How Do I Get My 18 Month Old to Put Herself to Sleep?

I'm afraid you just have to put her in her crib and get used to going to sleep by herself with no bottle. You can wait for cues, so you know she's tired (the eye-rubbing or yawning), then put her in her crib and say it's time for a nap, or quiet time. If she cries, let her for a short time and she if she'll fall asleep. She'll get used to it. Good luck.

www.askdrsears.com will help you with loving, guidance based ways to help your daughter now... remember that kids grow 2 steps forward one step back and just have patience and respect that step back, and she will successfully take the steps forward with confidence.
im sorry that you are having difficulties in life.
God will bring you through it, hopefully, a stronger family. :D putting all your trust and faith in Him, and He will bring you treasures you've never dreamed of. we may lack in this life, but not in the eternal life with HIM! :D God bless you for a more promising future.

My son is only six months, but I have heard of the method of slowly reducing how much milk/formula they get in their bottle at night down to two ounces and then cutting it out from there. There probably still will be some crying after, but at least she won't be expecting a full tummy. I would add some other comfort measures into her routine as you cut out the bottle, like singing or reading or patting her on the back if you don't already so that it can become a new signal for her to sleep. when you finally cut out the bottle completely, if she does cry, and you really can't bear to hear her cry, continue to check on her if you feel you need to and do what it takes until the golden moment where she falls asleep in bed on her own... then each night try to cut back on what you do to help her get to that point until she needs nothing! Do your best, experiment, pray, that's all any mom can do- you'll figure it out. good luck!

Routine, routine, routine! And stick to it! Good luck :)

Hi, L.!

First, I am sorry to hear that you've had a rough time lately. Don't put yourself down - babies are hard work even if you're having a lovely year! :-)

My son always nursed to sleep (I know, I wasn't supposed to!) until he randomly weaned himself at 11.5 months and became a "bottle baby" two weeks before most pediatricians will tell you to take the bottle away!! Now, at 14 months, we have learned a few things.

First, we always had a routine (bath, lotion, pajamas, book, nurse and then bed) but if you don't, it really is not too late to start one. We kept the bath, lotion, pajamas and book, so he knew what was coming next. We would then start a CD (a new thing that he loved) and give him the bottle, but if he started falling asleep, we would take it away and put him in his crib.

The first week was NOT so fun because he would scream at being put in his crib while still awake, but babies are SMART and he figured out that as soon as he stopped drinking the bottle, he would be put in his crib. He gradually started making that decision for himself and now most nights he barely drinks the bottle at all and is just ready for bed. He has learned to turn on the CD player and that is a really special task for him and it comforts him. We have started to only offer the bottle every other night and I think we are almost done completely!!

I know this is long, but I hope our little experiments and successes help you. And again, if you get criticism, remember that at some point, the same people who are criticizing you probably had their baby spit up on them in public!! :-)

Hey, L.! We just took the bottle away from my almost 18-month-old as well. Don't feel guilty for it! The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for 2 years and I know our pediatrician recommends being off the bottle around 18 months. Is your daughter falling asleep with the bottle or just getting a bottle at bedtime? If she's not falling asleep with it, it might be easier to take away. What we did with our daughter was to switch the bottle for a container of yogurt (healthy, high-protein snack). Lily gets the container of yogurt and then we start our bedtime routine, which consists of putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, reading a book with daddy, reading a book with mommy, and then rocking, in the dark, while a lullaby CD plays. I rock her for the first two songs and then lie her down in her bed and kiss her good night and walk out. It did take us a little while to get this routine down. I'm not a supporter of the cry-it-out method, so what I did was sit by her bedside and rub her back until she fell asleep for a couple days. Then each couple of nights after that, I'd move further from her bed. Eventually, she learned to go to sleep without me in the room. We're pretty flexible on it still and if she's going through something (teething, etc), I do stay in the room with her. Don't expect your daughter to learn overnight. It can be a long process, but she will adjust to all the changes!

I can soooo sympathize with you!!! I know you have had a lot of response so I hope mine helps too. I nursed my daughter until she was 13 months and she took milk/formula at night until she was about 20-21 months old. I have to say that while I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her and it breaks my heart to hear her cry, cold turkey was the best way. We were fortunate enough (I guess) that we had gone out of town for the weekend and I forgot her bottles. I wasn't about to go buy new ones at her age so I offered her warm milk in a sippy and she refused it. When we got home, she was upset for the first few nights but then totally forgot about it.

