So, my oldest who is in the 6th grade is writing notes and passing them during class. I know this is normal but this is effecting her classes and her grades. I don't know if there is really anything I can do besides talking to her which I already have. Do any of you have any ideas?
Dawn, It is so funny that you say this. One of my teachers actually did this to me and I never wrote another note in her class. I am actually going to email her teachers this suggestion!
I'm in the "public humiliation" camp. I guarantee she'll never do it again after that! Teachers did in when I was in school, and no one was screaming "abusive" then!
You and the teacher need to find an appropriate way to handle it. I remember passing notes in class all the time. I was never caught, and I do not think having it read would have stopped me to be honest. What slowed it down was when I was in middle/high school and friends were in different classes - we then created a journal that got passed between classes. We would write in those and hand them off as we saw another. We (6 of us) each had one and whoever you passed in the hall is who you handed it off to. Yes, school is social and isolating at the same time. Maybe she just needs to get her thoughts out right away, maybe a journal like this would be a good thing for her. Maybe it is something that you both do and pass to eachother, get her teacher on board too, maybe a few min here and there allowed for journaling for the class. The time could be before recess or as things transition from math to social studies they write down their thoughts or read something for 3-5 min. I know there is a solution for this - think outside the box here mom.
ETA I see parents/adults who visit FB and MP during the day ALL the time - is that not the adult equivelant to passing notes in class?
Discipline and structure, if she does it again she's grounded, and you should ask to see the notes Instead of publicly humiliating her.
Amen to Dawn!!!
As a former teacher, we were specifically told NOT to do this (somehow some sort of legal issue if I remember right), but I would have done it in a HEARTBEAT if I had the parent's permission!
It's not up to you to handle this. The teacher is responsible for the classroom. The teacher can and should hand out the consequences. If it's affecting your daughter's grades, then your responsibility is to restrict her social life or TV privileges until her grades come up, and to support the teacher's efforts. If you think there's something else that is affecting her attention, then of course you should deal with that as well.
There are some people who would take comfort in the fact that she's actually engaged in physical writing and not in electronic texting! And my mother had a French teacher who allowed note-passing under certain circumstances - she intercepted the note, and if it was in French, she passed it along.
Otherwise I think the teacher can suggest that class participation is important - whispering is not allowed, but speaking in turn to the class is valued. Writing is valued but it's part of the class work. She could read the note aloud as Dawn suggested, but she could also confiscate it and correct it for spelling and grammar, then return it the next day with a grade on it. "If it's produced or submitted in class, then it's class work." I'm guessing this will only happen once or twice, and your daughter will be really upset that the teacher is reading what she wrote. The kid who is the intended recipient won't want any part of this either and peer pressure can be formidable in regulating behavior.
So, suggest that if you want. Otherwise stay out of it except if you daughter complains, say "Well, what do you expect?"
We had ours posted on a bulletin board in the classroom for a week, that nipped it in the bud. Dawn's idea would work wonderfully :)
Hi 3 girls-
I just gotta say, that in this age of technology and texting...and talk of no longer teaching cursive, I might be HAPPY that she could commit pen to paper!
As a teacher, I might intercept the note...and after class tell her she needs to 're write' the note 10 times (perfect handwriting and grammar) and turn it in the next day (perhaps with parent signature).
That way no public humiliation...a grammar/handwriting lesson...and parents are aware and can choose to act on it or not.
I would base my action on the frequency...as well as the content of the note.
Best luck!
michele/cat
Sometimes public humiliation IS the answer.
Dawn's answer is perfect.
Been there, wrote that. Got sent to the principal's office. I still remember so it had an effect! I also learned never to write a note that says a guy is cute, only to have it end up in his hands and then the teachers. We did not date. Ever.
My dear dear 6th grade teacher caught me writing a letter to my cousin. I will never forget her trying to figure out what some of my words were. My cousin's dog's name was Pierre and I had no idea how to spell it. By the time she finished reading the letter I was in tears from embarrassed giggles. I never ever wrote a note or letter in class again.
If she's been caught passing notes, then the teacher should at least take them, if not read them out loud. If I were the teacher, I'd consider moving the students who are doing this so that they are not close to each other or otherwise changing the desks around. And maybe she needs to write a letter of apology to the teacher(s) for wasting their class time.
My SD had to learn a lot about appropriate time and place, not just about school things, but many things. I'd talk to your DD about appropriate time and place for being social.
didn't we all do this as a child? i know i did. never got caught though, but if i ever had...!
public humiliation is pretty harsh imo. if i had ever been caught, just knowing my teacher knew that i had a crush on johnny so-and-so would have been humiliating enough. in fact i remember fear of this happening a time or two when i thought i'd been seen.
i'm surprised more of us moms don't remember how it is to be young and silly. let her teacher confiscate them once or twice and i bet it stops pretty quickly. if not, send her to detention or the principal's office. of course, accompany that with disapproval and a talk, from you. but don't bust her chops too badly. it's really not that huge of a deal.
I remember once I had a "friend" that passed me a note and it was along the lines of "What would you do if you and 'John' were in bed...". I was mortified when I read it as I had never even kissed a boy at that point. And that was when the teacher caught me. A male teacher...a teacher who posted notes on the bulletin board in the class for everyone to read! He came to me with palm outstretched, I placed the note in his hand, not looking him in the eye. He read it, I heard some sort of garbled noise in his throat (I don't even know what half the note said myself). He told me in front of the class that he didn't want to catch us passing notes again and then he tore it to bits and put it in the trash. The one and only time I ever passed (or received) notes in class! Sorry...that doesn't answer your question, it just brought back that memory. Almost 30 years later and I remember it like yesterday.
AFTER READING SOME OTHER POSTS:
I Do Not believe PUBLIC humiliation is the answer.
Have her teachers put her in detention the next time it happens.
