to stay in her bed. Try learning why, sympathize. Make corrections if possible. Tell her you will be taking her back to her own bed. When she wakes up, pur her in her bed, stay with her to see if she will drift off. If she stays awake, tell her she can play in her room. Tell her to be quiet and to not disturb you. At four, she can understand your rule. She has no choice. Begging and bribing do not work.

You have to decide that you want her to stay in her room and have a consequence for her if she comes in. Kindly and firmly every time. If sleep is more important to you them let her stay.

You could make a pallet on which she can sleep so she doesn't disturb your sleep..

Make staying in her own bed attractive. Instead of a bribe, tell her you want her help in making her bed/room the place to stay.

Some of mine did this at that age. But mine would just sort of wander into the room and look dazed, or one would stand there by my side of the bed and sort of stare at me until I woke up.

We put a comforter on the floor and they could crash there - that was the only option. I just had a nightlight in the hallway so they could find their way.

Our doctor told us it was night terrors most likely and being a bit disoriented.

We never made the floor/comforter that comfortable and so the phase wouldn't last too long. Usually a month or so.

I just couldn't get up and walk them back to bed because then I'd be up and with working, it made sense to do what we did. It has worked for others too. If they are in your bed, then you don't sleep.

good luck :)

Chose your battles. This one not worth fighting. One day you will miss having her there. Time goes by fast.

It's something they do and might do for awhile.
It is tough when she squeezes into your bed and you don't want anyone getting hurt.
But she's feeling anxious or scared and needs to be near you.
So many (almost every kid) does this - I really think (and it's only my personal theory) that on some level this is a left over survival instinct - in the wild, unattended young are prey - young that stay near the protection of their parents tend to survive.

Set up a sleeping bag either next to or at the foot of your bed.
Tell her she has to start the night out in her room but if she needs to be near you she can come to the sleeping bag.
Being next to you will be enough for her to relax and go back to sleep and having a safe spot that's not in your bed solves it for you.
If she's so quiet you might not even know she's there till you get up in the morning.
She'll out grow it eventually.

We had one who did this long enough it was a habit so we locked the door. Not so he would cry back to his room but that he couldn't sneak. He would go to turn the knob quietly except it wouldn't open so he tried harder. This always woke me up, I went to the door and walked him back to his bed. This only lasted for a week before he stopped trying to sneak in. After that we left it unlocked because I really don't like my kids to think they can't come to me, just don't do it all sneaky like.

Does your child have a sibling? My toddler didn't want to be in his room alone, plain and simple. So, I asked his older sibling if he would mind sharing a room. He thought it sounded fun, so I moved the toddler bed into his brother's room. Immediately, my toddler started staying in his bed all night (he didn't get into his brother's bed, he was happy just knowing he wasn't alone in the room).

That was a few years ago. They now have bunks and still love sharing a room. Someday they may get tired of it, and when they do, one of them can move back out. But for now, it's a great solution for them.

This is a temporary phase as all children's phases are. I never had a problem with my kids sneaking into my room at night. The day finally came when they didn't 'need' me like that anymore. I am so glad I cherished those days & nights b/c I barely get hug now... (they're teenage boys).

Baby door handle locks. Either on the inside of her door or the outside of yours.

ETA: I do agree with no bribing with snacks and talking to her. My DD sleeps in her own room but has nightmares and on those nights she can knock on our door and we'll assess the situation. If she needs a cuddle, then fine, but if she really just needs a hug, a look around for "monsters" and tuck back into bed, then she doesn't need to come into our bed. My DD has a full so on nights she's really needing some TLC for whatever reason, I may go to her room instead, and sneak out when she's asleep. But I think that finding out why is a good start.

As soon as you discover she is in your bed or attempting to get in your bed, I would quietly, and without fanfare or any more discussion than flatly say, "back to your own bed" and walk or carry her back to her bed, and leave right away to go back to your room. Don't put any emotion into it. Don't stay and reward her with attention, company, comforts, and conversation, and don't act irritated either. Keep your tone totally neutral. She's almost certainly going to test you. Keep repeating the same exact procedure, even if you have to do it several times. Eventually, she'll stop waking up because someplace in the back of her brain, she'll know you'll just bring her back, and it won't be worth it. It's become a habit that needs breaking, and I think you just have to radically accept that you're going to lose some sleep in the transition. If she stays up, let her. But don't get up early with her to make food, keep her company, etc. If she's attempting to get up and out of her room to play before you're up for the day, get her a clock and tell her how early she is allowed to come out of her room. If she wakes up too early, she needs to try to go back to sleep in her own bed.

When my kids were little, every once in awhile, one of them would come into our bed in the middle of the night. I figured out that if I let them stay in my bed, they came right back to our bed the very next night. When we guided them back to their own beds, they stopped coming in.

I agree that you shouldn't bribe with rewards that have nothing to do the behavior you're trying to change. Good luck!

i bring my 4 yr old back to her bed and go back to my bed alone no emotions, or discussions about it. (it only happens rarely anymore but we don't make a big deal about it, we remind her that every one has their own sleeping spot and thats where they should stay till morning.)

You could try locking your bedroom door. I would most certainly make her return to her bed as soon as you realize she is there, and make her stay in that bed until a decent wake up time even if she refuses to go back to sleep. If you bribe her you are only rewarding her for bad behavior. Give her lots of praise when she makes it all night in her own bed.

Why does it matter? Our American culture is one of the few that don't have kids in the bed with the parents. We don't mind it, we just sleep and get our rest. They eventually decide to stay in their bed.

I am an extremely light sleep and I am NOT a snuggler. lol My kids are now 13 and 16 and around the same ages did this. However, I would have them sleep on the floor next to my side of the bed. You do NOT make it comfy for them! They can bring in a blanket, pillow and/or stuffed animal but that is up to them to do. They are not to wake you and make sure you don't step on them! They will grow out of it. One kid did it for only a few weeks and my other a couple months then all of a sudden they weren't there anymore. They have always put themselves to bed and gotten up on their own and I've never had sleep issues with them. I know I am in the minority! Good luck.

My parents made a makeshift bed on their floor with comforters for anyone who needed to sleep in there. We all knew it was there every night (until my younger sister was about 5 probably) and if we wanted to, we were allowed to go to that bed, not our parents bed.

And for what it's worth, my husband and I allow our kids to come in our bed with us if they need to. If they do, its likely because something is wrong with them or they want to be snuggled - and I love to snuggle my babies, even if they are getting older!