As fas as the going to sleep on her own....that's a whole long story here. Short version...she didn't sleep through the night or go down for naps or bed on her own until at least 20 months. I have nothing against co-sleeping, attachment parenting or the Sears doctors but it just wasn't working for me anymore. I was pregnant with my son and knew I wouldn't be able to spend 20+ minutes with her before naps and bedtime with a newborn in the house. Again, the best method for us was cold turkey, cry it out. It was brutal for a couple of days but then it was over. She's over two now, but I can just tuck her in, say prayers,sing her a song and walk out while she's wide awake with no trouble EVER! It's feels like such a relief! Good luck and if you ever want to talk, just send me a message!

Don't feel bad! You are not crazy and do not let anyone say you are. Everyone does what works best for them. There is nothing wrong with holding your baby as she falls asleep. And there is nothing more peaceful than a child feeling safe enough to fall asleep in your arms. My daughter just turned 19 months and we just got her to go to sleep on her own last week.

For naps, I feed her lunch, then immediatley go to her room to change her diaper all the while telling her it is nap time, then I sit in the rocking chair, which is in her room, withour rocking for 2 mintues at the most just for her to wind down, then I put her in the crib, put her blanket on her, and tell her to close her eyes and go night-night.

For bedtime, she still gets a bottle since she doesn't drink enough during the day. So at 7:00 my husband gives her the bottle while holding her in his lap so she knows it's time to wind down, then he gives her a bath, then sits in the rocking chair in her room with only a dim lamp on and quietly reads a few books, then he shuts the lamp off, tells her it's time to go night night and puts her in the crib.

The first few nights she stood up and played with her crib toys, but rather than letting her play till she fell asleep, we kept going in there, laying her down, covering her up, and telling her that it's time to go night-night and to close her eyes. We also lay her on her side rather than flat on her back which helps her.

Hope this helps!

First, stop beatig yourself up with this. Second, remember that your daughter wants to please you, and she relies on you to teach her just how to do that. It isn't a fight, it is an alliance. On a practical level, when my middle son was small and did not want to give up the bottle, I told him that there were many babies who needed bottles and didn't have any and asked him if he thought we should give his bottles to those babies, and he thought that was a great idea. She is compliant at daycare because those are the rules at daycare.

I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" It has some wonderful advice, but you have to be commited to carry out their suggestions. Each family is different, so you have to find a program that you are comfortable with. If you are going through difficult times, consistency will be great for your little sweetie (and you!) Remember, nothing lasts forever! You can get through this! Good luck!

Oh no! You poor thing. I will make the jump and say she is crying correct? The only thing I can think of is to take the bottle away and let her cry it out. I am sure it will be hard to do, but keeping her on the bottle can damage her teeth (perhaps even adult teeth) and it will continue as long as you let it.

Take a week out and let her cry. In the end it will be worth it.

Good Luck

You are not alone. I had many of the same issues with my boys without the excuse of family struggles. Crying it out didn't work for us because of my boys' temperaments. They would get so upset they would throw up. They could also cry for hours. I know some people swear by that, but it didn't work for us and I didn't feel comfortable with it. You might have to experiment with several of these recommendations you have gotten from so many people and find out what works best for your daughter and your family. I highly recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book, "Sleepless in America." It was very helpful for our family. She is a great resource and she also teaches classes in St. Paul and has a website, www.parentchildhelp.com. Good luck.

I don't have any great suggestions, as we struggled with the same, but I do know that reminding myself that my child WAS CAPABLE of putting himself to sleep and it was ME that was the impediment helped. It was still frustrating, and it wasn't this easy, disciplined, let-him-fuss-he'll-get-over-it thing, but it did help to realize I was being manipulated! (Well, that's a harsh word, but when I thought of it in those terms, I found I could be firmer.) I think what we ultimately did was weaned him very, very slowly from our presence. Moved him to a big-boy bed so we could snuggle him. Sat on the bed with him. Sat on the floor near his bed. Sat next to the wall. All that took months! But...my now 4 1/2 year old goes to bed pretty well most nights. Good luck; I know how tiring it is.

Edited: also, you can work on starting with naps, since for my kdis, it seemed easier to get them down for naps than at night. Once we established a good napping routine where they didn't have to be snuggled, we could start to transfer it to bedtime.

Hi there,

You have 2 separate issues going on: your daughter still has a bottle, and she can't go to sleep on her own. If I were you, I would take care of the bottle first. How do you do it? You throw the bottles away. She is only getting them at night right now, so give her a sippy cup then instead. Tell her she is such a big girl now, she doesn't need a bottle anymore. She is going to throw a fit for a few nights, there is really no way of getting around that. But I really think cold turkey is the way to go, at her age. Just do it and be done with it. When you stand firm for a few days, she will realize she's not getting them back.

