"Holding Back" a Little Boy with a Late Birthday

My opinion is if you hold a child back, they will be ahead of their class, vs. always struggling to keep up and being challenged. If he's too far ahead, you could get him into higher educated classes.

My youngest son's birthday is 6-9-96 and I never once thought of holding him back. I think it really depends on if they are ready or not. He was sooo ready for school.

May does not seem like a "late" birthday to me. I have a daughter who will be 3 on 6/19 and I never thought once of holding her back in school b/c of her age. I think you will see that there are many kids born in the spring and early summer. Good luck!

Great choice to wait so he is the oldest. My sister was the first one to tell me to use the language, "wait" versus "holding back" because the latter sounds like they did something wrong.

Our oldest son was a late June baby & our second was a mid July birthday. We started them in a 3 year old preschool, did the 4 year old the next year and then found a 5 day program in a different school for the "pre-k" year. It has been the best thing for them. We didn't do this because they weren't "ready" for kindergarten, but because when they are in 6th, 7th, 8th grade, and on, it's hard to be the youngest and often the smallest boy in the class. Also, we talked to many teachers who said, "if parents have any regrets about sending or not sending, they only regret sending, and never regret waiting." Both our boys are reading & doing math at accelerated levels but we challenge them at home and do extra activities to keep them growing. Also, their teachers are giving them additional challenges at school to keep them challenged.

One Mom who waited the extra year said, "Even though my son is totally ready for kindergarten, I want my son to be confident, self assured & ready for social situations when he is older." This is how we feel too. They were both more than ready for kindergarten, but we would rather have them a bit older when they jump into high school and then go off to college.

Good luck with everything. I think you are making a great choice for them.

My oldest has a July 17th birthday. We debated and struggled with the waiting a year issue. We sent him to preschool when he was 4 and planned on waiting to talk with his preschool teacher on whether to wait or not. He had some he hearing related speach issues and it was recommended that we wait. Best decision we made. He is now in a YBK (year before kindergarten) class this year and is doing so well.

It was a little tough at first when his other friends were in kindergarten, but he wasn't. It helped that there are 4 other boys in his class now that are in the same boat. Plus I just explained to him that some kids go to kindergarten when they are 5 and some when they are 6 depending on when there birthday is. He's fine with it now and loves his teachers and his class. We couldn't be more pleased with our decision.

You should put him in preschool and let the teacher help advise you on whether to wait a year or send him through. You know your own child too, he may be more than ready to go to kindergarten. BTW: If you want to get him in a preschool for next fall you better get going. Most places will be full already.

Hope this helps. It is a big decision and can be very stressful, but it will be fine.

L.,
My son's birthday is in June. I sent him on time. The school at two years old said he was ready for kindergarten at two, so therefore, I couldn't deprive him of a late start. Yes, he is younger than his peers, however, he turns the next age right after school is out. He is now in 7th grade and doing GREAT!!

My suggestion would be to send him to preschool this fall, at the very least to get used to the routine and social setting of school. Once there, his teachers should be able to help you decide what he will be right for the following year. My guess is that it will Kindergarten, given his age. Check with your district to see if they require a pre-K screening (Anoka Hennepin does). Your son is right about at the age they would want to see him. It's free, and designed to catch any physical or cognitive issues that can be addressed before your son starts school. The sooner they can start addressing any potential issues, the faster he will catch up. My guess is that your son will do just fine; kids tend to get into the groove with their peers quickly, and age alone doesn't seem to me to be a good reason to hold him back. Good luck.

We held our son back so that he was the oldest in his class. It was great. We wished then that we would have held our daughter back also, she was older. He did very well in school, scholastically and socially. I recommend it highly. He didn't go to preschool. In your case it seems pre school would be good for YOU! I didn't like the idea of pre school. 13 years of school is enough, why drag it on another couple of years? Except some moms may need it more than the kids!! As far as children learning anything in pre school, about the only thing I've noticed they learn well from being around other kids is how to be sassy, how to spit, belch, fart, 4 letter words, etc. All the good and nice things they learn very easily at home with almost no effort. Children are way smarter than we give them credit for, and eager to learn more than we even imagine. Every moment of a child's curiosity is a teaching moment and a learning moment.

