How Do I Get My Child to STOP and Not Do What the Other Kids Are doing?She Is 9 - San Angelo,TX

What is her age? It's normal for her to follow the crowd if she's in the 5-9 range. It's only a problem if she deifies your clear instructions in the moment when you tell her to stop. Like for instance when the farmer told them to wait. You need to explain to her she needs to follow the person in charge, not the group, and be firm enforcing consequences if she purposely chooses to break the rules. When you told her you were going to sit and wait for the instructor and not run around the church, did she? If so, no worries. Don't be alarmed at the fact she'll naturally have the urge to follow at this age. Sounds like she needs some explanation of what acceptable public behavior is even with no instructions (sounds like the other kids need it too), and you can work together on that. If she's older- like teens, this is more concerning.

Most kids are natural "followers," and their attention is easily drawn to where the action is.

Standard "extrinsic" approaches to discipline are actually more likely to reinforce that "follower" mindset. In the case of lectures, advice, and punishments, the parent becomes the leader, but the child is still the follower. So if some outside influence later becomes fascinating enough to override the earlier admonitions of the parent, then off the child goes…. Yet again.

You realize that you'd like your daughter to develop a better internal sense of right and wrong. That's ideal, of course, but to accomplish that, it is often necessary to introduce an "intrinsic" approach to child-rearing. That gets the child considering the implications of her own behavior, and coming up with her own strategies to make better choices.

I hope you'll read a most wonderful book that helps your child learn that intrinsic self-guidance: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. This "workshop" offers a wealth of real-life examples of how parents helped set the conditions for the child to address the problem himself. And though we don't usually think about young children in these terms. they can be creative problem solvers. Plus, kids are more invested in solutions they think of themselves, and are more likely to work at making them a success.

You use the word obedient several times. It sounds like she is used to obeying rather than thinking about what she is doing. It would then be natural for her to follow the other kids - they are simply replacing you as the leader for the moment. Kids all do follow to some extent, but I think if you want her to develop some independence of thought with the other kids, you will need to practice this at home also - encouraging her to question why she does things.

Peer Pressure is such a hard thing. They want to feel like they belong and want to just be kids and run around with them. Sometimes they just don't think. Have you tried talking to her about making her own judgement. Instead of just following along. Good luck though because I know its very tough. I try that method with my daughter and sometimes she tries to stand out a bit. But she has to be careful as your child does because I've seen groups turn on kids because of standing out.

I guess she is at least 7 years old... at that age she should be old enough to know better. Give her a fair warning the first time you see her doing something (unless it's something she KNOWS is wrong) I would put her in an immediate time out... BUT make sure she knows that she's not allowed to do it. Like at scouts... she probably didn't KNOW until after you told her not to that she wasn't supposed to play with the piano (I used to love playing with the piano at my church when we didn't have anything else to do) At the park, maybe she just never thought of climbing on the shed. She might not have known that it was against the rules, and seeing the other kids do it gave her the idea. Or it just is no fun to climb on by herself. Had she ever been told that it wasn't allowed? If not, let her know... If so, remind her of the rule, then timeout. Depending on her age, have a talk with her about respecting other people's belongings, and situational accept-abilities. If she's still young, it makes perfect sense for her to do what she sees other kids doing, because she wants to play with them.

Just went to a workshop that talked about how we are raising a culture of disrespect. (It's all over the television!) He talked about how we mimic what we see is the norm. So kids don't necessarily mimic everything they see other people do, but if they see that everyone around them is doing it, they will see that is the norm. You need to teach her, as other posters have mentioned, to determine what is right or wrong. Point out several examples of behavior and discuss with her what she thinks is right or wrong and that sometimes the right behavior will be in the minority.

I found a good book to read with my son called Too Smart for Trouble by Sharon Scott. It's about kids making good decisions and avoiding peer pressure.
My son's behavior issues are worse when there's unstructured time, so at school they try to make sure everything's structured. He checks in with a teacher before school and has a copy of his schedule for the day. It lists where he needs to be and what to bring with him at each time. They fill in free time with errands he enjoys such as sharpening pencils, shelving books, or delivering mail. Lunchtime is still a problem, so apparently the teacher often sits next to him. All the teachers seem to know to watch out for him. I've heard the lunch helpers remind him that he's not supposed to do stuff that other kids are telling him to do during lunch.

At my son's scout meetings, they usually have a table with a project to do before the meeting starts, such as a word search puzzle or a coloring page to keep them occupied. Sometimes we just show up late and avoid the unsupervised time.