You could have her give up her bottles in exchange for a present; I don't know if 18 months is old enough to understand that.

As for getting her to go to sleep on her own, you have to find a way you are comfortable with. I cuddle with my son and read him a story while he drinks his sippy cup. Then we say a prayer and he goes to bed. The vast majority of the time, he goes right to sleep. Some nights he does start crying, and then we let him cry for 10 minutes, and then go in to check on him. We repeat this until he goes to sleep. We don't pick him up unless we think he needs his diaper checked.

That method may or may not work for you; some people have really strong beliefs about letting their kids cry, but it works for us.

There are no rules for bottles and bedtime. Just do what works best for you and your baby and don't make this an unecessary battle. My daughter had a bottle occasionally until she was three and her dad and I still takes turns lying down with her at bedtime until she's asleep, because we love to do that. She is now a wonderful, well-adjusted six year old. Just use your best judgement and enjoy the time with your little girl and don't feel pressured to do what others say you need to.

There are no "concerns" or "issues" here, just a new mom figuring out what works best for you and your daughter. That's what we all do. I'm sure she is getting fed and getting sleep, and getting loved.

Hi, L..
When I read your post, I felt like I was reading my own story! I am dealing with this too. I have twins who are almost 18 months and they certainly like their bedtime bottle. I use sippy cups during the day. Don't be too hard on yourself. My girls don't sleep through the night yet and I try to put water in the bottle when they wake up. I am not a fan of the cry it out method. I do try and make sure their teeth are brushed at least once if not twice daily. I just wanted to respond in support for you to let you know you are not alone and hang in there!

I agree with Cassandra and hear two separate concerns, the bottle and going down for bed. It's up to you to decide which concern to tackle first. There has been a lot of input about the bottle and I don't have more to add. But we did struggle to get our daughter to sleep when she was about 6 months old. We tried the cry it out method, once we knew that she was fed, and clean, and safe, etc. It took two nights of her crying it out for her to learn to soothe herself to sleep. Now we lay her down and she puts her arms up behind her head to go to sleep. Sometimes she even whines just for us to leave the room so she can be alone (she is 13 months now). We have also learned that standing firm with our beliefs and providing consistency is very important. Especially for us all to get through the difficult times, whether it be new teeth, changes in daycare, stress at work and in our marriage, etc. Even at your daughters age she has learned how to get what she wants and what she needs is a parent that will teach her what is best for her. Best of luck.

What I did with our son at 13 months took the bottles away cold turkey. I thought it would of been a big deal but it wasnt. Just make sure that your daughter uses a sippy cup very well now and replace the bottles with a sippy of milk. Some dont think cold turkey is best but it was for our son I dont think taking it away slowly teaches them anything. I also thought the bottle before bed was going to be hard to take away but it went very well its hard to remember now since in a couple weeks he will be 2, my memory is bad. I also play music for him and he still uses a binkie to sleep right now. You may also have to let her cry to get to sleep that does work, I had to do that with our son to get him to sleep all night at 9 months, it may seem harsh but it doesnt hurt them and in the long run better for them and their sleeping and for you! Good luck. L.

Hey L.,
Do you use a bedtime routine? We start our little guy out with a bath, then pajamas, brush teeth, and then rocking and a book. We are still giving him the bottle at night--I refuse to feel guilty for that--and after he takes the bottle, he goes down for the night. We are going to try to phase out the bottle next month, but right now, I feel contented by knowing that he's getting his fluids. I do think that you'll have to face a few nights of letting your daughter cry it out--it sucks---but she must be able to go down on her own if she does it at daycare. Also, does she have a special blanket or doll? Sometimes, that helps. Good luck to you!

I encourage you to relax a little. I don't think you should criticize yourself! We live in a high pressure society with so many rules! Most of these rules didn't apply until about 150 years ago. Babies haven't changed. Historically it was common to nurse babies until they were three at least, and for families to sleep together!

Try googling the subject, and you will see what I mean. I know that we don't live back then, but I hope this helps.

Hi L.
I would start watering her bottle down adding more water each day until it is all water and then it should not be a huge deal for her to have it. As for putting her to bed I would start with your normal bed time routine and when she is starting to get really sleepy lay her down and pat her butt or hold her hand until she is totaly sleeping and then gradually lay her down more awake every few days Good luck The NO Cry sleep solution book is also very good if you can find time to read it. Good Luck T.

