Helping 4 Year Old with Reading

I taught kindergarten, 3rd grade and 4th grade. If it is a horrible mistake that will completely make absolutely no sense to her then I would correct her, but if it is not a horrible mistake then I would let it go for now. She will get it.

as a former teacher and elementary assistant principal, i would relax a bit. reading should be fun and be something she WANTS to do. often, if kids don't feel instant success, they'll retreat from challenging things. that could be the case with your daughter. that being said, you don't have to stop working with her! :) try to make everything really fun - like a game or activity based on letters or words or letter sounds. it's like sneaking veggies into her food! she'll be interacting with words and text, but more focused on the fun! i'm not sure if she's beginning reading skills or actually reading books, but here are some fun and maybe easy tasks she can do to build up her confidence again and have some fun with letters/words!

-magnetic letters on a cookie sheet
-bingo (match pictures to beginning sound, etc.)
-make an ABC book (each letter gets a page, and she can draw things that start with that letter, or can find stickers from a box of stickers that begin with that letter, etc.)
-put shaving cream (barbasol is the best) on the table and she can write letters or words into the shaving cream (plus it really cleans and disinfects your table top!)
-a letter hunt (have her go around the house and find objects that start with a certain letter)
-a word hunt (write words on slips of paper and tape them around the house) she has to find the word that you say
-have her write out the word for things around your home to label them (just write them on note cards and tape them to the refrigerator, cabinet, chair, door, bathroom, etc.)
-silly stories (change up stories she knows to make them silly... this will pull her back in)
-take her to story time at the library on weekends (not the same as school, but still centered on books)
-have her read books to her sister (good night books, etc.)

there are a few ideas. and don't worry... she'll get there. it's like potty training... when they are ready and decide they want to do it, they do!

in my experience, the biggest motivation for learning is fun. if they are having fun and are really not intimidated or pressured, they will do wonders! make it fun!

good luck and happy reading!

You know, it's funny but some kids don't seem to want to have their parents teach them academically. I don't know if it's because they feel they are being 'corrected' or what. I had considered homeschooling my kids at one point, but one thing I couldn't get passed was that my son seemed to want to argue with me frequently. It wasn't constant, but at times he would get an idea in his head, and I could not convince him otherwise. Another adult could, but not me! He seemed to really dislike it whenever I would need to explain a concept again that he wasn't getting, too. I never did figure out what this was about. Anyway, we ended up not homeschooling. But even now, as a sophomore in high school, he will occasionally need help with his math homework. When my husband helps him, they occasionally end up arguing because my son just doesn't think my husband knows what he is talking about (only to find out the next day that he does!). Sometimes he just gets irritated with us if we casually make a suggestion about his schoolwork. I think in his case it is at least sometimes pride- he wants to get things without our help. Even if a teacher at school helps him, he seems to feel he's doing it on his own since it's not coming from us. I really do think he feels he's being criticized too, even though we try to be positive and constructive. Again, I just think this is how some kids are. We don't have these issues with either of our daughters. I don't know if this really helps, but at least know you're not alone! Good luck!

my son acted similarly. his preschool teacher said sometimes kids just need to be taught by someone else. her own kids refused to be taught piano by her but did fine with another teacher. after about 6 months of preschool my son finally let me help him review his letters with him.

my son acts like that sometimes too. he has a hard time when he can't do something perfect. he likes to practice by himself until he can do it really well, then he's more than happy to show it off. we've butted heads many times, and i've learned that most of the time if i just let him take the lead it works much better. with reading that can be hard, but just try to sit with her and listen to her read, maybe after she reads a few words you can repeat them to her. that way if she did make a mistake, she;ll hearit when you read and she won't feel like you're correcting her. she probably isn't mad that you want to help her, just getting embarrassed that she isn't getting it right.

My method for teaching reading my sons (when they were 5) was "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons." They were easy and my 6 yo is reading a year above his level and my 8 yo is reading 3 years above his level. Good Luck.

I'm honestly surprised that a class of 4 year olds is doing a reading project. Most kids aren't read yet to read. Before she is able to read, she needs to understand a few things. Words are made up of sounds. Those sounds are represented by letters. She needs to be able to hear the sounds in a word, break a word down into its sounds (start with identifying the beginning sound), and put sounds together into words. All this should be vocal, with no letter symbols associated with it. She should also be learning her letters, both uppercase and lowercase, and staarting on their sounds. She should be listening to adults read stories and talking about the stories and learning to put events in order and talk about who was in the story.

