Holding Own Bottle and Self-feeding

My son will often prefer to feed me or the dog so I had to remove my dog from the room when my son eats. When he holds the food up in the air to show it to me, I will lightly put my finger on his lips to remind him where the food goes. This works most of the time. As far as the bottle, maybe try the Born Free bottles that have handles. Good luck!

she should not be on a bottle. if she is on table food she should be on a cup. my doctor said then take it away from them when their hungry they'll eat. say no so they learn that is not right.

Hi K.,

My son is 13 months and will not hold the bottle either. However, he only wants to self-feed, and does want us to give him anything. He wants to eat by himself but everything falls off the spoon before it gets to his mouth. He also feeds my husband and I and when he doesn't want anything he throws it on the floor. It hasn't been easy to transition to table food. I don't have an answer for the bottle but as far as the self-feeding it may just be a phase they're going through, since we're both going through a similar situation. Have you tried eating next to her (the same thing you offer her) so that she sees how you do it and hopefully tries the same? Hope that helps.

F.

Hi K.,

I have 3 daughters: 4, 2 1/2, and 6 months. The oldest and youngest were/are angel eaters. The oldest one will eat ANYTHING we give her. However, my middle daughter sounds like your daughter. When she was 1-ish, she didn't want to feed herself and was very picky on what she would eat. It is easier said than done, but I tried a little tough love and it worked!

First of all, make sure she knows how to feed herself. Put her food and bottle on her high chair. If she throws it over for the dog, put it back on her tray, but don't feed it to her. If she throws it over 3 times, don't pick it up for her on the 4th time. Let the dog eat it and don't offer her new food again for at least another hour. (Natural consequence) Repeat :) I guarantee that she won't go more than half a day without eating! Good luck.

Can you banish the dog from the room during meal time? She may like the idea of being able to feed him and it could be a big game for her. Our dog isn't allowed in the kitchen when we're eating. (Cuts down on the whole begging thing too.) If there is food on the floor, it gets put in the trash. If there is food leftover on my son's plate, it goes in the dog's dish once the baby is out of the room and he has to wait to be called into the kitchen. This way the baby doesn't associate food on the floor with feeding "dog dog."

We never really had the problem with throwing food but my son has tested his boundries by flipping the edge of his plate with his hand to make the food fall off the other end. We resolved that quickly by removing his plate. Of course he wasn't done eating and was mad that his plate was moved out of his reach, but when we put it back, he knew we meant business and that was not acceptable behavior.

Same with the sippy cup. If he dropped it, we'd pick it up and give it back. If he did it on purpose -- you know that look they give you as they "drop" it off the side of the table? We'd pick it up, put it back on the table, but out of his reach. He got mad, but it too sent the message that this was not acceptable. We'd give it back with a "we don't throw our cup on the floor" message. He got it pretty quick.

Maybe try transitioning to a sippy cup and make a big deal out of being a "big girl." Get some fun new brightly colored cups or let her pick some out might help. My son's doc recommended being off the bottle by 12 months so it might be a good time to transition in and see if that helps with the tossing. Also, does she have a fork, spoon and plate? Can you remove her tray and pull her up to the table? Babies like the social activy of eating with people and giving her proper utensils will encourage that and may eliminate the battle. Good luck!

I had a neighbor who would never LET her children hold their bottles. (She had 8 kids). Her reasoning was that it was easier to take it away; they never got attached to it.

I myself just returned from the dentist's office where my 4 1/2 year old had her front tooth pulled today. Even with many many trips to the dentist (capping, bonding) the front teeth could not be saved. She also has several cavities. She had her bottle until she was almost 2. The dentist said that while some children are more prone to cavities, more then likely the bottle did most of the damage & weakened the teeth. The dental trips & agony of her being papoosed to a board (with gas & novicane) has been difficult on her - as well as me. It is hard to watch your kid being worked on. With my second daughter who is 8 months, she is nursed and is already starting to drink out of a normal cup. (No sippy cup) No juice boxes or anything with a straw. I hold it & yes, it might get messy, but believe me, the visits to the dentist are just not worth it. Every so often, convenience will take effect and I'm sure we'll resort to some of the "easier solutions", but for the most part... I'm sticking to the directions from the dentist!

i would mention it at the one year physical. these little things sometimes are nothing but sometimws early intervention needs to get brought in.

Hi K.!

As I am sure you know, by now your child should be weaning off the bottle and using a sippy cup. Now is probably a good time to begin this. As an Early Educator and Center Director, I have come across this many times. I will tell you what my pediatrician told me, "your child will eat when they are hungry", just be patient and your child will become proficient in the art of feeding him/herself. Good Luck!

You are not alone. My almost 2 year old didn't hold a bottle ever on his own. He wouldn't even hold his own sippy cup until 16 months old. I was holding it for him becuase he refused. But then just one day, it clicked and he hasn't stopped since!

