How Can I Help My Child Be More Affectionate with His Grandmother?

If it were my son, he would go into a short time out if he screamed at seeing a relative. He needs a consequence to learn that behavior is not nice and unacceptable.

As for why he singles her out personally, Toni as good points. smoke, perfume, breath, cold hands, maybe she accidentally clawed him one time with a fingernail, she put him in timeout or wouldn't give him a cookie one time, who knows, it could be anything that he is holding a grudge on.

My son (same age) has gone through periods of time where he would refuse to hug family members or greet them without any obvious reason, which we just let go. If he's yelling about it, then you need to have some kind of consequence for that behavior b/c it's rude and hurtful. Don't, however, tell him to "hug nana b/c you yelled at her"- that makes affection towards her part of the punishment.

You could say to him (before she arrives), "remember that you don't have to hug someone when they come into the house, but you need to say hello in an indoor voice" and then remind your mom not to scoop him up immediately. When he says "hello", she should warmly respond with "Hello Sam. I'm so glad to see you this morning" and go about your usual visit.

It's a phase, but it's also a great opportunity to teach manners and respectful behavior!

Has she recently punished him? (And I am not insinuating she beat the poor child, any punishment at all, for example, no you cannot have that toy). If she is the "disciplinarian" out of the two grandparents, this may be his way of rebelling. As your mom if something has happened recently, in a non-judgmental way of course. Kids act silly sometimes - even choosing between parents - so I wouldn't worry too much. It should pass!

It looks to me that he loves your Mother and you a lot and that is why he behaves like that. Every time he rejects her it like telling her “I am mad you were gone for so long” or “you are here now, so I know Mommy will be gone now”. Those are the reasons if you wondered. 3 y/o is extremely egocentric, which means he is not capable of considering your mother’s feeling at all in this. He is only thinking about his problems at the moment. It is how he shows his love and attachment. Kids do scream for different relatives when they are forced to do something they do not want to do, hoping, childishly, that that other person can change the situation or rules somehow. That is why he calls for Papa even though he is not there. My almost 4 y/o sometimes not in a mood to brush his teeth and will call everyone to his rescue who is in the house and not. After we all confirm that the teeth have to be brushed – he just sobs and complies – in his mind it is so unfair. Like you noticed, luckily, they forget very fast and ready to give a visitor a new chance in a few minutes. Explain this to grandma. The little guy is too young to understand any of this on the conscious level.

Most likely it's just a phase and eventually he'll get over it. My DD went through this for a while. It was strange because we actually lived with my mom for 6 months while waiting for our new house to be built and she took care of DD quite a bit (including bedtimes) when I had to work and DD was fine. After we moved out (DD was 20 months), DD decided to be shy around my mother, did not want eye contact, and would get all freaked out if she tried too hard to approach her. My mom actually started taking it personally and at one point told me, "Well, I'm just going to make her get over it!", to which I had to tell her to lay off and let her come around on her own (DD also acted this way around ANY woman that was my mom's age - 60s and up). Which eventually she did after 5 - 6 months and she was fine.

Now DD is 3.5 yo. Unfortunately my mom passed away unexpectedly last summer but we still visit my grandmother (DD's great-grandmother) and DD still acts shy with her and won't say hello right away (she's normally very outgoing and does not act shy with anyone else). She will warm up enough that at the end of the visit that she hug and kiss her good-bye. We don't push her to do more than she is willing to do.

At this age your son may not be able to answer why he is acting this way or even know himself. Otherwise I would just give it time and not pressure him or make him feel bad about it. Ignore the screaming so he doesn't gain any attention from it and tell your mom not to worry about it. Or you could consider putting him in time-out for screaming (not at your mom per se, but just screaming in general). Eventually it will pass.

Children are funny this way. My children have also distanced themselves from my mother and she is extremely put off with this. It bothers me that she (my mother) is so offended but let me explain briefly what the situation is. My parents used to live across the street from our home. Even when they lived that close, my parents didn't visit often. Once I started having babies, the visits came a little more frequently but not by much. My parents have since sold their house and now live 5 hours away. They visit us (but stay elsewhere) but when my mom is here she spends more time at my sister's house. My sister has a baby, will be 2 in July. My kiddos are a bit older: 11, 8, 4 and I'm pregnant again. Since my parents moved away, they do not spend a lot of time at our home so when they are here and my children are distanced from her, she is offended. I tell her if she spent more quality time with them instead of just an hour here and there during the time they are visiting, my children would not feel so put off with my mom. My oldest has commented that, "Nana always spends time with Auntie G. but hardly comes over here to spend time with us. " I tell my mother this...she shrugs it off so my children have distanced themselves from her. Please don't force your child to embrace your mom. Let your mom keep trying, encourage her to not distance herself emotionally because likely it's just a phase since you say that she is very present in your son's life. My parents are not as present so I understand why my children are behaving as they do. My mom tends to distance herself even more when she's offended and children are smart people: they pick up on changes in affection, emotion, etc. If you force the issue with your son, he will likely push away even harder, which is the opposite you want to happen. Allow the relationship to blossom on its own, and it's likely that it will. Just give it time.

Just a thought. He may be trying out different kinds of behavior to see how she responds. Your son may feel safe enough with your mom to act a little crazy wtth her.

Could be perfume, smoke, breath...some odors are difficult to be around. Could this be the case?

Blessings...

Young kids often go through like/dislike spells with people close to them, even their own parents and grandparents. They're still figuring out who they are, to themselves, and in relation to other people.

You see your mom as warm and loving, and she almost certainly is. Your son may experience her as overwhelming, possessive, or any number of other impressions, and these would be physical/emotional impressions, not something he'd likely be able to describe. So his reaction may simply be a mystery, until it passes. And these things do eventually pass.

How is your mom with this behavior? If she's cool with hanging back and giving him time to come around, that might be the best you can hope for just now. As your son continues to develop his autonomous "self" over the next few months, his preferences may well change and he'll decide she's the kitten's mittens, and somebody else might look unattractive to him.

You can't talk a child or an adult into liking what they don't like, or loving someone they don't love. You probably can't do it yourself. It's simply not a mental process, or at least not until we become very advanced in our cognitive and spiritual lives.

But you could instruct your son patiently in how to greet people, including his gran. There could be an agreed verbal message ("Hello, pleased to meet you/see you.") and perhaps a handshake. She'd have to be on board with that, too, though.

My23 mo daughter does the same thing to her sweet, loving Nan that she sees every day. At times she sits with her and wants her to read, gives her goodbye kisses, but then at others (especially when first seeing her, or when she's tired or upset) she shuns her, saying, 'No Nan! No Nan!' It is very upsetting to my mother, too. But she handles it with grace.
I don't have any advice, but no, you are not alone in this. I think it's just a phase as others have said.
S.

Is your mother coming over to babysit? If so, he is not reacting to her, but to the fact that her arrival means someone else's departure.

My older son isn't screaming, but is acting indifferent towards my FIL lately. When we are not with them, I'll say, "I miss Papa, don't you miss him?" Then when we're going to see him or he is coming over, I'll day, "Yay! Papa is coming!!" I am hoping that my excitement will rub off on him. We'll see!