My feelings are the same as most of the other responders. Just start him in the 4 year old preschool and see how he does. He's months away from the cutoff in terms of age. My son was born 6/21 and I've fielded the "will you hold him back?" questions quite a few times. Honestly, I've never even given it a second thought. Some kids will be the oldest. Some kids will be the youngest. My son will be one of the younger ones, but that's fine. They can't all be the same age, right? :)

My son turned 4 this past October and will be in preschool this fall (Sept 2008). He will turn 5 in October and it depends which preschool you go to. Some are ages 3-5 and some have 3-4yr olds and some 5yr old classes. Check with the preschool you want to go to. We didn't put him in one this year, as I don't see a need for 2 yrs of preschool. For us we are sending him more for interaction with other children since he stays at home with me.

Since you wouldn't be putting him in preschool until Sept 2008, I would assume he would be with the kids that are 4 & 5. He would than start Kindergarten in Sept 2009 when he is 5 1/2.

Hope this helps, I was a little confused with your question, but answered to what I though you were asking.

Hi L.--
I taught a multiage 3-5 preschool class for 5 years and have a three year old son too. My thoughts are that you should send your son to 4K this fall. It sounds like he's ready and the key is that he will really enjoy it! At this age, they are really developing socially, and it's important to learn social skills through play with peers. Do you remember preschool? It was awesome! Your son will love it.
Next summer, see where he's at and make your decision then about enrolling him normally in the fall. He may very well be ready. I'd love to put my son in 4K this fall, but his birthday is too late, in December. Good luck, it sounds like you've got your hands full!:)

Hi L.:

You should enroll him in preschool....he will LOVE it! Being home with you is a great advantage emotionally for him, but he needs a learning and social environment to keep up with all the other children his age that are at daycare. You could teach him yourself, but he still needs the social part of learning.
I always placed my children in a Christian preschool, they seem to be smaller and more one on one.

Good luck with your decision.

~K.

My son turned 5 on June 6th of last year. He attended preschool last year, and this year he is in Kindergarten. Holding him back so he'll be the oldest is no good reason. If he is ready, let him go to school! My son will be one of the youngest in his grade, but he was ready for school and I had no reason to hold him back.

I'd send him to preschool this year, then next year send him to Kindergarten.

L.,
Thanks for the laugh about the bathroom floor. I hear you on that one.

My two oldest boys have June and May bdays. They both have struggled with school. However, everyone said they were ready to go. My third son has an Oct bday and thus went to school at a late 5 and turned 6 in Oct. He is thriving in school however, his outlook on education is jump in feet first as my two older boys would prefer to draw.

I think it depends on your family and what you think is best. If your son isn't ready simple don't send him. My two older boys are small for their ages especailly my oldest but, he was a premiee and who know how big he will be someday.

Whatever you and your husband decide is fine. I am struggling about my oldest girl and if I should send her or not this coming school year. She will be 5 in June. She has attended preschool since she was 3. She is more willing to do things this year than in the past.

I wish you the best in your decision process. Know that whatever you decide for your family is just fine.

Have a great weekend!!

A.

I'm confused with your question. Are you talking about preschool or kindergarten? What's 3k and 4k?

If your deciding on preschool it's not a big deal to go 2 or even 3 years of preschool.

If your talking about kindergarten and want to send him later at like age6 go for it.My pediatrician says they do alot better when they're older verses younger.

