How Did This Happen!?!

I would talk to my mom and tell her all the good the bad and the ugly. Tell her that you want X, and X, and X. That you have a list of goals and that if they are met you will try to reconcile but if they are not that you won't.

One thing though. Bi-polar is hard, it is hard to work through because part of the illness is the desire to feel emotions and the med takes away the ups and downs a lot. A person on them still has feelings but there is not joy, no despair, no extremes but some of the "normal" emotions are effected too. That makes it especially hard on the family of one that has this. It is hard to see them struggle to find the right way.

The only way you are going to understand this illness and be able to talk about it with people who understand it, living with it and living along side it, is to go to a support group for mental illness. Either find one in the newspaper or through the mental health facility he is going to.

He will be able to get stable and live rather normally but it will take time and he will make lots of mistakes. If he was worth something at some time in the past and this illness has changed him then perhaps he is worth fighting for and waiting for the progressions and progress he will eventually make. I would say the separation should not be terminated by divorce for at least 6 months but I would give it a year. Living separately or together, he will have meds that don't work, meds that will make it worse, meds that make him a zombie and some that will wire him up like a spring. It will take a long time and he may never be the same guy, he may be better.

I don't know if this helps but from my perspective over here you have a totally salvageable marriage. I know there are terrible things he's done that you didn't include here but the bi-polar discovery is HUGE. I would start by seeing if there is a support group you and maybe even the kids (depending on ages) can go to. Families of bi-polar people or something. My dad is bi-polar and I have a friend who is also. Not easy. It's so great that this has finally been figured out and that he is actively seeking help. You are both in for some hard work, esp with your crazy schedule and now the pregnancy but I see major light at the end of your tunnel. Don't lose heart or hope. The fact that he is open to seeking help is huge bc one of the ironic symptoms of bp is that they don't want to take medication/get help. You CAN rebuild trust and have a happy, whole family. Together you can show your kids that even though life throws you curves you can work thru them and not be defeated. God bless you all.

You have a TON going on right now.

Instead of trying to wrap your arms around it all. Take small, baby steps.
Keep working on your marriage - it's not easy being married to someone with mental illness. It's a GREAT thing that he is being pro-active - taking meds and seeking therapy. I hope you are acknowledging his accomplishments. That might help him continue to go to therapy and continue the medications if he knows you see the difference.

No one needs to know that you are pregnant yet. It's not their business.

I would take it one step at a time. I would NOT rush to tell anyone. I would do my best to make a list of priorities and then decide how to tackle each one and not tackle more than one thing at a time.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Stay strong!

You are in a tough spot for sure. I would wait to tell anyone (other than hubby). For now, do what you are doing and take care of yourself and your kids. See where your relationship goes. In a few months, feel free to tell everyone but for now, I would just wait.

Take one day at a time. If your family will be supportive and positive, then tell them. If not, then maybe you can wait to share the news. Hang in there and good luck to you! Remember, I day at a time!!

Well, it would appear, from the mall amount of info given here (I know that we as readers can't see the whole picture) that he is on board with getting medical help for a medical issue--and that is huge.
As for what your family and friends, really, they aren't the ones that matter, are they? More important is what is right for the 3 kids you guys have created, and the fourth that is on the way (congrats!). If you see a real difference in him and you are both committed to making your family work--that's great!
I wouldn't set a firm "deadline" or view the arrival of #4 as a fictitious "finish line" that you have to cross. Take your time and work through it a bit at a time....there's really no rush, right?

if he is recently diagnosed and is WORKING on getting treatment, i see zero reason to split up. your family should understand that (although in the end you need to make this decision regardless of their opinions).

there's a big difference between denying he needs help, and not realizing it until now.

to me that is a completely different story. in fact quite honestly, if he is working on this, i wouldn't be separated from him at all. but that's just me.

i absolutely would sit down with him and let him know that as long as he is getting treatment and things continue to improve, that you are willing to keep trying. you definitely need each other right now.

assuming there isn't more to the story.

good luck!

In my honest opinion I would do my best to work on reconciliation. If you had sex while things were on the rocks why did you if you are separated? Time to take responsibility. I certainly wouldn't want to be a single mom with 4 kids and work fulltime. Are you in counseling? If not, I certainly would pursue that route before you take the permanent separation route. That is if he is willing to get help. For better or for worse right? Now if he won't seek help than that's a different matter. Hugs and I do hope things work out for you.

I think if he's on medication and is working on getting help, then he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

As far as the BFP (big fat positive, for those who asked) after the vasectomy, you're supposed to use another form of birth control for 6 months after the vasectomy. Even if you only did it once, if you didn't use protection, you could get pregnant (and obviously did.)

When it comes to telling your family, I would wait until after the first trimester. At that point, you'll know a bit better where you stand in terms of your relationship with your husband.

*hugs*

I am sorry for he situation you are in. Life certainly is not easy!! I would liketo just say, in a non-jugemental tone, to please try to work on your marriage, unless there is just something horrible and unsafe. People give up bc it is easier than fighting. I am not happy in my marriage, but it will pass. It is a relationship like any other. All relationship[s go through cycles, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, goodness my mom drives me crazy!! But it is a cycle and it will come back around again. If you loved him once, you can love him again! Good luck!!

Updated

I am sorry for he situation you are in. Life certainly is not easy!! I would liketo just say, in a non-jugemental tone, to please try to work on your marriage, unless there is just something horrible and unsafe. People give up bc it is easier than fighting. I am not happy in my marriage, but it will pass. It is a relationship like any other. All relationship[s go through cycles, brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, goodness my mom drives me crazy!! But it is a cycle and it will come back around again. If you loved him once, you can love him again! Good luck!!