Does she imitate you? I would get myself some food and eat it beside her with my hands. I would also give her the bottle and then get one myself and show her how I hold it and drink it. My little one initially preferred to have me hold the bottle but once I just left it to her, she got the hang of it. Now she wants to feed herself even though her spoon skills leave a lot to be desired. we nanny share with a child who is one year older than she is and she copies EVERYTHING that the other little girl does. I am hoping that the other little girl can potty train her too :)

At 14 months, my son still won't hold his own bottle! Like Elizabeth, at 12 months, I stopped giving him bottles except at night. Once he got the hang of the sippy cup with my help, I just refused to hold the cup for him. If he wanted to drink, he had no choice but to hold it himself. (I originally tried this approach with his bottle, and he freaked me out by just not drinking milk!)Also like Elizabeth, I'm just enjoying the time I get to spend with him when I do hold his bottle. It won't last much longer!

As for the self-feeding, my son still isn't very adept. In fact, he didn't start finger-feeding until almost 13 months. Now, he's interested in utensils, but only as toys!

I spoke to an occupational therapist I know, and she said that he is just taking things at his own pace. So I wouldn't worry too much about it yet!

Good luck!

This completely resonates with me as well I think its normal developmentally.

My daughter is perfectly capable of holding a bottle. She is 15 months and still won't do it. She will literally push the bottle into my hand. What I've realized is that she likes the cozy cuddle time of our early morning and evening bottles that she doesn't want to be bothered with holding it. Her sippys during the day, she is fine with, just not the evening bottle. Just keep offerring and encouraging. And if she doesn't want to hold it. Just hold it for her.

Food- I think every child throws food on the floor, and many try to feed the parents. At least mine did.

I think the key to both is repetition. We would always vocalize things in a positive way reinforcing what is supposed to happen. E.g. Food is for eating, food is for your mouth. When you are finished keep it on your tray. It is easier for us to clean up. Don't you like a clean house. Although this sounds foreign as it is easier to say "no" all the time, the fact is kids will eventually tune out no, and they don't necessarily understand what the expectation is unless it is explained to them. This did take several weeks of consistency in the message, but now she only once in a while throws things on the floor. (It is generally because she doesn't like what is offered) Your little girl is still little. Be patient. She will learn. But in the mean time, your dog may be well-fed a bit longer.

In both of these cases, I think your child is still OK developmentally. Keep encouraging her and keep repeating and one day, all too soon, she will want to be so independant that you're going to wish for the days that you were able to do it for her. Toddler days are right around the corner with "me do, me do". Enjoy these precious moments of dependance while you have them! :) (says the mom whose 15 month old is insistent upon walking herself... no more stroller no more carrying... and she still wants me to hold her bottle at night.) :)

Hi There
A friend of mine just bought me the best book about feeding children, it's called "Child of Mine" by Ellyn Satter
http://www.amazon.com/Child-Mine-Feeding-Love-Sense/dp/09...

I can't say enough about it, talks about all the stages of feeding, how to feed, what to feed, how to get your child to eat...
good luck
D.

Will she take a sippy cup? Mine started using a sippy cup from time to time...they never even really used a bottle.

And if not, then put the bottle beside her and refuse to hold it. She will get the idea. Just don't do it. No matter how much she cries or pitches a fit. Put her in her crib if she screams and tell her that she's not allowed to do that. If she wants a bottle then she will have to hold it herself and she is not allowed to scream and yell at mommy. Period. She will come around and she won't starve in the process.

Same thing with the throwing of food. Just don't allow it. If she does it, tell her that she will get a spanking on her hand if she does...when she does...pop her hand. Don't allow it. She will catch on.

She's only doing what you allow her to do. You are the big one. Don't let her tell you what to do. I know it is hard to listen to them cry, but that's what kids do when they are learning something they don't want to learn. They won't be happy all the time. But if you don't put your foot down and make her do what you tell her, then you will not like your daughter very much when she gets bigger.

Good luck!!

My son also refused to hold his own bottle. He ate with his hands at his ears. UGH! The day he turned one, I started putting his milk in a Born Free sippy cup with handles. I then put it down on his high chair tray to let him know it was up to him now. He then picked up the cup and brought it to is mouth and drank. I did a similar thing with self feeding. When I was out of jarred food, I just started cutting up table food and putting on his tray. He's been feeding himself ever since. He's now 14 months old. Good Luck!

Hi K.-
I went through the exact same thing with my daughter. She is now 14 months old and feeds herself like a pro, so don't worry. I actually had to train my dog to sit on the other side of the room while she ate b/c she got such a kick out of throwing the food and watching my dog eat it. At the same age, I started to offer the sippy cup more and now she drinks from it except for her bottle before bed. My girl still refuses to hold the bottle herself. I figure she's only going to be a baby for so long, so why not enjoy our bedtime time together. My mom told me that I too, never held my own bottle. Like mother, like daughter. :o)

Why don't you let her win this one, at least for the time being. She's sending you a message. Did you know that the Chinese people feed their children until age 5? That goes to show that this feeding themselves thing is very much a part of our individualized, independent, pull yourself up by your bootstraps American culture. Your daughter likes the co-operative approach and likes feeling taken care of. She will show this tendency with dressing herself and in many ways. So the question is how you and she can meet halfway on these issues. Indeed it is frustrating to have to sit and hold her when she takes her bottle when you know you could be doing so many other things. How important are they in the long run, she will outgrow this, enjoy this time together. Treat her like the little baby she wants to remain, she will grow up and learn all these things eventually, possibly when she is two and wants to "do it myself". Be prepared for her to want to be picked up a lot when she is 3, little girls especially ask for this. There will have to be some resignation on your part and keep your eyes open for her signs of wanting to do things herself.