Have you tried a small CD player in her room with some sleepy time music? I use to tuck the kids in, turn on a cassette (before cds) and they would listen to that while falling asleep. It works like a charm.

Are you putting her down with milk? If you are start watering it down until it's only water.Another idea is to just throw all of the bottles away and start giving her the milk in a sippy cup. I am a daycare provider and I have a 2 1/2 year old in care that still takes a sippy of water to bed. Getting a child to sleep is difficult. They know your strings. They can't push the daycare provider like they can you. I wouldn't worry so much about the bottle. If you can get her into a good pattern of going to sleep with the bottle for a while, then transition the bottle. I had a hard time breaking my 3rd from the pacifier. She went to bed easily with it and when she was 2, it was time for it to go. After that it was hard because that is how she soothed herself to sleep. It takes a while and you just have to stick to what you set out for a routine. She's not going to like it for a few days, but hang in there. There's no hard and fast rule about how to do this. Good Luck!

My daughter was older when we took the bottle away, too. We let her sit at the table and drink from a big girl cup before bed. That way, she still got a drink and got to do something big while losing dependence on the bottle and all that went with that. As for putting herself to sleep, you'll probably have to tough it out for a few nights. Go through your normal routine - books, bath, whatever, lay her down and say good night. If she cries, let her go 5-10 minutes and then go in and comfort her for a minute or 2 if you think she needs it, but don't pick her up. The next night, maybe let her go 10-15 minutes. It is exhausting and hard, but it will get easier and will be worth it. I know, I've been through it and lived to tell the tale. Good luck!

I understand what you're going through. My first took a bottle well into her second year. She had lots of issues with constipation though and that helped her get the fluids she needed. You knew what people were thinking though when they'd look at her. Oh well. You've got to do what you've got to do.
I now have three children and each one I've learned to start sooner. My son is two. He gets a sippy cup at night (he calls it a baba). I only put water in it. He doesn't even always drink it. It's just something to hug. There are sippy cups with a soft nipple top you might want to start with that may resemble the feel of a bottle. I would try that.

Like I said, my first took a bottle forever even with milk. She's seven now and no cavities. (She nursed for 13 months, which I think helped.) So even if you're giving milk in a sippy, I think that's a great start. I like the watering down idea. I just started giving them less and less milk each night. Eventually I only offered water. By then she was older and not very happy about it, but I stuck with it and within a day or two there was no more fuss.

Good luck. I know it's hard. Hang in there. Remember, you're the parent, you run the show for their best interest.

You may think I'm crazy with my advice, but please consider it. I have 6 month old twins and they have been sleeping through the night since 13 weeks. The best two pieces of advice I got when I started was to read the book Babywise, by the Ezzos and "the best gift you can give your kid is a solid marriage." The book has a bad rap on the internet, but it really has some solid prinicples. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water...is a good mentality to have when reading it. There is also a chapter about starting late. The second piece of advice really hit home when it was explained to me. You and your husband are the most important people in your child's life. They say to practice "couch time" - time with your husband and you only in front of the kids with no interuptions from them. This gives the child security that her little world is not going to fall apart because she sees her parents in love. I am also married to an amazing guy, so I havent experienced this with my kids, but I experienced it growing up, all the uncertainty plagued me all through childhood. I'm not saying you have a bad marriage, but this advice has really helped me understand a kid's view.

L.-

I feel your pain...my three year old is still having difficulty putting himself to sleep. But I must say it is my own doing. Every night my husband or I would rock him to sleep, for many reasons, including but not limited to he was to tired, he was not tired, he had teeth coming in, I needed to hold him, he would fall asleep with a bottle, and on and on. All I can say is that you just need to be strong. It is your job as the mom to help her learn everything in life including the small things like this.

We are getting better at our house we now have an established bedtime and no matter what is going on when that time come we go to bed. He is learning that he lays in his bed and I will rub his back and sit with him for a while and then when I think he is close to falling asleep. I will leave the room. If he gets up after I leave I go back in with him and sit a little bit longer. I know this may not be the right way but it is my way. You just need to find what is the right way for you and your child.

I wish you the best of luck and just keep your head up things will get better.

Hi L....what is she drinking in the bottle at night? You could try switching what is in it...for example if she is getting milk, try water. She might decide she doesn't like it? I have heard of moms to take away bottles a little at a time....what is she liking about the bottle? Is it the sucking, eating, or something to hold onto? If she is likeing the sucking, maybe you could try just giting her the nipple? I wouldn't think it would be a choking hazard at her age. It if it is holding onto something, just giver her the empty bottle.