If she's getting frustrated, she's not ready for it yet. My daughter was exactly like that - she wanted to do it all herself, without help, and would get angry with help. I had to just back off and let her do her thing, and then work on the reading readiness skills through games and things when she didn't know I was "teaching" her. She's now 10, in 4th grade, and reading on a 6th grade level. So don't worry if your daughter isn't quite ready yet, and definitely don't push her, or you could push her right away from a love of reading (independent kids will sometimes do the opposite of what you tell them, even if they wanted it before, just to be independent).

I taught kindergarten for 3 years, and before that I was a college tutor too. There is actually a HUGE difference in how the two ages learn, and in how you teach. You can't really use logic with little kids - they aren't wired for it yet. You have to do most of your teaching through fun games and stuff, and you have to involve several senses and several centers of learning (pair auditory and visual with kinesthetic and you'll do much better.) Most of all, they have a much lower tolerance for frustration. As soon as you see her starting to get frustrated, suggest she take a break. And if you're helping her and she wants to do it on her own, take a step back and let her know she can ask you for help if she wants it. Even a few minutes away from the frustrating activity can let her come back to it ready to go again. (OK, so adults are like that too <grin>).

I must ditto that she isn't ready. Pushing reading on a child that isn't ready is very detrimental. It can ruin reading for her for life by giving it a negative association. She is only four she doesn't need to be reading yet. She has plenty of time. Just encourage her and if her preschool is stressing her because she can't pick up on the reading then maybe it's time to switch preschools.

I didn't read all of your responses, but I was just reading an article today on how to encourage reading in young children- let them figure it out! The more you "help" her, the more you send the message that you're not sure that she can do it on her own. It's like being micromanaged by a superior at work- not a very open and progressive environment. So what if it takes her a while and she gets discouraged, she will feel truly successful and confident when she finally does figure it out for herself. Stop being a teacher and be a cheerleader!

E., I feel your pain. Try looking at the Scholastic Book Club. They offer tons of reading materials for the "beginner." I've especially enjoyed the Phonic book set about Biscut, the dog. There are many more. Also, visit starfall.com. It's a terrific website. My 5 year old daughter loves this sight. Here is another one to try http://www.milforded.org/schools/jfk/craig/sightwords/.

I've also used the Leap Frog Letter Factory and Word Factory DVDs. Theses can be found at Target for about $10 each. My daughter watches these over and over. Now my 21 month old little guy is also watching them with her and he is starting to talk a little more.

Also, visit www.hubbardscupboard.org. They have printable books. It prints basically two copies. What I have found that works, I set my daughter down with one copy and I take another copy and I walk away within earshot and let her read the story out loud, like she's reading to me. I have my copy in case she gets stuck. It works. I have tons of advise. As reading has been our biggest issue so far.

It's exciting times and frustrating times. Hope this help.s
S.

I think it may have something to do with being a parent in your 30's I'm in the same boat. The kids come out a little more advanced. I have a almost 3 year old that is very advanced and doesn't want my help for anything and I'm 34 as well. They have old souls because I'm also an educator and I try to work with her and she's learning but she doesn't really want to do it on my time but on hers. Good Luck and wish me the same because I also have a 7 month old son.

It sounds to me like her preschool is too academic for her. Pushing a 4 year old to learn to read if they do have have a desire to do so is just going to turn her off against reading. She just needs to be read TO for awhile, don't try to get her to read sight words or sound out words, it is not going to do her any good if she learns to hate reading. Pre-reading skills like rhyming and letter recognitions should be presented in a way that is FUN, not work. You may want to consider putting her in a different preschool, good luck!

I have found Bob Books and "The Read-Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease very useful for helping my kids with reading. Bob books are simple and phonetic but have cute and funny stories--my son was thrilled to read them all by himself (they are only about 10 pages long and come in several boxed sets).
At this stage, it's most important to keep it fun and let her vocabulary grow as she listens to you reading to her, and starts to increase her print awareness. We've also really enjoyed books and CDs so my kids could turn the pages--I didn't worry if they were always on the "right" page when they were doing it by themselves. It really is good enough that they're showing an interest and reading is perceived as fun and interesting.
Finally, have you read "Punished by Rewards" or anything else by Alfie Kohn? As a college teacher you might find his research interesting. Personally, I think he's a genius. . . he talks about how it's more important to validate effort than outcome, because reinforcing indisputable truths such as "you really worked hard on that project!" or "I can see you're enjoying that book," or "that was tricky, but you figured it out," is more effective at encouraging children (and adults) to keep trying and achieving more than general, product-oriented praise such as, "you are so smart," or "this is excellent work." It's fascinating. I also love "How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk." It's not reading-speciific, but it helps prevent and diffuse defensive reactions.
I worked as a reading and writing tutor for college students when I was in college and it's very important to me that my children read well and love it, but I have learned that the love can only come naturally when reading time is laid-back and positive. Otherwise, it's just one more chore.
Best of luck!