My daughter's birthday is 8/29 so she is the youngest and I totally regret sending her at age5. She's had alot of emotional problems, upset she is now in first grade and hasn't lost any teeth yet stuff like that. Everyone in her class is 7 or just about 7 now and she isn't even 6.5 yet. YES my daughter is smart, she's in the gifted program and a advanced reader but she was pushed to much at age5 and stressed out to much. I should have just put her in a aggresssive preschool at age5 and started kindergarten at age6.

The schools tried to convince me to hold back both my son (May) and my youngest daughter (July). We did not acquiesce, but that was because we felt that both were ready - emotionally and physically - for school. Our middle daughter was not ready mentally and so we held her back, even though that meant she was nearly a full year older than her peers.

You know your child and you know whether he is ready. Do what you believe is best for your child. If you think he's ready, let him attend and see how he does. If he wasn't you can always have him repeat.

I would be careful of starting him in a program that's beneath his abilities. It could cause him to become bored with school in general and in the long run that attitude is very hard to change. But that's just me.

L.

okay... I belly-ached over this same decision with our oldest son. His B-day is Aug. 29th.
He was smart and was totally ready academically, so it was a hard decision for me to 'wait to send him' to kindergarten.
However, my husband and i talked to anyone and everyone we could to get their opinions... including keeping in touch with his pre-school teachers. EVERYONE we talked to suggested 'waiting'.
SOme reasons: he would always have an advantage in the youger years, size matters with boys (don't worry about that now though! he could be 6' 5" by 5th grade - you never know), they never saw issues with kids while young it was the middle school years that became more difficult for some of the kids that didn't 'wait' a year for kindergarten; an extra year of maturity can only be helpful, and many others...
If your son is ready for 'school' by all means send him to pre-school. He will love it and have a blast making friends. It's not only good for them academically but socially as well. And you will have a blast watching him excel and you'll have a chance to meet other parents with children the same age too.
See how pre-school goes first, keep talking with his teachers and make your decision then.
We have been very happy we waited to send our oldest to kindergarten so far (he's now excelling in 2nd grade).
also, the christian pre-k we went to offers a class for 5's... which was awesome for our son- all the kids in that class were children with later bdays and that weren't attending kindergarten yet. And the teachers were phenominal!
anywho... good luck to you, it is a tough parental decision to make - I know all kinds of thoughts are going through your head right now; "will we make the right decision?" etc... but, you are the only one that knows what will be best for your son. You know him best.
he'll be fine no matter what you decide as long as you're there to guide him all the way.
PS... I have 3 sons and NO your bathroom floor will NEVER be the same!!!

I am in the same dilemma right now. My son turns 5 in June and emotionally he is ready. I think he would be bored if I held him back one more year. He has had 2 years of preschool. I do worry about when he is the youngest in his class in high school or the last one to get his driver's license. However, I dont know that I necessarily want him to be the first one in his class with a driver's license driving others around. It's a tough choice.

I teach kindergarten and also have a son with a May birthday. I plan to send my little guy when he is five. (He is only 2.5 now) This year, over half of my K class was born April-August...at this point in the school year, I only have 5 six year olds. The "younger ones" aren't behind socially or academically. Age is only a factor with my two very youngest students who have never been to school and also don't speak English as their first language. There is a boy who started K at six years old in the other class (I have had a few as well) -- sometimes they are academically at the K level but socially beyond which makes it tough for them to make and maintain friendships. That being said, parents know their children best -- my daughter turns five in mid-June and she is very small for her age - and will probably always be the smallest in her class but she is so ready to start kindergarten...so she is starting in the fall. We all want the best for our kids - to help them out any way we can. Sending him to preschool, reading lots and lots of books, taking him places, playing games with him, letting him help you cook, etc. are great ways to make sure he is well rounded and prepared for school. As far as pre school goes, I would definetely send him with kids that are his age...there is a big difference between the 3 year old class and the 4 year old class at my kids' school. Good luck!