Our boys are now 5 & 3 and we still battle "going to sleep" evreyonce in a while. Personally, I think they just like to test us and then everything goes back to normal (whatever that is!!) We always follow the same pattern so they know what to expect. For a night we answer to their every whim/whine/cry/complaint/glass of water/potty/whatever. Then the next night as we tuck them in, we say "Mommy/Daddy are going to bed....do you need anything else before we leave?" They either say no, or come up with something. Then as we leave, we say, I will come back in 10 minutes (was less time when they were younger) and check on you again. After the time we told them, we would go in and check. Then, they would get their extra hug, glass of water, whatever the stall tactic of the moment was. The next night, we say we are going to bed and they need to also. Usually, that is the end of it.

When we got rid of our nuks for our boys (around 2 yearsold) we "just lost them." We led the boys on a search of the house for them, in the drawers, toy boxes, car, etc. I gave the grandmas a heads up that we might be calling to see if the nuk was at their house and sure enough they both brough up "maybe we should check at grandmas." They were both pretty sad at bedtime and asked if we could look again tomorrow, and we said yes. After 2 nights, they didn't mention them again.

Good luck to you and your little girl! They all know how to push our buttons emotionally...I just try really had to be rational in my own mind then feel guilty a little later :)

L.,

Isn't it amazing how different children can be while in daycare than with us? For nap time, all the do is tell my son it's nap time and he lies down and falls asleep (they have told me he's the best at nap time!). When at home, we tell him it's nap time and he goes "NO!" and fights it and even after he's lying down it takes him a while to fall asleep most of the time.
When it comes to your children, they sometimes cry as though you are torturing them! How can that possibly be "kind", I ask myself? I remember looking at my husband almost in tears as well! BUT, as you said, they know this and they take advantage of it.
I think in the book they gave at the hospital when my 2 year old was born there were methods on how to get children to sleep at night (or maybe it was a parenting magazine...I read it someplace!). We used the one where you let him/her cry for a bit before going to check up on them. You tell them is time for sleep. Then leave the room again. Then you wait longer before you go check on them again. And so on and so forth. I've also seen Super Nanny where she tells the child nothing while putting them down to sleep starting at the second time she goes to check on them. They have shown how it can take HOURS! It's very exhausting! But in the end, your child learns that while you still care and you're still out there, it is bed time and that's that.
When I weaned my son it took about 2 weeks before he stopped asking for the breast at night (and he would wail in such a way that it would take MY breath away), but after 1 1/2 weeks or 2 he was perfectly fine with things. He was still getting a bottle at that time. I think I suffered the longest... I really missed our breastfeeding sessions. :(
Then it was another battle when we transitioned from the bottle to the zippy cups. We bought several different kinds of zippy cups trying to find the magical one that would ease him away from the bottle. What we learned is... this isn't easy and there's no such a thing as magic!
At 18 months I would suggest you start working on taking the bottle away. For her dental health it's best not to do that at this point (or so our pediatrician told us, what does yours think?). It doesn't mean that she needs to stop drinking milk right before bed time (I've heard warm milk helps people fall asleep).
We still feed my son milk right before bed time, in a zippy cup, and when he's done, he gives us kisses good night and then he goes to brush his teeth before going to bed. At this age, his brushing isn't what it should be, of course, and you have to use the most minute amount of toothpaste (pediatrician said the amount we would ingest while brushing anyway) and help them out a bit. Then he gets tuckered. So it's bath, milk and reading at the same time, kisses, teeth, bed. And he may or may not fall asleep right away... he may or may not fuss. Even now things are not "perfect".
You should find a routine that works with your family. And do not expect this to work the very first night... perhaps not even the very first week! But remember that the good habits you instill in her now and teaching her that she's loved though she's in bed by herself is a good thing for her. Also, don't compare nap times at daycare with bed time at home; it's simply not the same thing. Try to stay strong yourself, if you don't believe that putting her down to sleep on her own and without a bottle is good for her, she'll know. If that's the case (you not believing) then perhaps you should wait until such time that you do believe. No reason to "torture" both of you now. Without your (and your husband's) resolve, this will go nowhere.
Good luck!

If you have not already, my suggestion would be to put water in the bottle instead of milk or juice. Hopefully she will be bored with it once you switch to water that she will not need/want it any more.

I hear you on the molar fornt... my daughter just turned 2 in August and we are now getting the 2 year molars... not fun! We are trying to get her away from the nuk (we onyl use it at nap/bed time but any progress we made went out the window when the molars started coming in.

Hopefully another mom will have some good adivce to help you!