Hi All,
One of my best friends is struggling. Her mom is very ill - lives several hours away from her. She is going there as much as possible to help her dad (she is an only child, and her parents live in a very small town without aging services, she it's just her and him). But her kids need and miss her at home. Her husband is trying to juggle everything while she runs back and forth.
I feel badly for her. I want to help, but I don't know what to do. I live about an hour from my friend, so I can't take over daily stuff for her. But there must be something I can do, right?
For those of you who were in a situation like hers (and I know there are many out there), what kind of help did you appreciate the most? I've asked my friend, but I think she's too overwhelmed to even figure out what she needs.
You could arrange to have a dinner or two delivered to her family and/or arrange for a maid service to come and clean their house on a one-time basis. Also, maybe offer to have the kids spend a weekend with you to give both her and her hubby a break.
You are a good friend!
What a great friend you are! This is an emotionally and physically draining time for your friend. I thought back to what made my life a little easier when I was in a similar situation. My suggestion is not about helping her home and children, but rather something for her. Try to think about what she might need.
It took others to think of me and realize that the travel back and forth was becoming overwhelming, leaving me completely spent by the time I got home. One friend enabled me to listen to books on tape. It made the drive doable. And I learned to love Janet Euvonvich's books! Easy, breezy to drive to. A relative send me a generous gift card for my favorite coffee shop (Starbuck's) near Mom and Dad's . I stopped there on the way back from my parents, and chose a specialty coffee and enjoyed it on the way home. I have never treated myself to those special coffees again, but I actually remember them fondly.
I think anything you can do to show that her efforts are not going unnoticed would be nice. A card in the mail, something small like a treat and a note, anything that lifts her spirits and helps her feel less alone.
Do you have children near the same age? You could offer to have her kids over for a night or the weekend to give parents a break. If they have freezer space, you could cook a few freezer meals to help her and her husband save time in cooking (you could double a few of the meals you cook this week and then pack up the extra meals, take them all in a cooler when you next can get down there).
I have been in this exact situation. Tell her what a great job she's doing. A little recognition goes a long way to keep up her energy and spirit.
Dad will also be stressed. If the children are school-aged you could offer to do the school run while she's away.
I like all the food ideas. I wish someone had done that for me!
Maybe offer to keep her kids while her hubby is running errands, or doing tedious chores to help his wife out, or just letting her sleep (you'd actually be helping both of them out ). Maybe you could use the previous idea to even make a few mini meals her father could eat while she's not there with him. Or offer to do laundry, or other household chores to assist them both. Encourage her and be there just as a listening ear ,it's great she has a good friend to support her, let her know you're there for her,(sometimes we take for granted someone close knows that already, but, often times we don't want to bother anyone with our troubles ,so, we just be quiet.,..) Wishing all of you the BEST.,. C. S.
Diane-
First of all, how very thoughtful of you, my suggestions might be repeats, but please forgive me.
A couple of categories-
FOOD-
for her, for her kids, for her spouse, for her dad, for her mom.
Say some packed lunches or a gift certificate for coffee she can use during her trip.For her kids, maybe you can do some individually wrapped brownies, cinnamon buns, etc to throw in a lunch, some monkey bread for a special dessert. For her spouse how about a sunday roast, or a ham (you know the kind of thing that takes forever to cook and no one can bother to do when they are overextended). The spouse might also appreciate some cookie mixes, some grown up sides like creamed spinach, or brussel sprouts. For her dad, maybe some salami and cheese and crackers, maybe a fruit basket. Its hard to remember to eat well when your SO is doing poorly. Mom might be able to eat something off menu when she is very ill. see what that might be.
get a maid-
groupon a housekeeping service and get a couple of three hour cleaning sessions for her home and a few for her dad's home.
get laundry service-
have the local laundromat come by with pick up and delivery.
restock her paper goods buy paper towels, napkins, plates, cuttlery, cups, tp, swiffer stuff, clorox wipes, etc.
restock her non perishables - pasta, sauce, boullion, beans, rice, canned goods.
take the kids to the movies, take the kids to the zoo, send her husband and her out bowling, take the kids to a nature walk, take the kids on a bike ride and get some ice cream. camp indoors.
You can even share your list of suggestions and ask her to choose which if any feel right for her.
Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