Enroll him in the age appropriate class, I was the youngest in my class & at the head of it! He may be the same way & then you will regret "holding him back". My b-day was literally days within the cutoff date so I was younger than he will be. My problem with my kids is just the opposite of yours they will be the oldest ones in their classes because of their b-days. I am concerned about this with my daughter because she is already ahead of her peers in most ways, my son on the other hand is about average so I think it will work out well.
Brekka

Just keep him home! I used to teach elem school and no kid should have to struggle being young and small. Early preK is fine - we put our first child in it, but skipped it with the others because home is the best place to nurture them anyway. Keep him close as long as you can!

I'm a mom of seven who started out doing the preK-public school thing, then moved to homeschooling, which has been much more rewarding. P.S. Your bathroom floor will only be clean again if you teach the kids to scrub it daily or hire a maid. At home moms don't have time for that sort of thing - we're too busy doing the real stuff - loving our kids!

As a teacher myself, I would not hold him back just because you want him to be the "oldest in his class". If he were immature for his age...etc., then I would consider it. With a b-day in May, he will not be the youngest. Surprisingly, there are kids who come to school just days after turning 5. If his b-day were in late July or Aug. I would consider this a good choice, but a May b-day will not make him the youngest.

I think one other mom advised you to enroll him in preschool and consult with his preschool teacher when it is time to make the decision. I think that this is the best advice! Have him attend preschool and see what kind of progess he makes and communicate with his teacher ofen. Good luck!

I wouldn't hold your son back due to age alone. If he's ready to go to school, let him go. I started Kindergarten (not preschool) at age 4 because of the state I lived in. When my family moved to MN, the cut-off for Kindergarten was age 5 so growing up, I was always an entire year younger than everyone in my class. I grew up being proud that I was "smarter than people my own age". In highschool I skipped my Sr. year and headed to college, thus making me barely 16 and a Freshman in college. I was a bit young and immature, but excelled at my classes and wouldn't change it for a thing! The one (and only) disadvantage to being the youngest...I had to wait an entire year after my friends to get my driver's license!

My oldest daughter will be 6 in May and my oldest son will be 5 in Aug. They are both in their age appropriate classes and will stay there unless there is a real need to repeat something. Please don't keep him back just because he "might" be too young. He might surprise you. My 4 year old has. He'll be one of the youngest in his class and I'll bet he'll be the smartest right off the bat. He already knows just about everything his older sister does because we work on it at home and learns right along with her.
Looks like you're a busy Mama just like me :o) We're in the process of adopting out 5th. She's a special needs child from Texas and we're hoping to get her up here soon. We also have a 4 year old special needs daughter and a 2 year old.
Best Wishes,
J.

I had the same situation when my oldest DS was old enough to start preschool (his bday is 7/7) I ended up putting him in 3s preschool b.c well, everyone elses kid was going:) From the start I noticed he just wasn't ready to be in that environment yet even started to wonder if he was ADHD b.c of how little he would pay attention etc. I talked to a lot of moms with at least a few kids, especially boys and the feedback I got was" Take him out, he's obviously not ready." Which hesitation I did so at CHristmas (for some reason I felt like there was something wrong with him and I was not a good mother by not just MAKING him behave at school) It ended up being the best decision I ever made. That extra year at home was all he needed to get him to an age of maturity where he wanted to be at and liked school. I think if I had left him in it would have causes a lot of frustration for him and perhaps he would have ended up hating school b.c of it, I don't know. ANyways I was so glad I did it, it also gave me just a little more time for him to be my "baby" for a little while longer. I ended yp putting him 4 yr preschool and he loved, was so ready for it and did really well. So he is still one of the younger kids in his class but b.c of the extra time at home he was so ready when the time came.
There is no harm in trying it if you really want. See how the first couple of months go and go from there, take him out for more time at home if he needs it. The preschool you choose should be willing to work with you on this and give you honest feedback. Unfortunately I did not have that....his 3s teacher was adamant that I leave despite the fact he was obviously not ready so I had conflicting advice which is why it took until Christmas for me to come to a decision.
I have also decided with my younger 3 to not do the first year of preschool (I can somewhat relate to your household; 3 yr old boy, twin 2 yr old girls) Even tho they are older birthdays (early Oct...mid Nov) I think two years of preschool altho fine is not as necessary as we all think. Preschool is more about social interaction and learning to be in a school environment than abcs and 123's. And since I have my own little preschool (much the same as you) there are plenty of chances in a day for social interactions...too many for my sanity in most days:) Plus with 3 in tow just the logistics of getting to school 2-3x per week during the winter is less advantageous than just doing some preschool type stuff at home, IMO.
ANyways just wanted to share my experience and also say in closing, no matter what advice you get, only you know your son and what he truly needs, you kind of have to go with your gut. As well nothing is set in stone, you can always change your decision after a couple of months if he either a) is in school and doesn't seem to be ready or b) if you keep him home and by Christmas you really think he would benefit greatly by a preschool environment. Ask a lot of different people and getting different feedback is really goos start tho.