Learning phonics, then reading, is like learning to ride a book or poop in the potty. It's a process. The child needs to be both physically and mentally ready, and will really stress out if she's not ready.

She's a little stressed. On the bright side, at her age, she doesn't have to do this. My kids started reading at ages three, four and five (I taught them). My genius nephew started at six, and he's a notch above all my kids. So you're cool. Try not to bring it up with her for at least several months, so that she can relax about it.

It sounds like you may be pressuring her a little to be doing something she is not ready for. Let it go. Kids will emulate their parents, so if you are highly educated she will follow your lead so don't worry! And have you heard of love and logic, it is a parenting philosophy, there are books, workshops etc. It helps!

As others have suggested, she probably feels stressed about it and maybe feels that you are hovering and correcting her.

"I think I am being patient and
using a gentle voice when I work
with her but I don't know what
else to do."

You could try asking her why she is getting upset with you. She might tell you.

You can also speak with her kindergarten teacher and see what the teacher thinks of the situation. She may have a different approach that works for your daughter.

And that just might be that she's not your daughter's mom. ;)

Otherwise, I would just leave her be, and let her do her projects without your input. Encourage her by telling her that she is *already* a great reader, and let her know that you are there if she needs your help to get even better.

Good luck!

My mother taught primary grades for many years and she's always said that if you read to kids, they'll learn to enjoy reading and books. Your daughter sounds perfectly normal. I'd let her take the initiative and then she'll be excited about reading. Besides, they teach reading in kindergarten and first grade.

I liked the games the other poster suggested. I'd add one to the list that I do with my daughter a lot. When we're in the car, we play the letter or number game. She picks a letter or number for me to find. It doesn't have to be at the beginning of the word. Then it's her turn to find a letter or number.

she isn't ready. what you can do is: Get excited about reading to yourself. Like read (or prtend) whenever you can and she would notice....Make it look exciting and fun...but don't talk about unlss she asks. Also, when you read picture books to her at night before bed, start pointing out words. Like the Fancy Nacy books have fancy on every page. so we play games and have her say the word. Now we point it out and she has to find it. But know her level of frustration and stop before that. then push for another word when she is ready. Also try Pinkalisious. they love the books and pink is repeated on every page. I have also found "ready to read" books that have "I can..." on every page so we do a couple on each page and then move on. we don't read the whole book. Last, read longer books like the longer version of Sleeping Beauty (without so many pictures) teach her to listen to a long story. Read a couple pages and then book mark for another night. Have her dad read rom it too.

Hi E.,
My daughter exhibited the same behaviors working on her speech homework. It turned out I was trying to do too much at a time. Her teacher suggested no more than 15 minutes a day on homework. At this age, breaks and time-off are critical. If they're burnt out by kindergarten, high school will be plain ugly!

Every kids is born with their own personality. I have one like that. I would just be really patient and let her get emotions out. She would usually come back after she cooled down. I have found that she does better when I follow her. I let her be in charge, but she always wants me right there. That works well with her. She also gets really overwhelmed so I have to be careful to not give her too much at once. Good Luck it is a tricky personality, but you will figure out what works best for both of you.

I had a similar problem with my daughter at the end of kindergarten. I stopped trying to push her to read because she already could but the books we were reading looked overwhelming to her becuase she saw a huge paragraph on the page and shut down. It was summertime so I continued to read outloud to her at bedtime and would point out word patterns or things I wanted her to learn but didn't push her to read to me. During 1st grade she had a teacher who does wonderful things with reading at school and I just continued reading out loud to her. By the end of first grade she just took off with her reading.

I think some of the keys are not to push them before they are ready but let them see you reading, and hear you reading. Point out things as you read and they will pick it up as they are ready. YOu can also work on comprehension with them when you read outloud to them because that is another piece of the whole reading puzzle.

I am sure with your experience you will find a solution, just remember that they need books on their level.

You could also ask your school reading specialist if they have a copy of the STAR reading parent manual. This is a program put out by the state of Utah that has lesson plans to help kids that are struggling learn to read, but I feel it is great for any beginning reader.

Good Luck

PS A quick way to find out if a book is to hard for a child is to make a c with your hand over a section of text, have the child use their hand. Then read what is in that section if the child misses more than 5 words in the section the book is too hard and you need to select an easier book or text.