How Do I Get My 15 Month Old to Stop Screeching?

Please take Leigh's advice to heart.

A pop on the mouth is horrible at any age, but especially for a 15-moth-old.

Please do NOT "discipline" for it at her age! She is far too young to connect her action with any discipline you hand out.

First, do you understand why she does this? It's because she does not yet have enough words to express what she wants verbally so she does the only thing available to her at her age -- she screams or yells. Please do not think that she somehow is being bad, naughty or manipulative. She is only being her age, and does not yet have the tools (words) or the mental processes ("If i want this thing, I need to ask for it") to work with you.

When she wants a thing and you say no, as you must, remove the desired thing from her sight instantly; say no firmly but don't yell or she will hear a raised voice and will raise her own voice; and distract, distract, distract. There WILL be times when she will not be distracted no matter what and yes, you will have to remove her -- from a restaurant, from a play date, from her own dining table or whatever room you're in. Or you will have to remove yourself if you are at home -- ensure she is in a safe location and walk away saying nothing. Remove the attention you give her -- if you say "no, no, no" or plead with her to stop screeching, that IS attention to her and she likes it -- yes, children do crave even "negative attention" of being told no over and over. Remove the attention by either distractiing her with something totally different or by removing yourself from her presence. She may cry and scream for you to come back so she can continue to have your attention but let it go and only return after a few minutes -- not as soon as she screams for you.

I highly suggest you get some good books on the typical stages of childhood development in the younger years. Learn more about what to expect at her age. If you are expecting that at only 15 months she is capable of hearing "No" and being fine with it, or if you think she is intentionally being mean or bad -- please get some good information, because none of that is what's happening. This phase will go on a while until she has more words. You need consistent reactions that involve distraction and/or removing her or yourself. But trying to punish her will not work -- she cannot yet connect the punishment with her actions fully enough.

Amen, Leigh R!

Read her response again.
Babies, toddlers and children aren't "mini adults."
I would never advocate smacking her in the mouth or anything like that.
At 15 mos? Distraction and redirection are best.
Good luck!

Check out Dr. Harvey Karp's video 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block'. His technique and way of thinking about toddlers seems a little crazy, but it's dead on, and it works every time. Little kids just don't have the words to communicate the huge emotions they are dealing with sometimes - if they know you empathize with their frustration, things go better.

Best of luck! Also, restaurants are just tricky at that age...choose them with care, at least for a while.

Remove her from the situation, remove the offending object and distract, distract, distract. 'DD, we don't lick plates' then immediately give her something she CAN do. In a restaurant, I would immediately take her outside (sorry - it is unfair for other restaurant patrons to have to listen to any amount of screaming). I suspect by the time you got her outside, she would have stopped screaming because her attention span is so short (normal). There is no point in trying to convince her not to scream. Just give her something she can do.

I would NEVER 'pop' (hit) her in the mouth, throw ice water on her or take her to the bathroom for a threat or hitting (no matter what her age). She does not have the language or development to communicate what she wants in a way that is acceptable to you yet. You can't make her stop wanting things (nor should you), you can't give her language skills any earlier than she is ready for them.

Other moms gave good advice! I would also say, ask yourself if what you're telling your child "no" to is that big of a deal. Sometimes it's worth the peace in public just to let your very young child lick their plate.

This is why we did take out till our son was about 4 years old.
If you are gong to try taking her out, then when she starts screaming, immediately pick her up, leave and go to the car where she can scream to her hearts content.
If she stops, you can take her back in.
If she doesn't stop, your Hubby should have your food packed up to take home and you can eat it there.
She's too young for discipline for this and you can expect this pretty much through the toddler years as well.
Take out was just much easier for everyone every which way around.
If you and Hubby want dinner out together, get a baby sitter.

Just what you did. As soon as she starts with it, you remove her. Don't talk her to death trying to "soothe" her either. Just tell her very matter of factly that she must use inside voices. No screaming. And then take her out until she can comply.
At home, remove her to her crib or playpen to scream in her room. Shut the door behind you until she stops.

Get the book 1-2-3 Magic.

Hi P.,
This is totally normal for her age - my daughter is a month older than yours and doing the same thing. She does not have the words to express herself yet so she uses screaming to communicate when she doesn't like what is going on. Embarassing in public though! LOL. This is not a quick fix, but try teaching her some basic sign language (please, more, stuff like that) so she has a way to communicate with you when she wants something. She will outgrow this stage as she is able to communicate with you more, either verbally or otherwise.

This may not be a popular suggestion, but maybe take a break from eating out. We are in that phase right now because it is just too much work to eat out with our 16 month old and does not feel worth it to us. We would rather be at home where we can handle the behavior without having to worry about bothering other people. One other suggestion - take the grandparents (or friends or someone who will help) out to eat with you so you can all take turns walking outside with her if she is being disruptive. My husband and I gave up on this (and eating out) when it was just the two of us because we felt like we didn't even get to talk to each other while we were out to eat and it was just not worth it.

Good luck!
Cyndi

It's normal for this age. Taking her out when she could not be distracted was the right thing to do. You did great.

The conventional method: Remove the child immediately from the situation and do not ever give in to their screeching behavior.

The unconventional method: An immediate "pop" of the mouth using your fingers. As soon as the screech starts. This is not meant to hurt, but to surprise. Followed immediately by a stern and quiet "NO! NO! We do not scream. Stop that right now."

Another option: Dash a little ice water in her face to shock her out of her tantrum.

I would have tried to redirect her behavior with the plate. Give her a spoon and tell her "We don't lick the plate. You have to use your spoon."

"Action and consequently."

She screams/tantrums and you remover her from the fun. She'll figure it out.

We've left restaurants the moment our food's arrived before. We've also left separately before. My husband waiting for the check/food and myself in the car waiting with a fussy child.

Now my daughter is older and I take her to the bathroom for a chat or a swat, depending on the offence. Usually I only have to warn/remind her about the unpleasantness awaiting if I have to take her to the bathroom because of her behavior.