I have a 16 year old who we "held back". His birthday is the end of July. He was academically ready, but I was concerned about him socially. He had two years of pre-school and both were great for him (two different programs). I haven't read through all of the responses yet, but will tell you from my experience, most of the held back kids are July or August birthdays only, with a few June. Also, beware of age cutoffs for sports - you may end up with a kid who has to play at a certain age level due to birthdate, while all of his classmates will be at the younger level. You can sometimes move a kid UP a level, but never down. Go for the preschool now - it will give you a good gauge on how he fits in with his age group (keep him at the right age group) and a chance to talk to his preschool teachers to see if they think he's ready for kindergarten or should do another year of preschool. Don't worry about him being bored in kindergarten if he goes to two years of preschool.

Both of my children have end of the school year birthdays. The older one went to preschool then Kindergarten, we had some being a "young 5" issues but he worked through them. If your child is academically and socially ready I don't think there is any reason to hold them back. We were told by the guidance counselor that there is a big difference in maturity in age differnces of just 6 months. However, if the child has a strongly supportive home environment these are able to be conquered. We persevered and have had no problems of this nature whatsoever in First Grade. I think the child benefits by staying with their own age group, children don't like change but they are socially adaptable with good parenting support.

L. - my 5 yr old turns 6 Aug 29 -- this year has been his second in 4prek. When he turned 4 - he started at his school in preschool, was mentally completely ready for K - but emotionally not. He still had a hard time following directions, basic ones, or not acting out...yet he could write his entire alphabet and count to 100 before he was 5.
Because he goes to a small school - we talked with the teacher. She also suggested he stay in 4prk. So we did....now move forward to fall of his second year....he is WAY more advanced then the other 4 year olds who can't even hold a scissors yet. She focuses differently with him at times...instead of dot to dot - she gives him a project of drawing out the picture - or instead of practicing your name the teacher has him work on site words.
All this to say - him being the oldest isn't bad he gets along with everyone wonderfully, yes he is more advanced mentally which never hurt anyone - and now has "follow through" with direction and listening. We kept him in the same school b/c of how much he likes his Teacher.
Boys can be completely different then girls in this area - and my husband and I decided to hold him back now, when he is young enough that all his friends are new a lot, then when he gets into 2 or 3 grade and his Best Freinds are moved on.
Hope this helps -- it worked for us!

Both my kids have birthdays in July. My daughter we sent to K right after preschool because she was very ready. Her preschool teachers told us holding her back because of social would not be good for her. She would get bored. We had a few problems with immaturity last year (1st grade) but she has now kept up with the other kids. My son on the other hand is in preschool right now. We are planning on putting him in Pre-K next year. He's just not where our daughter was at this time. We decided to wait and see how he does and now we have made our decision. You just need to go by the kids. And putting him in preschool should be good for him. You can even send him again next year if you don't think he's ready to go on. Hope all goes well.